Fudge Screams Holiday for me so I mentioned that I would bring some fudge to cap off a decent pick and choose platter snack food dinner of extreme proportions. I didn't want to buy the Fudge( It's not a cost thing, I felt homemade was the way to go). SO I went to the store and bought the wonderous Fluff, it had a recipe on the back for perfect Fudge. I gathered the ingredients and set to making this delicious treat, my teeth were hurting just thinking about it.
The First Batch: Utter horridness, something went wrong in the creation process and I ended up with an indescribable mess. No worries, it was my first attempt at making the stuff, It was fudgy, gritty, and not too aesthetically pleasing.
I returned to the store and picked up ingredients for more. This time I put my trust in a chef from the food network, Rachel Ray. 5-minute Fudge....sounds simple enough. So I set to work making Fudge that had the term Yummers attached to it. (I doubt I will ever use the phrase Yummers unless I get another dog and decided to follow an old Fraternity Brothers advice = Lasron, " If Marley would say can I have a bite of your hamburger in English, I'd give her the whole thing" ""YUMMERS"")
The Second Batch: It turns out that only 5 minutes into making the 5-minute fudge I realized that this Food network Bird and myself have no psychic link and "her" Fudge doesn't look like excrement; unlike mine... I might have missed one of the few ingredients or steps involved...but there weren't many and I was concentrating real hard to make it the correct way. Disaster plain and simple.
I don't consider myself the best cook in the world, but I can hold my own in a kitchen. I went to the store to purchase more supplies and was ready to get into the trenches and give this damned : ( Holiday goodness the what for.... when I passed by a display.
The Third Batch: Perfect Fudge, I made ( it to the checkout line) peanut butter white chocolate fudge, plain fudge and, rocky road fudge.. it cost the same amount as the ingredients from the previous flops. I now know where my limits rest with regard to Holiday sweets.
I'm gaining spirit now, ( it might hve to do with the approaching weekend) I even got a decorative Holiday Platter to arrange the Fudge on and haven't touched it yet, dispite my urge to taste the creative store bought genius.
As I was leaving the store, a woman and her child were having an arguement (see Miss Kate's, "If You Don't Write to Santa, the Terrorists Win" post) The child was mumbling I don't know what, but apparently his mother understood just fine. They had just passed the autodoors and the kid walked away from Mom headed in my direction. This type of action apparently has severe consequences for little boys when mothers realize what's going down. Mom, saying in broken words and incomplete sentences alluded to the fact that the boy should return to her side, or suffer the consequences. What are those consequences you ask? "Get back here right now {mom grabs child's arm and wrenches it over his head dragging him toward the shit-beater car idling with Dad in it} "If you don't behave I'm canceling F@cking Christmas" Child {perplexed look, bursts into tears} I'm not too sure if the child burst into tears because A.) his arm was torqued into a very akward position above his head cutting off circulation to his extremities. B.) His mom said she was canceling a Holiday full of Gifts and presents and love and joy. or C.) He felt just a little bit uneducated, and demoralized for not understanding which context his mother meant when using the word F@cking. I believe it was a combination of A, and B, but when you're 4yrs old the english language does pose some significant problems, we have a difficult language to stay on top of after all. Therefor C. is a viable option as well.
I kind of chuckled to myself as I was headed to my truck thinking, at least she can't Cancel My F'in Xmas; I have Fudge.
No comments:
Post a Comment