Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Another Year

I can't quite say that another year just went down the terlet, but I really didn't accomplish much in 2008. I had the opportunity to celebrate weddings with freinds and family. Made it to many different venues to golf it up in my disdainfully pathetic way. Rocked a few gatherings at the Oasis and around New England. I welcomed a new bio nephew "Tanis", and a new nephew via DK Lil Mac & "Ollie".

Tonight I get to sit at the office while a party rages 1:45min away until I get the green light to hit the road. It'll be a perfect send off to ring in the new one albeit a few hours late when I arrive.

Then the bullshit resolutions rear their ugly heads on the 'morrow. I haven't exactly sat down to contemplate what I may be interested in sacrificing, or doing to better my existance on the planet but there are a few things I have in mind.

So I fester at the office, ready to pick up the slack of my life starting at 1am or 1:30, or 2am, or............

Happy New Year to all. I hope and trust that you'll all be spending the evening with family and friends. Monstu I'll give you a call when the New Year hits the Left Coast.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


Sleep is not over-rated.

It's back to normal for this guy. After a few loads of laundry and one more evening of papery goodness tomorrow, it's off to Val and Vinnie's place in CT to be a lazy beast for a few days. I'll be lounging on couches and tending to the ever present pint glass in my hand trying my best to keep'er from hitting the empty point. If I fail in that task the down side is only a slight perfect pour away. There are just too many games to be played and too few hours to take it all in.

ShaggyBob's Manifest Boozery takes flight NYE at 12:30am for the short trek to the homestead basher.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Shaggybob's Dance of holy moronity

I'm the guy in the corner at the highschool dance making eyes at your date and she wants me more than you. In my head.

Step 1: Give up coffee for a month
Step 1 1/2: Wait an extra day
Step 2: Wake up 5hours prior to your regular wake up time
Step 3: Have 2 cups of coffee
Step 4: travel to DK LilMAc & Ollie's. Hide-n-seek, bounce house, play-dough, and funtimes
Step5: Chillax for hours.
Step 6: Roll to the Parting Glass, eat, drink and be merry. Leave w/ entree' in take out box.
Step 7: Cancel work for an hour
Step 8: Pints
Step 9: Pints
Step 10: Pay tab
Step 11: Next Venue
Step 12: Pints
Step 13: Pints
Step 14: Pints
Step 15: Whiz
Step 16: Cancel Work for another hour
Step 17: Pints
Step 18: Red Bull and 7up
Step 19: Contemplate canceling work for the evening, settle on another hour
Step 20: Red Bull and 7up
Step 21: Say Farewell, stop at Dunkin Donuts and coffee it up
Step 22: Roll to work jittery from redbull and coffee
Step 23: cut self on plate
Step 24: band aide
Step 25: Coffee it up
Step 26: Eat take out from Parting Glass
Step 27: 3 Coffee sludges from vending machine
Step 28: See the matrix
Step 29: ............................... where are my pants?

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Todays Randomness

Today's randomness is brought to you by possibilities, the word videlicet • \vuh-DEH-luh-set\ • adverb : that is to say : namely and the number 8,675,309.

It IS, in fact, possible to put too much garlic and basil on a pasta dish. And I AM, paying for it dearly. Normally I have a goto guy when it comes to making a quick meal. That guy is Stouffer's. They have a multitude of diffferent dishes that can quell the grumbles and, up until this point, seemed to have an exceptable gambit in the realm of taste. I hereby denounce the false avertising and general blah WTF of Stouffers chicken rigitonni basil brick Garlic dump frozen dinner. It may cook in 10minutes for the famished at heart, but I wouldn't wish the overload of garlic and basil on an emaciated african hunting dog that was just ousted from its pack. Letting the poor wretched beast die in the baking savannah to be feasted upon by vultures would be more humane. I'd rather dine on dirty gym socks.

Wound Up

He's jittery, unfocused, racing...... has no attention span, worries about stuff that shouldn't be bothersome, flighty, missing in action a lot of the time, He's himself and no one can fault him for it. Although when you're running an extensive campaign with a deadline specific time frame, these qualities really aren't that desireable. If it takes 1:15min to tap the mouse three times to change a BW cartoon to a bitmap image which is infinitely more printable given that you're using a flexo printing press... prehaps you may not be in the correct line of work. His name is B rhymes with Phil and I got to work with him the past two evenings, of course given that they aren't my normally scheduled days I was a bit mift that I had to be here anyway. Neurotic man added to my frustration. Not only that but, while he was running around being a space cadet he also had the opportunity to finish up some graphic design projects for Thursday and Friday this coming week. (wouldn't you know it...he left 6 live ads in the stacks untouched, all of which I got to roll into work early today to finish)

Now I'm Jittery, unfocused, racing.........have no attention span, and worry about things that have little or not intrinsic value, trivial shit that can be finished in due time and with minimal effort. I'm heated only because I had to work the weekend and also join the staff here at the Gaz early today. F-that!

"I don't need this kinda abuse from YOU!, I gots thousands of people waiting to abuse me"

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Half way through the holding pattern at the office for the vacation monkeys and only 4 days to go before I get me a day off. Tomorrow Boone is rollin to the Oasis and I'm going to rip a few tini's and choke down some sort of lunchtime food prior to rolling back here for a round of plate make'n/photo tone'n/ad design'n tomfoolery.

-Monday morning off to DK LilMac & Ollie's to meet up with the Curns and fam.
-Tuesday Kletus gets an oil change.
-Wednesday is laundry day in prep for the venture to Vinnie Bag'O Donuts' NYE Bash in CT. ETA 1 or 2am NYE goodtimes.

The Manifest Boozery is bringing boots and pencils. (.....and taking names boys and girls, kicking ass AND taking names) Last one awake gets a dropkick.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Just a friendly reminder

Lace'em up, and roll.

Boring day in the 'Dirt, Mommy Card or Transformers?

What is one to do when faced with a boring day flying solo on Christmas, less sleep than normal, and the prospect of working all night on a holiday? Thanks for asking.. I decided today to punish myself by heading to the local Wallyworld to purchase a few items for the NYE Bash and check out the natives redeeming gift cards while generally getting out of control, boisterous, evil and dastardly toward accompanying family members and strangers alike.

I personally don't have any kids (that I know about) and it lightens my heart to see the loving interactions between parent and child in a social setting. When I was a wee lad, a directed whisper in my ear of impending doom should I keep behaving like a monsterous little urchin was enough to calm me down. ( I never liked the fact that a superb beating was at any moment hanging above my head should I act out like a little mutt) But the almost silent grrrrowl that my folks were able to convey was plenty enough to stop me in my tracks. Apparently from my wanderings today, that's not always the case.

A 4yr old boy (I'm guessing) was in the middle of tantrum whilst his mom-dukes was searching for a perfectly scented candle for some home decorative need. Tantrum Boy was literally throwing himself around, hanging off his moms and knocking shit off shelves. [I was watching without even the slightest hint of trying to disguise myself as a shopper, I knew this was going to be classic]. My mind shot back to the old days when I would have acted in such a manner. Unfortunately his moms didn't use any subtlty at all in the matter. Here's a play by play.

~(Son is hanging off mom's pant leg screaming something about transformers, or popcorn, maybe even quantum physics it's basically unintelligible)

~Mom looks sternly at son, not saying a word, slaps the eyebrow off the left side of his dome and pushes the son into the lower shelf of candles spilling solidified wax to roll around the open aisle...

~Son, stunned- slugs mom in the crotchal region and runs away. Mom [ninja like, whip quick] slings a foot out, son Pete Rose's his way to a complete stop. Mom lifts son by invisible magic and levitates him in the air, tries to knock the other eyebrow off.

~Dad approaches, chastizes mom, looks at wailing bawling son, whispers in his ear..... Son => instantaneously placid and well behaved. Dad fakes a shot at Mom's eyebrow. All three motor toward the exit sans candle for home decorative need.

Maybe Dad told his son that if he didn't behave he was going to take away his old lady's Mommy Card? Or perhaps he said that the quantum physics of a transformer made of popcorn was entirely plausable?

I'm glad that my folks were well adjusted and had the voice rather than a heavy open hand. I dig my eyebrows and not having one would really have put a damper on my life growing up.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Self Respecting behaviors

You may have at one point thought that there are many different levels of self respect. I agree, and there are things that I just won't do, or things that, if I forget to do them then I may have a problem with my self respect.

Should you at this point on a whim think that drinking 2 pints of straight up gin sitting on your couch in your boxer shorts, with one ball hanging out, eating chocolate icecream and SlimJims, while wearing a halloween mask is one of those little things that throw me over the edge you would be completely wrong. I don't have problem with that at all, in fact that's what I'm doing when I get back home from the office tonight..... Just to celebrate the Christmas Holiday.

The thing that got me today was a simple interaction at a local Stewarts Shop, I had just purchased some serious munchy food for the long haul here in the Gaz Tech center and was puttering toward the door to head into work. I was a bit late in motivating today so I was in a bit of a hurry and launched out the door toward the Jeep. While throwing myself headlong toward the vehicle I rushed past a lady on the way in. Well, kinda... In my haste to exit I didn't hold the door for the lady and it basically rapped her between the eyes. When I got to the driver seat I thought back those o few seconds ago and kicked myself in the ass for it. (-1) self respect point for not holding the door.

I guess it's the little things, maybe I'll console myself by spreading chocolate icecream on my eyebrows and making chicken noises until my neighbors wake up. Merry Christmas buck.... buck..... buck, buckaaaaaaaAAAAAAK!

Back to the Grind and uber Grinchful

Back at work for the extended haul(this time only 9days beginning ...NOW). I'm sitting in the office making the best of my holiday eve. My Super is imbibing some Martoonie for his eventual berth here at the place of biz. I can't blame him.... where else could you have a few toddies and still accomplish making the news happen for the greater capital district. If I wasn't paginating And making plates, I would have tied one on earlier in the afternoon to pre-emptively celebrate the birth of the lil jeebus guy.

Oh yeah, I hope that everyone not in my chair has a great Christmas Eve and eventually a spectacular Christmas day if that's what you choose to participate in tommorrow. If not, Happy Holidays anyway. I hope and trust that you'll all be spending quality time with your family and friends.

After my shift this evening, I'll be sitting down with my buddy Balvenie 17 and having a chat, a three finger salud with one icecube.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

16inches of snow on Kletus means that instead of making the venture to Toga-town to hang with DK LilMac & Ollie. I'm stuck at the funny farm for one more evening. It has just elapsed the 48hr rule for hanging with the folks and the mind is starting to wonder as to how I may be able to leave once it stops snowing for a late night sojourn back to the Oasis. It's kinda like the years I spent working for the Arts Center, living with the fam, pining to get the "F" out of dodge. I love'em and all, but there's only so much before I start to go bat shiat crazy being cooped up with them.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Snow Storm

Ever want to carry a baseball bat in your vehicle for emergency confrontations? Ever think that a putter would make a great whackin stick? Ever have the opportunity to park your vehicle and walk to the first car of a 10 car line at a traffic light to ask if pole position needs a push or a tow? just to realize that they're a shitbag scared to go at a green light. Returning back ten cars to your own again to see that the damn line hasn't moved? A light dusting of snow was floating from the sky, the traffic signals were working spot-on. (insert sarcasm now=>)Hell it wasn't like we were all waiting for el numero uno, to drive out of the turning lane when the green arrow appeared {the electric device not the comic book hero} We weren't in a white out of sno-globe proportions. His car wasn't busted. I got the same feeling that everyone else had. Eventually I merged into an adjacent lane and flipped him the bird as I passed laying on my horn like it was god's buzzer to end this man's run in the final four of life. Kletus has a wimpy horn, but it sure sounded like a fog horn thanks to the semi behind me, he even took the time to swerve a bit toward Asshat Mc NogasPedal.

That was the beginning of my day at 11am. It only got better from there.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Cousin Kletus

Kletus is back in my posession. The work took less time than I expected. The service persons that worked on the jeep were more that pleasant when I spoke to them about the eventuality of bringing a flamethrower into their establishment should this clusterf*ck happen again. They've replaced all the fried wires, melted fuses and the computer system complete with upgrades so that the "death stall" (Jeep forum and jeepers who own my model of vehicle have lovingly given it a name) won't occur in the future. I'm glad that Pinto was riding shotgun and I'm also glad that I wasn't in the middle lane of a freeway without the option of rolling to a stop on the shoulder due to lack of steering. Had I been driving 70mph and caught in the stall there would have been no avoiding a possible collision from behind while flatlined in center of the highway.

I've officially seen my "new" vehicle on a flatbed, not once but twice in three days. It brings back fond memories of the Frankensteiner which in its own rite was on a flatbed every 2 or 3 months when and if it wasn't at the shop for some other reason.

The Holiday season is officially not cancelled. I can move toward places of business that will afford me the option of purchasing gifts for my family and friends. Rather than sitting on my couch waiting for the jeep. I'm celebrating the holiday with my family on Saturday and then rolling to Toga on Sunday to wish a Super Stellar Happy B-day to the Lil Mac. Thursday this week is a paycheck received and immediately out the window day for me. Holiday party at the orafice with co-workers and then a quick shot to the north for the fam. I have 6days off until my return to work and will at that point be sitting here at the computer bank until NYE when I make the jaunt to Vinnie Bag O'Donuts' house for a weekend of being a chillin villian.

Monday, December 15, 2008


I mentioned to the Service personel at the dealership that I was in fact just south of happy. While I was on the phone with the guy; whom seemed rather helpful since his jeep had a similar problem, they dispatched a flatbed to my apartment to retrieve the paperweight. The service guy told me to look out my window for the truck and the driver was already getting the chains ready. That was a pleasant suprise.

After looking at the vehicle (It started just fine when they took it off the wrecker, but shorted out when they got it into the garage) my onboard computer seems to have a glitch, that shorted the "go factor" out of the vehicle proper,and melted it to the roadside somewhere between where I lost power and coasted to a stop. They also said it would be ready to pick up tommorrow afternoon. I trust that about as far as I can throw my jeep.

I thought I had gotten away from the car problems when I said goodbye to the frankensteiner. Perhaps it would have been smarter to pocket the 20G's and drive the old truck into the ground.

I can say that it was a great idea to extend the warranty, a free fix is a free fix

Sunday, December 14, 2008


My Jeep looks rather stately on the back of a flatbed truck, hitching a ride on a frigid Saturday evening. The 2 1/2hr wait out in the cold for the tow guy to show up was a bit much. I like to take solace in the fact that I am the proud owner of a 2 and a half ton $30,000 fuckin paperweight. I'm going out on a limb here....that's just about awesome. I've made three payments all of which I could take the receipts from and place under a tire so they won't blow away in the wind.

When a dealership sells a customer a particular vehicle, one would assume that while driving down the street that the entire electrical system won't shut down, the steering wheel won't lock up, the engine will not flatline, the starter won't fry, and you won't have to wait in the cold for a grease monkey to bail you out of a jam with flashing yellow lights on.

I'm officially south of happy about the whole situation. Someone is getting lit on Fire, bright and early Monday Morning.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Shaggybob's Dance of holy moronity

After the last post here's a little update. What should one do after such a great afternoon of dumb? I'm workin' it baby, I'm dancin' tonight!

I'm making plates this evening for the Gaz, a dance that I've done for the last three years. The dance floor is a confined space that limits the movements to a stutter of steps. The choreography involves some 39 different shuffles, steps and turns that are the epitomy of efficient. I stand between two machines, one droning the sounds of the beat behind me and the other baking my junk with ultraviolet light needed to perform the functions of burning negatives onto the plates. Had I done this particular waltz naked for the last three years my bits would be tanned a nice shade of Kalahari brown. It's not the routine that bothers me, rote rehearsal and repetition are good at times. I can loose myself in my own mind and the evening flies by. I've performed the steps no less that 60times already this evening. What's eating at me is this.

While I was changing from my "out in" public clothes to my work duds I noticed a minor hole in the heal of my sock. I wasn't planning on going home tonight with a fare little creature so no harm no foul.( I wouldn't be breaking any first night rules by clothing malcontent). It was just a bit of a hole, nothing to write about. Although throughout my recital this evening I started to border on breaking a rule of life I set for myself when 18. There are 4 rules:

1. Always look good (even if it's a self inflected good)
2. Never wear quitter socks
3. Banana chips go with everything (and they do, damn it)
4. Never grow up until you stop making smiley faces with ketchup and mustard on your hamburgers. (No chance of that happening soon, I'm a friggin artist)

The last repetition of my cyclic maneuvers left a sock screaming to drop, in fact I felt the fabric of sockdom letting go to the powers of the universe, so much so that I now am wearing an ankle gaitor and the bottom portion of my sock is gently and very noticably balled up in the toe of my boot. Borderline quitter, half a quitter, the gaitor is still hugging my calf and not sliding. I imagine it as a modern day version of a Roman Greave. I'm torn. My sock is torn. Theres torning everywhich way from torn.

I could return home to change the malfunction seeing as my round trip commute is only 10 miles (a week). But I'm tempted to just deal, to modify my dance routine to compensate for holy sock ball. It feels kinda weird, but not bad per say. I'm contemplating just brewing sweaty foot and after stewing it for another 7hrs unleash holy hell back at home.

Welcome to my mind, come for the foolish, stay for the idiocy, and leave feeling just a bit retarded.

I'm a maaaaaaaaniac....... maaaaaaaaaaniac on the floor, And I dance like I've never danced before!?

What's Better?

What's better:

A piece of toast with half melted butter or totally melted butter?

An icecream cone or an icecream sundae?

Bath or Shower?

A plate of Sashimi or a Blackened Tuna-steak?

Miniature Golf or a Round of 18?

Tea or Coffee?

A sit down meeting/luncheon with the entire Ad Services Department at a local restaurant for a free meal and a presentation that basically tells you that you will never be in the running for a contest to design spec ads for the company at a substantial prize per ad ( knowing that you've been relegated to reports and outputting as well as editing the paper as a whole instead of what you'd been hired for), the full page ads raking in $40 per, or the 6 martinis you drink with the night-crew after all the friggin mucky mucks leave said establishment washed down with a few beers?

Me: I'll take the latter in every instance. Hapi THrrrrrrsdeeee evra bodeh! (hic)

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Just a thought

Any of you rich engineering types that I know out on yonder intarwebb want to open a fuckin resturaunt. Because I'm not going to lie....a place like this in Boston or the Greater Capital Region / Saratoga Springs NY would make a killing. I know, I know you're asking yourself "who could we possibly get that can cook grilled cheese and sling beers at patrons?" Think a little harder, just a bit harder... there it's easy isn't it, EVERYBODY!

I'm willnig to throw my entire life saving behind just such a business venture, which means that we're already $4.57 on our way. That's a loaf of bread, a spool of goat cheese and a stick of butter already rarin to go.

If only it could happen and then transplant itself to the physical structure of the Rondevous Resturaunt in San Pedro... life would get a bunch sunnier. I'd even forgoe the hotdog cart if a dog /w frisbee were included to sweet'in the deal.

I'm just sayin

Monday, December 8, 2008

Curling Tournament

This weekend promises to be a healthy diversion from the same old some old. On Friday and Saturday I'll be joined at my place by a few old fraternity mutts and we'll venture to the Schenectady Curling Club to partake in the joyess event. Cheering and imbibing in the company of more than enough strangers and a couple of long time friends that will be participating in the Tourney. Toolio's first draw is Friday at 230pm. I'll catch the game then roll to the Oasis to welcome in the Friday night guests Pinto and Conner, hit happyhour and head back to the club to catch Gonzo and few more games in addition to extracurricular activities. Saturday it looks like Vinny and Z may make the journey to the 'Dirt and I'll chill for the morning and early afternooner waiting for their arrival to again make way to the club to get the cheering squad up and running again. Post Saturdays matches I assume that the drinking boots wil have to be laced up tightly and the debauchery begins in earnest.

It's a welcome change to the never ending cycle of waking at 3pm heading to the office and then bedding down again at 7am. I'm hoping that I can rise early enough to get in a few hours of chillin before the regular day begins. I'm not too sure what should be on the menu at this weekend's edition of Bob's Cookin Show. Something tasty no doubt but I think it'll end up being more of an Iron Chef deal when I finally make it to the supermarket. Empty cart and hungry belly always inspire the best in the realm of what to cook for a bunch of famished drunken asshats. "Whatcha making Shaggybob?" "Chips and Dip, a 10lb Ham, coffee grounds, a pancake to split between ya, and an under cooked bottle of Merlot, now get off my bridge."

Just as a reminder:

Sunday, December 7, 2008



Please for the love of god, never, never ever get your stroopwafels caught in a oliebollen. The resulting emotive response is one that you'll never forget. Be warned people stroopwafel and oliebollen!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Bestest invention ever

Todays Randomness is brought to you by, Wendy's paper pepper take out mini shakers, the word umami • \oo-MAH-mee\ • noun : a taste sensation that is meaty or savory and is produced by several amino acids and nucleotides (as glutamate and aspartate), and the number Pi.

Trainwreck Bitches

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Next days off

The next few days I have off are comnig in a slow and prodigious manner. Given that I know that I'll be in the office until a week from tommorrow. At that point a few mutts are going to be rolling to the 'Dirt for a Curling Tourney at the Schenectady Curling Club. I plan on opening my door to anyone who may be attending the event and or just plain old going to watch grown people slip and slide around on sheets of ice pushing 40lb perfectly shaped rocks. The bar is cheap, and I plan on hitting a few watering holes prior to attending the event proper to get my curling spirit roused. SWEeeeeeeeeeP, HHhhaaaaaarrrhd, Whoooooaa, Let'er be! Shot "%&$#@*&%" Rock.

Tonight at the old orafice I get to play two. That being Paginator/Editor/Online Outputerer and Plate Making Guru. It's usually a two person job, and sometimes during the holiday season... like, say for instance, NOW, it's a three person gig. I'm going to let out an explosive round of sarcasm here, cover your nose. "I can't wait, I'm looking forward to it, seriously."

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Back to it tomorrow. bring on the 10hr days, and no weekends. WOoooooooo!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Whatcha gonna do?

SO, I was suprised to hear that my schedule was mysteriously changed once again just after Turkey day. I don't have to be at the office again until Wednesday. It basically threw me into a 6 day vacation with no plans and nothing to do. Friday evening Jen A. and Toffee stopped at my place. Saturday I slept until 7pm. Sunday I returned to the parents place and have been festering since. I'll be here until Wednesday Morning when I return to work in Schenecta-dirt. Then it's 10 days of work, 3 off and 10 days of work.

Today it's a resume day.I'm re-tooling my wears to send off to perspective venues with hopes of finding a more stable work environment. I'm safe until Jan 1st. at which point I know there are more lay offs coming and I'm the only one in my department that is available to get the axe unless a supervisor takes the hit. (I seriously doubt that will happen)

I'm still waking up at the grand old early time of 2pm most days...and it really is sucking the life out of me. It's pretty difficult to change your sleeping pattern I'm found.