Thursday, January 29, 2009

You have to let it go man, YOU HAVE TO, LET, IT.......GO!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


He's wicked psyched for the opportunity to enjoy a sporting event that was more of a necessity to watch on the tube in the great white north. It also doesn't hurt that a couple of freinds are participating in the weekend long event that will hopefully be nothing short of stellar. I'm a fan, and have been since the mid 90's. Curling is a sport I enjoy watching. Baseball bores me, Football isn't my first choice, and basketball or hockey drive me positively mad. I screamed with enthusiasm at the screen when watching the Labatt Brier in college, now I get to see another tourney live in all it's glory. Although it's a bit tough to hear the yiping and wailing of skips bellowing at their teamates to "Sweeeeep HArdddd Woah...hard, let'er be" while situated behind a pane of bullet and temperature dampening glass in the warm room. The club has a CCTV system that gives you an overhead view of the house at the other end of the ice, the bar is within a hop skip and a jump (I'll be focusing on the hop skip and jump while getting libations, cheap ones too) Ponyied (sp) up to the glass is a pub height bar with chairs and stools so that you have a place to rest your weary arms and hold the beverage within close grasp. I'm looking forward to the weekend. The Bonectady team comprised of three Schenecta'dirt players and a Boston transplant have a good chance of winning the whole deal. Gonzo and Toolio are taking the ice and gunning for shot rock. T-minus 3days.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


1. indistinctly prophetic [syn: adumbrative]
1. the act of providing vague advance indications; representing beforehand [syn: prefiguration

I arrived at the office today and noticed that there were 12 new empty chairs. Not suprising because of all the layoffs last week. What I felt as an ominous cloud of foreshadowing..... there were only chairs, the cubicles that once housed said chairs and the unfortunate people let go last week were gone. They dismantled the cubicles and removed them. The editorial department now has a fairly volumous void. If that doesn't say some serious shit is going down pretty soon I don't know does.

Not good with a capital NOT.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Prehistorical nonsense

I'm riding the dinosaur of print media. A T-Rex steed that has no teeth. I've resigned myself to ride that sucker until it heads to the tar pit. I'm going to sit on the beast until it dies. Be that it in a month, or 6 months, I'm perched to be tall in the saddle and let it do what it needs to do. I'll continue the search for a suitable replacement paycheck in the mean time.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by: Bginning yet another job search for future employment, the word hebetude • \HEB-uh-tood\ • noun: lethargy, dullness, and the number 012009.

I dread searching for a new job, even though I still have my current employ. The future doesn't bode well for the newspaper industry in general and it's only a matter of time until the woes filter down through the ranks and slap me in the face. So I'm sending resumes again and trying to find suitable venues that would need a character like myself on staff. I'm not above washing dishes for a spell or raking dirt for a landscaping crew, but I don't really need nor want to take a step back. Our economy really bites the big one right now and off the 50 jobs listed in the country in Museum Administration most require a Masters. Of which I have none. Not to mention the throngs of newly gradumakated individuals that are adding themselves to the mix as colleges send the monkies on there way out into the real world. 50 jobs and 2000+ new applicants, experience goes pretty far but having an employee that you can mold into your particular company goes just a bit further. We'll see how the search goes.

At least my belt matches my shoes....

Sunday, January 18, 2009

where'd who go?

This weekend could quite possibly be in the top ranks of the "where'd I go" catagory. After Conner and a round of the Dark Knight, scotch, martinis and an infusion of many many different tasty cocktails. I recieved a call from KP she was bored after her shift and decided to roll to the Oasis to chill for a bit. By 4:30 or 5am we had basically made what little carpet that didn't have paint on it a thing of the past. Throwing paint until the sun comes up, twice in one week. Apparently I hit up the cel phone and texted tons of peeps all of which I niether rememeber nor had in my phone to reflect back on. I guess I must have run low on memory and erased them all. Saturday after a lazy wake up in the afternoon I festered on the couch, hit DK Lil Mac-n-Ollie with a quick phone call and then didn't move for 16hrs. It's pretty sad actually, festering solo on a couch watching movies until 6am.

Me thinks it's time to work my way into a relatively normal sleep schedule. Hitting the rack hopefully before 4am. We'll see.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


16 down.... I think I made the cut for the week. Next round of whacks comes in February apparently. Time to gather a little scratch and start really paying attention to the alerts I get from the 7 Museum Job websites I subscribe to.

......AND SCENE.....

[It's pandemonium in the cubicles and Bob Costas is in the fray with a microphone, the camera jostles and rights itself. Goes out of, then back into focus, behind Costas there's a small group of people huddled up and mermering a chant]

Bob: "Were here in the aftermath of todays game, looks like the home team took a brutal beating with the score 16-0. Maybe we can get some feedback from the participants"....

(ShaggyBob blasts through the throng of people maddened wildly doing a hippy dance)

Shaggy: "WOoooooooooooo Yeeeeah, I said WWooooooooooooo M_F'er Yeah, That's what I'm talkin about!"

(extends microphone)
"You look like, like you're relieved by the outcome"

(comes to a complete stop then looms into the camera until his nose touches the lens, retreats again)
"WHUh? OOOH, yeah man.... I'm pretty psyched."
"Over all it was a tough match, but the team came through with flying colors"

Bob: "How can you say that with such a staggering loss?"

Shaggy: "well I tell ya Bob, when a devastating thing like that happens it's good to know that your friends and nightside co-workers have your back, I'm glad that our evening shift is fully intact, Hell man the paper wouldn't make it out to the masses without us!"

Bob: " I see, can you tell me what it was like out there?"

( bounces back into the hippy dance, twists and stumbles headbutting the side of a cubicle with tremendous force)
"It was really hard Bob, not knowing, but we held it together.... we knew it would be tough and the losses would be huge but we kept the faith and had eachothers back man, we didn't want to lose anyone from the core group"

Bob: "Well, congradulations on the kinda victory then"

Shaggy: "Wooooooooo yeah WTF MAN WTF?"
(Shoots back to the huddle and they begin bouncing in unison chanting something unintelligible, the bouncing and muttering get louder and builds to a crescendo. Shaggy bob flies back to the camera grabbing the sides unseen, begins shaking it).
"I just want to thank everyone on the nightside crew they're the best, man"
(turns to leave and snaps back to attention, points to the ceiling and slowly looks up)
"AND GOD... if the NFL players get help catching a touchdown and thank the man upstairs hell I'm going to do it to, THANK YOU JESUS for letting me pay my bills, respect brother"
(pounds his chest......turns to leave and snaps back to attention, again)
(takes a step back flexes/growls incredible hulk style, then heads back to the group)

(KP, Liser, Pat, Bob and Shagz begin bouncing yet again, then abruptly stop and turn back to back as if being circled by an invisible wolfpack, peering and squinting around the floor looking for the suits.)

The Shift Ain't over yet.

..........AND SCENE.........

I feel as if someone will roll in near the end of my shift and say "thanks for working tonight peace, you're outta here." Wouldn't that just frost Satans nuts?

And so It begins....

Not 15minutes ago an editorial staff member got the axe in the latest round of layoffs here at the GAz. I'm a little more apprehensive now that the rumor mill is no longer rumor and the mill is set to grind some more people down to unemployed flour. Our department hasn't gotten word yet if any of us are on the block, my supervisors are more or less kept in the dark until the last minute. (I can understand that, we're a group that works hard and parties harder when not at the office.) A close knit group of night-dwellers that rock on the paper every night.

Tomorrow may be the day I legally yet, surreptitiously get out of my lease agreement due to unfortunate circumstances, pack up my life again a la 2001 and move across the country to a different state to start anew. Big Sky and Bozeman Montana were the big winners for a year then, perhaps a Wyoming berth is feasable. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. I've kept a list of museums and art centers that I've sent resumes to in the past ( rejected or not) and I can swing 6months of unemployment without making any additions. [I believe I'd have to document 3 "tries" a week to keep the loot flowing]. I'm also not opposed to picking up a few less lucrative positions until I find something suitable. I've worked in some low paying positions and had just as much fun as working at what I love doing. It all depends on perspective.

Then again maybe I'm not the big winner as it were and I'll continue my search for a museum that'll suit me at my leisure. It's just unfortunate that I'm not upwardly as mobile as I used to be. I settled in at the Oasis and have a ton of shit that wouldn't be condusive to packing up and leaving at a moments notice.

Should I be the next to go, my connection to the old INTARWEBB would be severed. I rely on the office comptuers to connect with fam and friends not to mention total friggin strangers. That's what happens when you have jobby jobs that pay just barely above the living wages in an area.... sacrifices. For me, cable and internet access were the first that I nixed. So I may be away for a bit. Rest assured If I disappear from the webbs for a bit that. "I did infact sober up after a minor 24hr bender and will be returning at the earliest possible".

If worse comes to worse does anybody need a couch that ties the room together? I also would need temporary homes for the artworks that are on the walls in the Oasis.

I'll post again asap.

I wouldn't even think about kung-fu cutout kicking someone in da'face.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Weekend Plans

It's going to be at least a month before the Manifest Boozery once again hits the road toward a hamlet near you. With some minor repairs from dessimating that snowbank at Vinnie Bag O'Donuts' place and the ambiguity of whether or not I may still have a job after the week's end I think I should squirrel away some funding. Once the ducks are in a row, I'll be more than happy to pan fry them and put them on a bed of baby spinach covered in a blueberry and mango salsa. Until then... I'm going to take it easy.

I don't generally follow the New Year Resolution thing for more than a few weeks. I guess that's the normal length of time for a monkey like myself to cave in. This year I've decided that I'm going to do things one at a time. First order of business is to quit smoking, easier said than done of course.( Other than my will power there's nothing keeping me from rollin down the same trail). Then it'll be time to actually get healthy, like healthy food and excersize healthy. We'll see.

SO I think I'll start the Boozery-less savings period by trying to give up the nicotine. Call me Sunday and I'll chew yer damn arm off. It may bee a pretty productively creative weekend whili I'm gnashing away the jitters.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


NO word from my Rushin'Friend Layofsky. Maybe he's just sipping on a shot of Vodka biding his time. The consulate said that he'd be in touch with someone here within the week.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Layoffs, part three.

Looks like the Company is going to let another round of people go. So says the little bird and the rumor mill.

I'll once again offer my services; in light of the impending storm, as a handyman, poolboy, chef and or all around butler for anyone who may think that free room and board plus a moderate salary [only to cover bills and insurance, the occasional 6pack, and movie addiction] may be worth it. I'm mobile, have attention to detail, and would be willing to do just about anything short of sticking my arm into clogged septic pipes. I'm kid friendly and don't mind pets, I cook, I clean, and I don't make too much of a mess.

Please keep in mind that I tend to be good natured and love having a good time if this fits for you and or anyone you may be able to pawn me off on I would greatly appreciate it.

Respectfully Shagz VonHandyman

Classic Me and Stuff

Because my life is so enthralling, and I'm into being philosophical, here's a little bit about me that should throw you for a loop when thinking of me in a wholely influential, and perfectly dignified way. "I'm pretty sure I knocked myself out bending down to pick up some crumbs that I mistakenly swept onto the floor in the kitchen". Talk about the awesome power of headbutting a counter. I was cleaning the kitchen after a few days of Bob's Cooking Show...I had let it fester until today just because I could. I KO'd myself. Knocked Right the "F"-out. The only thing I can think, is that I was in a great rush and vehement about getting the crumbled food as fast as possible, the non-moving entity of kitchen counter just happened to get in the way. This should be an occurance that happens infrequently, and indeed I haven't been dumb enough to smash my melon on a counter for quite some time. I am however extremely accident prone so it shouldn't be a complete shock that it happened. At least I can see straight now.

Kitchen Counter 1, ShaggyBob 0.

On a lighter note (used loosely of course) It's not like some ravishingly nubile young lady will be visiting the Oasis anytime soon. {I'm still under Doc's orders to refrain from the farer sex, it'll be year of complete abstinence on this end, around February 12th. I may have to continue for another 6months after that...depending on the outcome of another round of invasive and completely stomach churning tests. I'm hoping biopsies are done and I won't have to watch a dude stitch up my wang again... the "stitches in my dick itch dance" is one that I could completely put in my past} So basically I can leave dishes in the sink and postpone cleaning the Oasis until I see fit. I just have to watch out for the counter it's gunning for me.

what kind of world

What kind of world are we living in? Seriously, what has become of the world when.....

A Man, can't grab his assult rifle, hop a cab from Hartford CT to Albany NY. and not get into a gun battle with New York State Troopers sustaining numerous bullet holes which put him in ICU? The authorities are still up in the air and trying to piece together information to figure out why the battle happened. Using my skilz as a forensic psychologist, skilz I gleaned from watching crime dramas on TV I can go out on a limb here and offer to shed some pseudo-professional light for them. "This man, that got shot up, took a cab from Hartford CT to Albany NY [the cabfare was projected to be $2100] this man, brought an assult rifle with him in the cab, it stands to reason that this man, wasn't going to look for puppies and rainbows when he arrived in Albany, here's my educated guess as to why the shootout happened. Because the "man" was a "criminal" and by "criminal" I mean deserved to get shot at by State Troopers for taking an assult rifle on a 150mile f*ckin Cab ride whether or not he was actually in search of puppies and rainbows.

While I'm typing away about stupid criminals did you hear the Joke about the Somali Pirates and their 3million dollar airdropped ransom for the oil tanker they pirated? It starts something like this, "a rubber dingy with somali pirates capsized due to the weight of the 3million dollar ransom." If you're badass enough to play pirate, you should at least be smart enough A.) Ask for an amount of money that won't capsize your friggin boat, B.) Get a bigger boat, C.) not be a complete asshat in the first place..

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Start off on the right foot

A little snow, a a little GroundsKeeper Willy, an early wake up, and a blatent threat.

I park the Jeep in a spot away from my sleeping neighbors; owing to the fact that I'm arriving after work at 4am, so that I don't wake them making noise extricating myself from the vehicle. It's close to a snow mound that the grounds crew piles up as more snow falls. Usually I'm up and out to move the Jeep as to not impede their work. This morning they called at 12:15, I was fast asleep with earplugs to deaden the daily noise of doors slamming, showers running, and my neighbors generally going about their early morning. Apparently GroundsKeeper Willy knocked on my door, and called an additional time to wake me to move Kletus. When I returned the call 10minutes later he immediately threatened to tow my Jeep every time it snows from here on out during the winter should I not immediately move my jeep each and everytime they have to plow the lot. No warning, not "hey we're having an issue moving snow on a regular basis due to your vehicle being in the way, could you please be more attentive and help us out." Nope an immediate threat followed by a tiraid that included me not obviously being on the same page as the people that I'm paying to work making their lives more miserable and difficult. I was calm and collected with eye gunk resting firmly in the corner of my eyes until he wouldn't let up. I then found myself telling asshat McGee to drive his ass to my apartment to chat with me in person. I threw on my boots pajama pants and a winter jacket rolled into the lot, hid the switchblade and brass knuckles and waited for him. When he arrived and steamed out of his bucket loader I met him before he reached the ground siting lease articles and mentioning to him that he could honestly and truly go fuck himself. "Written notice, registered mail should he ever have a problem with me or any of my physical posessions for the rest of my time in the complex" Then and only then will I even consider his voice as a noticible noise, and the property manager can file his complaint post haste for the unwarrented threat.

I moved the jeep to a clear spot and thought the interaction concluded, an hour later they were in the lot with a bucket loader, a tractor, and a truck both with a plows. It's no fuckin wonder that the Jeep was in their way. The lot holds 10 cars on a good day. They ended up plowing the Jeep in again.... I couldn't move it due to heavy machinery and motioned for the Groundskeeper to get himself a TRO against me and eat some serious phallus.

I'm pissed.... it doesn't happen often, but I'm Pissed.
I want, I need........

.......There all better

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I'm taking Kleetus to the Dealership on Friday to have some U-joints looked at. Can't wait. I also had the pleasure today of waking to an icy barrage of sleet and snow type stuff. The roads weren't bad, just a bit slushy. Not for me anyway I actually avoided T-boning some yahoo that couldn't stop at a red light. The chimps all come out when the weather changes.

It's tough.

It's tough to sit at work wondering when the next portion of the paper will arrive for me to do my "professional damage to" and most nights I eat goldfish. Those little yellowish orange bastards take up too much of my time. Every damn one of them gloats and smiles, everyone that gloats and smiles dies a little death.

It's tough to be antzy enough to consider a jog around the frigid parkinglot without pants "Just for something to do".

It's tough to motivate to do pretty much anything other than fall asleep at sunrise snooze the day away and then head back here to ponder goldfish death and pantsless marathons.

Skidmore is still working their decision madness, and I may be out of the loop already I don't know.

Today's Randomness is brought to you by solo red plastic party cups, the word sanction • \SANK-shun\ • verb 1 : to make valid or binding usually by a formal procedure (as ratification) *2 : to give effective or authoritative approval or consent to, and the number 010109.

Monday, January 5, 2009

A New Year

I can't say as though I remember everything that happened at Vinnie's, and given that I decided to forego sleep until January 2nd I doubt I could explain the pandemonium in a correct way. Mass consumption, champagne, tasty food, a dessimated bank of snow, football, donuts, lots of great conversations and a bunch of cheer. I have pics but I'm still a bit slow in figuring how to get them from device to device/computer at work due to firewalls and the unavailability of RAM Space and or Rom the spaceknight.

That was the beginning of my New Year, followed closely (i.e. while whooping it up) by the news that my Grams passed away. I took flight from Vinnie's in the wee hours of before noon on Sunday to travel back to the 'dirt, suit up and head to G-ville for the Funeral. My Grams hasn't been in the best of health since she hit 98yrs old, but she passed away with loved ones surrounding her and had an out pouring of family and pseudo family / friends in attendance for the services. Rest in Peace Gramma M.

The jeep needs a little work, noticable by the hanging grass, dirt balls and the over all grit covering the interior/exterior. When smashing through snow banks at speed and or doing donuts in a yard giggling uncontrolably one must think before removing any porton of the convertable tops that it will create option for mass flying particles to enter. Oops... still kinda chuckle when I think about it. The first shot was a varitable tsunami of snow, gravel, and detritus flowing over the bumper hood, and windshield straight onto Carter and myself in the front seats. Ahhaahahhhahahaha AGAIN!!!

That's it, oh...and Pinto's belly button does and has infact held a good sized cherry tomato. (shudder)

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Pinto Likes Men