....and other things not-so-holy

OUCH

2011-03-08T21:23:00.002-05:00

I just got a rejection letter in the mail, it hurt more than bad, because I've become very accustom to eating serious rejection letter in the most serious sense. I've sent just under 350 resumes in the last ten years to various companies and/or not-for-profit organizations. I've never in that 10 yrs enjoyed the opportunity to enjoy a multiple interest. I've been toying with 3 as of late and I decided that Family and loved one were the correct place to take a stand. This shot was especially painful not only because I got whacked,. because I also let a brother that put his own interests out there for me and gave me a solid reference, down. I got nothing on this end........ I suck My degrees will be smashed out of glass and used as terlet paper.

I'm also incredibly mad, mad with ?, and bitterness....

WTF

Charity

2010-12-22T03:10:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, while at a big box bargain outlet store I was asked if I would like to donate to make a less fortunate family's Holiday more holiday-ee, I was checking out, and thought.... Heck yeah I can do that. It'll brighten someone's day. SO I said sign me up for $5. Upon returning home I thought on a whim to check my account balance so I could plan for the lean Holiday shopping I was going to undertake for my own family and friends this week. It turns out that by budget was pretty tight, in fact, I had just over drawn my account by $4.95. OUCH. That means an overdraft fee isa comin. Unfortunately the family won't be seeing the entire $41.85 donation I'll really be making for the betterment of human kind.

A dollar and a dream is all it takes to win the NYS Lottery so they say, or I can hold onto three chances to win 145million dollars and buy a loaf of bread. I think a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at this point is worth 145 million dollars, or lack there of.

FaceySpace

2010-12-05T08:54:00.002-05:00

I just don't know what the real draw is. Although I'm drawn. It started as a way to sling smaller messages, similar to what I was posting here, then it turned to posting pics of me doing stuff, it progressed to creep and stalk the lil lady. I don't need that any more, she's the best if not the most bestest thing that has ever happened to me. I still check... and in most cases still rant about it. I guess it's a useful tool, I've found 371 of my closest and not so closest friends. There are a handful of people whom I update, and (chat on the phone with, as well) then there are the other bunch of mutts. <=I say that in the most loving way though. People comment/I comment... it's faceyspace. There is something in our psyche that forces us to want to know about wanting to know what someone else is eating for lunch. If it's not there for you..... you're not on faceyspace (or perhaps not actually reading this. WHoa!?!?!?!?). What's suuuuuup?

Today's Randomness is brought to you by, worn out slippers, the word plangent \PLAN-junt\ DEFINITION adjective 1 : having a loud reverberating sound 2 : having an expressive and especially plaintive quality, and the number 2.

WHAh?

2010-12-03T04:55:00.002-05:00

Employed until the end of the month, no idea where after.....

I'm standing outside the Gazzettte(sp, error intended) and a Black Hoodie approaches me. I'm having a smoke, "cuz" well, shit I can. Black Hoodie walks out of his way 50yds to ask me in his best (Imma thug enforcer voice) "Yo ya gotta a smoke frrr me?" I'm on the phone with my lil lady..... I can't be bothered. [dude is six 4 and change +300] (insert small talk) I ax "you gotz 50cents?" nah,... i aint got money. why walk all the way over here out of your original path? Shaggybob="keep walkin!" then when he was 20 steps away I said "hey, come back here..... here's a smoke." Say please and thank you... it'll get you some place in life.

I've been having an incredibly weird life lately, thanks for the froth on the crazy coffee.

I like toast! with my butter completely melted.... jelly and Peanut butter optional.

My shoes.... they're wearing out. If I wear a pair I haven't shod in a bit..... my knees hurt.

I still drink like a fish, but I drink tons.... minus the quality.

I sleep all day again for the rest of the month.

I look forward to seeing Miss Erin every second of the day.

I want to cook a steak dinner but eat mad rice.

I need new pillows cuz my pillows are completely flat... I like'm that way, in a way.

I haven't figured out after 35yrs how to use a semi-colon; I suck, which makes it difficult to write correctly.

I've lost my outlet to use mad design programs without slingin 5g's for a new set up. Picture that?!

I have friends whom have had kids and I haven't met them yet.... it makes me sad.

Some times I wonder....... where I was, and where I need to be, and If I did it right, or can do it right?

I'm a solid vampire again after 4weeks. I had 5yrs of practice so I guess I'm good at it. Blah Blah......Blah HHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhsssssssss (blah sun isth hurting me)

Nerrrr.

It's Willem in the morning... I should head to sleep.

Todays Randomness

2010-10-15T09:15:00.002-04:00

Today's Randomness: is brought to you by the last lil piggy, that went wee wee wee all the way into the bottom corner of a book case, the word Frak (an Explicative used in the "re-imagined" version of the BattleStar Galactica series) and the number 14.(the number of times I hopped and screamed prior to landing supine on my couch with the piggy in the air.)

It's been awhile since my last post so I figured , hey I'm still unemployed after 14weeks why not shoot out something random and stubbing my friggin little toe was the perfect catalyst.

I think I'll start posting again as much as possible I have a bunch of pent up angst. more to come soon.

Good Idea Bad Idea

2010-04-29T00:45:00.002-04:00

Moron, or just plain stupid?

Should you be in Schenecta'dirt, and be feeling a little frisky, it may behoove you.... BEHOOOOOOOooooove you to not solicit any prostitutes. Should you disregard that minor bit of advice please keep in mind that prostitution is an illegal activity. I'm not saying that prostitutes are all shady, or perhaps maybe they are (I don't know any personally). It is indeed illegal in the eyes of the Law. Ask Elliot Spitzer he'll tell you how much money a prostitute can take you for plus the extra added bonus of a marriage and the Governor's seat at a big ass breakfast table.

I'm fairly certain that the $20 street corner hooker could be a bit more shady than say a Bunny Ranch $5,000 an hour "classy" harlet. In the newspaper today there was some poor riled up guy that made a terrible business decision. Paper or plastic? a common question we all get while we're shopping. It shouldn't be applied to in the dark alley sex trade by any means. This guy, this grown man, decided to give a 'nice' middle aged veteran strumpet plastic. Platinum no less... and was astonished by the fact.....ASTONISHED, that she took the card and max out $10,000.

"Mark it zero! Smokey" with three more 0's and a 1 in front of it to boot.

Is it wrong to think that a WallyWorld gift card probably would have done the trick?(<-I'm leaving it...... 'trick').

On a different note, 2 whole winters have past since I saw the hooker on a bike. Mostly because I moved out of the 'Dirt. I'm sure she was workin it on Erie Boulevard in fishnets a short leather jacket and 10speed during the dead of night in 20 - 0 degree weather regardless of my seeing her or not. She was hardcore.

2010-04-25T23:21:00.000-04:00

Z's new TAT design

2010-04-19T17:16:00.003-04:00

I'm working on a new Tattoo design for my Big Timmy Z. I've pieced a few online images together and am in the beginning stages of fleshing out the missing parts, and altering the original images as well. What do ya think?

You may think Z is into dragons and such but I added the dragon so his secret of digging 1/2 naked dudes in gladitorial type armor doesn't get out.

Content

2010-04-19T17:03:00.001-04:00

New adventures in life have me reeling in positiveness. I'm looking forward to where this new beginning takes me.

MacRonald

2010-02-18T17:37:00.003-05:00

{totally going to order the Surf and Turf }

I don't eat at MacRonald's much. Not because I don't enjoy a Big Mac on occasion, or have issues with the healthy nature of their artery clogging sustenance; in a pinch I'm all about a double Quarter pounder w/cheese or 3, it's because of the deep frying smell. I've always had a distaste for the stank associated with deep fry oil/grease. That's saying a bunch I was the cook for a fraternity for a couple of years and I deep fried everything (bacon, sneakers, Lawrence T. Rat). The smell still throws me off a bit. The local Wallyworld has a MacRonnies located directly in the store. You walk through the automatic doors past the Fat Scooter charging station, the guy who smells like urine, the woman beating her hellspawn, the bottle return whoomp, and BAM....deep fried WTF. It's horrid. I bet the Photo hut people are accustomed to it 5 minutes after they get hired. Or maybe they have nightmares after taking pictures of Kleetus and his Wahhf for the 90th time standing in the funk of fry grease. My stomach is churning right now just thinking about it. (yup thinking about both the grease and Kleetus's Wife getting the family portrait in stained powder blue sweatpants size Shamu)

What gets me is that even though I dislike the deep fry smell, in the back of my head the smell is exponentially worse because it's actually in the Walmart. It's "just threw up in my mouth a little bit" disgusting. Is it Just me? Would you eat your own shoes rather than get a burger from a Wallyworld MacRonalds?

I'm willing to bet even the Super Size Me guy would skip the place if he made a sequel, in favor of scrapping with seagulls for french fries in the parking lot.

More WTF: Seagulls what are they doing in Schenecta'dirt, we're land locked in NY State.

I can't wait

2010-02-03T20:20:00.000-05:00

Conscious effort

2010-02-01T17:45:00.002-05:00

I've decided to make a conscious effort to get up prior to noon everyday. It's tough, in fact I think it's pretty close to impossible. The night time job and post work decompression time doesn't help much. It's not that my job is stressful, you'd have to imagine it like this: (you work a regular 9-5 job) you'd get up at 3am try to do everything you would think about doing after work prior to!? and then go to bed at 6pm after your short ass commute home. Nearly impossible..

I'll be starting the effort tomorrow, today my pillow was way too ccomfortable to let go of until 4pm.

Hypo-critical infusion

2010-01-28T22:06:00.003-05:00

Here's little something from today's bank visit. Whilst waiting for the few the proud the legally slow insane people to get rid of their stacks of receipts and 2bil transations apiece, I had the opportunity to chat a bit with the girl standing next to me. It was really just nonsense banter and I'm not sure how the subject got changed but we ended up talking about food. Well; actually, animals considered as food. I'm really not too sure how many times this has happened to me in the past but it's a lot. We slowly moved toward and covered how vegetarians (she was a firm believer) are healthier, and that meat eaters(I'm a firm believer) are destined to die a horrible death at the hands of a viscious marmot and spend life eternal roasting on a spit in the rotisserie oven that is hell. So what, I can deal "I love animals because they taste good". Chuckle chuckle, kick a sideways glance shrug it off....(waiting for it. waiting for it...)

She mentioned PETA, and I knew the conversation was about to take a turn south. "I love animals I would never hurt them, you're a bad person for eating them... what'd the lil fuzzy bunny ever do to you,....." blah blah blah.

Again I don't know how many times this has happened to me in the past, but it's a lot. Oh look it's my turn to talk to the teller,

"Nice shoes by the way, Huh Leather.... What'd the poor wittle cow ever do to you?" I bet you had 2% milk on your cereal this morning"

There isn't a food product out there that isn't in some way related to the "mean" treatment of animals. Organic produce you say... I say Manure. Manure isn't a free range commodity.

Some people should really think before they take the exit to the south in a conversation.

Changes

2010-01-16T23:06:00.002-05:00

I'm obviously remiss about posting here now that faceyspace is out there and mundane posts about what I ate for a snack in the afternoon is tops on my list of things I would like the intarwebb to know about me.

I'm going to make an effort to post at least twice a week here with thoughts of the bizarre and ridiculous that float around in my melon.

For the first post: I quit smoking. It had more to due with illness than it did with actually wanting to give it up. I enjoy my vices. But in the aftermath of a week long illness I haven't had a smoke for quite sometime. I can't say I'm done forever... but for the time being, I've quit.

I've also been a week without the devils brew as well. I was on the path to destruction for quite sometime and decided that it may be good to dial it down a bit. 18yrs of drinking like a college freshman is a bit much. So I'm going to try the moderation thing and see how it works.

Next on tap..... eating healthy and getting back in shape. I'm not weak, nor am I grossly out of touch with proper weight, but I'm off a bit. It may have something to do with the lack of sunlight I get. (I'm working on that fix...full spectrum desk lamp) not sure if I'll use it at home or at the office, but it's in the works. I'm also a bit lax when it comes to complete meals a bunch of times a day. I'm usually snacking when I wake, have a ginormous meal at diner time and have a tiny something when I get home from the work... balanced meals haven't happened in 5-6yrs.

This could constitute a New Year Resolution; but I'm not promising shit, and don't believe in the practice anyway.

Today's Randomness is Brought to You by: a warm leg, the term Fecal coliforms: n' facultatively-anaerobic, rod-shaped, gram-negative, non-sporulating bacteria. and the number 3mil (signifying the number of coliforms just deposited on my appendage by the dog)

If you're out there I'm still waiting

2009-12-31T19:23:00.000-05:00

MoonGoddess?...... MoonGoddess?..... Beuller?

Set a man on fire

2009-12-10T18:28:00.002-05:00

It's been some time so here's a little update. Not so long ago I tacoed my garage door in an attempt to move my Jeep for the purpose of yardwork.(retarded) I immediately called and purchased a replacement to be delivered and installed post haste. The ordeal that followed was by far one of the most assinine in my life. If you know me: that statement says alot. I DO NOT recommend any goods or services from the Home Depot from this point forth for the rest of my life.... not even in an emergency (like, say for instance, a busted garage door with winter looming.) I dealt with 4 different associates, a manager, a vendor, and a different install company. The 4 associates were confused, the manager clueless, the vendor apologetic, and the install company guy "the bomb" he's gonna be awesome.

Step 1 crush door Nov.5th
Step 2 order replacement Nov. 5th
Step 3 wait 2weeks for confirmation
Step 4 wait for site inspection
Step 5 get told the door won't be available until Jan 7th
Step 6 get offered a cheaper door on sale, with promotional discount available on Dec 7th
Step 7 get call from asshat, make that Dec 14th
Step 8 talk to manager, make that December 14th "sorry dude"<=the managers words
Step 9 new call make that Feb. 1st (curiously 1month after the original door order WTF me thinks)
Step 10 flip and go batshit crazy
Step 11 order the M2-2 WWII backpack mounted Flamethrower
Step 12 call to check on order, Feb 5th(seriously? +4days on top of 1 month?)
Step 13 Check online order status (January 11th, still 10days after original order.)
Step 14 call manager ask WTF politely, wait for coherant reply... nope!?
Step 15 inform the Depot their indoor lumber yard has Smores written all over it
Step 16 wait 20hrs
Step 17 Receive call from Installer "we're putting in your door tomorrow. at noon".

Total elapsed time 2 months.
Teach a man to make fire....yadda yadda, threaten his and 150 employee lives in addition to millions in merchandise with conflagration. Satisfactiory business transaction.

The laws of commerce seen through my eyes, a retailer sells goods and services, I pay for goods and services, when goods and services are in limbo after deductions from my account, flamethrowers get involved . Goods and services magically appear

I've decided

2009-11-21T02:41:00.002-05:00

I'm going to make it a point, to post....when I can. With a purpose. Today's randomness is brought to you by: Right Now! the word Pittance• \PIT-unss\•noun: a small portion, amount, or allowance; also : a meager wage or remuneration, The number .46, and the number 527.

the best waste of resources.

Today?

2009-11-21T02:33:00.002-05:00

I've seen the caustic ridiculosity, I've seen the redonkulous, I've watched uber dumb, how can you expect anything less. Be rigtht! or make it right! You have nothing on real

Today's Randomness

2009-10-29T01:05:00.003-04:00

Todays randomness is brought to you by a trip to Walmart, the word peregrination \pair-uh-gruh-NAY-shun\noun: an excursion especially on foot or to a foreign country : journey, and the number 2874.

Everytime I venture into the uncharted aisles of "everyday item goodness" I find myself in a 3rd world country inhabited by people of unknown origin whom can only be classified by their manner of dress.

There's members of the High Court of Sweatpantopia
The Urchins from Baggypant Isle
The Cyborgs from the Planet FatScooter
The Mullet Warriors from Trailer 92
The Norms
The Hunter Gathers.... etc

And mixed throughout the masses are their demon spawn, I read not too long ago about an old man in a Walmart far far away that took it upon himself to liberally smack one of these creatures (which wasn't one of his own ilk). I never had the inkling myself. Until today....

Bartering in a checkout line should be outlawed, more so when you have 3 demons crawling in and about the shopping cart, on shelving, in and out of other peoples legs, demons that are throwing impulse items on the conveyor belt, opening and closing beverage coolers, dropping beverages on the floor from said coolers. Those that are whining for McDonalds food and screaming just loud enough to pierce an eardrum should you be within say; I don't know,4ft of them.

It takes a lot to rattle me into evil thoughts, I at one point imagined that my boot was clearly lodged in one of the demons asses. (I chuckled outloud). The caretaker for these devilish little monsters would have had a much easier time if she'd decided that the outing would have benefited from a cattle prod or two.

When I was a child, a backhand would have straightened me out, in fact the stink eye prior to a backhand would have squashed every and all thought of misbehaving in public. I guess a "TimeOut" doesn't have the same effect.

Landmine Croquet

2009-10-08T21:08:00.002-04:00

If you've never heard of it before I'll fill you in with pics and a color commentary after the weekend. More specifically Monday because the Croquet Tournament in on Saturday and I already burned a vacation day for Sunday. It involves Beer and Croquet, a bunch of food and a few ridiculous College buddies with a healthy appetite for crazy.

At one point I was hosting between 12-18 people for the weekend of Beer,BBQ,and Games. Now it seems like 10 is the number. That doesn't include the people just stopping by for a burger though. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm alive

2009-09-09T18:54:00.002-04:00

Still alive... I just got sucked into Faceyspace lately.

Update, the landmine croquet tourney is coming along nicely. 1 month away, and hopefully a few more people will be able to show up.

I've finally gotten the storage facilities, and the desired storage units forthe hardtop. I'm going to be rolling with the top down until I can't hold the steering wheel anymore due to shivering. I'm going to take the doors off this weekend just to see how bad-ass it'll feel.

wedding season is slowly rolling to a close with 2weeks until the double-header. er, well...back to back weekends.

I'll have to find an interesting life in order to type more.

skinny jeans

2009-08-20T19:33:00.002-04:00

If by chance you are in the mood to wear skinny jeans there are a few things I think one should follow to make it more socially acceptable:

1.) Skinny Jeans are stupid avoid them
2.) If you've got tank ass, no one wants to see your rendition of a double popsicle
3.) If you have to squeeze into said skinny jeans, don't bother
4.) Jeans are a comfort clothing you should be able to breathe whilst wearing them
5.) Good luck with your keys bring some bandaides with you where ever you go.
6.) Never ever, NEVER think that you can pick a wedgie standing in line at the bank
7.) $200 for a pair of pre-shredded skinny jeans is just as stupid as buying regular comfortable jeans that have been shredded prior to purchase.(I'm looking at you Abercrombie)

Todays randomness is brought to you by Skinny Jeans ass pickin' the word usufruct • \YOO-zuh-frukt\ • noun *1 : the legal right of using and enjoying the fruits or profits of something belonging to another 2 : the right to use or enjoy something, and the number (<) the cost of a jelly donut.

Sunday Rivaah (Part 1, 2, 3 & 4)

2009-07-23T19:49:00.009-04:00

And so, the adventure began.....

It was just about 2am Friday July 17th when I was able to leave work and hit the road for the Sunday River Golf Trip. It began well, my Jeep started and I was on the road...in fog that allowed for about 20ft of visibility. Barring all the headaches of driving to Boston in the middle of the night, in pea soup fog, with white knuckled terror... I made good time. As per the rules when driving to Z's place in Waltham I stopped at Funkin' Gonuts and ordered some donut holes. This isn't an odd order seeing as how they have trays of the little bastards sitting for the customers to see. Apparently ordering donut holes at Dunkin Donuts is like ordering a large coffee at Starbucks. Apu behind the counter did his best deer in headlights impression. I tried by best using a pidgin form of American Standard Sign Language to let him know what I was ordering, wait for it, wait for it.... nope no dice. Before I decided that 6am after a white knuckle drive was a good time to get heated and bitter I just said "give me 6 donuts and mix'em up". done and done...then on my wauy out I looked at the menu and thought huh... munchkins (effin Wizard of Oz Bullshiite).

I let myself into Z's place and hit the spare room for some snoozers. Around noon I was up and showered and we prepped for the trip, water, keys, smokes: damn it.. outta smokes we'll stop on the way. We hit the road. When we arrived at the smoke shop I pinched my dome in the car door on the way out...how? damned if I know but I pinched my head just the same. This is going to be an awesome trip, smashed melon and no donut holes?!

After getting on the highway, we quickly realized that stop and go traffic is not cool. Willem and Pinto were shooting a practice round and we were still 2 1/2hrs from our rendezvous. The trip did go quickly with the great tunes and catching up with the Big Bro, we even passed the Superstar Billy Grahm on a Harley. (now if you don't know who he is either, A. you're really young and shouldn't be reading this blog due to some questionable content, B. you didn't grow up in the 80's hay day of WWF watching goodness or, C. YOU'RE NOT AMERICAN, turn in your card and get out!). I found on the trip that the iPhone is a really neat piece of technology. I'll never buy one, but that's beside the point... GPS helps. We ran into some major construction listening to Five Finger Death Punch, got off the highway, blew through some reds and made it to Willem's place in one piece.

Once at Willem's we loaded the monster truck and hit it for ME. Great tunes, moose sightings, backwoods drivin, and oh yeah Absinthe wrapped in Bacon. Mmmm Bacon, bacon bacon...BAAaaaaaacon!!!!

After great deliberation and more talk of bacon we all thought hunger needed to be sated so in Conway or N.Conway we tried to narrow down the choices for a place to eat. Mexican?, Pub food?, F-ck Applebees, lets eat at the first place that has a giant Angus bull on the sign, lucky for us it was right there on the way. A family restaurant, bonus. We were immediately shuffled to their upstairs dining area overlooking dead trees, a Cemetery and the main drag. The ambiance was amazing, crooked pictures on the wall, "family" all around us. We ordered drinks from (we'll call her Sara McTellusAgain) and dropped some random F-bombs. Sara informed us that she would be right back to take our order, get our drinks, go downstairs and be right back...and she did, then she told us she'd take our orders, get us more drinks and go down stairs to get the food, bring the food back to us, ask us how our meal was.(we didn't have a meal yet, she was just letting us know the order of her thought process) Repeat an unnecessary number of times while we were dodging flying kids platters, screaming babies and Sara's inability to not think out loud. I'll have another beer thankyou. The food was really good though.

Kick IT! Back on the road, picked up cheap beer for late night after the brew pub... stopped to whiz on Mt. Washington. We were there in no time.

Rally Car racers? we don't need no stinkin Rally Car racers. Nice flame retardant suit ass clown. We checked-in and were off to the Brew Pub.(Stoo the brew master kinda shoot his head when we walked in, we horrified them last year, this year, and will again undoubtedly next year).

On to the horrification....(to be continued)
_________________________________________________________________
PArt 2.

The horrification wasn't immediately apparent when we got to the Sunday River Brew Pub. The place was jam packed with racers and the egos that tagged along for the ride. I would have a big head too if I could drive; my suped upChevy Nova with the duo over cam underhook deer slayer engine sans the two handed reverse threaded flywheel wing-nut: on a logging trail at 70mph. I'm just sayin'. So, Pinto and Willem ordered pints from the get go, Z and I ordered the sampler (it came all prissy like on the end of a ski, with hollowed out grooves for the baby glasses, go figure => ski resort). Any way. There were 6 selections. They seemed for the most part to get darker as they progressed toward the end of the ski and I'm not going to lie... the taste got exponentially better in that direction as well. I don't remember the names so I'll just describe the tastes as they went.
1.) Used Hockey bag smell with jockstrap. I don't lick jockstrap but this would be how I imagine it tasting. [Pinto HAHAHAHAHA Ordered a pint of this swill, more about that later, effin trooper that guy is, effin trooper]
2.) Feet and corn chips with a hint of vomit. Think the soggy rug of a fraternity house and there you have it
3.) Bearable, but hinting at something you can't find in the refrigerator that you know has definitely spoiled. Fungi MIA
4.)..... no reason to go on from here to number 6. They were good, but nothing super memorable. Worth another pint, and another and another.

~Aside~
Apparently in small town USA, when patrons go to a pub, and sit down...some f*cktard named Jesse tries to monopolize tips from the bartender by pretending to be your server. Bad news bruther, no tip for you. It's not that I don't tip (<=insert lines from resevoir dogs here.) It's that you're really obnoxious and terrible beyond belief at your supposed "job". Send over the cute one, and go away. Example: A standard pitcher takes lets say 2min to fill, we were sitting 10ft from the bar, throw in 30sec of order time it shouldn't take 35min for a pitcher to make it round trip back to the table. I'M JUST SAYIN, F*CKTARD.

So after we tasted Stoo's Brews we got a pitcher, Pinto ordered a pint of domestic draft, I think the first beer melted something in his brain, or maybe his pancreas.He choked it down though... air high five for effort Pintos & Cheese. In any event. We had beer, I was wearing the party in a vest, containing a deck of cards, dice, shot glass, quarters, survival tool, duct tape and band-aides. We were good to go. Some number of pitchers later.... um yeah about 7 maybe more ?! the place had cleared out. We closed the place down in similar fashion last year. Owing to the fact that Stoo was gracious enough to do a Carbomb last year with our drunken asses, Passing the bar one of us had the bright idea to order carbombs.

*clink* CarBomb.........(Fade to black)

At this point I guess there was some wrestling, throwing of punches, overall stupidity and consumption of the cheap beer we purchased on the way up. Damned if I know, I basically had a car bomb and then woke up for breakfast thinking Why does my entire body feel like it's been hit by a train??? As Pinto howls like a speeding locomotive down the hall.

__________________________________________________________________________
Part 3.

After a thorough ass kicking at the hands of Pinto the Steam Locomotive we were off to sleep. A quick yet lagging wake up in the morning would have us at the Golf Course. We lagged, and lagged and lagged some more before heading to the breakfast thing.[for the second year in a row nobody had to step on my head to get me up and moving... not to shabby for a person that on average wakes up 6hrs after the itme I needed to get going] Last year we had vouchers for a breakfast sammich and morning drinks in a quaint little nook of the hotel complex. This year they changed that to a breakfast bar. Full spread, pancakes, breakfast burritos, eggs, an ommlette station, and (as per our ranting on the night previous....BACON) Bacon, and more bacon, just enough in the tray to hold down two separate sets of tongs and barely enough to fill my plate. I grabbed a burrito, sausage, scrambled eggs and piled the bacon over the lot. One could have said it may be too much bacon.... if anyone had uttered those words: I'd take my friend card back. SO, it was earlier than I wake up on a regular basis, I had 8lbs of bacon, 3cups of coffee and we were late for our tee time (factoring in the drive to the course proper.)

We made good time to the course, another couple of people were early for their tee time and we switched. The weather was a bit muggy, overcast, and damp. Let's Do This!

The first hole was difficult, I sucked, hit the ball a million times and got my first sandal full of festering bog water. Can't really say there was another direction to go at that point... things were looking up.

We all played fairly well throughout the day, some better than others and I think we all had that one shot that makes you want to play more even though the golf gods were kicking you in the testicles all day. At one point on a down hill par three, we noticed a fox running around the fairway. (Nocturnal animal in the day time isn't ever a good thing. But luck would have it that this particular fox was drinking coffee, I saw him carrying the cup around.) He even pooped in it and left it in the middle of the fairway. This particular hole sticks out in my mind not only because there was a coffee cup with fox shit in it, but it was down hill shot from the tee, like 500ft of elevation, steep angular fairway that a boulder could have rolled down. Boulder yes, water not so much. After I shanked my tee shot and bushwacked to find my ball, I had a great lie for my approach, the ball was sitting on a burm of grass surrounded by foul smelling stagnant muddy water. I wasn't hidden by trees, bunkers or any other hazards so I was definitely going to take a whack at this one. Judging by the depth of the mud, the funk that was up to my ankles, and the angle of my Pitching Wedge I decided to strip down. If you've ever tried to hit a ball from a situation like this you know that you're going to need a towel, steam cleaner and and a winch to get yourself out. I'm glad that the cloud cover didn't break because I would have flagged down the nearest plane with the reflection off my body. Half naked no practice swing, I gripped the club and screamed like William Wallace closed my eyes and let it rip... I picked the ball cleanly off the burm and wasn't any worse for the wear. I lucked out, I thought I would be eating some of the mud.

The front nine was a great time, my only complaint would be the encroachment from people playing behind us, I don't golf well.. but I'm relatively efficient and hate to be hurried. We let a 4some play through after they were riding our asses for 3holes and wouldn't you know it, they slowed right the fuck down and played aweful while we were waiting behind them. Such is life I guess.

At the turn we headed to the clubhouse and you other monkeys got something to eat. I dined on liquid bread, and figured it couldn't possibly hurt my game at all. I was right in the long run.

The 10th Tee is monsterous, there's a gully/ravine/gorge that you have to clear to even get to the fairway. I've never been good when there is open air between me and a bit of grass 150yrds away. Mr. Shanky bit down hard on my tee shot and after clearing the "expansive nothing" hooked back to the right on itself and did it's best suicide jumper impression, without hesitation. That was the start to the rest of the round for me. (I could give a play by play per hole, but it would be impossible to keep my facts straight, like that one time Pinto went off into the woods to take a leak and a sasquatch bounded out of the woods carrying a shaved woodchuck).

The sun had been out earlier in the day and in the afternoon it was hot, we finished up the day tired, thirsty, sunburned, thirsty, and ready to hit the pool/hottub and or shower, maybe all three. We discussed bacon on the way back to the hotel.

Hot tub....Pool.... Showered, and hungry.(To be continued.....)
____________________________________________________________________________________
Part 4.

After much debating and an overall lack of options we decided to head to the brew pub; once again, to snag a bite to eat. The place had a decidedly different crowd from the gearheads that were there the previous night. In fact, the majority of the patrons were a good 10yrs from a learners permit. The bar was relatively empty and they had a special running...20oz beers with dinner. It may not have been written on the menu or special board, but that was the special we were interested in and god damn it, it was what we were going to have. We mugged up some more of Stoo's Brews with Megan behind the bar and looked at the menus. Mind you I hadn't eaten since the plate of bacon at breakfast so I wanted it all. (I have a difficult time when not famished ordering from a menu with more than 1 page). A platter of pulled pork nachos was definitely ordered with a few burgers and stuff. I finished my 3rd pint and decided on the fish & chips. Why the hell not. Willem Pinto and Z had all but finished their meals when the fish & chips were cool enough to actually eat. There should have been a radiation warning with my plastic basket of breaded whitefish a la the sun. After the 5th pint and a blistered mouth we were ready to plan out the next bit of the evening.

Stay or not stay at the pub? They had a little game room area and Willem decided a roll of quarters and a few more beers were what the doctor ordered. While He and Pinto were getting ready to hit the machines, Megan's friend cozied up to the bar a few stools down and Z and I mopped up drool off the bar for a couple of minutes. Cute, tats, smoker, drinking an ice cold beer..... (fades out for a sec...ok I'm back) Willem and Pinto had returned in a less than pleasent mood. Apparently some of the younger Pub goers and their parents had parted ways and pool cues were buzzing the towers. "Here's some quarters Mommy and Daddy need some alone time in public, go horrify those people over there and throw fits" <=Done. Before anyone got more bitter we decided that maybe a night of poker or some other card game would be fitting for a early night. We had to leave in the AM and it only made sense.....so (I ordered Jager Shots) When the shots hit the bar, some asshat asked if we should do Jagerbombs ..out came the larger glasses and red-bull. Bombs away. I never was really in tune with the Jagerbomb, JaggyB and I really had never crossed paths too often. That shit tastes like Pez Candy. I dig Pez Candy. Willem on the other hand was driving and was being responsible, no bomb.

Jagerbombs down we left, found a gas station, replenished the cheap shitty beer and headed back toward the Hotel. (1 minute away from the Brew Pub, uh, those jagerbombs were pretty good) (30sec out... yeah they were) (10seconds out...??JagerBomb??) "JAGERBOMB", the truck steams back into the Pub parking lot we exit the vehicle unceremoniously, help a biker chick pick up her helmet that she had just dropped, bound up the steps blast through the frontdoor and Scream "JAAaaaaaaaGER BOOOOoooMB" Megan behind the bar [I shit you not... deer in headlights, until shaking her head she turned to the Jager Machine]. There were a few more people in the place, and we were a bit louder than when we had left the first time. It's Amazing what 10minutes can do for the liver. People were staring wondering who brought the drunk kid. We did, but it's OK Timmy We can forgive you. (no really, hahhahahah) "JAGERBOMB!!!!!!!" KaBLAaaam, we bound back out the door and unceremoniously get back into the truck, steam out of the parking lot toward the hotel, gut laughing the whole time.

The rest of the night was an exercise in sleep depervation and alcohol consumption. A wedding party had descended on the hotel and people were being rowdy. We passed Poker did not collect $200 and went straight to Asshole. Get 4 ridiculous Fraternity brothers on vacation, pump them full of a few Jagerbombs, give them a coolerful cheap beer, and just imagine how; dirty, underhanded, and downright evil this game of asshole was, multiply by 2 and add 10 for good measure. It was a fun game! after a good many hours of asshole nonsense the other three mutts hit the rack. I was up, wandering the hotel, hanging out with the wedding folks still up that late in the morning, throwing beers at people on the floors above and below us, and generally just doing what I do at 3am....I was awake. Just about the time I went to sleep it was breakfast time, and also time to get moving. K&J had to be in Boston, Timmy had to get home, I had to work in 8hrs - 8hrs away, and Willem had to take Pinto to the airport.

We packed, hit the road, and were off. I slept on the ride back, woke to transfer bags and clubs to Z's ride, K&J piled in, W&P shot off for the airport, and we were off again toward Boston. I slept a bit more.... I'm definitely no fun before noon or even 2pm. After a brief layover at Z's Place and a much needed shower I was on the road toward Albany. I was late for work, and I dozed most of my shift.

I don't know about the other guys, but I'll tell you what...."I'm not as young as I used to be, it takes a good 48hrs to fully recover from that.

2weeks

2009-07-15T18:58:00.002-04:00

The last two weeks have flown by and not much has changed with the life of our hero Shagz Von StillMovinShiite. The Digs are coming along and sooner rather than later I would like to have all the extra stuff sorted and distributed to various thrift stores and charities. I've come to the realization that I'll not be needing all those ties and dress pants anytime in the near future. I actually found clothing that has never been worn, and will be getting rid of that as well in favor of the clothing I've broken in over than last 8 or so years. At least until those articles fall apart.

The grill is my next big investment for the new place. I found a great deal and would like to see if I can swing the extra burners or if I just go with a standard gas grill. Something tells me that at least one burner is mandatory.

I also get to look forward to a weekend in ME with Z,Pinto and Willby. We're headed back to Sunday River to swing the sticks chasing the small ball. I'm hoping the DEET keeps the ticks off as I know that I'll be spending a fair amount of time in the jungle. It happens, and I'm not going to pay for lessons to correct my problems when a lesson costs the same as a round of golf itself. I'll work it all out on my own or play to my disadvantages. At least Mr. Shanky hasn't come out to play yet this year. (It may this time around, I gotta let the big dog eat once in awhile).

MOve it

2009-07-01T17:03:00.004-04:00

Minus the three bedrooms and the two bathrooms....this is the new whip. All that needs to be done is the bar, grill, and the insertion of pong table in the garage.

I can't wait to rip the kitchen into shape and get to making stellar eats.

Perspective

2009-06-29T17:47:00.002-04:00

I saw a few things this past weekend that put my life in perspective. Not really in a bad way, nor in a good way. Just a few observations.

Example number one. A crotch Rocket passed me on the Northway. In and of itself, this is nothing spectacular. Motorcycles go fast. My Jeep not so fast. It was the way he did it at 80-90mph pulling a wheelie. I fumbled with my camera phone to take a pic to post but got frightened that I would squash him like a bug weaving into him. The image would have been appropriate for submission to the Guinness Book of World Records under the heading "Man with Planets Hugest Testicles" Obviously he was crazy enough to do it in the first place so said submission was only a few seconds away from a Darwin Award as well. Why perspective you ask? Because I realized that I'm too old for that kind of ridiculosity, would never had done it, nor thought of attempting it.
Score one for the level headed.

Example number two. I passed an elderly guy walking with a cane. Just shuffling down the sidewalk. Strange? not at all. although he wasn't using his cane in the prescribed assistance mode, he was just walking with the cane. No jig, not skipping, just shuffling along with his stick. ( It was just a stick since he wasn't using it). It got me thinking, was this old man just testing, was he just sick of the cane, or was he just in defiance of the people that thought he needed the cane to be mobile. Shuffle away Mr. Stick... more power to you. Why perspective? I haven't the foggiest clue, but that guy.... he knew, HE KNEW!

West Virginia

2009-06-24T14:18:00.002-04:00

Had a great trip to West Virginia to enjoy the wedding celebration for the Lynns. The timeline is pretty sweet so I'll list it as closely as possible so you can join in the fun. The pics are somewhat embarrassing, so no soup for you.

Thursday: June 18th
9a: wake-up very early for this guy, but somethings had to get done for the trip.
10a: load up the jeep with yard games, clothes for the weekend, beer/cooler/lawnchairs.
12p:early lunch.
1p: Commute from the folks place to work(I'm still not moved into the new pad...that comes the first of July.)
3:30p: arrive at work
4p: collect a double paycheck and deposit [Jessie still works the bank, why get direct deposit when the bank is that smokin hot]
4:30p: start shift, T-minus 10hrs until Vacation.
5-2:15a: Work, while staring at the clock like a rabid dog.

Friday: June 19th.
3a: Pick up my shotgun rider and head for West Virginia red-eye.
Satellite radio is awesome...
7a: Gas up in Binghamton, snag some coffee and hit it again.
9a: Stopped at the cleanest rest stop in the world, worth the hover dump without question.
11a: West Virginia after getting lost for like 5min.
Nooner: Check-in to Cacapon State Resort. Cabin 15... had a beer, and another, cold shower, one more beer.
1p: Golf cart, 18...the beating sun, lakes in the bunkers and bunkers around the lakes. Tough course, hot sun, we finished 14 or so beers and had a hotdog apiece. I hate when gnats fly into my eye like 60 brazillion times.
4p: Contacted the rest of the monkeys and they delivered pizza on their way in.
7p: second shower, more food, yard games get broken out...raging party at cabin 15.

Saturday: June 20th. Wedding day
12a: raging party at cabin 15
4a: Finally "Sleep on couch", 3 beds - 5 people, dorm furniture never felt so comfortable.
10:30a: It's loud people are hanging out, played "Good Idea vs. Bad Idea" Wake-n-Beered myself. Yard games, more beer... leftover pizza. Monkeys head to town for extra after-reception beers.
2p: Fall asleep standing up in the shower getting pimped for the wedding.
2:05p" finish shower
4p: Damn we clean up niiiiice, headed to the bathhouse (boathouse)
430p: They're hitched, Joe stalls a vintage car on the way to the reception and we giggle... time to get beer
5p: cocktail hour...everyone is here and it promises to be insane.
6p: Dinner Mmmmm dinner buffet with beer
7p: cake smashing
7:15p: dance floor opens, damn my buddies have good lookin ladies
9p: 1 of 3 kegs down, more dancing
10p: looks like everyone hit the wall.... may as well bring the kegs back to cabin 15 for a late nighter
11p: keg 2 of 3 down, drinking games hurt

Sunday June 21:
12a: raging party at cabin 15
4a: Everyone is beat, one more beer before couch surfin again
9a: Sonofabitch=> 8guys on the roof of the cabin tearing off shingles. Who the fuck works on a Sunday morning. And when the fuck is checkout time "Oh 11am"
10a: Lament muffled West Virginia twang when heard through roof, thanks for the thunderstompin.
11a: Good-byes, hit the road.
2p: I wake up 15min from NY riding shotgun with cold coffee and Slim Jims.
2:30p: Pitstop Binghamton
3:30P: Pitstop Oneonta, Brooks BBQ, 4 sampler platters we hit the road again.
7:30p: Lake George, shotgun and satellite radio are out.
8:15p: Arrive at the folks place, I don't move into the new place until July 1st.
10p: SLEEEEEEEEEP

Monday June 22nd:
4p: Wake up
4:15p: nap time

Tuesday June 23:
Nooner: Wake up

Backflip backflip round-off back handspring.. ta-dah!

Somewhere in there I got bit by a spider on the cheek, my eye swelled up pretty good it's nice welt. Kinda has a necrotic center surrounded by puffy ouch.

Wednesday: Starts the rest of my vacation "I got Nuthin" and I love it.

NO thanks

2009-06-17T18:51:00.002-04:00

If you're going to get into a knife fight, chances are that it really wouldn't be beneficial to do it with a gorilla. How gorilla gets a knife is beyond me, but you don't want to mess with him. And on that note. Just how do you get a knife away from a gorilla?

Roped In

2009-06-10T20:10:00.002-04:00

smokerope

In the mail

2009-06-03T17:34:00.002-04:00

Apparently the lease for the new place is in the mail. Once it's signed and paid for, the townhome will be goog to go beginning in July. It's a few weeks further along than I had hoped, but is good just the same. I wasn't planning on inconcenviencing family or friends for a couch to crash in addition to a 2week timeslot but shit happens. It also means that I'll have to keep the storaage unit for another month so I can move at my leisure. There's no pool or hottub, but it does have a backyard and a garage (<=read, room for a pong table, and kegarator : possibly a studio area to throw paint in). It has lots of white walls to display the craptastic pieces I've been creating lately. 2 baths, 3 beds, a serve over island in the kitchen and a great place for a dry bar/wine rack. Extra added bonus...it's dark at night (as opposed to city ambient light). The development seems nice and is within walking distance to a bunch of shops and foodie places/supermarket/coffee joint and diner. I timed the commute on my way to my folks place last night and it's only 17minutes from the old office, subtract 12minutes from that and there's a strip club.

MIDPOST EDIT: Done and done, new digs July1st 10min from Toga, 5 min from the lake, 6min from SPAC

New place

2009-05-28T17:01:00.002-04:00

Found the new place, a definite life upgrade.... It all depends on the current tenants, the lease signing and the eventual move. I had planned to try to move into the new place by the 15th of June, but it may get pushed back until July first. no harm no foul it'll give me a couple extra weeks of saving to make the place more spectacular eventually. I can always rent the storage unit for an additional month to make the trasition as smooth as the exedus from the Oasis.

When I've moved in the past with less stuff I'd always waited til the last minute, this round of moving I started well inadvance, a month in advance and barring all the furniture that I couldn't physically fit in the jeep I was technically out a week ago minus the cleaning and steaming. The Oasis will be a thing of the past at 3pm tomorrow. It's my hope that I'll finally learn how to lay down drop cloths properly at the new place. The garage is big enough to accomodate a studio area so it shouldn't a real problem. It is possible to get oil and acrylic paint out of rugs, carpets, ceiling fixtures, door jams, and off walls, windows, and appliances it just takes a bit of elbow grease some heavy chemicals and a bunch of wire brushes. I AM MR. CLEAN's raging bicep.

The new place checklist:
Move....
Pong Table
Dry Bar set up
Barbeque grill with extra added badassedness
herb garden
lawn mower
snow shovel
....etc

Unfotuntately the new digs aren't set in stone yet, there's a what if factor and all the little things that could possibly go south. Hopefuly everything will iron itself out in the upcoming week.

There are people out there crazier than I

2009-05-19T01:42:00.004-04:00

Just thought I'd get that out there. In my super busy labor intensive job I tend to have a few minutes here or there to surf the old intarwebb. I was searching a topic that was referenced in a novel I was reading and then started clicking on the next best thing that came along until I landed on a site that was, well..... created for the Great North American Whackadoodle holed up in a cabin somewhere in the Northwest Territory.

Now I'm all for it, get out there and get some proof. But since a specimen has never been conked on the dome and or found with a skeletal system more than .0025% whole. I think this particular chart is just about the handiest thing ever. In fact I'm walking on tip-toe next time I head into the woods and bringing my camera.

There's nothing I hate more than a deaf sasquatch eating my garbage while thinking about children!

Choices

2009-05-13T17:17:00.003-04:00

I'm looking at a few houses this weekend, and hopefully the process will be fulfilling. Three places within a 30min commute isn't half bad and if we are all on board the moving should be a snap once the final decision is made. A Lake apartment, a Townhouse, and a Cottage are the three players. One is with in stumbling distance to a pub ( Bayou Cafe, never been but I'm assuming it'll grow on me), one is within stumbling distance of lake rights (canyou canoe?), and one is within a short drive of Toga/ Toga Lake/and Northway for easy travel. I'm seriously leaning toward the townhouse, but it'll warrant a first person inspection. (9am isn't my favorite time of the day, but since I have appointment scheduled I'm sure I can roll out of the rack and be somewhat personable.) That will be followed by the Lake property; It's never good when a property manager says they've just renovated the inside and the the outside is the next big project. [It makes me thing the place is a healthy dose of shithole, but the money's right]. Third is the pub crawl place. I did a fly by and saw a contractor busy making reparations for the pasts lack of simpathy.

Packing up my life is easier than anticipated but still a pain in the ass. As of now I only have the 4 peices of furniture that don't fit in my Jeep, clothing and my kitchen to go. The kitchen is tomorrow's project, with paper plates and red plastic party cups ready to step up and take one for the home team.

I am definitely not looking forward to cleaning the place proper. It's not that I'm a slob by anymeans, but I been a bit creative and painted a few pieces since I've been there. I could have tarped the entire interior of my place and set out quadruple drop cloths and paint still would have made its way into the carpets. If the new tenant are into Jackson Pollock no harm no foul, if not I'm going to eat some serious cost with replacement.

Then there's the side of me that usually rears its ugly head in such situations "ah Fuck It!" me thinks,

You're not in the dugout

2009-05-13T00:40:00.003-04:00

It is not your team, you are not on the payroll, you are not in the line-up, you are not batting clean-up with the bases loaded, you do not warm-up on the field.

SO, should I be wearing a different baseball cap than the particular team that you follow "fanboy" it doesn't give you the right to interrupt my meal to tell me that something was happening in a game I had no compunction to watch. It doesn't give you the right to expectorate over my food and use up my oxygen. ok, ok I'll make it simple. "YOU BOUGHT A FREAKING HAT" shut yer trap and let me enjoy my burger.

By social observation alone I can honestly say that Red Sox and Yankees "fans" are ridiculous. I would alternate hats everyday just to keep track of the stupid, if I were to buy into the advertising machine. "SO, how'd we do in the daygame today, it's gonna be a rough double header".... ah, no Bite me.

And to the guy at WallyWorld, I was buying socks, and bathroom cleaner... not screaming from the bleechers when you imagined yourself hitting a home run in the world series. F-U and your silly hat. "GO SCRUBBING BUBBLES!!!!!" Chiach

MOving

2009-05-10T18:02:00.003-04:00

It sucks to move, it's a pain in the ass. I know...I've moved quite a bit in the last 6yrs. Not all encompassing life changes, rather short "get out of the ghetto" type transfers of my stuff... followed by "hey look the crime scene van" moves, and the ever popular "was that a SWAT team incursion" time to check out different diggs a bit further from the heart of the 'Dirt. I'm looking still for a new place to live and have until the end of the month to get all my junk in a storage unit. It's a 10x15ft self-storage corregated cookie cutter aluminum space, I'm just over half moved right now, and it's sad. Very sad actually, I'm not even going to be able to fill the space ~the floor space~ not counting the 12ft ceiling. To tell you the truth, I could probably fit my Jeep in the unit with all my stuff and still not have to climb over stuff to get around it. I'm planning on donating some clothing and a couple of pieces of furniture to the Army so they can Salvage what ever uses they can from them.... al ittle contribution to those less fortunate.

I have appointments set throughout the week to visit various rental houses, and a contractors special lease to own home. I'm thinking if the place is insulated for arctic survivaL it would be perfect."Radiated floor heating?! Pffft whatever. I can't see how I could possibly take my 10x15 ft worth of shit and fill a 5br, 4 1/2 bath home, with full finished basement, 3 car garage, inground pool, and a dock on the Mohawk River, but the price is right and hell I bet I could give it a try. The other places are smaller and more quaint. Hopefully by the end of the week I'll be able switch my permanent addy with the bank and move my stuff for a June 1st berth in new diggs.

Here here

2009-05-07T18:10:00.000-04:00

CSCF

2009-05-06T17:18:00.002-04:00

I checked my mail earlier today for the first time in a week and was pleased to see an envelope from the Christian Science Children's Fund. Now I used to see the commercials where you could donate the cost of a cup of coffee a day to sponsor a child in need. I opened the letter and I was was suprised to see that they had offered me the opportunity to sponsor a child that was in desperate need of some help. It had a picture, it had a vague description of where the child lived somewhere in the northern portion of S. America. Nothing specific. I looked over the material and thought long and hard about my finances to see if I could help.

Unfortunately 110037309 (the name of the child) will have to go without my help.... I went out and bought a cup of coffee. Had they included a name, even a fake name, a pseudo-christian name, or even Joe Smith, it would have sealed the deal. But alas poor 110037309 will have to live in filth and I'm adding some sugar to the coffee.

MOving

2009-04-30T17:13:00.003-04:00

I've officially decided that the Oasis is a thing of the past. I'm packing it up and getting ready to move out at the end of the month. There are a number of places that I've looked at and have on tap, but they're all in Limbo. SO I'm putting my stuff in storage for the time being and surfing for a bit. It couldn't come at a better time, it'll be good to move into a house with a couple of roomates to defray the cost of living and give me a bit more cash to spend on me and stuff (new shoes for the jeep a light bar..... you know necessities).

To add to the awesome that the OAsis is and was, periodically they pump out the septic tanks of the complex. Now if I had a day job it wouldn't be even remotely a problem. I work the night shift so when a poopy tanker decides that it's time to suck up human waste at 9am it isn't that fun. It's the third time they've emptied the tanks in two years and the pipe/manhole cover to the damn thing is just about 15yrds from my balcony. LAst night was brisk yet not cold night in the 'Dirt so I had all my windows and doors open. Wretched isn't the word for what I was stunned out of my sleep to this morning. The last time it happend I drove to a parking lot in my pajamas and waited it out sleeping in my truck. This morning I didn't. Bad call bruther, bad call. They were in and out relatively quickly so it wasn't like 3hrs of shit-festering funk but it was horrid just the same. After they left I couldn't stop laughing....

If I owned a Septic company I would name it SGAS Slurp Gurgle Ack Septic

Todays Randomness

2009-04-19T18:07:00.002-04:00

Today's Randomness is brought to you by leftovers, the word piebald • \PYE-bawld\ • adjective 1 : of different colors; especially : spotted or blotched with black and white *2 : composed of incongruous parts, and the number 9.

I have leftovers from nine different food stuffs sitting patiently by my desk for dinner tonight. I went to the rent's place to enjoy a belated dinner for Easter / the old man's B-day and came out of the deal with a shit-ton of food I neither wanted nor have a place for in my tiny refrigerator, so I made up my mind to eat until I couldn't force anymore. LAst night I went off the deep end and ripped through an entire Raspberry Cheese cake solo. ( It hurt.)

I'm gearing up for another week of work, bank stuff, and a possible date with the Moon-goddess bank manager, figure that one out and you get a prize. If I figure it out I'll give myself the prize.

I haven't had a smoke in 5days, and to tell you the truth I doubt I'll crave a cancer stick until I have a nice frosty cold beer in my hand. I hear that's where you have to draw the line....

I've been away

2009-04-12T20:19:00.002-04:00

It's been awhile since the last post. Nothing has actually resolved itself. I missed Alumni weekend for what I thought was a bit of banking error on my part. I thought I spent too much loot. NO so, some jerkball stole my card information and went on a terror all over the interwebbs buying stuff. I hope for his/her sake it was something good, cuz right now....right now, I no longer enjoy a good peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The bank has no refund for the stolen card information but it's on its way. I had to sign 4 pages of affidavits and mail them back to corporate so they could be mailed to my bank documented and then they could mail then back to corporate who would in turn a refund for the lump sum total in a mailing of their own. ( It's a bank wire-that-shit!) So what's a guy to do when he has 28$ to his name and a 3day weekend? Yup gooooood guess, I bought beer and smokes and had people over to celebrate identity theft. Go! ID Theft !!! YAY! Ripped it up enough to piss off my downstairs moldy (Mr. B). I also slow cooked some food. I didn't think it possible to burn something in a crock pot set on low ( I was wrong) it was a bit charred although still edible 37hrs later when I rememebered I had actually put food in the thing instead of using it as a paperweight.

Back to an exciting week of the same old same old.

I should be out of the dark here pretty soon and back to financially stable. which is a good thing considering that I could possibly be moving to a new pad.

DAMN IT

2009-03-26T16:44:00.002-04:00

BAGGED IT!!! Stupid rent, and stupid bank, and stupid checkbook skillz, and stupid Course 3 math levels, stupid calculator, stupid gas prices, stupid food, stupid Mcduff's and it's cheap ass tasty beverages, stupid me for being stupid.

I'll be at the Oasis all weekend, and the next two weeks. "RAMEN"

2009-03-25T22:27:00.001-04:00

P-dam

2009-03-24T20:08:00.002-04:00

I'm headed to Potsdam for the Annual LPE Alumni Weekend. This may not sound to epic, but you have to look at as thus: The Mansion on The Hill is great no matter what season (havnig spent 8yrs of my life festering in the place I'm biased), the River is a few hundred stumbles away, McDuff's is once again a viable place to imbibe and..... where was I? Oh, the people up there are nothing short of wicked Ahhsome to hangout with. I'll be rollnig from the Albany area to arrive just about 3pm, check into the Clarkson Inn (I'm pretending I'm a grown-up this round), zip on out to the house to make an appearance and then see how many people I can muster to begin the ultimate debauchery for happy hour. Ahhh McDuff's HAppy Hour how I missed thee.

Lace up yer drankin boots youngin's I'm 5x5 in the pipe flying in hot.

Chuck's nightmare

2009-03-19T19:51:00.002-04:00

The only man that can give Chcuk Norris a run for the title

The girls

2009-03-19T17:22:00.004-04:00

I cashed my paycheck today and went to the grocery store to liberate a tasty dinner prior to going away for the weekend. It wasn't that exciting until I was waiting in the checkout line. In front of me was a college aged betty (we'll call her Trisha), wearing what I can only describe as a celebutard track suit. It was pink...velvety and fit. She was an attractive girl, with huge... I mean huge cans. I'm 6'2" and she was 5 and change, I was looking down anyway. They were displayed prominently for the world to see splilling out of the white low cut top she wore to wrangle them. I'm a dude...I was staring no big whoop. Boobs are Boobs and a guy can't help a viewing. Although I guess I was staring a bit too openly, or the fact that I shaved off the Grizzly Adams beard a bit early in the season that made her pay more attention to this guy.( I like to thing of myself as a sexy bitch when I get cleaned up) Before I could pull my gaze from the brestesseses she was gawking at me and mentioned that I was awefully rude. NOT SO,sister.... NOT SO.

I politely informed her that "if she wasn't in the mood to get oggled by dudes while out in public, she should dress in a less openly displayed manner", I sited an example using myself as the subject "I don't go around with my balls hanging half out of my pants in public, should I choose to dress that way, I would only assume that people would be staring at them." I do believe that I would get arrested one can't openly display genitalia in New York State, but the option for women to go topless is still legal...I haven't seen it ever.

She wasn't too upset, and actually gave me a wry little half grin, and big doe eyes when we left the store chatting on the way to our vehicles.

Huh!? The girls were out there for a reason.

And it's WHAT time of year Again?

2009-03-12T18:22:00.004-04:00

I CALL SHENANIGANS!!!!!!!!! Blatent and unruly Shenanigans..........

Just in time for the holiday...brush up on your slang: http://irishslang.net/

Overdrawn

2009-03-03T17:23:00.002-05:00

I have an innate ability to overdraw my bank accounts. An unconscious blood lust for making the bank charge me extra fees for taking too much loot. I've done it at least once each of the last 4months. I have no misconceptions about why I have no savings account to speak of. It's not good, but to tell you the truth I really don't fret about it too much. Most of the time I'm buying groceries and juice up the bill for something tasty. Then I fester as I did for the last month at my place without going out or doing much that requires the money I didn't have when I spent it. I still don't own credit cards which I believe is a very good thing. I have enough debt from student loans...a couple of credit cards would have me fleeing the country under an assumed name.

SO basically it's a fester month for me until the last two weekends, then I head to a reunion, and to meet up with some High School friends which will put me in the red again right out of the gates for next month.

Ebay auction

2009-03-01T23:18:00.002-05:00

....sorry no picture, although I think this guy could sell snow to penguins...

"This is a max wicked sick BMX. It's a Reliance Boomerang and it's done heaps of maximum extreme stunts. I have mostly done stunts on this bike since forever. Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on it and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx. Some details about sickmax BMX: Comes with everything you see including: TOPS AS SUSPENSION REAR FORKS!! 2 x wheels 1 x seat I will even thrown my sick BMXing name for FREE - Wicked Styx. Has minor surface rust on handlebars and front forks (easily removed). More rust on rear forks (as shown in pics). Tyres hold air but are pretty old. Basically, it's an old BMX, but it's radness is still 100% in tact. Tricks I have done on this BMX: Endos - 234. Sick Wheelies - 687. Skids - 143,000. Bunny Hops - 2 (my brother dared me to do them, which I did because I'm Rad to the power of Sick). Flipouts - 28. Basically if you buy this bike you will instantly become a member to every club that was ever invented, worldwide, because you will be awesome. Pick up from Richmond in Melbourne. Throw your hands in the air like you just don't mind."

I want it now, I want that bike so I can be Rad to the power of sick.

The Dinosaur

2009-02-26T18:21:00.002-05:00

I just read an article that the Rockie Mountain News paper is going out of business after 150 yrs of distributing information via print to the masses. It's a bigger entity that the GaZ....ok it was. The thing that struck me as odd was he way they decided to go down. They didn't let their employees know that they were closing their doors. They announced today that the last edition will be tomorrow. That means that the people that work in a similar aspect to which I am currently employed are officially out of a job tonight after they finish the run. It's Thursday... come in and get your personal effects out of the building tomorrow Friday. It seems to me that would be similar to getting whacked in the stones by a cinder block dropped from a crashing airliner just before the damn plane landed on you. Wouldn't it be a bit more decent...like decent human being to at least have given them some prior warning? what could have gone wrong with that? Oh I answered my own question, some of the employees would have looked for another job and possibly found one, thus eliminating the need to pay them while in the process of closing the damn doors....

If that happens to me here, I'll warn the public of the impending mushroom cloud here in the 'Dirt, so you can don sunglasses and look toward the Capital District and see the bright light....

A perfect world

2009-02-25T17:21:00.002-05:00

In a perfect world it would be raining money as I left my apartment next to a stripper riding a unicycle covered in barBque sauce juggling puppies.... it's not a perfect world unfortunately.

Otter Creek Brewing Company

2009-02-22T17:48:00.004-05:00

I'm not even going to go out on a limb here and state the fact that has been my mantra from the weekend. Otter Creek Brewing company makes a lot of delicious beer. Beer that goes with breakfast food, lunch and dinner, beer that goes with sitting on a couch or on the balcony, beer that goes with watching TV or reading a book, beer that can hitch a ride when you take the garbage out, beer that you can enjoy solo or with a friend... and the best part about their fine fine beverages, they come in tons of flavors. Mmmmmm Beer My favorite of the weekend was the "Sphinx" an Egyptian-inspired multigrain ale brewed with Vermont honey and chamomile. Can't wait for the rest to roll into the bev center down the street.

Off day

2009-02-16T17:18:00.002-05:00

I'm having an off day today, I can't place my finger on it.... It's just an off day.

Today's Randomness is brought to you by James Thurber, the word metathesis • \muh-TATH-uh-sis\ • noun 1 a : a change of place or condition: as *b : transposition of two phonemes in a word c : a chemical reaction in which different kinds of molecules exchange parts to form other kinds of molecules, and the number 2.

Holidays Rule

2009-02-12T17:56:00.001-05:00

HUh....

2009-02-10T17:34:00.003-05:00

I've fallen into a lethargic slump as of late. Maybe it's time to restructure my life as it were. Not too much happens in the life of me, and most of the time I fester in solitude. Me thinks I needs a roadtrip, a brewery tour or something to snap me out of it. A lot of folks blame seasonal difective disorder in time such as this yet, in my case it may just be the fact that no sun illuminates my life. I wake in the afternoon, prepare for my day and by the time I'm ready to head out the door "especially this time of year" it's dusk, I go to work, and return home in the dark. Then the cycle repeats itself.

When I have something planned I have no problem getting up when the sun is out, but my plans seem to be far and few between... when the most exciting thing you have planned for yourself in any given week is a trip to the supermarket to pick up some grub it adds up to a sad existance in my book.

I do have the occasional bursts of creativity and love the process of slinging paint, but the spirit never moves me until 3 or 4am.

Maybe I need a change of venue.... yeah that's it, I'm going to start looking for a new place to call home. The Oasis has officially lost its luster for me. I still dig the couch and how it ties the living room together. I'm going to start searching for a place in the country, at least 20minutes outside of the current place, further from the river/moat that keeps crime at bay.

I bet a day job couldn't hurt either... but that another story all together

I can't stand Cheerleaders

2009-02-08T17:50:00.002-05:00

Not the chicks wearing the pleated skirts bouncing around like morons screaming in unison, every guy loves those cheerleaders.

I'm talking about the inevitable left over beers/drinks that are lying around after a party. The ones that "a cheerleader must have had and decided to finish only half of, tee hee, I'll just leave this here and get another." I think my problem stems from college, when a fraternity decides to throw a party it's inevitable that there will be a few cheerleaders around. Some people forget where they placed their beverage, some don't care if they open a new one without finishing, sometimes the beer in hand just get a little too warm and needs to be left somewhere for other to clean it up. It's a disgusting habit and when faced with the eventual clean up it is even more revolting. What's in this can, why is that one spilled on the rug, who's the momo that left the full beer on top of the fishtank sitting on the walkin refridgerator with a cigarette butt stuck in it?

I managed to roll to the Brother's place this past friday and had dinner with the fam, upon returning home I had a spring cleaning moment. I looked at my bar set-up adn decided that all the cheerleaders must go. Anything that was 1/4 of a bottle or less had to be consumed. It only stands to reason, (thanks to the Awrod and his wisdom... when it reaches that point of empty it oxidizes in the bottle and becomes worthless, that's just science.) once the mixers were placed on the coffee table I began the monumental task of getting rid of them. (Disclaimer: If I called or texted you Friday evening into Saturday morning I apologize) The vodka, gin, maker's mark, kalhula, rum, Morgan's, Jack, Jose and the last wee bit of Scotch I had are now gone. I'm not going to lie, I was up until 9am...and it definitely left a mark! Think of when you sleep in in the morning and you get out of bed with a tiny hangover at 10am to begin your day. I did the same thing...only it was tuned to my schedule, I woke at 6pm and decided the day was already wasted, I held the couch down and cursed my ill fated decision.

The good news is that I don't have anymore booze in my place, which makes it that much easier to cut it out of my diet.

I can't stand cheerleaders.

Hello. Meine dizbatcher says zere iz problem mit dein cable?

2009-02-04T23:52:00.005-05:00

Curling pics

2009-02-02T17:41:00.005-05:00

These were the only pics I could salvage from the curling tourney. Camera Phone, and mad pitchers do not the photographer make.

2009-01-29T18:10:00.000-05:00

You have to let it go man, YOU HAVE TO, LET, IT.......GO!

Psyched

2009-01-27T17:51:00.003-05:00

He's wicked psyched for the opportunity to enjoy a sporting event that was more of a necessity to watch on the tube in the great white north. It also doesn't hurt that a couple of freinds are participating in the weekend long event that will hopefully be nothing short of stellar. I'm a fan, and have been since the mid 90's. Curling is a sport I enjoy watching. Baseball bores me, Football isn't my first choice, and basketball or hockey drive me positively mad. I screamed with enthusiasm at the screen when watching the Labatt Brier in college, now I get to see another tourney live in all it's glory. Although it's a bit tough to hear the yiping and wailing of skips bellowing at their teamates to "Sweeeeep HArdddd Woah...hard, let'er be" while situated behind a pane of bullet and temperature dampening glass in the warm room. The club has a CCTV system that gives you an overhead view of the house at the other end of the ice, the bar is within a hop skip and a jump (I'll be focusing on the hop skip and jump while getting libations, cheap ones too) Ponyied (sp) up to the glass is a pub height bar with chairs and stools so that you have a place to rest your weary arms and hold the beverage within close grasp. I'm looking forward to the weekend. The Bonectady team comprised of three Schenecta'dirt players and a Boston transplant have a good chance of winning the whole deal. Gonzo and Toolio are taking the ice and gunning for shot rock. T-minus 3days.

Nothing to see here Move Along

2009-01-26T19:56:00.001-05:00

Foreshadowing

2009-01-21T22:57:00.003-05:00

Foreshadowing
adjective
1. indistinctly prophetic [syn: adumbrative]
noun
1. the act of providing vague advance indications; representing beforehand [syn: prefiguration

I arrived at the office today and noticed that there were 12 new empty chairs. Not suprising because of all the layoffs last week. What I felt as an ominous cloud of foreshadowing..... there were only chairs, the cubicles that once housed said chairs and the unfortunate people let go last week were gone. They dismantled the cubicles and removed them. The editorial department now has a fairly volumous void. If that doesn't say some serious shit is going down pretty soon I don't know does.

Not good with a capital NOT.

Prehistorical nonsense

2009-01-20T17:22:00.002-05:00

I'm riding the dinosaur of print media. A T-Rex steed that has no teeth. I've resigned myself to ride that sucker until it heads to the tar pit. I'm going to sit on the beast until it dies. Be that it in a month, or 6 months, I'm perched to be tall in the saddle and let it do what it needs to do. I'll continue the search for a suitable replacement paycheck in the mean time.

Todays Randomness

2009-01-19T19:08:00.004-05:00

Todays Randomness is brought to you by: Bginning yet another job search for future employment, the word hebetude • \HEB-uh-tood\ • noun: lethargy, dullness, and the number 012009.

I dread searching for a new job, even though I still have my current employ. The future doesn't bode well for the newspaper industry in general and it's only a matter of time until the woes filter down through the ranks and slap me in the face. So I'm sending resumes again and trying to find suitable venues that would need a character like myself on staff. I'm not above washing dishes for a spell or raking dirt for a landscaping crew, but I don't really need nor want to take a step back. Our economy really bites the big one right now and off the 50 jobs listed in the country in Museum Administration most require a Masters. Of which I have none. Not to mention the throngs of newly gradumakated individuals that are adding themselves to the mix as colleges send the monkies on there way out into the real world. 50 jobs and 2000+ new applicants, experience goes pretty far but having an employee that you can mold into your particular company goes just a bit further. We'll see how the search goes.

At least my belt matches my shoes....

where'd who go?

2009-01-18T17:36:00.002-05:00

This weekend could quite possibly be in the top ranks of the "where'd I go" catagory. After Conner and a round of the Dark Knight, scotch, martinis and an infusion of many many different tasty cocktails. I recieved a call from KP she was bored after her shift and decided to roll to the Oasis to chill for a bit. By 4:30 or 5am we had basically made what little carpet that didn't have paint on it a thing of the past. Throwing paint until the sun comes up, twice in one week. Apparently I hit up the cel phone and texted tons of peeps all of which I niether rememeber nor had in my phone to reflect back on. I guess I must have run low on memory and erased them all. Saturday after a lazy wake up in the afternoon I festered on the couch, hit DK Lil Mac-n-Ollie with a quick phone call and then didn't move for 16hrs. It's pretty sad actually, festering solo on a couch watching movies until 6am.

Me thinks it's time to work my way into a relatively normal sleep schedule. Hitting the rack hopefully before 4am. We'll see.

16th

2009-01-15T20:04:00.003-05:00

16 down.... I think I made the cut for the week. Next round of whacks comes in February apparently. Time to gather a little scratch and start really paying attention to the alerts I get from the 7 Museum Job websites I subscribe to.

......AND SCENE.....

[It's pandemonium in the cubicles and Bob Costas is in the fray with a microphone, the camera jostles and rights itself. Goes out of, then back into focus, behind Costas there's a small group of people huddled up and mermering a chant]

Bob: "Were here in the aftermath of todays game, looks like the home team took a brutal beating with the score 16-0. Maybe we can get some feedback from the participants"....

(ShaggyBob blasts through the throng of people maddened wildly doing a hippy dance)

Shaggy: "WOoooooooooooo Yeeeeah, I said WWooooooooooooo M_F'er Yeah, That's what I'm talkin about!"

Bob:
(extends microphone)
"You look like, like you're relieved by the outcome"

Shaggy:
(comes to a complete stop then looms into the camera until his nose touches the lens, retreats again)
"WHUh? OOOH, yeah man.... I'm pretty psyched."
"Over all it was a tough match, but the team came through with flying colors"

Bob: "How can you say that with such a staggering loss?"

Shaggy: "well I tell ya Bob, when a devastating thing like that happens it's good to know that your friends and nightside co-workers have your back, I'm glad that our evening shift is fully intact, Hell man the paper wouldn't make it out to the masses without us!"

Bob: " I see, can you tell me what it was like out there?"

Shaggy:
( bounces back into the hippy dance, twists and stumbles headbutting the side of a cubicle with tremendous force)
"It was really hard Bob, not knowing, but we held it together.... we knew it would be tough and the losses would be huge but we kept the faith and had eachothers back man, we didn't want to lose anyone from the core group"

Bob: "Well, congradulations on the kinda victory then"

Shaggy: "Wooooooooo yeah WTF MAN WTF?"
(Shoots back to the huddle and they begin bouncing in unison chanting something unintelligible, the bouncing and muttering get louder and builds to a crescendo. Shaggy bob flies back to the camera grabbing the sides unseen, begins shaking it).
"I just want to thank everyone on the nightside crew they're the best, man"
(turns to leave and snaps back to attention, points to the ceiling and slowly looks up)
"AND GOD... if the NFL players get help catching a touchdown and thank the man upstairs hell I'm going to do it to, THANK YOU JESUS for letting me pay my bills, respect brother"
(pounds his chest......turns to leave and snaps back to attention, again)
" HI MOM"
(takes a step back flexes/growls incredible hulk style, then heads back to the group)

(KP, Liser, Pat, Bob and Shagz begin bouncing yet again, then abruptly stop and turn back to back as if being circled by an invisible wolfpack, peering and squinting around the floor looking for the suits.)

The Shift Ain't over yet.

..........AND SCENE.........

I feel as if someone will roll in near the end of my shift and say "thanks for working tonight peace, you're outta here." Wouldn't that just frost Satans nuts?

And so It begins....

2009-01-15T01:25:00.004-05:00

Not 15minutes ago an editorial staff member got the axe in the latest round of layoffs here at the GAz. I'm a little more apprehensive now that the rumor mill is no longer rumor and the mill is set to grind some more people down to unemployed flour. Our department hasn't gotten word yet if any of us are on the block, my supervisors are more or less kept in the dark until the last minute. (I can understand that, we're a group that works hard and parties harder when not at the office.) A close knit group of night-dwellers that rock on the paper every night.

Tomorrow may be the day I legally yet, surreptitiously get out of my lease agreement due to unfortunate circumstances, pack up my life again a la 2001 and move across the country to a different state to start anew. Big Sky and Bozeman Montana were the big winners for a year then, perhaps a Wyoming berth is feasable. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. I've kept a list of museums and art centers that I've sent resumes to in the past ( rejected or not) and I can swing 6months of unemployment without making any additions. [I believe I'd have to document 3 "tries" a week to keep the loot flowing]. I'm also not opposed to picking up a few less lucrative positions until I find something suitable. I've worked in some low paying positions and had just as much fun as working at what I love doing. It all depends on perspective.

Then again maybe I'm not the big winner as it were and I'll continue my search for a museum that'll suit me at my leisure. It's just unfortunate that I'm not upwardly as mobile as I used to be. I settled in at the Oasis and have a ton of shit that wouldn't be condusive to packing up and leaving at a moments notice.

Should I be the next to go, my connection to the old INTARWEBB would be severed. I rely on the office comptuers to connect with fam and friends not to mention total friggin strangers. That's what happens when you have jobby jobs that pay just barely above the living wages in an area.... sacrifices. For me, cable and internet access were the first that I nixed. So I may be away for a bit. Rest assured If I disappear from the webbs for a bit that. "I did infact sober up after a minor 24hr bender and will be returning at the earliest possible".

If worse comes to worse does anybody need a couch that ties the room together? I also would need temporary homes for the artworks that are on the walls in the Oasis.

I'll post again asap.

I wouldn't even think about kung-fu cutout kicking someone in da'face.

Weekend Plans

2009-01-14T18:34:00.003-05:00

It's going to be at least a month before the Manifest Boozery once again hits the road toward a hamlet near you. With some minor repairs from dessimating that snowbank at Vinnie Bag O'Donuts' place and the ambiguity of whether or not I may still have a job after the week's end I think I should squirrel away some funding. Once the ducks are in a row, I'll be more than happy to pan fry them and put them on a bed of baby spinach covered in a blueberry and mango salsa. Until then... I'm going to take it easy.

I don't generally follow the New Year Resolution thing for more than a few weeks. I guess that's the normal length of time for a monkey like myself to cave in. This year I've decided that I'm going to do things one at a time. First order of business is to quit smoking, easier said than done of course.( Other than my will power there's nothing keeping me from rollin down the same trail). Then it'll be time to actually get healthy, like healthy food and excersize healthy. We'll see.

SO I think I'll start the Boozery-less savings period by trying to give up the nicotine. Call me Sunday and I'll chew yer damn arm off. It may bee a pretty productively creative weekend whili I'm gnashing away the jitters.

Layofsky

2009-01-13T17:53:00.002-05:00

NO word from my Rushin'Friend Layofsky. Maybe he's just sipping on a shot of Vodka biding his time. The consulate said that he'd be in touch with someone here within the week.

Layoffs, part three.

2009-01-12T22:06:00.002-05:00

Looks like the Company is going to let another round of people go. So says the little bird and the rumor mill.

I'll once again offer my services; in light of the impending storm, as a handyman, poolboy, chef and or all around butler for anyone who may think that free room and board plus a moderate salary [only to cover bills and insurance, the occasional 6pack, and movie addiction] may be worth it. I'm mobile, have attention to detail, and would be willing to do just about anything short of sticking my arm into clogged septic pipes. I'm kid friendly and don't mind pets, I cook, I clean, and I don't make too much of a mess.

Please keep in mind that I tend to be good natured and love having a good time if this fits for you and or anyone you may be able to pawn me off on I would greatly appreciate it.

Respectfully Shagz VonHandyman

Classic Me and Stuff

2009-01-12T17:15:00.004-05:00

Because my life is so enthralling, and I'm into being philosophical, here's a little bit about me that should throw you for a loop when thinking of me in a wholely influential, and perfectly dignified way. "I'm pretty sure I knocked myself out bending down to pick up some crumbs that I mistakenly swept onto the floor in the kitchen". Talk about the awesome power of headbutting a counter. I was cleaning the kitchen after a few days of Bob's Cooking Show...I had let it fester until today just because I could. I KO'd myself. Knocked Right the "F"-out. The only thing I can think, is that I was in a great rush and vehement about getting the crumbled food as fast as possible, the non-moving entity of kitchen counter just happened to get in the way. This should be an occurance that happens infrequently, and indeed I haven't been dumb enough to smash my melon on a counter for quite some time. I am however extremely accident prone so it shouldn't be a complete shock that it happened. At least I can see straight now.

Kitchen Counter 1, ShaggyBob 0.

On a lighter note (used loosely of course) It's not like some ravishingly nubile young lady will be visiting the Oasis anytime soon. {I'm still under Doc's orders to refrain from the farer sex, it'll be year of complete abstinence on this end, around February 12th. I may have to continue for another 6months after that...depending on the outcome of another round of invasive and completely stomach churning tests. I'm hoping biopsies are done and I won't have to watch a dude stitch up my wang again... the "stitches in my dick itch dance" is one that I could completely put in my past} So basically I can leave dishes in the sink and postpone cleaning the Oasis until I see fit. I just have to watch out for the counter it's gunning for me.

what kind of world

2009-01-12T00:26:00.003-05:00

What kind of world are we living in? Seriously, what has become of the world when.....

A Man, can't grab his assult rifle, hop a cab from Hartford CT to Albany NY. and not get into a gun battle with New York State Troopers sustaining numerous bullet holes which put him in ICU? The authorities are still up in the air and trying to piece together information to figure out why the battle happened. Using my skilz as a forensic psychologist, skilz I gleaned from watching crime dramas on TV I can go out on a limb here and offer to shed some pseudo-professional light for them. "This man, that got shot up, took a cab from Hartford CT to Albany NY [the cabfare was projected to be $2100] this man, brought an assult rifle with him in the cab, it stands to reason that this man, wasn't going to look for puppies and rainbows when he arrived in Albany, here's my educated guess as to why the shootout happened. Because the "man" was a "criminal" and by "criminal" I mean deserved to get shot at by State Troopers for taking an assult rifle on a 150mile f*ckin Cab ride whether or not he was actually in search of puppies and rainbows.

While I'm typing away about stupid criminals did you hear the Joke about the Somali Pirates and their 3million dollar airdropped ransom for the oil tanker they pirated? It starts something like this, "a rubber dingy with somali pirates capsized due to the weight of the 3million dollar ransom." If you're badass enough to play pirate, you should at least be smart enough A.) Ask for an amount of money that won't capsize your friggin boat, B.) Get a bigger boat, C.) not be a complete asshat in the first place..

Start off on the right foot

2009-01-08T16:57:00.004-05:00

A little snow, a a little GroundsKeeper Willy, an early wake up, and a blatent threat.

I park the Jeep in a spot away from my sleeping neighbors; owing to the fact that I'm arriving after work at 4am, so that I don't wake them making noise extricating myself from the vehicle. It's close to a snow mound that the grounds crew piles up as more snow falls. Usually I'm up and out to move the Jeep as to not impede their work. This morning they called at 12:15, I was fast asleep with earplugs to deaden the daily noise of doors slamming, showers running, and my neighbors generally going about their early morning. Apparently GroundsKeeper Willy knocked on my door, and called an additional time to wake me to move Kletus. When I returned the call 10minutes later he immediately threatened to tow my Jeep every time it snows from here on out during the winter should I not immediately move my jeep each and everytime they have to plow the lot. No warning, not "hey we're having an issue moving snow on a regular basis due to your vehicle being in the way, could you please be more attentive and help us out." Nope an immediate threat followed by a tiraid that included me not obviously being on the same page as the people that I'm paying to work making their lives more miserable and difficult. I was calm and collected with eye gunk resting firmly in the corner of my eyes until he wouldn't let up. I then found myself telling asshat McGee to drive his ass to my apartment to chat with me in person. I threw on my boots pajama pants and a winter jacket rolled into the lot, hid the switchblade and brass knuckles and waited for him. When he arrived and steamed out of his bucket loader I met him before he reached the ground siting lease articles and mentioning to him that he could honestly and truly go fuck himself. "Written notice, registered mail should he ever have a problem with me or any of my physical posessions for the rest of my time in the complex" Then and only then will I even consider his voice as a noticible noise, and the property manager can file his complaint post haste for the unwarrented threat.

I moved the jeep to a clear spot and thought the interaction concluded, an hour later they were in the lot with a bucket loader, a tractor, and a truck both with a plows. It's no fuckin wonder that the Jeep was in their way. The lot holds 10 cars on a good day. They ended up plowing the Jeep in again.... I couldn't move it due to heavy machinery and motioned for the Groundskeeper to get himself a TRO against me and eat some serious phallus.

I'm pissed.... it doesn't happen often, but I'm Pissed.
I want, I need........

.......There all better

2009-01-07T19:03:00.002-05:00

I'm taking Kleetus to the Dealership on Friday to have some U-joints looked at. Can't wait. I also had the pleasure today of waking to an icy barrage of sleet and snow type stuff. The roads weren't bad, just a bit slushy. Not for me anyway I actually avoided T-boning some yahoo that couldn't stop at a red light. The chimps all come out when the weather changes.

It's tough.

2009-01-07T01:31:00.003-05:00

It's tough to sit at work wondering when the next portion of the paper will arrive for me to do my "professional damage to" and most nights I eat goldfish. Those little yellowish orange bastards take up too much of my time. Every damn one of them gloats and smiles, everyone that gloats and smiles dies a little death.

It's tough to be antzy enough to consider a jog around the frigid parkinglot without pants "Just for something to do".

It's tough to motivate to do pretty much anything other than fall asleep at sunrise snooze the day away and then head back here to ponder goldfish death and pantsless marathons.

Skidmore is still working their decision madness, and I may be out of the loop already I don't know.

Today's Randomness is brought to you by solo red plastic party cups, the word sanction • \SANK-shun\ • verb 1 : to make valid or binding usually by a formal procedure (as ratification) *2 : to give effective or authoritative approval or consent to, and the number 010109.

A New Year

2009-01-05T20:30:00.002-05:00

I can't say as though I remember everything that happened at Vinnie's, and given that I decided to forego sleep until January 2nd I doubt I could explain the pandemonium in a correct way. Mass consumption, champagne, tasty food, a dessimated bank of snow, football, donuts, lots of great conversations and a bunch of cheer. I have pics but I'm still a bit slow in figuring how to get them from device to device/computer at work due to firewalls and the unavailability of RAM Space and or Rom the spaceknight.

That was the beginning of my New Year, followed closely (i.e. while whooping it up) by the news that my Grams passed away. I took flight from Vinnie's in the wee hours of before noon on Sunday to travel back to the 'dirt, suit up and head to G-ville for the Funeral. My Grams hasn't been in the best of health since she hit 98yrs old, but she passed away with loved ones surrounding her and had an out pouring of family and pseudo family / friends in attendance for the services. Rest in Peace Gramma M.

The jeep needs a little work, noticable by the hanging grass, dirt balls and the over all grit covering the interior/exterior. When smashing through snow banks at speed and or doing donuts in a yard giggling uncontrolably one must think before removing any porton of the convertable tops that it will create option for mass flying particles to enter. Oops... still kinda chuckle when I think about it. The first shot was a varitable tsunami of snow, gravel, and detritus flowing over the bumper hood, and windshield straight onto Carter and myself in the front seats. Ahhaahahhhahahaha AGAIN!!!

That's it, oh...and Pinto's belly button does and has infact held a good sized cherry tomato. (shudder)

2009-01-01T10:13:00.002-05:00

Pinto Likes Men

Another Year

2008-12-31T17:18:00.002-05:00

I can't quite say that another year just went down the terlet, but I really didn't accomplish much in 2008. I had the opportunity to celebrate weddings with freinds and family. Made it to many different venues to golf it up in my disdainfully pathetic way. Rocked a few gatherings at the Oasis and around New England. I welcomed a new bio nephew "Tanis", and a new nephew via DK Lil Mac & "Ollie".

Tonight I get to sit at the office while a party rages 1:45min away until I get the green light to hit the road. It'll be a perfect send off to ring in the new one albeit a few hours late when I arrive.

Then the bullshit resolutions rear their ugly heads on the 'morrow. I haven't exactly sat down to contemplate what I may be interested in sacrificing, or doing to better my existance on the planet but there are a few things I have in mind.

So I fester at the office, ready to pick up the slack of my life starting at 1am or 1:30, or 2am, or............

Happy New Year to all. I hope and trust that you'll all be spending the evening with family and friends. Monstu I'll give you a call when the New Year hits the Left Coast.

AMPed

2008-12-30T18:07:00.003-05:00

Sleep is not over-rated.

It's back to normal for this guy. After a few loads of laundry and one more evening of papery goodness tomorrow, it's off to Val and Vinnie's place in CT to be a lazy beast for a few days. I'll be lounging on couches and tending to the ever present pint glass in my hand trying my best to keep'er from hitting the empty point. If I fail in that task the down side is only a slight perfect pour away. There are just too many games to be played and too few hours to take it all in.

ShaggyBob's Manifest Boozery takes flight NYE at 12:30am for the short trek to the homestead basher.

Shaggybob's Dance of holy moronity

2008-12-29T21:56:00.004-05:00

I'm the guy in the corner at the highschool dance making eyes at your date and she wants me more than you. In my head.

Step 1: Give up coffee for a month
Step 1 1/2: Wait an extra day
Step 2: Wake up 5hours prior to your regular wake up time
Step 3: Have 2 cups of coffee
Step 4: travel to DK LilMAc & Ollie's. Hide-n-seek, bounce house, play-dough, and funtimes
Step5: Chillax for hours.
Step 6: Roll to the Parting Glass, eat, drink and be merry. Leave w/ entree' in take out box.
Step 7: Cancel work for an hour
Step 8: Pints
Step 9: Pints
Step 10: Pay tab
Step 11: Next Venue
Step 12: Pints
Step 13: Pints
Step 14: Pints
Step 15: Whiz
Step 16: Cancel Work for another hour
Step 17: Pints
Step 18: Red Bull and 7up
Step 19: Contemplate canceling work for the evening, settle on another hour
Step 20: Red Bull and 7up
Step 21: Say Farewell, stop at Dunkin Donuts and coffee it up
Step 22: Roll to work jittery from redbull and coffee
Step 23: cut self on plate
Step 24: band aide
Step 25: Coffee it up
Step 26: Eat take out from Parting Glass
Step 27: 3 Coffee sludges from vending machine
Step 28: See the matrix
Step 29: ............................... where are my pants?

Todays Randomness

2008-12-28T21:36:00.002-05:00

Today's randomness is brought to you by possibilities, the word videlicet • \vuh-DEH-luh-set\ • adverb : that is to say : namely and the number 8,675,309.

It IS, in fact, possible to put too much garlic and basil on a pasta dish. And I AM, paying for it dearly. Normally I have a goto guy when it comes to making a quick meal. That guy is Stouffer's. They have a multitude of diffferent dishes that can quell the grumbles and, up until this point, seemed to have an exceptable gambit in the realm of taste. I hereby denounce the false avertising and general blah WTF of Stouffers chicken rigitonni basil brick Garlic dump frozen dinner. It may cook in 10minutes for the famished at heart, but I wouldn't wish the overload of garlic and basil on an emaciated african hunting dog that was just ousted from its pack. Letting the poor wretched beast die in the baking savannah to be feasted upon by vultures would be more humane. I'd rather dine on dirty gym socks.

Wound Up

2008-12-28T18:44:00.002-05:00

He's jittery, unfocused, racing...... has no attention span, worries about stuff that shouldn't be bothersome, flighty, missing in action a lot of the time, He's himself and no one can fault him for it. Although when you're running an extensive campaign with a deadline specific time frame, these qualities really aren't that desireable. If it takes 1:15min to tap the mouse three times to change a BW cartoon to a bitmap image which is infinitely more printable given that you're using a flexo printing press... prehaps you may not be in the correct line of work. His name is B rhymes with Phil and I got to work with him the past two evenings, of course given that they aren't my normally scheduled days I was a bit mift that I had to be here anyway. Neurotic man added to my frustration. Not only that but, while he was running around being a space cadet he also had the opportunity to finish up some graphic design projects for Thursday and Friday this coming week. (wouldn't you know it...he left 6 live ads in the stacks untouched, all of which I got to roll into work early today to finish)

Now I'm Jittery, unfocused, racing.........have no attention span, and worry about things that have little or not intrinsic value, trivial shit that can be finished in due time and with minimal effort. I'm heated only because I had to work the weekend and also join the staff here at the Gaz early today. F-that!

"I don't need this kinda abuse from YOU!, I gots thousands of people waiting to abuse me"

2008-12-27T19:24:00.004-05:00

Half way through the holding pattern at the office for the vacation monkeys and only 4 days to go before I get me a day off. Tomorrow Boone is rollin to the Oasis and I'm going to rip a few tini's and choke down some sort of lunchtime food prior to rolling back here for a round of plate make'n/photo tone'n/ad design'n tomfoolery.

-Monday morning off to DK LilMac & Ollie's to meet up with the Curns and fam.
-Tuesday Kletus gets an oil change.
-Wednesday is laundry day in prep for the venture to Vinnie Bag'O Donuts' NYE Bash in CT. ETA 1 or 2am NYE goodtimes.

The Manifest Boozery is bringing boots and pencils. (.....and taking names boys and girls, kicking ass AND taking names) Last one awake gets a dropkick.

Just a friendly reminder

2008-12-25T23:56:00.003-05:00

Lace'em up, and roll.

Boring day in the 'Dirt, Mommy Card or Transformers?

2008-12-25T17:18:00.003-05:00

What is one to do when faced with a boring day flying solo on Christmas, less sleep than normal, and the prospect of working all night on a holiday? Thanks for asking.. I decided today to punish myself by heading to the local Wallyworld to purchase a few items for the NYE Bash and check out the natives redeeming gift cards while generally getting out of control, boisterous, evil and dastardly toward accompanying family members and strangers alike.

I personally don't have any kids (that I know about) and it lightens my heart to see the loving interactions between parent and child in a social setting. When I was a wee lad, a directed whisper in my ear of impending doom should I keep behaving like a monsterous little urchin was enough to calm me down. ( I never liked the fact that a superb beating was at any moment hanging above my head should I act out like a little mutt) But the almost silent grrrrowl that my folks were able to convey was plenty enough to stop me in my tracks. Apparently from my wanderings today, that's not always the case.

A 4yr old boy (I'm guessing) was in the middle of tantrum whilst his mom-dukes was searching for a perfectly scented candle for some home decorative need. Tantrum Boy was literally throwing himself around, hanging off his moms and knocking shit off shelves. [I was watching without even the slightest hint of trying to disguise myself as a shopper, I knew this was going to be classic]. My mind shot back to the old days when I would have acted in such a manner. Unfortunately his moms didn't use any subtlty at all in the matter. Here's a play by play.

~(Son is hanging off mom's pant leg screaming something about transformers, or popcorn, maybe even quantum physics it's basically unintelligible)

~Mom looks sternly at son, not saying a word, slaps the eyebrow off the left side of his dome and pushes the son into the lower shelf of candles spilling solidified wax to roll around the open aisle...

~Son, stunned- slugs mom in the crotchal region and runs away. Mom [ninja like, whip quick] slings a foot out, son Pete Rose's his way to a complete stop. Mom lifts son by invisible magic and levitates him in the air, tries to knock the other eyebrow off.

~Dad approaches, chastizes mom, looks at wailing bawling son, whispers in his ear..... Son => instantaneously placid and well behaved. Dad fakes a shot at Mom's eyebrow. All three motor toward the exit sans candle for home decorative need.

Maybe Dad told his son that if he didn't behave he was going to take away his old lady's Mommy Card? Or perhaps he said that the quantum physics of a transformer made of popcorn was entirely plausable?

I'm glad that my folks were well adjusted and had the voice rather than a heavy open hand. I dig my eyebrows and not having one would really have put a damper on my life growing up.

Self Respecting behaviors

2008-12-24T23:11:00.002-05:00

You may have at one point thought that there are many different levels of self respect. I agree, and there are things that I just won't do, or things that, if I forget to do them then I may have a problem with my self respect.

Should you at this point on a whim think that drinking 2 pints of straight up gin sitting on your couch in your boxer shorts, with one ball hanging out, eating chocolate icecream and SlimJims, while wearing a halloween mask is one of those little things that throw me over the edge you would be completely wrong. I don't have problem with that at all, in fact that's what I'm doing when I get back home from the office tonight..... Just to celebrate the Christmas Holiday.

The thing that got me today was a simple interaction at a local Stewarts Shop, I had just purchased some serious munchy food for the long haul here in the Gaz Tech center and was puttering toward the door to head into work. I was a bit late in motivating today so I was in a bit of a hurry and launched out the door toward the Jeep. While throwing myself headlong toward the vehicle I rushed past a lady on the way in. Well, kinda... In my haste to exit I didn't hold the door for the lady and it basically rapped her between the eyes. When I got to the driver seat I thought back those o few seconds ago and kicked myself in the ass for it. (-1) self respect point for not holding the door.

I guess it's the little things, maybe I'll console myself by spreading chocolate icecream on my eyebrows and making chicken noises until my neighbors wake up. Merry Christmas buck.... buck..... buck, buckaaaaaaaAAAAAAK!

Back to the Grind and uber Grinchful

2008-12-24T18:00:00.005-05:00

Back at work for the extended haul(this time only 9days beginning ...NOW). I'm sitting in the office making the best of my holiday eve. My Super is imbibing some Martoonie for his eventual berth here at the place of biz. I can't blame him.... where else could you have a few toddies and still accomplish making the news happen for the greater capital district. If I wasn't paginating And making plates, I would have tied one on earlier in the afternoon to pre-emptively celebrate the birth of the lil jeebus guy.

Oh yeah, I hope that everyone not in my chair has a great Christmas Eve and eventually a spectacular Christmas day if that's what you choose to participate in tommorrow. If not, Happy Holidays anyway. I hope and trust that you'll all be spending quality time with your family and friends.

After my shift this evening, I'll be sitting down with my buddy Balvenie 17 and having a chat, a three finger salud with one icecube.

2008-12-21T15:27:00.002-05:00

16inches of snow on Kletus means that instead of making the venture to Toga-town to hang with DK LilMac & Ollie. I'm stuck at the funny farm for one more evening. It has just elapsed the 48hr rule for hanging with the folks and the mind is starting to wonder as to how I may be able to leave once it stops snowing for a late night sojourn back to the Oasis. It's kinda like the years I spent working for the Arts Center, living with the fam, pining to get the "F" out of dodge. I love'em and all, but there's only so much before I start to go bat shiat crazy being cooped up with them.

Snow Storm

2008-12-19T16:24:00.002-05:00

Ever want to carry a baseball bat in your vehicle for emergency confrontations? Ever think that a putter would make a great whackin stick? Ever have the opportunity to park your vehicle and walk to the first car of a 10 car line at a traffic light to ask if pole position needs a push or a tow? just to realize that they're a shitbag scared to go at a green light. Returning back ten cars to your own again to see that the damn line hasn't moved? A light dusting of snow was floating from the sky, the traffic signals were working spot-on. (insert sarcasm now=>)Hell it wasn't like we were all waiting for el numero uno, to drive out of the turning lane when the green arrow appeared {the electric device not the comic book hero} We weren't in a white out of sno-globe proportions. His car wasn't busted. I got the same feeling that everyone else had. Eventually I merged into an adjacent lane and flipped him the bird as I passed laying on my horn like it was god's buzzer to end this man's run in the final four of life. Kletus has a wimpy horn, but it sure sounded like a fog horn thanks to the semi behind me, he even took the time to swerve a bit toward Asshat Mc NogasPedal.

That was the beginning of my day at 11am. It only got better from there.

Cousin Kletus

2008-12-16T17:21:00.002-05:00

Kletus is back in my posession. The work took less time than I expected. The service persons that worked on the jeep were more that pleasant when I spoke to them about the eventuality of bringing a flamethrower into their establishment should this clusterf*ck happen again. They've replaced all the fried wires, melted fuses and the computer system complete with upgrades so that the "death stall" (Jeep forum and jeepers who own my model of vehicle have lovingly given it a name) won't occur in the future. I'm glad that Pinto was riding shotgun and I'm also glad that I wasn't in the middle lane of a freeway without the option of rolling to a stop on the shoulder due to lack of steering. Had I been driving 70mph and caught in the stall there would have been no avoiding a possible collision from behind while flatlined in center of the highway.

I've officially seen my "new" vehicle on a flatbed, not once but twice in three days. It brings back fond memories of the Frankensteiner which in its own rite was on a flatbed every 2 or 3 months when and if it wasn't at the shop for some other reason.

The Holiday season is officially not cancelled. I can move toward places of business that will afford me the option of purchasing gifts for my family and friends. Rather than sitting on my couch waiting for the jeep. I'm celebrating the holiday with my family on Saturday and then rolling to Toga on Sunday to wish a Super Stellar Happy B-day to the Lil Mac. Thursday this week is a paycheck received and immediately out the window day for me. Holiday party at the orafice with co-workers and then a quick shot to the north for the fam. I have 6days off until my return to work and will at that point be sitting here at the computer bank until NYE when I make the jaunt to Vinnie Bag O'Donuts' house for a weekend of being a chillin villian.

Service

2008-12-15T18:33:00.002-05:00

I mentioned to the Service personel at the dealership that I was in fact just south of happy. While I was on the phone with the guy; whom seemed rather helpful since his jeep had a similar problem, they dispatched a flatbed to my apartment to retrieve the paperweight. The service guy told me to look out my window for the truck and the driver was already getting the chains ready. That was a pleasant suprise.

After looking at the vehicle (It started just fine when they took it off the wrecker, but shorted out when they got it into the garage) my onboard computer seems to have a glitch, that shorted the "go factor" out of the vehicle proper,and melted it to the roadside somewhere between where I lost power and coasted to a stop. They also said it would be ready to pick up tommorrow afternoon. I trust that about as far as I can throw my jeep.

I thought I had gotten away from the car problems when I said goodbye to the frankensteiner. Perhaps it would have been smarter to pocket the 20G's and drive the old truck into the ground.

I can say that it was a great idea to extend the warranty, a free fix is a free fix

Nerrrr

2008-12-14T18:27:00.003-05:00

My Jeep looks rather stately on the back of a flatbed truck, hitching a ride on a frigid Saturday evening. The 2 1/2hr wait out in the cold for the tow guy to show up was a bit much. I like to take solace in the fact that I am the proud owner of a 2 and a half ton $30,000 fuckin paperweight. I'm going out on a limb here....that's just about awesome. I've made three payments all of which I could take the receipts from and place under a tire so they won't blow away in the wind.

When a dealership sells a customer a particular vehicle, one would assume that while driving down the street that the entire electrical system won't shut down, the steering wheel won't lock up, the engine will not flatline, the starter won't fry, and you won't have to wait in the cold for a grease monkey to bail you out of a jam with flashing yellow lights on.

I'm officially south of happy about the whole situation. Someone is getting lit on Fire, bright and early Monday Morning.

Shaggybob's Dance of holy moronity

2008-12-11T19:54:00.003-05:00

After the last post here's a little update. What should one do after such a great afternoon of dumb? I'm workin' it baby, I'm dancin' tonight!

I'm making plates this evening for the Gaz, a dance that I've done for the last three years. The dance floor is a confined space that limits the movements to a stutter of steps. The choreography involves some 39 different shuffles, steps and turns that are the epitomy of efficient. I stand between two machines, one droning the sounds of the beat behind me and the other baking my junk with ultraviolet light needed to perform the functions of burning negatives onto the plates. Had I done this particular waltz naked for the last three years my bits would be tanned a nice shade of Kalahari brown. It's not the routine that bothers me, rote rehearsal and repetition are good at times. I can loose myself in my own mind and the evening flies by. I've performed the steps no less that 60times already this evening. What's eating at me is this.

While I was changing from my "out in" public clothes to my work duds I noticed a minor hole in the heal of my sock. I wasn't planning on going home tonight with a fare little creature so no harm no foul.( I wouldn't be breaking any first night rules by clothing malcontent). It was just a bit of a hole, nothing to write about. Although throughout my recital this evening I started to border on breaking a rule of life I set for myself when 18. There are 4 rules:

1. Always look good (even if it's a self inflected good)
2. Never wear quitter socks
3. Banana chips go with everything (and they do, damn it)
4. Never grow up until you stop making smiley faces with ketchup and mustard on your hamburgers. (No chance of that happening soon, I'm a friggin artist)

The last repetition of my cyclic maneuvers left a sock screaming to drop, in fact I felt the fabric of sockdom letting go to the powers of the universe, so much so that I now am wearing an ankle gaitor and the bottom portion of my sock is gently and very noticably balled up in the toe of my boot. Borderline quitter, half a quitter, the gaitor is still hugging my calf and not sliding. I imagine it as a modern day version of a Roman Greave. I'm torn. My sock is torn. Theres torning everywhich way from torn.

I could return home to change the malfunction seeing as my round trip commute is only 10 miles (a week). But I'm tempted to just deal, to modify my dance routine to compensate for holy sock ball. It feels kinda weird, but not bad per say. I'm contemplating just brewing sweaty foot and after stewing it for another 7hrs unleash holy hell back at home.

Welcome to my mind, come for the foolish, stay for the idiocy, and leave feeling just a bit retarded.

I'm a maaaaaaaaniac....... maaaaaaaaaaniac on the floor, And I dance like I've never danced before!?

What's Better?

2008-12-11T17:40:00.002-05:00

What's better:

A piece of toast with half melted butter or totally melted butter?

An icecream cone or an icecream sundae?

Bath or Shower?

A plate of Sashimi or a Blackened Tuna-steak?

Miniature Golf or a Round of 18?

Tea or Coffee?

A sit down meeting/luncheon with the entire Ad Services Department at a local restaurant for a free meal and a presentation that basically tells you that you will never be in the running for a contest to design spec ads for the company at a substantial prize per ad ( knowing that you've been relegated to reports and outputting as well as editing the paper as a whole instead of what you'd been hired for), the full page ads raking in $40 per, or the 6 martinis you drink with the night-crew after all the friggin mucky mucks leave said establishment washed down with a few beers?

Me: I'll take the latter in every instance. Hapi THrrrrrrsdeeee evra bodeh! (hic)

Just a thought

2008-12-09T18:13:00.003-05:00

http://www.meltbarandgrilled.com/

Any of you rich engineering types that I know out on yonder intarwebb want to open a fuckin resturaunt. Because I'm not going to lie....a place like this in Boston or the Greater Capital Region / Saratoga Springs NY would make a killing. I know, I know you're asking yourself "who could we possibly get that can cook grilled cheese and sling beers at patrons?" Think a little harder, just a bit harder... there it's easy isn't it, EVERYBODY!

I'm willnig to throw my entire life saving behind just such a business venture, which means that we're already $4.57 on our way. That's a loaf of bread, a spool of goat cheese and a stick of butter already rarin to go.

If only it could happen and then transplant itself to the physical structure of the Rondevous Resturaunt in San Pedro... life would get a bunch sunnier. I'd even forgoe the hotdog cart if a dog /w frisbee were included to sweet'in the deal.

I'm just sayin

Curling Tournament

2008-12-08T17:19:00.002-05:00

This weekend promises to be a healthy diversion from the same old some old. On Friday and Saturday I'll be joined at my place by a few old fraternity mutts and we'll venture to the Schenectady Curling Club to partake in the joyess event. Cheering and imbibing in the company of more than enough strangers and a couple of long time friends that will be participating in the Tourney. Toolio's first draw is Friday at 230pm. I'll catch the game then roll to the Oasis to welcome in the Friday night guests Pinto and Conner, hit happyhour and head back to the club to catch Gonzo and few more games in addition to extracurricular activities. Saturday it looks like Vinny and Z may make the journey to the 'Dirt and I'll chill for the morning and early afternooner waiting for their arrival to again make way to the club to get the cheering squad up and running again. Post Saturdays matches I assume that the drinking boots wil have to be laced up tightly and the debauchery begins in earnest.

It's a welcome change to the never ending cycle of waking at 3pm heading to the office and then bedding down again at 7am. I'm hoping that I can rise early enough to get in a few hours of chillin before the regular day begins. I'm not too sure what should be on the menu at this weekend's edition of Bob's Cookin Show. Something tasty no doubt but I think it'll end up being more of an Iron Chef deal when I finally make it to the supermarket. Empty cart and hungry belly always inspire the best in the realm of what to cook for a bunch of famished drunken asshats. "Whatcha making Shaggybob?" "Chips and Dip, a 10lb Ham, coffee grounds, a pancake to split between ya, and an under cooked bottle of Merlot, now get off my bridge."

Just as a reminder:

PSA

2008-12-07T18:02:00.003-05:00

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Please for the love of god, never, never ever get your stroopwafels caught in a oliebollen. The resulting emotive response is one that you'll never forget. Be warned people stroopwafel and oliebollen!

Bestest invention ever

2008-12-05T19:51:00.003-05:00

Todays Randomness is brought to you by, Wendy's paper pepper take out mini shakers, the word umami • \oo-MAH-mee\ • noun : a taste sensation that is meaty or savory and is produced by several amino acids and nucleotides (as glutamate and aspartate), and the number Pi.

Trainwreck Bitches

Next days off

2008-12-04T17:34:00.002-05:00

The next few days I have off are comnig in a slow and prodigious manner. Given that I know that I'll be in the office until a week from tommorrow. At that point a few mutts are going to be rolling to the 'Dirt for a Curling Tourney at the Schenectady Curling Club. I plan on opening my door to anyone who may be attending the event and or just plain old going to watch grown people slip and slide around on sheets of ice pushing 40lb perfectly shaped rocks. The bar is cheap, and I plan on hitting a few watering holes prior to attending the event proper to get my curling spirit roused. SWEeeeeeeeeeP, HHhhaaaaaarrrhd, Whoooooaa, Let'er be! Shot "%&$#@*&%" Rock.

Tonight at the old orafice I get to play two. That being Paginator/Editor/Online Outputerer and Plate Making Guru. It's usually a two person job, and sometimes during the holiday season... like, say for instance, NOW, it's a three person gig. I'm going to let out an explosive round of sarcasm here, cover your nose. "I can't wait, I'm looking forward to it, seriously."

2008-12-02T17:09:00.000-05:00

Back to it tomorrow. bring on the 10hr days, and no weekends. WOoooooooo!

Whatcha gonna do?

2008-12-01T16:06:00.003-05:00

SO, I was suprised to hear that my schedule was mysteriously changed once again just after Turkey day. I don't have to be at the office again until Wednesday. It basically threw me into a 6 day vacation with no plans and nothing to do. Friday evening Jen A. and Toffee stopped at my place. Saturday I slept until 7pm. Sunday I returned to the parents place and have been festering since. I'll be here until Wednesday Morning when I return to work in Schenecta-dirt. Then it's 10 days of work, 3 off and 10 days of work.

Today it's a resume day.I'm re-tooling my wears to send off to perspective venues with hopes of finding a more stable work environment. I'm safe until Jan 1st. at which point I know there are more lay offs coming and I'm the only one in my department that is available to get the axe unless a supervisor takes the hit. (I seriously doubt that will happen)

I'm still waking up at the grand old early time of 2pm most days...and it really is sucking the life out of me. It's pretty difficult to change your sleeping pattern I'm found.