The Little Blue Book of Sales

When I worked selling art at the Arts Center in Manchester, I quickly learned how to make an effective sales pitch. I also used a number of formulas to get the ball rolling. After a few months I noticed that it was easier if you followed the rules of the book that is titled above. It's a great read and gives insight into the way people look at you when they are trying to reel you in. It breaks down the basic principles of snake-oil salesman into human terms. To my knowledge there aren't any Car Sales persons that are anything but Type-A personalities, whom view you as anything but commission $$$. If they would step out of that mold I bet by refferals alone it would have them buying a huge house in a failing market. (depending on the Snake-oil sales person on that end).
Art is a tricky thing to sell, it's so Objective that there really isn't a pitch that works without first getting to know the person. They'll love it or hate it....won't be able to explain their reactions and will obviously haggle for a lower price. Car people are different in that they seem to not care, but god damn it...they're going to be your best freind whether you like it or not. example

Write to an email to a dealer, you'll get an automated response within I'd say 15.4seconds.
A follow up email will include a quasi-personal hello from a Sales Person with the disclaimer "please disregard if you have spoken or contacted another sales representative" (They don't want to step on eachothers toes you see, just yours until you say uncle)

I responded to the second email: Formally using Mr. so-and-so, ending with respectfully, letting him know very little about myself other than the fact that I have an old truck and that it has been recalled (inspection on the 24th). I added that I like to golf and wanted to get up and rolling again asap.

"Mike" and I are now playing in an imaginary round of golf, he's chatting away about the best clubs out there. I'm standing at the tee box thinking this guy must be able to crush a drive 4,000yds his balls are so big. No fewer that 6 Times in his short email response to my response, he reffered to me as Rob. (If you know me, that ain't the case...I don't go by ShaggyROB, it doesn't sound right and I dislike it) SO Mike and I are in the bantering stage of sales where he already ascerted the Type A bullshit "Get to know your victim" Stockholm him. He's goign to be more willing to buy from a buddy than a business professional.

I'm getting amped...really amped to meet this guy, my plan of attack with my new buddy is this. Type A doesn't work with me, get the cute little hot chick that introduced us... the one with the clipboard just pointing people in the right direction. She isn't Type A, or she fakes the hell out of it.

The Sales Person will get 5minutes alotted for runs to his Manager.

It's another ploy, "let me talk to my manager" they go into the back and let you fester, maybe they're cupping eachothers 4,000yd balls. Then he returns with the standard not quite higher than WTF offer to have you counter offer, back to manager for teabagging, return with ridiculous offer and so on and so forth until you get sick of the shit and say ok, I'm in for that inflated price because I just had 6 cups of coffee waiting here for the last 1 1/2hrs and I have to whizz.

Sales monkeys get 5minutes Total with me. if he's gone for 2min... he has 3 left for the rest of his song and dance. At 5minutes I get up and walk out, or request that they get someone that can make a decision on their own. MAnagers will give them a bottomline to negotiate around. They have that on a clip board before you even get there. "Sell that free toaster oven as well" Cuz every new vehicle should have a new toaster oven in it. Keep the unnecessary extra over the top $3,000 but give them a $15 toaster oven. mmmmmm I like Toast.

I'm looking forward to the process and will be taking a copy of the blue book with me. When they start using their 5minutes I'll scan a chapter or two. Then give them the highlights when they get back. A+ fucktard you're times up."No sale for U" "Sorry you wasted your time on me wasting your time on others...less money in the pocket today eh? chief"

Addendum: Just recieved another email from Mike, his time frame for a "super sale" is within the next two weeks. MY friend Mike, who calls me Rob is a Sales Pitching GOD. although he forgot one little thing (the inspection is 4 weeks away) Type A $$$Rob would not have his cash recall money until at least the 24th.