Congrats to Jenn and Brett

It started with a quick trip to the airport to retrieve Adam [very cool cat], I'm glad that I had the opportunity to meet the man. We arrived at the camp to a meet and greet bar-b-que dinner, 80 people milling arounnd saying hello and catching their bearings. A fabulous bartender werking her ass of with all the thirsty folks. Saturday a wake up and yard games, the Manifest Boozery in full tilt. A wonderful ceremony followed by an extreme example of Reception. Not only was the food amazing but I can't remember a wedding that I've attended (minus the usual riff raff that I know = TEP) that had the atmosphere of this shindig rolling toward zany. It was crazy, Capt'n Insano. It was great to see you again Jordan, be well gorgeous.
I took a page from the Book Of Boonie at one point during the evening after liberal libation and yup.... I did the worm surrounded by clapping dance circle goodness then washed it all down with a dirty martoonie in a pint of haze. It felt strangely cathartic smashing myself into the floor. Just like old times. The wedding party and guests partied well into the night, and after donning a more comfortable attire I found myself sitting by the lake with the sun rising, a misty dew in the air and a fog over the water. Solo reflection of the prior evening and a great outdoorsy relaxation. It was 5am when I finally called it a night. I missed the brunch ( I had expected this all along) but tried my hardest to stir.



After a quick good-bye, I hope and trust that Jenn and Brett are as I type sitting on a beach in Jamaica sipping the all inclusive mai-tai or pina colada and partaking in the herbal offerings of the Island.

I traveled to SGF nd stopped to see the wee man Tanis and my bro/sis. He's gotten a bit bigger and has quite the set of lungs. I was scared to hold the little guy having gotten only a few hour of sleep and I was jittery in that not quite right way of kinda soggy from the previous night. I stayed for a couple of hours adn then hit the road back to the Oasis.

I had expected to grab a bite to eat then fall into the sleep of all sleeps. It wasn't in the cards. After a bit of food I stayed lucidly awake watching movies and reading until 4am.

I've finally realized I hate working nights, I hate being on a schedule that is opposite of all the people I know and love, I hate the fact that I'm never content sleeping prior to 4am. This is going to have to change.

You'll laugh I swear (Maybe NSFW) Click me

G.D.D.S.D.

Sometimes when I wake up in the afternoon I get hungry, somedays I get real hungry. Today is one of those days.
God
Damned
Double
Sub
Day

I started with 2 bowls of some healthy cereal at noon30-ish. After a quite tasty breakfast at the diner down the street complete with short stack and all the necessary forms of pig, chicken, and cow I was still hungry @ 130ish. I snagged a Wendy's Baconator Value Meal (total let down) @ 4 and I was still hungry. I've just now finished one of the two foot long subs made my way from Subway. Double everything on a turkey club, with a double everything on a philly cheese to come. I'm still hungry.

Somedays it's better to think that you wouldn't be willing to eat the ass end out of a dead horse just on principle, others it seems to sound faintly enticing.

Today I've eaten 1/5th of my body weight so far, in food stuffs, not counting the tasty cold beverages that washed it all down.

WTF is that all about?

Outta the Blue

Well, that blindsided me pretty hard. I had no clue. In fact I'm going to rethink my perception of life as I know it. What could I possibly have been thinking to let this slip by me without the slightest inkling. I for one am ashamed to be me for not knowing. There were no telltale signs, no hints, no intimations, I niether imagined nor inferred. I basically dropped the ball on this one folks. Hell I should just call it a night and peace out like a demerol poppin emo-kid. Where and what could I have been thinking to the contrary. For Christ's Sake....... I missed it totally, "did you know that Clay Aiken was gay?" Man O man was I stunned, bewildered and caught off guard.

There's nothing wrong with that, nor the amount of sarcasm you should be smelling from your computer screen at this very moment. Huh, gay.........

Speaking of dinosaur death

I doubt it 's a very good sign when they tell the Union people that their contracts will officially be considered on a yearly basis rather that a 3yr basis. I'm just sayin.....

Anyone need an Uber qualified master of nothing out there?

I have degrees in:
Studio Art
Art History
Museum Studies
Art Education

5yrs experience working as:
Exhibition Coordinator
Registrar
Preparator

3yrs experience working as:
Graphic Artist
Paginator
Pre-Press Production Specialist
Editor

I cook, I clean, I shave whenever it's deemed social necessity. I sleep all day, gave up coffee and am quitting smoking. The cadmium yellow paint has seeped into my skin and periodically I re-enact a scene from Braveheart at the local supermarket.

Layoffs, part Duh.

Let's pretend that I'm an employer and I have to make some cuts to keep an aging dinosaur of a publicatory entity from going the way of the uh, um, the dinosaurs. Let's say the Omnivorous work the night shift, they have to do/eat up any and everything, they do it all, with a tiny staff and trouble shoot with ruthless efficiency. The herbivorous animals work during the day, plodding through the easier non-deadline specific roughage. The Carnavores are upper management. Carnivores don't get extinted, they dictate who is ending their bloodlines and taking the prehistoric dirtnaps.

Would it be safe to assume, that a herd of 14 herbivores should be a better target than a small pack of Omnivores? As an employer I would say yes, but not the beast I work for.

We had our first real night without the people that got eateded tonight. I'll be searching for a job and hopefully by the end of the month I'll be in a different place. If not, I'm going to be quiet, non-confrontational, bury my face in the huge pile of suck, and purchase a red stapler.

It would have been a better choice to axe a daywalker than to take away one of the nightshift. It has basically worked itself into a situation where I can't even use a sick day unless it's a specific day of the week, a Monday, I can no longer get sick other than Mondays, Sundays and Tuesday thru Thurdsday are right out. I can't wait for flu season. It shouldmake for an interesting good time.

Jenn and Brett are getting hitched this Saturday, I can't wait........ The Maiden Voyage of ShaggyBob's Manifest Boozery is only 4 days away.

what do you get when......

Q.
What do you get when you cross insomnia, a handle of Captain Morgans / 12 pack of coke, a frozen DiGiorno pizza, and a Shaggybob.

A. Arrrrrrgh!!!!. A ridiculously drunk mutt talking like a pirate, with a full stomach, falling alseep at 10am on a Sunday. A time when for all intents and purposes he should be waking up to roll to church because God knows the landlubber needs some enlightenment.

or...not.

Layoffs

The place of Biz the Glorious Gaz has just handed out "And don't ever come back" notice to 12 people. Making the grand total of said notices 36 int he last year and a half. I made the cut once again due to my irritable personality, pension for slacking off and my basic malaise while here at the office. Basically in my department there are 3 supervisors and one full time employee now. I don't supervise shit, so I get to be employee for the little game. Next round of layoffs (Sweet Sassy Molassey) I gets to be the go-to guy! WOOOOOooooooo! I'll do my part at that point to re-iterate classic lines from the bible like

....“Yea also, because he transgresseth by wine, he is a proud man, neither keepeth at home, who enlargeth his desire as hell, and is as death, and cannot be satisfied, but gathereth unto him all nations, and heapeth unto him all people: / Shall not all these take up a parable against him, and a taunting proverb against him, and say, Woe to him that increaseth that which is not his! how long? and to him that ladeth himself with thick clay! / Shall they not rise up suddenly that shall bite thee, and awake that shall vex thee, and thou shalt be for booties unto them? / Because thou hast spoiled many nations, all the remnant of the people shall spoil thee; because of men's blood, and for the violence of the land, of the city, and of all that dwell therein.”........

Or maybe I'll just tell them to "It's not going to Suck Itself."

The fulltimer that got smacked is the owner of Spanky's Lounge(10yrs in,=> 2 weeks from being vested in her retirement fundage),the Part-timer that got cut was the lil lady that failed out of beauty school and made the transition to doing exactly what I've been doing for the last three years with my 4 F'in B.A's. I have no faith in my choice of professions at this point, and feel that twitch to start looking once again for a change. (ShaggyBob is my name, 3yr nomad is my game).

If I get laid off in or around the high season in Belize don't expect to ever see me again unless it's on a webcam in San Pedro, on the beach eating an iguana on a stick and drinking a delicious Bellikin Beer.

In any event to cover the now missing peeps I get the larger ending of the baseball bat in the end. END.

Random Office Visits with the Supervisor

It's never a good thing to get called to the principal's office, when you're on the job, it tends to reason that Principal can be translated into Supervisor (whom only is at the office during the night shift to levvy some bad news on one of the nightshift slugs). Not me, a co-worker... they've graciously offered to keep her part-time instead of outright giving her the boot. She's loosing all her benefits, vacation, and seniority, if she decides to stick with the company. Super-bullshit.

I've only had one experience in my life that is similiar, and I took the low road. You may have heard it before but here it goes again. NOT Paraphrased "You can go pack sand in-yer ass". Hence I end up with the company I now work for that is slowly dwindling my night crew to skeletal proportions.

I'm not sure what she'll eventually decide, given that she has until 4pm tommorrow to make up her mind. They let her take the night off to decide..... who the fuck does that? "By the way we're cutting your position to part-time, if you want to continue working here you have to let us know in 24hrs" Her hubby is no doubt a ball of fury right now F-bombing all the mucky mucks here at the office.

So, On my end I'm supportive, and also looking for another job again. Just in case. Making the cut twice in 6months propably means that my number is coming up for the next round. My reasoning....I'm now the only other full-time employee working in the Pre-Press/Graphics Department other than my supervisors. I give me until the new year to sit high and dry then it's anyone's guess.

In the shitter

Thanks to Ike (The Hurricane not Tina's Ex) and Chet from accounting (on wall street not from Weird Science) it looks like we're in for a bit of the old economic rogering. Unforunately gas prices will spike very soon, and continue to stay up there until the election in November, I say this because what oil producing nation wouldn't want to see if our new president has a set of stones (...and that includes our own country since we supply 70% of our oil to ourselves, those money grubbing whores).

What-with-all the gas prices looming and the fall of our economy as we know it. Stock market Schmock market what has that got to do with the money in my pocket? plenty, but I have a feeling that one Good Old American product won't fail, it will continue to strive and be there for you and me ( You and I is way to formal). what could it be you ask...welll, I'll tell ya. Even Chet living on his meager unemployment; which is still probably 5X my salary, waxing his now defunct gas guzzling Maserati will find solace in the fact that a back yard barb-que kicks Fois Gras in the dick.

Hotdogs are here to stay, gas may be expensive, but a package of tubed by-products in all their glory won't be made too expensive by the powers that be. Not in my life time by gum. Weiners, dogs, brats, sausages, ball parks, koshers, white, and reds, polish, german, fuck it..... All the tubed meat we can eat is waiting on the grocery market shelves. It'll never go bad in all it's sleuce floor goodness, packaged for the summer but damn it, toasted in nuclear fall out will do the trick just the same. Mmmmm Hotdogs, greasy, lips and assholes hotdogs.

F*ck Wall Street, and f*ck the Oil Conglomerates. F*ck you, f*ck me, f*ck it all and eat a hotdog. That's how it should be, you don't like mustard on your dog? F@CK Tell that to Chet and Ike, then tell them their pussies for not agreeing with you. I dig mustard, but if you don't that doesn't make you unAmerican. Buy a hotdog at a gas station after you get raped at the pump, it'll make it all better. Even if the dog has been rolling all day, and night, probably for two days and nights the sweatier the better, steal a few ketchup packets and some relish, their prices will surely be affected by the economic crush and you'll feel better by doing it, but not the tubed meat my friend buy a package, a single dog or stop and buy a dog at DirtyNick's hotdog stand. Hotdogs will save this country from it's woes. HOT F@ckin DOGS


**** This message was brought to you by: ShaggyBob's Dog Cart, "Where the Hair is Either on The Bun or in the Sun, Baby Wooooooooooooo!!!"







.....WEINER

Marinating Redux

Another weekend: Meeting up with peeps during the Day Friday, followed by happy hour in the 'Dirt. It's a decent routine that I don't mind in the least. Saturday another round of poker at Spanky's Lounge, followed immediately by popping in a movie at the Oasis and promptly falling asleep, waking only when the cold goodness of beer marinated my crotch. What a waste, not to mention soggy junk. Two Saturdays in a row wiped out to the point of spilling beverages in ones lap. This is a routine/trend I would like to nip in the bud before too many more soaking at the hands of the Saranac Brewery.

This coming weekend promises a more low key time with Spanky's closed for Halloween decoration. They go all out when it comes to two parties a year, Independence Day and Halloween. Perhaps it's time to finally buckle down and start working on the costume for this years shindig, maybe subcosciously I'm spilling the booze on me in preparation fo the costume. If that be the case all I would have to do is change the clothes a bit, and get in a huge brawl out on the town somewhere. we'll have to see about the latter although I'm not getting my hopes up just yet.

I've been asked if I would liek to change my schedule to 4 10hr days a week, and have to put some serious thought into it. I would keep my regular Friday and Saurday off, but would get another day in the mix somewhere around Tuesday or Wednesday. Not the best situation... and I'd never be able to control myself in the extra down time.

Congradulations!!!

Congrats to DK LilMac on the new arrival: Oliver in the house!!!! check out Miss Kristi's Blog for a photo

Laundry

I've spent the better part of my day talking to some greasy dude at the laundr-a-mat and to tell you the truth.... I'm considering never washing my clothes again. Not only was this guy raunchy, matted and motley, but he had a great story of random for every instance that I tried to weasle my way out of the conversation. The massively onesided conversation ran the gambit from Breakfast foods to Computers to failed marriages. I only take one thing away from my experience today and it is this "As long as he was chatting at me, he was unable to pester the rest of the patrons" I doubt very seriously that the three college cheerleaders washing their underwear wouldn't have called the police at first contact with this guy. I even received a demur implied headknod/bow thankyou from one of the little ladies. I don't know his name but he loves his '70 Ford Mustang Convertable which apparently wasn't parked next to his '84 faux wooden sided rusted tan wagon in the parking lot. He's 46 and lives in a housing complex that rented to a 21yr old party animal whom conveniently live directly above him. He calls the cops twice a week and they won't do anything for him. His new wife isn't his biggest fan either.

Next week, when the laundry builds up I'm picking a different day to do the wash in hopes of having a peaceful boring watch the spinning clothes time.

Due to overwhelming requests

Due to an overwhelming amount of requests, and also owing to the fact that not too many people enjoy Art History as much as I do, there's going to be a slight change. Fra Fillipo Lippi has officially been renamed. It's easier, it's HILLAAArrrrious, and I think that overall it'll be more fitting down the road/trail.

Cousin Kletus is the new moniker for the vehicle taking me on ShaggyBob's Manifest Boozery.

I will however be distributing the prize packages to WW, AM, and now JY for coming up with the winning names. Sorry AM, it just couldn't hold, beers and slimjims for nuthin' (try to argue and I'll kick ya in the box and light ya on fire).

So, Dinner on my dime for WW and the fam.
Slimjims and a case of beer for AM with pity
...and also to JY the newly crowned winner.

If by chance you have issue with the changing of rules with regard to the contest, I appologize in advance for not caring. It's my contest and I'm the spoiled brat that gets to make the rules up as I go.

Address information for Roerbt

The thrill of owning a new vehicle is a great thing. Unfortunately the ride is short lived at the Oasis. It happens shortly after purchasing said new ride, it comes in the mail, and in some cases it poses a daunting task of adjustments. I've finally recieved all the necessary paperwork to start my purchasing plan for Fra Fillippo Lippi. Not a single document; which should have been altered at my request via the dealer, has a correct address on it. I officially live in three different towns, apartments and zip codes, the Insurance is attached to a non-existant bank, the payemnts go to yet another bank, the title info is horribly wrong "My name is misspelled." ?!?!? was the dealership collectively smoking crack when they put this shit together? I've since mailed the change of address forms, re-applied for the insurance, have a meeting with the NYS DMV Wednesday and am waiting for the title corrections to arrive when completed.

All I can say is that if it wasn't as much fun to drive, Roerbt would be paying for the Jeep. The bills would make their way to a distant upstate town, only be dropped between two apartment buildings in a rain gutter, and I could just refinance through a third bank with no hassles.

It should all be straightened out by the end of the week, I loves me some drama. Keeps the blood flowin' and gives me a reason to get out of bed before nooner.

Two days

Just got back to the office after a two day stint being a yahoo. Friday evening, I met up with a couple of friends, we decided to put the smackdown on the olde wallets and try on a few watering hoels in the 'Dirt. Pinhead Susan's, Clinton's Ditch, The Grogg Shoppe, and Katie O'Byrnes were the targets. Progressively throughout the night beginning at happyhour the places became a bit more crowded, stuffy, a little louder, and full of chicks with glitter on their faces. College is great, and i can understand the urge to head out on the town with your girlfriends, leave the glitter at home, I don't need you to brush up against me and deposit that spawn of Satan on my clothes. Glitter isn't becoming on a dude. After a fair share of libation we called it quits prior to the ledge/edge and headed our respective ways.

Saturday ON CALL, Spanky's Lounge a converted garage Tiki Bar for an evening of Poker on a camoflaged table. 10bones to get in winner takes all but the entry fee from the second place finisher. I got my ten back. I'm not a great poker player, in fact this was the first time is ever had the big stack, and took my time dwindling everyone elses chips away. I lost finally after a bit of slyness on the part of my opponent and her husband. I was at the point of "I'm bored with this game, we should be done already" when I took a fairly substantial hit chips-wise. I had it covered, and was relinquishing my stacks when Husband (who was counting chips for wife, I think that may be illegal depending on where you're playing) decided to play games and said I didn't give up enough chippage. His wife had aready swept an arm load and he was nit picking about a couple of chips. It flustered me, and I couldn't shake it. It damn neared riled me up a bunch. Way to go Psych-guy...two hands later I was out, paying more attention to chip prob than the cards at hand.

After returning to the Oasis I popped a movie in and opened a beer, apparently poker takes a lot out of you because no more than 15minutes later I woke from a dead sleep sitting on my couch with said beer marinating my crotch. D'oh

And it's time to work again, I believe that I'm only working 5 straight this week, which is a grand change. Laundry, groceries, and a light bar for the jeep are on tap during the week we'll see how far I get with that..

Extension Pedals

....are the next mod for the Jeep just so Lil Mac and rail on the horn and gun the engine when ever she chooses. Vvvvvrooooooom! Beep Jeep

New Edition

There's a new edition to the Funny Farm. He arrived yesturday around 5pm. He's big, he's bad, and he's got the best scapegoat the planet has ever seen when the time comes 20yrs from now. My Nephew T.K. is happy healthy, poopin and fartin, cryin and sleepin. Moms and Popdukes are well, ecstatic, and dreading the day Uncle Bob gets to be a bad influence. My bro is quite the burrito maker. Baby burrito comin'!

Welcome to the world little man!!!!!



Where do I get a hat like that in the correct size? I'd hate to have to steal that thing from him.

And there you have it....

I've received lots of entries for the renaming of my new Beast, and the Booze Cruz. Thank you all for the submissions and to those of you who haven't won a prize don't fret, I'll be making a trip to your area soon and we'll have a few oatsodas. Without further adieu It was a tough choice, but I think with a little time the selections will work their way into my daily jargon.



Honorable mention In no particular order:

Trips Names:
McShaggy's "Wee Nip" Wrangler Round-up
Shaggybob's Not-So-Antique Roadshow
Shaggy's Ass-Numbing Nonstop Hangover
Flight of the Shag Show
Shaggy's Chunderstruck BAC Tour
Shaggy's Mother Jeeping Tour
Shaggy Bob's Frak'in Barhopping Boobfesti-ma'kation
Shagz Von Drank'in Boots in Your Sheets
ShaggyBob's Moving Magical Mystery Vomitorium


As well as Vehicle names:

The Accomodator
Job's Beep
The Urban Desert Dog
C cubed = Commando Case Carrier
North American Scum
Blow Me Where Thee Pants Is
My Other Ride's Your Mom
Stealthy McGee
Blu Monstu
Cousin Kletus


I have to say that someone snuck a goddamn art history reference in there and I couldn't pass up naming my new ride after one of my fav. Renaissance Artists !Kudos!

County Fairs

It's been County Fair season for sometime now and the summer is coming to a close. A number of times on our opinion page there have been letters to the editor that concern the ethical treatment of animals. Most recently an article from a PETA lady that spells out her disdain for the County Fair Pig Races. You know the races that pit little squeeling piglets in a heated race for the always coveted prize of an entire Oreo cookie. She mentioned the stresses of getting said Oreo with the multitude of screaming fans, the smells of cotton candy and deep fried goodness, the laughter, and poorly maintained race track of freshly strewn hay. WTF It's a pig, for all intents and purposes that Oreo is a bigger payoff than the stresses endured. Free roaming feril swine never get to taste of Oreo. And besides... I'm not saying"this lady is a zealot or anything by any means, but I would venture a guess that she's wearing a leather belt or shoes." And further more, these little pigglie wigglies are keeping fit, exercising, learning a valuable lesson in competition and making themselves better in the long run for the olympic gold in my book. If of course you follow my thinking and a gold medal is substituted for Ye Olde North Country Applewood Smoked Bacon $8.59/lb. Mmmmmm Bacon. The lady also mentions that Orangutans get frustrated that they can't build comfortable nests out of branches high up in trees should they live in Zoos. Whether or not she's actually tried to sleep in a bunch of branches; and finds it comfortable firsthand, is still up in the air / or tree if you prefer. That orcas don't get a kick out of flipping through the air a bunch of times a day to be hand fed by the humanthings they've trained so well. Back flip? or chase a school of Freakin fish around? Shamu ain't a retarded whale. PETA lady in Furburger VA. If you cut down a tree instead of hugging it your can cook up some of this.

Labor Day

Happy Labor Day all yoos who have BBQ'ed food in your faces. People who had the parade watchin, beer drank'n-ist hootinanny of a great day. I felt it best to celebrate the Labor Day with, well..... Labor. I'm going to work inside to make sure that you all have excess oxygen outside to do what you need to do with your day off. Enjoy compliments of ShaggyBob.

I'm wearing pants. Hah who's the big winner now?

Aim for the FlatTop

get bent or not get bent that is the question

My work station at the orafice has finally shit the bed. Now I have to guest blog from various other terminals on the floor until I get my own territorial spot back. That right there... yup that sucks. I'm not visciously territorial, I'm not going to naw someones arm off if they sit in my club sandwich cubicle (open faced get it?). I just enjoy having a space to wander to everyday. I don't have a favorite parking space, I don't care which urinal I stand infront of. I could careless about which side of the elevator I stand on. I do enjoy my desk, it has my personal effects, it has notes scattered about, it has a snack drawer. Over the last year there have been 3 part-time employees that seem to all want to share in my deskitude. I basically show up at work and have no work station. It only happens about 15hrs a week now, but it was pushing 25 awhile ago. Now my computer is down. I'm on the verge of getting seriously bent.

Just what the doctor ordered for a 10day stint at the place of biz.

I was contemplating posting the entries for the new names of ShaggyBob's life journey just for comedic value... there are some really hefty, deep, phylisohpical notes that I have to consider. I do have to mention that one of Willem's entries has already gotten the kaibosh. "Shaggybob's White Power Hate Tour" didn't make the cut, it just can't happen. Sorry man, I'm evil, sadistic and lecherous, but I'm not a KKK Chuck sort of guy.(I knew a guy once that I called KKK Chuck it fit him well, not so much me)
=>47minutes elapse=>

Technology can kiss my fuzzy white ass, yup....getting bent

Dialectizer (click me)

It stands to reason that everyone would love to have a translator to uh, switch normal speech in to that of the Swedish Chef (Muppet Style) There's also some other translations available.

I think that everything in the Elmer Fudd traslations is pretty much spot on for Bawston talk. MAssholes : )

Sunday is the cut off

I have it on good authority, after a short ride in the new whip that the ladies will love the jeep.
"Sweet Ride Bob" I for one trust that since Lil Mac said it it's true!

Lots of suggestions flying this way for the contest, keep'em comin'. I'm setting a tentative date for submission close. Throw on the brain caps, and load the inbox until Sunday August 31st.I'll be in the office compiling and making a decision by a week from today. I figure, since I'm working another 12days straight again...It'll give me some time to thinkabout something else.

The hardtop gets installed tommorrow so, I won't feel as anxious driving into the 'Dirt. Something about a softtop and the locals carrying knives just on principle to protect themselves with an errant perpensity for violence and destruction.

The Jeep is awesome to the Awesometh power. I had the top down already for a trip, get decent gas mileage for rolling around in a 4.25ton brick, it tops out at 100mph with the wind at its back. I've been pulled over for having a malfunctioning turn signal, walked toe to toe, touched my nose and left with a warning to get it fixed. (The Officer and a Gentleman's exact words "just bought it and the signal is out...that's assinine, have a good night" (My thought exactly Mr. PoPo) That will be remedied as well tommorrow at the dealership to alieve my full intensions of working my way into a restraining order from the salesguy.

I have photos but can't use my desk or work station to upload them. The blue in the flyer is a bit bright and not true to the vehicle. It's more of a deep dark gray with a minor blue tint. I'll see what I can do to post one or two tommorrow with each of the soft and hardtops.

BAck to work.

What has two thumbs smiles alot and loves (coughs= ahem), er,um driving the new Jeep?

VrrrOooooom!!!!

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

Some day/any day, put on some robes like Jesus, hitchhike to a playground...and swing. Try not to lose your God Damned sandals in the process.

Type A is for "........."

4 dealers, 3 bank twits and a good many offers later I'm ready to get all Cheese & Crackers Postal on the next yahoo that acts like a conniving drill sargent with need for new hottub. I'm bringing my 3wood to the next round of ridiculosity.

I've dealt with Lee, (although it wasn't his fault I looked like I couldn't afford to buy a used Ford Festiva, I dressed down for and looked the part of hobo, complete with a half pony tail disheveled beyond bedhead, and a stain on my shirt). He was Type A+. Here's the break down in terms of Car Salesmen. "Notice prospect eyeing a vehicle: Approach, Greet, Qualify, Qualify, Qualify, Qualify, Test Drive, Qualify, Qualify, Recieve offer, Trial Close, Trial Close, Counter close, Counter Offer, Credit Check, Trial Close, back to manager make him sweat, Stay just out of the realm of reasonable, Trial Close...... Get called an Ass-clown Prospect walks out. NO Hottub, Eat a Dick Lee!

I've dealt with Kenneth, (more respectable now, I brought a clean change of clothes) "Notice prospect eyeing a vehicle: Approach, Greet, Qualify ->Repeat, Offer Test Drive, Qualify, Recieve Offer, Trial Close, Trial Close, Trial Close, Credit Check, Make him sweat, Counter Close, Trial Close, mention something that really gets on someones nerves like "You have shitty credit" verbatim, Get told "peace out". NO Hottub, Sucka Fart Kenneth!

I've dealt with George, (we're in Upstate NY, not NYC) "Step outta line ya get whacked", Notice prospect eyeing a vehicle: Thunder out into the lot and be a close talker, Qualify ->Repeat, Qualify ->Repeat, Get closer you may be hard of hearing or he may just not speak that loud, Recieve Offer, Counter offer with coffee, Get on his good side, Again "ya step out outta line ya get whacked" Trial Close, Credit Check, "Yoos ain't gots de bets credit" See what you can do for Prospect to move the vehicle off the lot, Counter Close, Trial Close, say you'll find a better lender, Get Hand Shake from Prospect and have a smoke with him. KIDDIE Pool, Rock-on Big George, you get the first call back and perhaps some leeway on my end.

.....and.....

I've dealt with Dennis, (Mousy, Veteran, unconventional) Notice prospect eyeing a vehicle: Wait for Prospect to Approach Showroom, Ask how shaggymutt's day is going, Request more info as to why Prospect is looking into a particular vehicle, Qualify, Offer Coffee, Mention Lake St. Catherine Vacation Home 10mi from prospects Hometown (how the fuck did he know I was from Granville NY? This guy's good) Qualify, Get Offer, Counter Offer with incentives, Check Credit [huh, wouldn't you F-in know it, Prospect has great credit] Look at Offer and Requested Extras, "new tires, extended warranty and whatnot", Bring in Manager, Tag-Team Prospect with options to make the purchase work with financial background and history, Offer free stuff to keep Prospect interested, Trial Close, Prospect needs better APR-> work for Prospect & call 24hrs later (tommorrow) with lower APR/monthly payment schedule. HOTTUB, Dennis you sly dog you, I'm ready to throw fuckin money your way for that damn vehicle. MF'in P.I.M.P

And there it is.... I sit and wait, with a Cashiers check by my phone. Dennis and Big George are the two big winners.

I'll be out of the office after this evening until SAT night when hopefully I'll be driving to work in my new whip. Then another 3days off. I'll post the contest flyer Wednesday evening when/if I drive off the lot with the new wheels in the next few days.

1st Choice, Steel Blue
2nd Choice, Maroon /Burg

"I don't have to take this kind of abuse from YOU, I have thosands of people witing to abuse ME"

Apprehensive

I'm having a great day minus sleep again. It was a tossing turning night of restlessness. Not even the cold side of the pillow was working to lull me to sleep. I'm working until 4 and have a scheduled test drive at nooner tommorrow. I know that it seems like I'll be getting enough rest, but that just isn't so. Similiar to different shifts when it comes to working, I also can't force myself to sleep without a few hours to decompress from the days festivities. Imagine coming home from work at dinner time, saying the hell with and heading right to bed...

I will undoubtedly be awake until 6 and then have to make my motley ass look at least presentable enough to stop at the bank and inquire about autoloans. Kelly is rather attractive and I want to feel/look good even though I'm going to borrow money from her. Awkward?! NAh...just a self image thing. The hour trip to the first of what I can only imagine will be 5 stops to test drive and haggle for decent prices immediately following. I'm focused enough to be vague with the sharks on the phone and through email, but I rarely deal with type A personalities well when, well, inperson. I really don't need to put blood in the water the first 5minutes some monkey tries to qualify me for the vehicle. We'll see how the first foray into the abyss of car negotiations goes tommorrow. I'm taking Thursday and Friday off this week to continue the process. Then another short vacation of Sunday, Monday and Tuesday to finish it all off if need be. 6 vehicles all very similiar, within a set price range, and a plethera of different options between them. Maybe I won't pimp myself up, and go the route of scrubby, motley, shaggy hippy grunge dude

Work blows

Yup that was a ripper of a weekend. Huge Bob's Cookin Show on Friday. Laced up the drankin boots real Tight. Martini is a great way to spend the afternoon if I do say so myself. So much so, that breakfast the following morning happens around 4pm. Sorry we didn't make it up DK LilMac. Not that there's anything wrong with breakfast for dinner. I think I'll be doing that more often.

I took the opportunity on Saturday "while I had the extra hands chillin at my place" to purchase an addition for the living room. It's HD, it's LCD, and it's 32" not a huge addition but a vivid and crystal clear one. It was on sale, and I finally got something good out of the old truck instead of pumping money into it.

Back to the grind here at the office and another working weekend on the way. I think it's awesome, shuper shweeeet, that they've laid enough people off so that I have to work tons of OT. 3 people on the payroll that do what I do, and the other two have like 14weeks of Vacation between them. Me... I get 2 weeks, but can never use the days because I'm working for the other guys. There's no reason to take a week day off what the hell would I do with it?

More options for vehicles are making themselves available, and now I'm in the 'go-ahead and pick one already' mood. Hopefully by week's end I'll post the good news.

Happy Hour

Happy Hour at the Oasis: Friday 8-15-08 4pm-4am. Z's Rollin up from Bean-town, Conner is rollin in from the Stockade, Gonzo's rollin in from Work. (It's not overkill, it'll be more happy at 4am, unless your name happens to begin with Mr. and end with Bigley)

"OPEN THIS EVENING"

What F'in Color?

It was indeed High Nooner today when I signed the final papers and took the cash money from the people at Toyota. I was unexplainably sad. I actually sat in the cockpit for an hour before the transfer people showed up to take him away. I couldn't remember any bad stuff and you all know there was some really shitty truck times for me I can tell you. I was daydreaming about sno-tubes, being bogged down with kegs, driving in Noreasters w/zero visability w/o any apprehension, and I gleaned remembered snipits from all the road trips over the last five years. "The FunTruck has officially left the building".

The guy taped a piece of paper to the inside of the windshield that said something to the effect of "Unviable for sale, defunct, busted, broken, dead, do not drive...headed to the (boneyard.............!?. He taped another piece of paper to the hood, it was in blue crayon "#5". He asked if I had all my things and started snapping pics with a digital. I said yes. "Last chance" he casually spoke out loud "we're crushing it at 4" [There was a semi car-carrier in the back lot being loaded with Tacomas that looked like they were torn out of a war zone at the last minute, being loaded up] The Frankensteiner looked Regal comparatively. At 4pm today Frank was turned into a solid hunk of metal the size of a refrigerator.

Have you ever watched the Incredible Hulk. I walked away, off to the east, and never looked back. (( http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=XYRpX0OVnPI&feature=related ))


Now:

What am I?

Silver

Slate Blue

or

Maroon / Burg

The contest flyer is almost complete. I'm waiting for a confirmation from a dealer, and if the first schmo digs real deep and goes with my offer. I'll be posting the Contest rules with a dandy brand spankin new image of myself sitting on the hood of the new vehicle. By Sunday evening. I effectively send the Frankensteiner to the boneyard at high noon tommorrow. I hear faint whistling and music from "the good the bad and the ugly" playing in my head.

If all goes as planned....(A) a quick deposit, a night of letting some cash ruminate and stink up my normally empty cavern of a bank account, then take a bunch out for a cash downpayment. ...If all goes as planned I'll be driving off the lot Friday around Happy Hour in the new whip. Laying on the horn and generally feeling good about myself in all the mid-life crisis glory.

Plan (B), wait til Monday and shark some guy named George out of a loaded to the gills semi-identical vehicle that is a yr old, has 7k mi, and a stereo system the Awrod would here in MD if he chose to turn off his new motorcycle or open his kitchen window. He doesn't ride his motorcycle in his kitchen, I meant that as two separate occasions.

Plan (C), Tuesday take home choice number three, which is identical to choice B, minus the tooth rattling stereo system. Choice C is a ringer. I can have it anytime I want it.

Last but not least Plan (Nin'er) I buy a used car for wicked cheap, pocket XXg's and get a fuckin huge flatscreen LCD TV / cable for the rest of the year, and eat Kobe Beef and truffle icecream off a bunch of Vegas Strippers.

descisions decisions

Jeoparody

"I'll take cheesy porn references gleaned from actual newspaper headlines for 100, Alex"

The answer is "The Russian/Georgian conflict of interests"

What is "Russia Pushes Deeper into Georgia....., Bush urges for immediate cease fire"

WHo's the big winner now??

Thank you

A huge Thank You to Steve and Rachel for a crazy weekend party that was nothing short of awesome. Good food good folks good fun.

There's something to be said about a rippin good time a little DethKlok mixed in. It was great to see you guys again.

I may be onto something

I may be onto something and will have to work on a new graphic post for the upcoming contest season. I'll be sure to size it 8 1/2 x 11 so that you can print it out and mail the entries my way. Just kidding you can email the entries. Cross your fingers and pray for the first choice, I look like a completely badass M-F'er in this whip. Yup, I'd be one sexy bitch I can tell you.

The End of Days

Sitting at my work station 12days into a complete clusterf*ck work stint I'm looking forward to getting out of here. 12hrs can't pass fast enough. We have a little saying here when all the work is finished and we're ready to go. Since it's the nightside it's not a real statement, correct in grammar. It's a simple "whelp" uttered in an exhaustive tone that denotes a feeling of let me the hell out. I WHELPED hard when I was riding the elevator to the 2nd floor today on my way in. Good times.

On an unrelated note, it finally appears to be the last hoorah for the Funtruck. All the paperwork is complete, and I'm waiting for the contact that gives me date and time to sign over the title and send the Frankensteiner to the boneyard. One last weekend roadtrip. ShaggyBob's Funtruck Booze Cruz will be given a new title, and an alternate vehicle will have to be Christened with a new name. This last excursion will have me traveling to CT to visit with Steve & Rachel to celebrate a wedding reception of sorts at their place. It should be good times and a fitting end to the life and times of the Tacoma.

Next weekend Z may make the trek to the 'Dirt for some rowdy ghetto bar crawl brawlin and stabbings. And perhaps drive in the new pig.

I'm almost there (Bill O'Reilly says it best click NSFW)

Ten days into my super work ridiculosity and I'm not even remotely hostile to my co-workers. The editors are another story, well... let's just say that they're "just another grammatically incorrect headline ". That in and of itself is reason to conflagrate. You know they like have to read and stuff, make corrections and, and...well, shit that's it. It would make my job easier to concentrate on the artistic realm of cookie cutter graphics in newspaper media if they had I don't know uh....um...... yeah=> spellcheck. It just hasn't been a good 3days for the monkeys in the cage next door. Maybe they're not getting enough potassium. I mean seriously I don't have time to read each and every word in the paper while piecing it together for final output. But I do catch things like HAEDLINE ARRORS. Kinda makes me want to get a big old handful of steaming poo and throw it at them.
(As he swings from cubicle to cubicle whooping and cackling.)

I just realized that this post sucks. I forgot all the people out there in the world that aren't familiar with my jargon. A headline is the head of a newspaper story or article usually printed in large type and giving the gist of the story or article that follows. They are eye catching attention grabbers that draw you into the dastardly things that the world has to offer. They're big, like the queen in an ant hive.

ShaggyBob's Self Help Hints of the Moment. Don't stop drinking coffee and don't stop smoking cigarettes if you don't want to. Fart in the elevator if you're the only one there - leave a little present, if you feel the need to drop an F-bomb at work eek one out, have a beer with lunch, hit on a barista... what's the worst that can happen hot coffee in the face? Hold a door for someone, or not.... It's lifes little distractions that keep you sane. I should know I had a perfectly decent 3hr conversation with myself today.... outloud.

Knowing is half the battle

Thanks to the efforts of G.I JOE's own Duke and Flint the bridge work can once again continue at Tsavo. The workers are now safe from evils that haunted that place.



Never a dull moment here at ....and other things not-so-holy, come for the ridiculosity, stay for the history lessons. (Feel free to read up on it)

Thanks for the pic Vinnie I think I whizzed in my pants.

(And or all you people out there that don't condone violence of any kind, No Joe's were hurt in the shooting of this image, and you seriously need to stop swatting mosquitoes to be a real animal lover) BbZZZZZZZzzzzzBZzbbBZbbbZBbBZB : P

"Click me" For a D'Oh moment

It's racing season

You know it's racing season in Saratoga when.......

I had been working at this point for 8days straight without any let up at the Gaz. D called and set up a Tee Time for Nooner on Sunday. I left work at 430am Sunday morning, was up by 9 showered ready to start the trip north. A little gas, a couple cups of coffee (I stopped drinking the sludge a month ago. "I saw the Matrix"). I hit the road to what seemed to be rush hour. No big whoop, I made it the 45min drive in just under an hour and a half. We hit the course to cloudy skies and a bit of drizzle. By the third hole we were terenchally blasted with sweet sweet cold rain. We were playing like PGA Pros in the rain and it was awesome. After a bit of the old soaking the sun popped out and the heat index shot up; as well as our scores, as the damp clothes were baked to our skin. We stopped at the turn for some beverages and then finished strong on the back 9. It was a beautiful day, and the course was pretty much devoid of people. Better that the only folks there were behind us so we could play at our own pace. After a fairly fast round of golf it was back to D's for a few relaxing minutes and then I headed back to the 'Dirt for work. I was a bit tired, rundown, but ready to get the evening started. Unfortunately I first had to navigate through Toga again.

Prior to even getting to the interstate I had three cars pull out in front of me. Not separately; mind you, all at once. Two SUVs with Jersey plates stormed into oncoming traffic from the left. ( More specifically ME driving along at a fair clip of 45mph) and a Black Caddy from the right. The SUVs were at a double lane intersection with no turn lane but managed to hold hands and wander ot into the road together. The Caddy pulled out of a driveway missed a head-on collision to the shoulder then snaked left in to my lane with speed. They all converged toward the same spot the size of a dime. They all stopped inches from eachother as I double footed my breaks laid on the horn and fishtailed to a complete stop. Had I been daydreaming I would have taken out three quarter panels and possibly levvied the old air bag upper cut to 7 people including myself. It was obvious from the glares of disgust that I was to fault that they all pulled out in front of me at the same time, while I calmly reached for my Driver. Fortunately it was a split second of road rage. I thought better of getting out of my truck and swinging the club around like a battle axe. I couldn't for the life of me not tailgate the last of the three to putter away from the deadstop, yeah I was honking and weaving a bit, but when we got to the next stop light I was reserved enough to stick half my body out of the driverside window and give him a curtious bow and a hearty thumbs up for his driving ability. I think that the incident would have been alot worse had I plowed into the morons. You see the check is in the mail for the truck and I doubt seriously if they would honor the 150% of retail value in excellent condition if the vehicle was no longer a vehicle but more a piece of modern art.

........ People drive like idiots.

T-minus 4 days until a much needed Vacation to visit with Steve and Rachel

Contrary

Contrary to popular belief, it is not better to spend happy hour sitting in front of a computer bank at work, rather than sitting at a pub enjoying a burger.
Contrary to popular belief, when ones boss asks if you want overtime pay for ruining a weekend an having you spend 12days straight at the office, it is not OK to then change said agreement to 20hrs of regular pay and then top it off with 10hrs of comp time. There's a serious storm brewing in my calm.

Once again, I'm in a position that works me in a utility type aspect. I haven't done any graphic design for the better part of six months. That being said should my paycheck reflect the underhanded bullshit that they're trying to pull by not only screwing me out of a weekend, but also the money to reimburse me. It will once again be time to read on and be attentive to ....and other things not-so-holy; there will be a warning: just enough time for you to don your sunglasses and look toward Schenecta'dirt to catch a mushroom cloud. There will also undoubtedly be some awesome coverage on the local and Nat'l news channels of some crazy fuckin guy wearing only boxers and swimming goggles, standing on the smoldering rooftop waving an American Flag taunting news crews with either A.) his hairy beanbag, or B.) his fuzzy little white ass.

That's all I have to say about that.

Toyota Corporate

They don't fuck around. It takes 3 days for a mailing to get from the Gaz to my place 2 1/2 minutes away. It takes just under 48hrs for the paperwork for a Toyota Recall to travel half the country to arrive at my Apt.

Money (check)

I got word from Toyota Corp that the paperwork is in the mail to get the ball rolling for the recall check. The Frankensteiner is worth a fair amount, it's a healthy piece of machinery thanks to defective steel. That basically means that I've been driving a truck that was costing me $1000/yr to drive minus all the problems that had to be fixed. Now that I think about it.... most of the problems probably stemmed from the fact that the rust was creeping from the frame to the pieces and parts that needed to be replaced.

I let my folks know what I was looking for in a new vehicle and being the calm understanding people that they are went right out and hit up dealers inquiring about deals. There are 5 cardinal rules when searching for a new vehicle that will ultimately screw you in the goatass if you mention them. They were able to effectively nix 6 different dealers from my list of options within the span of 8hrs. They managed to do it in one fell swoop. I love that they're interested in helping, but telling a dealer that someone is going to roll in with a pocket full of loot for a monster downpayment and will have financing through their bank => ready to take the vehicle off the lot, may not be the best way to start a conversation with a sales shark. They poured blood in the water and I don't even have the check yet. There are no negotiations once you take all the guess work out of the salesperson's job. D'oH

Buyer: " Hey I've got money"
Salesperson: "Hhhhmmm, so just how much?"
Buyer: "X amount"
Salesperson: "Riiiight, as luck would have it, we've got a vehicle right over here that is only X+2(3*4)squared, minus the tax title and reg. fees... it's just the ride for you."

I'm now searching in earnest for different dealers in New York that haven't gotten the memo that I'm going to be pseudo-rolling in cash for a week or so.

I'll be in the office for yet another 8 days of working fun so I won't have the option to get out there myself and secure some leads for a new ride. (The New Vehicle & Re-Naming contest for ShaggyBob's Funtruck Booze Cruz Contest is in the works, stay tuned for the Flyer and feel free to put suggestions in the retort section of this blog when it's posted.) Rules and Prizes will be included in the flyer.

Bob's Cookin Show at the Oasis

So today I woke early and decided that I was famished. A market day, nothing spectacularly exciting happened at the market to speak of which; in an of itself, is quite strange for me. [check out that semi-colon, wooooo!] I tend to run into the squirrely and inconsiderate folks that make the supermarket a freak showish funny farm. My checkout person was Hot. I purchased a roaster chicken, shrimp (not that I'm a super fan, just wanted to reaffirm my distaste) and a ton of other additions that make a meal perfect. I spent 4hrs today sweltering in my miniature kitchen slingin food, roasting, baking, frying, and nuking everything I had purchased. The pantry hasn't been stocked, it's full of the same old stuff that I've had for months. (basically boxed items and other things that actually may require milk to cook, that leche just doesn't seem to be available in my fridge. I buy it and it wastes away until I open the door one day, it barks at me and I throw it out.)

This evening I'll be dining with Shrimp Scampi on a bed of sushi rice with vinegar, soy, and wasabi, a garlic and butter infused roasted chicken that I brined for an hour or so, red roasted potato wedges that were lighty battered (tempura?) and rosemary, breaded and fried zucchini with lemon zest, and garlic, as well as a homemade bar-b-que sauce with toothpick of Endorphin Rush mixed in. Add some fresh Naan and I'm Starv'in Marvin and that's how my stomach will assplode. I can't wait to dig in... come ON! 9pm......Get HERE!!!

B-day goodness

Had a great B-day with the fam and the DK LilMac. HAppy 30 Miss Kristi, Happy 31 D and happy belated 33 to this guy. My upcoming work schedule is a bit of a bear so I'll be posting nonsense and whatnots for the better part of the next 14days. I don't think I'll be doing much other than sleeping, eating and working.

Hopefully Bob's Cookin Show will rear its ugly head and I'll post some pics of a new creation. I'm trying to come up with a recipe that isn't too labor intensive that can be made quickly and still tastes like a heavenly mix of meat product and perhaps fruit or nuts. Shaved almonds are always a treat in a hot dish, although I'd like to branch out and some other earthy something or other. I guess there is a farmer in NC that is trying to start a truffle farm. I'm not a truffle guy, but it's good to see that someone in the States would like to try and suppliment the European monopoly. I'd try an American white truffle once, once just once.

And on a different note the pre-press floor at the Gaz has no AC, it's 100 degrees with all the machines pumping out more heat as the evening wears on. It's hot on a good day when the AC is actually kicking out cool air. I can't wait for deadline hours when the machines are up and running to their maximum potential. Luck would have it that I'm the plate guy this evening. I'm in the fray and wearing a wife beater already. If you know me...you know it's not pretty, skeletor is in the house. I've already asked numerous times "which way to the gun show" although it's too hot to illicit a friendly response from anyone. I love this happy horse shit!


I guess you can't see the ultraviolet lights blaring out of these monsters, but you can imagine that it's just hot... The red tops of these plate cleaning machines are hot enough to make an icy cold beverage a luke warm tea. er HOT TEA *Update* I just lost 10lbs and the temp infront of the glass on the machines was measured at 115. Thank you Mr. AC fixer guy with your thermometer and inability to fix the AC. My balls are stuck to my leg.

T-minus

T-minus 10hrs until I take the Frankensteiner to get inspected and possibly to its grave. Although sad, 5yrs has been long enough and it's time to move on. I'll be taking my time on the way to the dealer just to savor the last 37minutes and reflect on just what it was that made the Funtruck such a Goddamn awesome machine. I've spent the better part of the last 5yrs doing weekend trips, one week long bender had the Monstu and I rollin around the New England States to the tune of 1400mi. It's made of spare parts new and old, rusted and stinky, it twitches in right hand turns, the blinker doesn't wink anymore and the AC unit is shot, The tape (yes tape) player never worked and a speaker has been blown since I bought it. I've fixed, replaced, and/or duct taped 67% of the moveable parts at one point or another. 3 mufflers, brake lines, an axle, numerous tires and 6 brake jobs, oxygen sensors, electrical fires, windshield wipers that only work for the passenger. Stained seat covers and a tool box that only carried golfclubs. Tinted windows and a rear view mirror that fell off no less than 10 times. Ok, I'm sad now... it has truly been a fun ride.

Yet.... I still got to where I wanted to be and home again... even if it meant I had to first park the driver-side front wheel in a lake and return home using the E-brake due to pedal malfunction. Drive in a NorEaster for 12hrs, back the 3hr trip from whence I came. I've hit a guard rail at 50mph perpendicular to the road. I've carried 6 kegs and a loaded swamprat of a Boone in the back. It's towed me down a snow covered road at 45 on a sno-tube. The wheel fell off on the highway at speed and the only thing damaged was it's pride and a mudflap (and the wheel of course). I've slept in the cab, in the bed, under it, I've pitched a tent in the back. And now the undercoat is full of rust, it flakes like confetti at a B-day party when hit with a pressure washer. It blasted through a snow drift just like the commercials not on purpose but it was still flat out awesome. It towed more than a few people out of a snowy ditch in the ADK's at prime travelin times like 3 or 4am.

The Frankensteiner, the first truck I've owned that had a remote starter but you had to roll down the windows by hand. I liked it that way, a mish mash of whatever.... it's my truck.







....and then again maybe they'll tell me that the rust isn't a problem. But, I doubt that.......

**UPDATE**
I made it to the inspection, they checked out Frank and there are a bunch of holes rotted through the frame. It's safe to drive according to Nick the Douchiest Douche of the world. (I seriously think he may go to work just to escape his horrendous personal life, but he carries his baggage with a dumptruck to the office) I took that news with a grain of salt (pun?) and have decided to drive Ye Olde Frankensteiner until the corporate headquarters for Toyota contacts me with the paperwork for the recall value. Until that point I'll be searching for a suitable replacement for my boy Frankie. So i get to drive the best damn truck evar for at least a couple more weeks. And the bonus: The guy that inspected the truck found a loose connection wire dangling somewhere in the undercarriage and reconnected my AC. Freebie. Now the music can be played loud enough to suppliment the dashboard fans and drown out the ticks,rattles, dumps, thumps and other crazy noises that I hear when sitting in the cockpit.

Just for Vinnie and Val

Cuz Bailey is wicked small.

Click me for some (NSFW) Humor

Military Laugh

I made a Lt. Commander in the 107th Stratton Air National Guard Wing almost laugh himself out of his fatigues today.....

After a great weekend, visiting the bro and sis, an evening with DK Lil Mac, Waldo and P. Lunde and his fam I made the jaunt back to work this afternoon in just enough time to wash myself and then hit up the local Subway for some dinner. The sweaty dude that drips in the food is no longer on the payroll there so, I'm not at all skeeved by ordering.

I was second in line behind a college student that was pretty well in the bag, and behind me was the Lt. Commander.... The college dude was slurring a bit, couldn't stand still and was in the basic mumbling stuttering prick mode that I tend to get into when powering through the old Oatsodas with reckless abandon. The 20 something turned and looked at me, did a double take and then opened his pie hole. ( I had just gotten out of the shower and hadn't felt like fighting with the mop, it was out in force) "You gonna get the veggie sub hippy?" Normally I don't take offense to such things, rarely do I acknowledge the statement or who is saying it, much less care about the fact that they're blatently using up my oxygen. This particular day that wasn't the case. Before I could help it I spit out a retort to his uncanny observation of my person. "Why no I like animals because they taste good, oh and by the way, 1981 called.... popped collars are still ghey" The Air Force guy just about pissed himself and we had a great little chat at the college monkey's expense the entire time he was waiting for his sub. He thought about responding and then lowered his head like a dog that lost it's ball under a couch.

That's my story and I'm stickin to it.

Thoughts in my head for you this weekend

Looks to me that a few things can be gleaned from this image.
A.) The Cathlo-Aboriginal coalition could take over the world despite Ayers Rock and Jesus Christ having little in common other than the fact that they are both inanimate objects at this point.

2.) The Pope rockin a mop is pretty damn cool, it makes him look less like the Emperor.

Lastly.) If you look at the headline accompaniment, Perhaps that isn't a normal Papal Vestage he's got wrapped around his neck. And there by we can deduce: we may have finally found the super secret identity of Captain Obvious.

I'm just sayin.....

Survey: How did this Toad Meet it's maker?

A.

B.

C.

D.

The choices are:
A.) A handgun
B.) A Pong Table
C.) A Driver
or
D.) A Hockey Ass

As easy as 1,2,3

When it's hot enough to:

........fry an egg?
And you're hanging out with:

.........Vinni Bag O' Donuts, TandyMan and the Crew
You're bound to end up:

..........Tossing a Barrel during the First Annual Twilight Keg Toss Competition.

Long day..long night, as it is periodically in the hurry up and wait realm of Newspaper work. If there happens to be breaking news about, we hurry up and wait for it. Right now and for the next 3hrs I'll be waiting for a baseball score. Not the score persay, but more along the lines of what I have to do after the score so that you all can read about in the paper, or online if you subscribe to the pay portion of our little rag. Don't worry, you can read the story in its entirety on the free site too. I just get to section stuff out so that you can click a mouse and make it look like you're flipping through the pages of a real life virtual newspaper (if that makes any sense). separating and linking stories, labeling things and whatnot. It would be easier to just watch sports center.

I guess when you look at it, burning a Vacation day, and a sick day will get you a few good things. Needed rest, a paycheck sooner in the work week than normal and a shortened work week to boot. And now, owing to the fact that I do at sometimes work 14 or so days without a break. After the burn of two days I have to find time to waste just under 3 more weeks before January. The wedding season is coming up a bit later this year than for the past few. Peeps are getting hitched in late September and October. SO now I have to think about using the rest of the sick/personal/vacation/comp days after the subtraction of 3, of course. 3 will be the number of counting, not 5 nor 2 the number shall be 3. once that 3 have been subtracted I will no longer be able to use those 3. 3.

If you've ever worked in a deadline specific environment you know what I'm saying/inferring when "the pressmen are being vultures" They have deadlines as well, and so do the rural/commercial delivery people. There's one sports guy busting a nut in the adjoining cubicle factory, three of us here in the pre-press, and 20 press guys that already have the presses up and running. Would it be correct to assume that whomever were interested in such a barnburner of a baseball game would be up watching it? And if so, why not make that shit happen and replate it for the morning papers as the updates come in. SO, 20,000 people get the un-updated version of the sports news. Because the sport's monkey is rubbing one out, the print version of mr. home subscriber's paper won't be there on time in the morning and he'll watch sports center then call the Gaz bitching that his morning paper didn't arrive on time. It all starts a slide in the chain of who gets what and who gets it after. Ah F-it, I could use a few more comp hours. What else would I be doing at 4am anyway?

If you dig the sports that's cool, if you don't give a rats ass, you want the rest of the news in a timely fashion. I'm just saying... "I guess I should get a different job, it's nights like these that I remember the really really funny parts in Office Space, things about red Schtaplers"

After a weekend away and a sickness that lasted a good 24hrs of death, I'm back at work. I've never been one to promote sleep, but if you can manage to sleep for 24hrs straight... I recommend it. It's just what the body needs to get back in the green. It's not the few libations I had, nor is it the lack of sleep...it could have been the minial food intake, more my fault than the buffets that were available. Or perhaps it the was the perfect storm of them in totality. I'll post some pics of what Miss Kate would deem Idiocy (it's a proper term) tommorrow or Thursday.

I'm traveling this weekend to the North to hopefully meet up with the Bro and Sis inlaw. They gots a baby on the way and I gots a nice little functional suprise that should be just what the doctor ordered to make life a little easier. Then on to Togatown for a little meet up with my B-day Partners in crime. Miss Kristi joins the ranks of the officially not old but moving that way in a slow and positive manner 3.0. Nothing like sitting in the sun hanging out with good company to make the world go 'round.

Congrats to B.Ricks and Mary...they're tying the knot in late October

Iraq, IRAN, Afganistan

The other day Iran announced that they had test fired missiles during an exercise that could deter aggression from The Isreal and The Americans. They also mentioned in the past few weeks that they are digging up to 320,000 graves so that agressors can be layed to rest according to religious belief should they "invade" their country. The US has moved another Carrier Group into the Persian Gulf... Something tells me that the Iranian Navy better not paddle up to these ships and shoot off AK warning shots. Not only that, but... images released have filtered out to the media showing Iran's Might. Step off Georgie Bush, these guys can photoshop the Navy right out from under the Americans. Dun Dun Duh!!!!




I could have done better disguising that shiite, and also could have added myself in the image. I'm not promoting a war on three fronts even if it would connect the three X's and win the game of tic-tac-toe in the Mideast. What actually scares me is that Iran's main military force, is an aging bit of inferior goodness. I'm willing to bet a few bombing runs and a volley from US armour would vaporize them. It's sad. The main battle tank in the US inventory out fires the Iranian counter part by 4 miles. Have you ever played the game Beirut/Beer-Pong? Imagine playing on a table that is shorter in your favor allowing you to lean over and drop the quarter/ ping pong ball into the cup. The Opposing team in the skewed match would have to throw the ball/quarter toward your cups which conveniently move just out of reach prior to each throw falling way short.

I hope our country focuses more on homeland problems than getting into a fist fight with a migit. We don't need it, I don't want not me.

I'm guessing that we probably have until Halloween, or the 1st of November to find out what the current Gov't is really thinking. The the Monkey wipes his hands and retires to Former Pres Bush

pillow talk

Yeah, so after three days of being miserable and restless, I got hit in the face by my pillow last night and it didn't want to let go. It hit me hard enough to register a TKO and my glass jaw spent the last 16hrs in a Coma. I'm willing to bet it had something to do with the weather. Last night was balmy and cool and didn't top the 90's it was 68 degrees in my place and I'm thinking that that could be the ideal Shaggybob resting temp. The triple shades staved off the sun for the duration of my day and the crypt was good.

Sleeplessness

I had yet another night of sleeplessness last night. Muggy hot intensity in my apt. even the AC didn't help. It was so hot and stagnant that I had trouble forcing myself to breathe, felt like a cinder block was resting on my chest. I'm now two days into a tossing and turning restlessness that I can get out of. I don't know why, but it's not all that great. I actually closed my eyes to concentrate on getting some sleep at 11am this morning, 15hrs later... no sleep yet. I'm going to try to hit the hay in about 30min. Wish me luck.

Kevlar Underoos

Once again the fine upstanding young citizens of our glorious city have shined through in all their glory. Thanks to a wonderfully rich and diverse bit of culture, a bit of booze and someone who thought they heard some fireworks being discharged inside an adjoining apartment (Not mine, just over the river) we reached our 5th death by homicidal shotgun blast of the year. Please join me in celebrating (yaaaaaaay, and there was much rejoicing). Last night around 9pm, while I sat here in the funk that is work on any average Sunday evening, just across town a couple of thugs decided that an arguement at a backyard BarB-Que wasn't quite kosher so they escalated into "pushing and shoving" and "name calling" which leads...obviously to pulling out a shotgun and blasting your guest, pseudo-guest, some random dude that you allowed to have food with you, in dah face. KaBLAMMmmm!!! And the neighbors thought illegal fireworks were going off. Until, of course, they saw neighboring party goers scattering like cockroaches into the street and beyond.

The assailant is at large, and by the looks of the previous mug shots you may want to drive your "car" to the other side of the road while driving past him., should he be on the same side of the road you are traveling on. It's easily one of the scariest looking human beings I have ever seen. (<=inserts IT for HE with reason).

SO, today the cops were of course profiling and any and all motorists that even came close to matching the description were hampered on their daily commute by Police, Sheriff, and NSA agents. The opinion page will be crawling with scathing opression stories, and unhappy city-folk that can't understand why, that, if they look like a dreaded 6'8" 400lb black man with an angry disposition and a bit of a bulldog-ish underbite they got pulled over for no good reason other than police harrassment. "I hope Dr. Chim Richalds weighs in on this one." He hears the pulse of the city. I myself didn't get pulled over, I think it may be that I have a bit of an overbite. It's Hot in the Schenecta'Dirt, jungle hot.

==>Anna: When I was little, we found a man. He looked like - like, butchered. The old woman in the village crossed themselves... and whispered crazy things, strange things. "El Diablo cazador de hombres." Only in the hottest years this happens. And this year, it grows hot. We begin finding our men. We found them sometimes without their skins... and sometimes much, much worse. "El cazador trofeo de los hombres" means the demon who makes trophies of men.<==



Then again, luckily for me such crime never crosses running water, the Oasis is located across the abyss from the 'Dirt, and the last person that got pulled over...over here, recieved a DWI, on his lawn tractor. We dun got John Deeres on dis side o' da ssippi, uz cen keep that thar riff raff ova yondah.

Wow, Sailing the Seas of Cheese with Tom Waits and Primus: Tommy the Cat

Spanky's lounge

The Independence Day celebration at Spanky's Lounge was once again a huge extravaganza. Although I did forget a small portion of my evening, hoping that I wasn't too out of control. When partaking in cocktails that are fruity and come from a blender it would behoove you to drink slowly, and infrequently. They had a delicious concoction called Bongwater that had a strange sedimentary gray look to it. It tasted like nothing I've ever had before with a slight after taste that made you want more immediately. That's where the problem came in, I have no kill switch for teeth hurting sugary fruity cocktails. I was fine imbibing coronas for the better part of the 8hrs at the lounge. After the marvelous jaw rattling fireworks display I had that one last drink before slurring my way to a car for the ride home. What time did I go home? I don't know, who drove the car? I don't know. I do know that once back at my place I dessimated an entire pizza and shot some random text messages and made a few phone calls. It happened to be around 1am, so I must have gotten back just prior to that, me thinks. (My powers of deductive reasoning are amazing, I know. Try not to fault me on that one).

So here I am back at work, doing the mundane GAz work, trying to figure out exactly when or where my 1 lost hour last night went. NO harm no foul I guess, as long as I didn't do something completely idiotic. It'll take a few days for the real story to emerge I'm sure. It always does.

Happy Independence Day (click)

Just in time for the holidays (click Me)

Exclusively not through "...and other things not-so-holy", frankly just a tad odd, although completely alluring....Clothing for sale online. Get your very own lemming suit. They're itchy, sin-less, non-revealing, and tested to make the best of your shot at heaven. Buy a single article and or get 10 depending on your marital status.


*** I kid, I joke, I'm not out to defame religion here at "....and other things not-so-holy" I'm a lemming that dresses in cargo shorts and moosejaw tees- I wear my designer spectacles and drink from the bottled rivers in hell. I shall not be smited... or something even worse....SIN.

You dig the life style, good for you go with it! Share and share alike.

Part of me, just part of me thinks that the fundamental outer clothing is nothing but a tarp, covering for the slinky thigh high black vinyl stelettos, the chokers, feathers, and riding crops. It's a fundamentalist disco party under there. Yoooooooo shakka shakka khan!

Your AP moment of the day

Apparently the Chinese Terror Police are practicing the art of mobile death dealing for any and all people that step outta line at the Olympics.

Whoa there crouching TIGER, step back behind the ropes and wait like everyone else to get into the venue. That sound you hear is the practically silent electric hum of a heavy fisted ass kickin. Pure Gut laugh stopping power. Pray that the hooligans don't get loose. Check it out, Lieutenant Wu doesn't even need his F-in goggles and he's rocking a handgun. respect

Beer bottles and beer cans

Recycling, it's fun, it's healthy, it's something everyone should do. I have a large collection of empty beer containers at my apartment. They were hidden away in my living room walk-in closet. They've been piling up since the first triumphant celebratory beer after my successful move into the Oasis. There have been a few larger gatherings, and a number of evenings that a few people joined me for a couple beverages, and or, the occasional beverage with a nice dinner... every nice dinner I cook to celebrate a fine dining experience. I collected them and moved them to a place that will be easier to get them out and down the stairs to my truck and on their way to the Bev. Center to pick-up the return. They've now been sittng there for about three weeks, my closest non-mathematically influenced head count will be bringing a supplimentary 30bones to my wallet. A rough guesstimate, owing to the fact that I know I've cut way back since the college days of rifling through a case of beer and then walking downtown, is that I consume one tasty dark beer a day.

Since I haven't been regularly returning them, my problem is that I have to take a stack of cans and bottles back that equal my height as well as the length of one of my living room walls. I'm apprehensive to be doing this only because the moldies in my building will be home for the day and undoubtedly peering out their windows for the Uber Drunk Mutt filling the bed of his truck (twice) taking back alcoholic beverage containers. I'd hate to be selfconscous whilst chatting with them when I project the thought into their melon that they're thinking what a slob he is. ( I am a slob yes, but a conscious one that isn't loud and raucous, that doesn't thunder stomp on their heads in drunken dance of William Golding proportions)

I keep putting it off, tommorrow is the day.

Halloween Costume

It's the time of year once again to brainstorm and come up with a workable Halloween Costume. This year, for the 4th Annual Spanky's Lounge Halloween Party. I have a few ideas, all of which should keep me in the running for the best/funniest costume prize. Last year I won a scented candle (I was more than ecstatic at the thought of having another candle to add to my huUUGE collection.)

At this time I have thoughts of reworking a blast from the past costume Willy Wonka, not the Depp version the Wilder version Snozzzberry.

And then a more indepth costume that would involve wigs, a bunch of robes, comfortable fightin clothes and a new found appreciation for Kung-Fu mastery or at least a bit of ninja type fakery. Hhhhmmmm Drunken Master? yeah.... Uuuun Gah Doo HAh.
Lastly there is the costume that I've been trying to piece together for the better part of 5yrs to no avail. Something that would be fun to wear any random night to a saloon, bar, tavern, alehouse, or pub.

At least I have some time to make the decision. Heck, If I've decided to grow up and stop making smiley faces on my hamburgers with ketchup and mustard, at least I'll be be a kid and dress up for Halloween.