Deleted post

I just spent an hour preparing a post that brought to light everything that is going on in my head with respect to a medical anomaly that has recently presented itself in my body. I had to erase it, because even I didn't feel comfortable with the post. I wouldn't feel bad or even the least hesitation to let you know I vommited and sharted my pants driving down the highway, most embarrassing things are fruitless and give me a good chuckle; I'm not shy. I am uncomfortable. I was using terms like Laparoscopy and Robotics, Oncology, Shock Wave Lithotripsy and other big terms that scare the livin baJesus out of me even if I have relatively no clue as to what they are and or how invasive they may be. Since Thursday it has weighed heavily on my mind (that's when I noticed the problem...) and even though I had a bunch of folks over the eat drink and be merry this weekend, now that they're gone and my place is empty again I get to run through all the scenarios in my melon and freak out some more. Thank you Ray, The Jill, Gonzo, D, Steve and Rachel for coming over and making the weekend shite tons of fun.

I'm headed to a specialist tommorrow. They're going to tell me what, exactly what the problem is or schedule a battery of tests and stuff. Coupled with the pain, there is a pretty f-in huge psychological shot to go with whatever the diagnosis is. No matter what happens there will be a benign/malignant mass, scar tissue, or chemo-cal shock in my immediate future. Making the equipment that I'm used to tinkering around with; different forever. That in an of itself is enough to drop me thoroughly off the deep end. I don't want to lose the physical ability to enjoy sexxy time...

I'm not looking forward to tommorrow at all. Or am I...knowing that there will be a definition labeling the issues at hand.

I'd like to thank you individually Miss Rachel for sitting up with me all night and listening to be whine, bitch and moan, hearing the why me-s, and the wtf is going to happen naysayer dark brooding ShaggyBob. I was a mess.






I'M SCARED

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment:

OLD AND BUSTED: Carrying a weapon into a learning institution and killing innocent people; because you think the world slighted you in someway, before offing yourself.

NEW HOTNESS: Offing yourself before getting to said institution and saving the world from your pathetic existance.

If everyone in the world; me included, decided it was a good idea to go on a killing spree everytime something happened that we didn't see eye to eye with. Only the hermits would survive and there would be a lot of dead squirrels. Here's a little helpful hint to all you mutts that have a propensity for random acts of violence when not getting your own way. "Either you need to build a huge fuckin time-out chair for yourself and sit in IT!, or....give yourself an attitude adjustment"

Attitude adjustments appendix:

For beginners,
1.) Punch yourself a few times in the testicles or ovaries. It should give you a moment of clarity.
2.) Have your imaginary friend deliver #1 for you. It should give you a moment of de-mystification.

For the sullen,
3.) Breathe deeply and think about a third world country and a house made out of discarded cardboard boxes and the millions of flies you don't have to deal with as you are not eating fetid foodstuffs.It should give you some perspective.

For the habitual assholes in the world.......
4.) Try Sticking one thumb in your mouth and the other in yer ass <=> rotate in different directions at the same time. "If that doesn't straighten you the fuck out. Fly solo, get the gun, sit on your couch, have some apple juice, eat a poptart, and spatter you own damn ceiling." Leave the rest of us out of it.

Recap: Clarify, Demystify, Perspective, Poptarts

That being said, I'm off the grid "intarwebb-wise" until Monday this week. The Oasis is open for business. See the below E-flyer and kick me a call or text if you're within striking distance. Leave the poptarts at home.

Debauchery

"If you're not there,
....you're in the wrong place"

~Try not to sit in any wet oil paint~

Two nights

Two nights of running the show for the Gaz are on tap. As much as I love the pay, and the overabundance of extra responsibility. The pay hasn't changed, and the overabundance creates a short-fusedness in my normally laid back persona. ShaggyBob don't wanta hafta smacka beatch.

New Pet peeve: A graphic designer is given a sleeve of advertising materials with a little note that says "be creative" complete with three exclamation points. Graphic designer then gets creative and designs an Ad for the customer that looks far superior to the crap-o-la that is usually displayed in the local rag. No less than three revisions later it resembles the crap-o-la again. Nothing special, nothing eye catching, nothing that jumps up and grabs your attention. If three exclamation points of creative equals bust your ass and then I'll re-design the layout to specifics that are required by the client and or the Sales Representative's keen eye for all that is marketable... then it's not so damn creative is it. Don't waste my time and energy to put the smackdown on principles of aesthetics and design when you can just as easily scratch a layout in purple crayon and have me color within the lines. Time is money...and it's not my money, I'm just a Design lemming on the gravytrain of deadend job.

A link for Miss Kate and Miss Sara

Any suggestions?

I'm looking for suggestions for Happy Hour cocktail type foods for this Friday at the Oasis. Something easy that goes well with a few beverages and great company. I've exhausted my bag of tricks and need something pronto so I can get the grocery list in order.... Lil help? (I'm not cooking wings at my place, the smell of deep fryer grease is enough to make me chunder.) And it has to constitute a meal, not snack food. I don't want to have to eat all night long there are better things to fill my belly with that involve more drinking and less chewing.

Saturdays fare is already in the works, I'm just lookin for Friday HH meal type goodness.

P.S. Train Wreck is straight out! No ifs, ands, or buts. And refrain from mention of Yogurt slinging I'll have none of that either.

Triptych Red, "it's portable"

Not weeping.....

And the weekend commensed with a trip to the local meat store. Avon Meatland. Yup it's named "Meatland". The furry wasn't really appetizing when I was there (ok, naked critter) so I moved toward foul. A Turkey bird to be exact, well, a portion of a turkey bird. I dig the turkey, but being a single mutt like myself I don't have the benefit of the rest of the pack of wolves to consume 25lbs of bird at one sitting. BAked breast started at nooner, followed closely with a nice dram of scotch to heat up the inside while waiting for the turkey. A few more...and the bird still wasn't finished so I topped off with some tasty brew that Jenn and Brett left last weekend. Managed to hit up the beer store for some of Americas finest swill in a 36can pack. The closest I can could get to my fav beer "free in a can and in my hand". Mmmm Miller Lite. 5pm the bird was done so I grabbed my best kniff. A Wustof 7" santuku that should make any would be chef out there giddy . It's balanced, heavy, and I haven't yet been able to fillet a finger better with anyother knife. While i was out earlier in the day I had an epiphany that revolved more or less around a panini type egg dipped pub grub type sandwich. Mr. Fisher was en route so I sliced, pulled, and shredded Mr. Gobbles' breast, sliced the dark onion rye, shaved the Jarlsburg, mixed the apple cranberry chutney... and shredded the bacon. Piled everything high (planning on making it impossibly to finished the sandwich when you got to the last bite...the "I'm going to be sick last sandwich bite" =>you all know you've been there) Bathe in scrambled and pan toast the suckers. The smoke alarm went off as Mr. Fisher and I were finishing our second pre meal bevvies. It always happens when there is no direct ventilation fan, I care not. A quick hop and Karch Kiraly takes the beeping smoke bastard hardwired into the electrical right off the ceiling, done and done.

After a decent meal Fishaaaah had to head out to the Union hockey game. My evening plans had me heading to the Schenecta'dirt Curling Club to spread some support for Gonzo and his team. 2.25 a pint? I think I'll have a few. Nothing beats an inperson viewing of Curling when you've been prone to stop whatever you're doing and or skip a final exam in College when Curling makes it onto the tube. It was a blast. After a few hours of Curl goodness I ventured back to the Oasis and had the ambition to do some late night painting. I no doubt pissed my downstairs neighbor off. Throwing paint when half in the bag involves a lot of jumping around and getting mars black and other assorted "no way no how is this coming out of the rug" colors around. I ended up with afew decent compositions.

Saturday I was fully feeling the effects of a night of drankin gone overboard. It's something that you have to live with when you punish your liver and if you feel sorry for yourself you're an idiot. You could have planned ahead and slowed down the evening previous and not put yourself in the Situation in the first place. I embrace the big stick that the hangover gods weild with ruthlessness. I finished the bird for the most part and sat down to viddy some movies, and chose the BBC Planet Earth series. About 10minutes into the Caves portion just when they were elaborting on a ginormous pile of guano 100meters high and showing cockroaches and giant centipedes another one of hairy's relatives motored across my living room floor. It's the first time at the new place that I've seen a House Centipede and he was a rather large fellow. Not 11inches long like is homeboy in the video but large enough to startle me.
.......
...........The hunt was on! The foe was smart, infact too smart. After throwing anything in my reach at him, he jetted for the only place in the Apt that I wouldn't flip over, turn upside down or knock over to kill the lil bastard. (your guess?) yup...he ran directly under the fridge that holds the beer with the extensively stocked bar resting on top. Round one to Centipede. Or was it. I removed some of the clutter from around the fridge with care and stealth and saw my enemy resting half under and half exposed by the outer perimeter of the bottom of Mr. Frosty. Swift action, ninja-esque chop Round two for the big guy; missing legs for the bad guy.... running in circles>??? yup ( but then he was gone for the evening and hours of vigilence didn't give me another siting.

I slept in Sunday as is habit...giving myself a few extra hours of shut eye to charge for the long night at the office. I made left overs for dinner and shot pics of the paintings I worked on the previous couple of evenings. I had just sat on the couch to give myself a few minutes of peace and quiet before heading to work and wouldn't you know it. That exoskeleton wearing, 2/3rd of his legs missing on the left hand side of his body sportin, lil shit was dipping his antennae into the cadmium red of the triptych I had finished Friday evening. Not in a drying rack, not on the floor, 2ft away resting comfortably on my Coffee Table. He should have spontaneously combusted via the gaze I shot his way. Infuriated by his brash "in your face" display I didn't even bother getting something to smash him with. I felt the crunch of his body armour as I smeared his carcass in a wide band of whatever it is that makes their systems work on the inside. It's totally possible to make a 2 1/2inch little bug much larger when you flatten them out. 2 1/2in to just under a foot, in the time it takes to laugh outloud and swing your mighty bug quashing mitt at them. Not so fast now are you Mr. Spindly long ass legs?

I can't even fathom the fun I had this weekend without getting a small yet satifying grin on my face.

And I weep

Someone has to be there to voice the concern for animals. I'm officially starting a campaign to make sure that they are all taken care of in the best way possible......



I, as the Executive Director of RJI Inc., fully endorse the fulfillment of our pledge to dispatch any and all helpless furry creatures in a humane or not so-humane manner when preparing to bake, braise, broil, grill, panfry, poach, steam, stew or rotisserie any of the worlds woodland foul or fauna.
A satellite faction of my organization will be commencing a brewing operation to add compliment to our mission.

As first order of business I've acquired the assistance of one Mr. Fisher to sample a delectable treat of animal death at the Oasis on Friday February 8th marking the beginning of the long and arduous task at hand.

Good News Everybody

I officially haven't seen the sun for an entire week, I cooked a steak for dinner (30secs and licked the packaging clean of any hemo) I'm bleaching my skin a la Wacko Jacko... and dying my hair black. All I need now is a raise at work so I can get the permanent cosmetic canines cemented to my choppers. My over all transformation from daywalker is nearly complete.

I AM MAX SCHRECK's... INNER CHILD's GREATEST FANTASY

The Oasis

The Oasis is open for Happy Hour this Friday. Perhaps a Ray Ray sighting... perhaps some Scotch, definitely some tasty food.

On an unrelated note, I'm not the only person to peace out and go toes to the sky falling on the ice outside my building. Miss Arleen my neighbor from across the hall took a spill this weekend. I'm fairly young still, just about to boarder on almost kinda mid-life, Arleen is above and beyond. She's a sweet lady and it pained me to see her trying to carry groceries from her car to the perma-locked entryway with her arm in a gianormous cast. (don't get your undies in a bunch=> of course I helped her) I thankfully don't have brittle bones, she's not in the same boat and shattered her wrist. Not just broken, shattered. I'm not traveling for the next three weeks because I've put myself in the service of Miss Arleen whenever she needs it barring the time I'm festering at the place of Biz. If you need to contact me, you know where I'll be... fending off birds of prey for helpless rodents bunkered in the Oasis.

I've also caught a glimpse of the nocturnal creature that Boone had a conversation with earlier this fall prior to his exedus from NYS to 'Bama. High up in a tree "hoo-hoo-hooooo-hoo-hoo" siloetted by the foggy mist over the Mohawk, with the dissipating city lights filtered out from the 'Dirt. I share a comparative living space with a Great Horned Owl. It nests no more than 30 ft from my balcony. Not the first creature you would expect to see in a city habitat, although it keeps me sane knowing that nature is still around, not withstanding the other nocturnal creatures lurking around the city. The ones with opposable thumbs are not as magestic.

Not a cent

"I Ain't got no corndog money"

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

When faced with the two options of trimming a wayward hair on your cheek above you beard hair line, or removing it by tweezer and sheer brute strength... I suggest the first option. Here's my reasoning, when removing a hair my "pull" method it allows for the folicle to retart it's growth cycle under the skin and without the option to re-emerge from the original pore. Thursday I removed by the latter method, Saturday I had a painful face. Sunday I had an ingrown hair that turned into a minigolf ball on my mug. 15minutes after I realized the monstrocity I had a wound on my face. A dime sized spot of red is better than a quarter sized patch of white....I'm just sayin....trim it...save yourself the pain and belittling feeling when you weep like a 4yr old little girl after powering the beast out. Sniffle sniffle......

On a totally unrelated Self-Help hint of the Moment, if faced with the prospect of wearing a quitter sock for the entire day/evening of work or turning around halfway through your commute to fix the quitter sockness... go home and get rid of the bastard sock. If you don't be prepared for a WTF day in the extreme. G-D,it! WTF. Work, pull up your sock, work, pull up your sock, think about working while pulling up your sock, think about pulling up your sock while working, get pissed that your sock migrated to the toe of your shoe, remove shoe and pull up your sock, work...get heated enough to be "that guy" wearing one sock at work. Debate with yourself the clear intentions you have about taking the infernal sock and burning it in the parking lot like a little camp fire of Sock Pire . Feel gratified that you don't have to pull up your sock anymore for the night and get giddy when you burn the sock to the bastard sock gods in the parking lot as fellow employees come and go staring at you like your a little tatched in the head. "They're coming to take me away...ha ha"

who said I'd live forever

How will I die? Your Result: You will be murdered.   This doesn't guarantee pain and suffering, but it will be at the hands of another. Perhaps the vile deeds of a past life will attribute to this horrific demise. Do not fear murder. There is a rare epiphany that comes from this type of death. You will see it in the last moments.
You will die while having sex.
You will die in a car accident.
You will die from a terminal illness.
You will die while saving someone's life.
You will die in a nuclear holocaust.
You will die of boredom.
You will die in your sleep.
How will I die? Create a Quiz

Super weekend

I realized that having an extra day off during the week makes for nothing but lethargy, and boredom. I used my Thursday last week to take care of all the miscellaneous things that I needed to do.(i.e. I cashed a paycheck & wrote a rent check) 24hrs off and that's all I had to accomplish. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not in training to be a smoke jumper, the excitement in my life is just too overpowering for the likes of mankind.
J & B visited friday evening and we got our powerhouse Rockstar drink on. So there was a bit more merriness at that point.

Me thinks the Funtruck had best get it's ass in gear and plan a roadtrip before Mr. Bigley decides to come up stairs with a hammer and chainsaw. 3 days of late night Bobism probley makes him something something.

Off til sunday

Off til Sunday,

Remember the 31st is yad sdrawkcaB lanoitaN, and Feb 1st you get a double whammy, it's Skippy Peanut Butter's(1933) and also Dog the Bounty Hunter's (WTF you lookin at) B-days. If ya got a pipe... may as well smoke it.


IF ONLY CHUCK NORRIS WAS THIS F'n COOL! (when and if chuck reads this I hope he warns me before he thinks about kicking my melon off, just the thought would put me in the hospital, praying to my false Gods and then weeping for his mercy)

The Oasis is celebrating "Don't have shit to do week" until returning to miss the Superbowl and fester in the office.

"GO COMMERCIALS!!!"

February

It's soon approaching the time when Valentine's Day rears it's ugly head and makes the single people of the world wonder why it's a holiday to begin with. I've decided to put myself out there. Not in an Eharmony sort of way, but something I guess a bit similar. I'll be manipulating various images up to an including the Big day and posting them as often as I can design them with any sort of competence. Without further adieu...



Any of you byrds out there that would like to hatch out dinner plans with yours truly... just make sure that you're a Born Free Range sort of chick. I'm not accepting any wild and crazy caged fowl.

Bored

30minutes left in a 12hr shift......

I'm buyin' a lottery ticket tommorrow and with my winnings I'm gettin me an Ostrich.

goodtimes

....Planet Earth, Lil Mac, D, K, Blue, Highland Park, Princess crowns, Laz, Jarlesburg, candle wax, gesso, 106.5, 4 weeks of laundry, new supplies, and a bit of creativity. Life gets infinitely brighter when a 2yr old gives you a noogie.

Until Sunday.....

And when one gets bored?

Budweiser and a Dream

Another day.

Another day another donut. Tommorrow I wake in the "AM" and start the new workout schedule sans the smokes that I mysteriously found by the pack-load in my stuff. I've already started the healthy diet thing..and have half the motivation.... Is it stupid to go for a jog in the cold with a cup of nice hot coffee? Yeah, I guess it is, so..plans have changed. I'll be waking up at the normal afternoonish hour, killing a few hours and rolling back to the office when it's deemed necessary by the paycheck overlords. I'll get my fuzzy white ass in shape after the weekend.

Got this via cam-phone

And it's good to see the Monstu is still up to his old tricks...(<=read, I really really want one of my own) just to try it out and drop off the face of the earth in a fruity O.E. 800 sort of way. Who says you have to be a snooty cock-knocker when faced with the fact that you live on the wrong coast. An O.E. Martini if you will, gets you off the high horse. I send my reply to the Monstu Friday at 4pm...just about the time he's thinking "well, I really don't want to be at work anymore and happy hour is a forever 3hrs away."

Say what again!

I WILL LIGHT YOU ON FIRE!!! Then maybe I'll bake you some cookies.... but you're gonna burn first.

Grampa Stan

Over the past weekend I had the opportunity to spend time with some folks I haven't really been able to catch up with for a fairly expansive amount of time. I can definitely say that it was a productive drunk. Housing way too many oatsodas and slingin paint. S, R and myself got thoroughly pickled and at 5am decided that it was time to get creative. We triple teamed / tag teamed 4 canvii and damn was it fun. I'll try to post the crappy cam-phone pics when I have another free moment. R has a project kicking around that involves historical family photos, and possibly momentos from her Grand fathers legacy. I've attached a pic of Grampa Stan.... "I have respect for this man, whom I've never met, and it all stems from the fact that he has an aura of I don't know what, but it's there"

Since getting Frank back from the garage it was high time to try out the new parts. I didn't want to scream to Boston and have the possibility of breaking down on a 4hr one way trip, so I halved it an hit the road for an hr and a half to New Fairfield CT.

Upon my return trip...after catching a few hours of shut eye, I rose at 4pm...it was dark. I headed back to the 'Dirt to rondesvous at Gonzo's place for the Jones Jr. Trinidad fight payper view. SO I put on my night blinders (ok, I never take them off, my eyes are bad in th dark) and decided to somehow make a few wrong turns. It took almost twice as long to get home as it did to get there, but it was relatively painless once I hit a main thoroughfare. I arrived home and had enough time to shower, pick up a party platter and some suds, and get to fight night.

Over the course of the weekend I do believe that I had some of the tastiest foods I've scarfed down in months. Ribs, smashed tatters, homemade stew, today I powerhoused a homemade breakfast. If food were free, I'd balloon for sure but as it is a treat every now and then ain't half bad.

"If you're born a circle, you can't die a square"

Uncomfortable male

Standing at the urinal doing my business, a co-worker arrives next door, no buffer urinal, right next door (uncomfortable), tries to chat (uncomfortable), he starts whizzing like he's eating a delicious blueberry muffin; Mmmmm Ahhhh, Mmmmm, mmmmm ........(super uncomfortable). I stopped midstream; tucked away the junk and left, then returned to an empty urinal row a few moments later when the blueberry waterfall wasn't around to finish my business. Strange? nah...just wicked uncomfortable. Urinal Etiquette should be in the copy of "A Dude's Handbook to Being Socially Blase' ".

Fire is Cool

Digging

Toyota Commercials

I've had the chance to see a few TV Commercials in the past weeks and I don't get it. There are numerous versions of great ads for a Toyota Tacoma braving danger and coming out unscathed. "Driving off cliffs and surviving", "Barrelrolling down hills to land on their wheels and come away unharmed." I think I have the slow kid of the bunch.

It was mentioned to me by the great Gonzo that I should try to make my own commercial. Only instead of trying to survive a cliff dive, try to destroy my vehicle. If the motto of the company holds true and my particular vehicle takes off its shiny red hockey helmet I could be driving it 4-EVAR. Just imagine, screaming toward a cliff, just me and my Toyota...Me wearing a flight helmet, (flight of the Valkyries blaring in the background) my truck leaking fuel in fear.... .......ooooooooooh ....... I'd never make it to the cliff because the truck would break down and I'd have to get a tow-truck to ferry us into the abyss. So much for that idea.

May be in the future

http://empac.rpi.edu/

Yet another resume goes out the door for a possible Curatorial position. Although it may not be in the visual arts speifically I think the experience with the three curators will be invaluable. The experimental new media and technological aspect of EMPAC is something that fascinates me to no end. Check out their 360 degree movie screen traveling exhibit. Whoa!? Music Modern dance and technology as art....yeah!!!

Waiting patiently for the "no" letter in the mail.

Coined?!

Whom? who? ever coined the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff.... it's all small stuff" should have been a better known philisophizer. And/or been made to stand in front of a speeding bus holding a 50gallon bag of thumb tacks. That way he/she could pony up the "it's all small stuff" should he/she survive getting run over. 50gallon bags of thumb tacks stuck all over him/her and all. I'm still waiting to hear the damage report that my bank account will be filing with regard to the Frankensteiner. I'm driving a soccermom minivan in the mean time and putting doylies under my free standing table light fixtures to round out the effects produced by said Emasculator. Oh...Oh, and baking some cookies while I'm at it, with rainbow sprinkles.

Just kidding, I've got a loaner from the folks while the home garage takes care of ol' Frank. The Funtruck Booze Cruz will be on hiatus again pending the damage report. It looks as if a 1000 clams may be the final extent but I'm not sweating it. The pantry is stocked and I have Scotch, I'm still working, and I don't have any dependents to worry about. It just sucks that the breakdowns seem to coincide with important rondevouseseses. HAPPY 30th B-day Rachel hope the weekend treated you in spectacular fashion, Sorry I wasn't able to make the trip.

I was mistaken

NOt a tie-rod...it was the rack, or if you prefer 1/2 of the rack and pinion steering. $1G don't mind if I do.....

Off til sunday

Friday and Saturday off, Highland Park 15 and MaCallan 12, black gesso... 2 panels, Spam-a-lot...truck fixin, maybe get it back and some travelin' maybe not. Gesso and Scotch potent mix with the possibility of ruining the couch that ties the room together.

While I'm at it

SO supposedly, prominent people of the basic hollywood variety are pitching and yapping about going green. Save the environment, do this do that....do what ever you can to save the poor polar bears that are drowning (polar bears can swim... if a bear goes out into the ocean too far, it's darwin rule that he doesn't make it back... it's too cold for polar bear eating sharks up there) So getting back to my perplexion. Hollywood stars and what not are yiping about being good to the environment.... here's my question for them. "Where is your re-usable travel coffee mug, you latte/coffee/expresso chuggin morons?" How many times do I have to see a starbucks paper cup with plastic lid being carried. They may recycle!? But a tree died for the recycled paper in the first place, and you're adding to the emissions of garbage trucks hauling the refuse away a second time. If you want to preach green, green yourself, green it for real. Take your millions of dollars and buy yourself a designer mug for that oh so insanely high priced 10bones.

And also, if you want to be a PETA monkey and preach about animals and their rights... take off your Nice leather belt F*cktard and stop wearing shoes hyp·o·crite, walk around in something else that is less than green and or recycled from used rubber trees.

Just for the record I'm writing myself in for President and "I like animals because they taste good". Moooooooo bitches!

Apples

At what point do you lose all respect for others? When does your brain switch from decent to prick? I know... for I have seen it first hand. Here's a little tale from my nutsack.

The Frank is now resting comfortably at a mechanic that has assured me that he'll be up and running sooner rather than later with a newly aligned set of wheels and brand spankin new tie-rods. Bully for Frank I may just keep his ass around after all. I digress, I dropped off the truck, walked some errands (drop off truck, bank, food, and coffee) then headed to work. I was walking across the bridge and a here's where I witnessed the exact point. This particular bridge has no sidewalk so pedestrians are relegated to a fairly wide shoulder. The guard rails are about shoulder height. Me being 6'1" and wearing my trail running shoes 6'3"ish. So the guard rail is about 5 and 1/2 ft tall. I was a highjumper in highschool and my PR was 6'10... no small feat getting your ass up in the air that far or brushing the bottom of a basketball net with your junk. The guard rail didn't have a mat on the other side...it was a 60ft drop to frigid post sewage treatment water. A Union College student (I know now because of the bumper sticker) decided it would be funny to swerve toward the lone pedestrial on the bridge.. no rhyme or reason...just for kicks. He didn't have an evil look in his eyes, but did have a smirk on his face. Prick through and through. I can honstly say that the Betty riding shotgun thought the same as I did when it happened, and at the precise moment she decided to let him know the err of his ways : the extent of his prickedness, by starting to scream at him was also the precise moment that a steaming hot 20oz. cup of coffee hit his windshield. He missed me by a good 3inches. All these measurements really have no correlation, but 3 inches was better that 5 1/2' + 60' to cold wet soggy pants. I didn't have the chance to ask if he enjoyed the coffee because he didn't stop... it's too bad because I recently adopted the don't give a F attitude and maybe he could have had soggy pants. Either he didn't stop because he feared the reaper...or he likes apples.

Thank you douche bag for refreshing my faithlessness in human beings in general.

Tie-died rods

The Frankensteiner....yeah. Last night after my post about spilled soggy peanuts, I was on my way home from work @ 3AM, I lost a tie-rod crossing the only bridge between work and home...it lies approximately 1/2 way to my apt. (i.e. 3/4 of a mile from here) Something in me snapped as well. And despite my overwhelming urge to take the old guy over the side of the bridge and peace out Dukes of Hazzard style, I over corrected and made good use of the entire bridge to stop without tatooing any standing metal support. Hair-trigger today? Yes, depressed to an extent? Yes, Unhappy with the fact that no matter how I steer my karmic life toward good- something always kicks me in the dick? YeS I AM. Tommorrow starts the life of SHAGZ DON't GIVE A F*CK, self centered, prickish me, me, me.... here I come.

I just need a new vehicle to get me started down the road to *sshole-ishness.

If it's not one thing it's another...I'm over it.

Sorry Frank.... that's the last straw. I'm getting a sub-compact hybrid, testosteroneless, sallypants set of wheels and you're headed to the chopshop.

a day in the day of a day

On a bad day, it would fall out of the sky glance off your new glasses; spill half its contents in your lap, on its way to emptying itself in your favorite bowl of peanuts and then careen violently into the side of said bowl relegating your newly dampened peanuts to a new home, either on the floor or your soggy lap.

Mysterious ways HIS omnipotence shows his affection, mysterious ways.

Something is a Foot...!?.

Yes.. I believe something is afoot



Yup there it is... something is definitely a foot



......in a backwards sort of way!?


"I LOVE SPAM" a lot!

The Con list

If ever the view from my balcony rivals this, it's time to move post haste.

Working for the current place of employ I've made it a point; not in a vendictive sort of way, to produce a pro and con list. As it stands the cons far out way the pros and it's only a matter of time until there's another venue that offers me $0.01 more a year and I take that position whereever it is in the country. The resumes' are still flying and I'm in a business funk. (My pseudo-alter ego at work happens to be Rob) So at somepoint Rob will be venturing out to another glorious jobby job that has nothing to do with the 4 pieces of paper that SUNY Potsdam gave me 7yrs ago.

Today I'd like to add a con to the list and tell you alittle bit about it. It has nothing to do with the umpteen things that have been lumped onto my "vague at best" job description. It has to do with the physical work environment. Working nights aside, there is a treatment facility just over the hill and on occasion..... the smell of 60,000+ people's fecal waste matter permeates the building. Today it's made it onto the Con list. By merely walking into the building, having the smell pumped through the ducts, has caused me to gag, throw-up a little in my mouth and basically has caused an unease in my being. IT WREAKS. Somedays it's a tolerable whafting, others it's a bit oppressive, today.... it's vomitous, the fecal coliforms of god knows who or what is driving directly into my lungs and making the work place environment unbearable. Ripe is not the word, it borders on newborn diaper to the power of 35. 8 ginormous tanks of shit waiting to be treated and dumped into the Mohawk River are no further than I can drive a golf ball from where my truck is parked in the back lot right now. If the stench had a green tint there would be a neon green fog thick enough to cut with a knife. SO...Con number 24 as opposed to Pro number 4 has been added to the list.

Luckily the smell is like crime, it doesn't cross running water, I think it has something to do with air density, (the shitsmell, not the crime) although in both cases it doesn't make it over the bridge to my apartment 1.5 miles away. If it had, or ever does... my savings account and the unemployment I receive after making a complete ass of myself and getting fired will be enough cash to leave this stench for good.

yeah...it was one of those

I seriously doubt that my downstrairs neighbor has the gumption nor the know how to work these new fangled readin boxes, but In the spirit of feeling poorly about my actions I'll offer an apology here to make my soul feel a little better. (Sorry Mr. B) This weekend was going to be a quite weekend at home, trying to stay out of trouble, get another painting out of the way in the attempt to sling my wears to galleries at somepoint in the next ten of so years. Dinner, a Waldo sighting, a few bottles of Gin and some blue lead based oil paint can do strange things to a persons mind. Needless to say I believe that Mr.B down strairs may have taken the brunt of a thunder-stompin' good time. I'll post a BW pic from the Friday craziness after the post. The color version is frighteningly ...uh, frightening.

Sat. Gonzo had dinner at his place with a bunch of folks I haven't seen in a long time and I ventured over there only to receive a peaty belated Xmas pres. of the MacCallan 12yr old lowland goodness. We caught the wildcard games, and I returned home to sample the goods.

This coming weekend, I have a rondezvous with Spam-a-lot to wait for....

Down in a hole Happy Hour

Happy Hour @ the Oasis 5-9pm. January 4th. "Bob's Cookin Show", beverages, To the Lighthouse, The Grogge Show, The Ditch, and ending at PinHead's.

It's about time

It's been snowy/icy for quite sometime now, and it was just about time for them to play a part in my life. As I was leaving my apartment today for the grand olde Gaz; I stepped gingerly onto the sidewalk, toting my coffee and dinner... I felt a slight unease. Before I knew it. I was ass up rolling in a snowbank after just bouncing my spine off my building's front steps. Years of college had prepared me for just such a fall and I neither spilled my coffee nor tossed my dinner. I did however create a nasty kink in my back and am having a hell of a time functioning properly. Sitting, standing, bending, thinking, and generally working at all. Good times. At least I still had a great cup of coffee and that's all that matters right!?

Tonight it's the tooth and nail Vacation-day lottery...or well, it's the rest of my co-workers time to hash out their differences and make the schedule for the upcoming year. Me... still low man on the totem and I'll pick up the scraps.(which probably means another round of Xmas and NYE working bouts with a few days inbetween). Pretty psyched, you bet!...the coffee even better.

Happy New Year

I sit here on the second day of working in 2008, last night being the first overnight shift that I got to ring in the new year with. Yeeeehaw! Instead of staying put where I was and enjoying a night of libation and good company I decided to trek back to the homestead and actually work my scheduled shift. More because, I didn't want to screw over a co-worker and had I not shown up...he would have gotten the olde butt-whammy in a not so pleasent hardcore sort of way. Apparently as much as I feel I would like to peace out of the work environment I'm currently tolerating....that whole stability thing gets in the way and without a viable next step in the career I'm going to have to fester where I'm at.

New Year resolutions are a handy way to let yourself down two weeks in advance of failing with them....but I'm going to practice them just the same. 1.) I quit smoking...it happened as soon as I left the Vinnie's party palace, why not...maybe healthy is a good thing. 2.) The mop is coming off and it's going to travel to the good folks at Locks of Love...(I still have to get that on tap, and schedule it before I fail miserably.) 3. I'm not going to call anyone an Ass-Clown for 1yr. it's degradingly hilarious and sometimes we have to give up what we can to make the world a better place ass clownery aside I think I could do without it. 4.) Time to take better care of myself, first order of business, new specs. I've been wearing the same glasses for 6yrs and I'm getting used to being failry blind...I'm changing that soon. then on to the physical aspect fo health..there are too many outlets for self destruction and I need to rid myself of at least 2bad habits, the first is #1. the second is sleeping...not just catching a cat nap, I think that's ok...I mean really sleeping, I can generally put in a good 13hrs before I feel totally rested. I don't think that is healthy so...8hrs max is the way I'm leaning.

There are more places that I should look to better myself, and unfortunately A New Year resolution is just the way for me to kick myself in the "ass" and stop being a "clown" (<=that doesn't count)

I'd like to thank Vinnie for being a great host this past weekend and it was awesome to see everyone that rolled in for the festivities. This Friday or Saturday I'm chillin with Waldo that should be a riot as well.

Happy New Year everyone!

YUp

I want to drink from this glass and not fall over....

Missing Man Formation

For you, you poor wretched lost souls............



Or...........



and then.........




(Choral Singing in the background=>) AH Haaah HA, Hah hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa BReeeaaaaaadddddah!

And the Lorde hath said unto you ,your breadlessness is forgiven by thy fellow man, yet in thine own soul it weighs like pumperknickel thrown forth from the great Satan himself... purge the demon, reach high for your salvation, and let the HEAVE be the path to a breader existance on His earth.

"Tremens factus sum ego, et timeo, dum discussio
venerit atque ventura ira."

Work'in in 3-B

3-Beers and it looks good, eh! I should have cocktail hour prior to heading to work everyday..skip out for dinner, have a few more, and then come back to finish off the rest of a flask. It sure does make the evening fly by faster than festering sans the booze. Merry Xmas!

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by a can opener that broke midway around the can: the word Chimp-o-riffic,(chimp-O-ri-fik) adj. used to describe any action that a human does that requires only the basic knowledge that a chimpanzee can make simple tools and apply them to a situation. ex. "I macgyvered this chimp-o-riffic can opener using a butter knife, empty oversized can, a rubberband and the basic principles of physics/leverage to open a slightly smaller can of soup today" and the number, fuck yeah simple tools I had Sooooop. (flailing my arms and banging my red shiny hockey helmet)

Add soup to a shredded pulled turkey sandwich with cranberry-apple-chutney-onaise, three cheeses and bacon on 12 grain and it's a Merry F-in Xmas to me here at work to say the least. It's toasted!

The Mal-wart fortunes

Some people don't like Wal-Mart, some people think it should be run out of existance. I think of it in a different light. They provide jobs to people that would otherwise be left in the dark, they sell on the cheap, they always have stock, and where else are you going to see the real "winners" in society at 3am? Wally-world!

I also have applied to become part of the team which will be moving into the; yet to be constructed, Crystal Bridges Art Museum. They are looking for a "dynamic individual" (with my entire skill-set included). The thing that would make some people cringe at the opportunity of me getting a new job are the ones who hate Wally-World. The museum is slated to open in 2010, it'll have a gianormous collection of American art, provide traveling exhibition spaces, have a theatre and conference facilities, performing art spaces inside and out, a comprehensive sculpture garden, museum store, eatery, and bring big time art to rural North Western Ark.

The benefactors, purchasing some well known pieces from all over the country and the holders of the existing permanent collection are the Waltons (Walmart founders) The home base for wally-world is just down the road. Me.. I don't care. If I can buy socks, a TV and a 1lb bag of coffee and a fresh bagel all at the same place, and they indirectly give me a job opportunity, I'm in "I support wally-world"

Wally for president.

Most Impressive

I just returned from a great Holiday at the funnyfarm, the Xmas celebration and dinner were quite good. I got to stop in and play a little hide-and-seek with the Lil Mac, ate way too much food, ruined my sleeping habits/ eating schedule, got the frankensteiner back to functional, received a Shiiteton of Canvas and gesso type spoils with which to create unknown/neverseen/completely anonymous masterpieces that will never grace the walls of any gallery space and generally had a stellar weekend. (I also had the opp. to watch some television, that thing is like crack without the itching and random dealer hummers.) I'm just sayin' after three years of not having the cable it may be time to hop on the wagon and fry my brain again, gain some ass fat and eat mass quantities of chips and dip. I returned to the Oasis and had packages waiting at my door from SC, thank you!!!

There's just a few days remaining until the Big Bash...I'll be working right up until I leave after running the Show here at the Gaz on Friday eve/Sat morning, dependant on the the amount of time it takes to screw the pooch... I should be taking to the skies and bringing the Rolling Thunder to Vinnie's place ETA (between 5am and 7am) just in time to wake-n-beer the masses and peer pressure the monkeys into having Bloody Marys. "Bloody Buddy"

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

The Spears clan are a bunch of whores. Although from the snipits of tabloid garbage I've been exposed to, I find it better that the younger of the two harlets actually still has a man with a real job. Now if; you're an underage young lady and, you decide to engage in the practice of pre-marital sex ( I guess when you marry your cousins at a young age down in the south it don't matter none) make sure that your choice in men comes from the employed variety even if you happen to be a celebritard.

The newest oops was helped along by a 19yr old.....

....wait for it, .......WAIT FOR IT!...... HE LAYS PIPE!!! NO Joke. ZIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiNG! "yup, heeeee's a, pipe-layer"

It's a Pipe Laying / Po-Po-Zow baby batter slingin' good time with the Spears ladies.

Shaggy Bob's Self Help hint of the Moment=> should you choose to hook up with any of the Spears spawn use a prophylactic. For you gentlemen out there that wear a red shiny hockey helmet a prophylactic is not a digestive issue with regard to milk and or milk by-product consumption. "It's a Condom", wrap your: Russell The One-Eyed Wonder Muscle, Gristle Missle, Pumping Pole of Penile Power, Thunder-Donkey, Harry & the Hendersons, Granite Edifice, One-Eyed Fred, Dip Stick, Piss Pump, Meat Wrench, Nightcrawler, Blue-veined Junket Pumper, Love Pump, Richard and the Twins, One Eyed Wonder Weasel, Ralph The Fur Faced Chicken, Tobias the Cheeky Monkey, Johnson, Trouser Snake, Tool, Thrill Drill, Sex Pistol, Pocket Rocket, One Hole Friction Whistle, The Pink Oboe, Purple-Helmeted Warrior, Purple-Helmeted Yogurt Thrower, Trouser Trout, Vlad The Impaler.

It's been a crazy week and my weekend is finally starting, give me a lil bit of a break for that post.

A new Flyer is on the horizon, keep your eyes glued to the screen......... back on Sunday

Resume` of WTF

I took sometime today to look back at the career of the Shagzster to see just when and where I may have gone wrong with choices of employment and to chart the path of my career. It's sad and a little impressive to me.
so without further hesitation here is the most complete listing I can remember.

Nursing Home Kitchen Attendent
Dishwasher
Waiter
Landscaper
Lift rat
Parking Security Attendant
Phone room solicitor
Studio assistant
Beverage center /bottle counter/keg carrier
Prep-cook
Scenic chairlift ride attendant
DPW lawnmower
Fraternity Cook
Band Roadie/ Photographer for the Knoa
Camp Councelor
Photography Head-specialist
Group Leader
Trek Leader
Wilderness Paramedic
Gallery Attendant
Slide Librarian
Bartender
Guest Lodge Reservationist
University Musuem, Preparator/Registrar
Gallery Practices/Museum Studies Instructor
Exhibition Coordinator
Registrar
Preparator
Volunteer Coordinator
Interm Curator
Contractor Services Associate
Graphic Designer
Editor
Pre-Press Production Assistant
Photo Editor
Paginator
All Around Swell Guy

Somewhere in there I managed to pick up degrees in Studio Art, Art History, Museum Studies, and Art Education.
I also got my Brigadier General collar Stars in Imbibination/Party Animal/Slime Ballery.

My dating list follows the same plan...with hitches up to and including 4-5yrs.

With my current situation I had hoped that ecclecticism wouldn't play a part, but the last five listings definitely prove me wrong. Here is how I percieve it as a hinderance.

A professional baseball team has players that they call "utility players" a guy that can cover any number of positions should the main guy (ex. First Baseman) get registered on the Damaged List. This utility player isn't gauranteed a starting spot, can't bat regularly in every game, and as a result not only does his batting average suffer, but he doesn't get the mega-millions a star player would receive. When it comes time to hop on the free agent list, said utility player doesn't command enough pull to warrant a much larger salary, he'll be traded to another team for a pittance doing what he's been labeled to be "a utility guy". Although I have an ever increasing bag of tricks, I haven't been able ot secure a spot as that First Baseman, I was there a couple of times, but then had more and more responsibilities lumped onto the existing position so that focusing my energy on one aspect became futile.

As far as getting back to the Museum Aspect of my career, being that Utility guy scares venues away from picking me up. I've intarveewed at no less than 70 Intitutions in the last 5yrs: most of those situations involved multiple visits, calls, and sitdowns, with a good few leaving me "the Utility player" that was second in line behind Mr/Mrs. 1ST Base. Given the fact that 8 different Museum Job websites are searching across the globe for me...doesn't mean that there are hundreds or even thousands of opportunities. Last count in the US alone there were 45 listings, subtract the number that require 5-7 plus years(exp) of focused job skills and the Executive Director listings and the remainder is 7. 4 of those have already called me and decided on another candidate. 3 are waiting to send the rejection letter in the mail. Me...I'm waiting for the next round of viable listings.

Until then I Utilitize myself as Vampire Slug No. #7 here at the Big Show.

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

When cooking a Delicious DiGiorno, "It's not delivery" rising crust pizza. It is inadvisable to make a phone call at the 20 minute mark should you enjoy the conversations with the personal you are calling. After an extended duration of post recommended baking time the pizza will spontaneously combust. Take into account that flaming pizza isn't that hard to extinguish, it's fairly simple. There are a number of options. A.) give it a shower, B.) spray it in the sink C.) Hoss it out a window, D.) throw it out the nearest 2nd floor sliding glass door into the snow, E.) Suffocate it with tinfoil.

I also wouldn't recommend trying said pizza after it's charring. The pepperoni will taste like burnt coffee. ( you may be asking why in the hell did I try to eat it?) The answer is simple, everyone would. It's not a char thing, it's a waste thing...everyone would at least take a little lick to make sure that they weren't throwing away a viable option for sustinance. Afterall...a little redhot may help it back to life.

Self help hint of the moment. "watch yer pizza ya damn fool, watch it...watch it cook"

That is all, move along.

The Break down

Time percentages for a 50 week work year.

Graphic Designer gets hired to do graphic design work. 100% of the time.
Graphic Designer is told that 50% of the time he'll be doing Pre-press production.
Graphic Designer is told to Edit, Comics, Weather, Puzzles and Tone Photos 20% of his time
Graphic designer becomes the end all beat all Utility player and is loaded with Paginator responsibilities 20% of his time.

Graphic designer is now doing graphic design about 10% of the time he's working......

Wonder why they hired a graphic designer? Me Too!

And if you got a warm fuzzy feeling when you saw PAGINATOR.... the position doesn't have any futuristic weapons, body armor, or super powers...I can't kick Chuck Norris in the yam bag and get away with it.

Sucktitude Factor jumps by exponentially lethal denominations on it's way to critical mass.

My mood....... Meat the Fuzzy Bunnies


...Awe!?


...and MMmmmmm

Great News everybody!!!

As per the new position at the Gaz, I will work ??? 6 hr shifts, ??? 8hr shifts, or it could be ???12hr shifts, I may have to start at 3pm, or perhaps 6pm. They might even throw a 5'er in there. And it all boils down to what ever the hell they decide. SO, I may have a 3 or 4 day weekend, I may have to work weekends, I might just work my regular schedule,"the one I've grown accustomed to for the last 2 yrs". At least I know that it'll be at night, cuz fuck daylight, I'd rather work a Friday around Happy hour and Saturday night anytime. Never have anything to do then, nothing ever......

My computer keys and the room are rank with the smell of sarcasm, disdain, and lamenting abhorance. I'd love to post more, but I have to work tommorrow at a different strange time and I may, or ..........may not have a few extra hours to kill. This week it all depends on when they need me the next day.




I've pulled the pin and I'll let this sucker cook off for a lil bit before I toss it.

WWWHOA

Miss Kate, Willem, Jacob and Emily thankyou for a fantastic evening up yonder in what is now the snow belt of death. I had tons of fun. Slim's was awesome, until Gremlin mcSketchy rained on the parade. I'm sure that Willem can agree with me here in saying that there's something magical about gianormous circus boobs and their progression with each additional beverage/bar, and shift change. "Circus Boobs"

As expected, the weekend was an adventure, Nor'easters can indeed suck it. After getting my keys out of the truck where I conveniently locked them Friday evening I headed off to see J and B, they've just purchased a couple of cabins on a good sized plot of land. When I first tried to locate their new digs, I didn't understand that they do live in the midde of Nowhere NH. If you are driving on RTe 202 it's just a 45minute drive from East BahJesus Junction, turn at the logging trail, signal an SOS with your horn launch a flare and then keep going just a bit farther. Had some great foods and some bevvies. Thank you as well for the hospitality, and the circus boobs in Concord. This is where it gets a little strange.

I made up my mind in a pretty rapid manner that I wanted to beat the "Storm" home so I loaded up the frankensteiner and left J & B's place at about 2am. I'm a vampire..no big deal, usually I make better time in the wee hours of the night. Not so much this time around. The Nor'easter was earlier than expected, and the weather reports I was judging my flight on were skewed. I had been under the impression that 6am was the kickoff. Had that been the case I would have made it home prior to the real nasty stuff. I; of course, was mistaken and at 2:00:12 am I began what was to become my extended 12hr sojourn back to the Oasis. I managed to get lost a bunch of times, it really wasn't my fault everything was white. I won't bore you with details, Although I do realize why people say they're shattered tired now. A little nap every 30hrs or so is a hum-ding'er of a great way to spend some quality time searching your eyelids for holes. By the time I reached my place it was just after nooner. I couldn't see straight, think straight, and My body wanted to shut down, so I napped a few hours and then meandered in to the office for a long evening.

It probably wasn't the brightest idea to leave a nice warm cabin at 2am to bomb through a snowstorm.

I can't think, I'll have o continue the post at another time.

HAPPY B-DAY lil Mac!!

On the 'Morrow

I'll see you in about 16hrs Miss Kate, Willem and Fam. I'll shoot you a call while enroute to see if you need anything and/or if I run into any unforseen bru-haha.

Jenn, give me ring, let me know what I'll be bringing sat. for dinner and drinks.

Lil Mac, Kristi, and D, I'll see you on Sunday prior to heading in to do my Gazetteering.

Keene NH You don't scare me, and Nor'easters can suck it.
VrooooooooOOOOOM!!

Never be.....

I will never be a professional gift wrapper, it's not my bag, gift bag if you will.... It's not that I don't want to be...it's just that I severely fall short of the of the standards/protocal requirements for making gift packages look presentable for the masses. I can honestly say that should you receive a gift from me this holiday season, and it's in professional grade "wrapping paper" It will be ghetto wrapped, expect duct tape and packing tape, as well as portions of the "paper" that have had tape mistakenly attached and torn off leaving a blank spot to add to the motley continuity of ghettoness.

SHAGGY BOB's FUNTRUCK BOOZE CRUZ

Here's a brand new flyer for the upcoming adventure. (where it leads, I do no know, but chances are that the storm will have me using comp, sick, and Vacation time on the return home. AHhhhh HAHHAAAHHAHA.....hahahhahaha. ha ha uhhhhhh)




I had thought about adding "Live Free or Freeze Your Eggs" but didn't think everyone would catch what I was throwin'" Get it, your eggs...as in "the BOYS", "yer STONES", "The frank and BEANS", "the twig and BERRIES", "the other BRAIN", ...feel free to add any tacky childish name you have for your testicles after the beep.

The Quick Turn

It stands to reason that a person of my age would know better when it comes to food stuffs. But alas sometimes we intelligent people go against all that is in our better judgement.

Hence the Quick Turn:

I had the option of mailing and or dropping off; by hand, the final estimate for truck repairs to the Screwheads. I chose the latter. After my triumphant last rant session I decided that I wanted to celebrate with a couple of burritos. I enjoy hot spicy foodstuffs (While in college, our fraternity house was under the impression that redhot and other capt'n insano hotsauces were a distinct food group) I made the burritos slathered with Endorphin Rush (it's just hot enough to be on the cusp of a fight or flight response) straight out of my personal stash of gut rot goodness and enjoyed my meal. Mastication and Esophagial (sp) aspects aside I "thoroughly enjoyed the lunch."

As with most people when they eat their gastrointestinal processes get triggered and the food slowly makes its rounds. Along with my burritos I had a few cups of coffee, a regular addition to lunchtime meals considering my sleeping habits. Prior to heading to work I had to whiz. Mid-stream I experienced a gutteral thunderboomer. I'm going out on a limb and focusing on the male aspect here "it's happened to us all". If you're a woman the experience should be different. If it's not you're doing it all wrong by all guesstimation. I almost immediately had to "Quick Turn". Had I not..... there would have been a serious clean up in aisle #2. Wheeling around like ninja I planted firmly and held on. This is why I can infer that if a woman experiences a Quick Turn they're doing it all wrong. [that's the short version]

I have yet to completely define Quick Turn for Merriam-Webster but I do believe it should be available for the entire population to read up on. SO there you have it: Quick Turn: (kwik-tern) n. 1. The inevitable whiz-to-sit, due to explosive lower gastrointestinal exedus following ingestion of nuclear hot food stuffs.

Tah DAAH

Conflagration

500 Gallons of liquified Gorilla dung sprayed through a fire hose wouldn't be good enough for some people to take in the face right now. Seriously, My zippo has a new flint and I'm pissin' gasoline, watch your feet.

Somedays it doesn't pay to get out of bed prior to 2pm I swear. Wishing you a very happy holiday, since mine is apparently F-in cancelled. Put on your shades everybody and look toward Eastern NY.




.....and just like that, an oreo cookie changes everything. huh!?

Cruz'in

Shaggy: It's 257 miles to Rochester, I got a full tanks of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and I'm wearing sunglasses.
Bob: Friday.....Hit it.

Indecision

After posting that I may once again be able to hit the road and have made tentative plans to carry out. I find myself questioning my resolve.

The Funtruck isn't at 100%, the brakes are still al little soft an can't be worked on until I return to G-ville for the holidays.
It's by no means unsafe to drive, and I'm positive that I can stop the beast if need be, but I'm constantly white knuckled and thinking that at any point my tires will all fall off and I'll shower sparks down the highway, flip, roll and that I'll make a grand exedus from the vehicle by way of ninja, landing on my feet involuntarily screaming TAaaa Dah, whilst taking a bow. My plans this weekend will have me traveling through the mountainous regions of VT and NH definitely out of cel service and chances are that the weather won't cooperate. SO I'm torn.

My boys say "just go ahead and do it testosterone monkey", my mind says "what if "!? ( who would have thought that a little technical disuption in the proper working of a vehicle could generate such feelings)

One of my projected stops is kind of blind, I'm not to sure they'll be around, the second stop is on the return, and the third is Lil Mac's B-day celebration. If I should decide that it's not a great option to put the Funtruck out there for potential damage, I'll limit my travels to Togatown and the lil lady. (the choice is weighing on me. I really would like to see the all folks prior to the holiday and spread a bit of ShaggyBob cheer)

As much as I enjoy sitting in around the Oasis all by my lonesome I never have a feeling of accomplishment after such a weekend. Flip flop, flip flop.

ShaggyBob's Funtruck

I'm thinking that I want to see this in person on Friday, covered in snow, while warmed by some spirits. Busy weekend for the funtruck should the repairs not be in the cards right away. I'll be traveling to Rochester NH, Concord NH, and ending my weekend with the the Lil Mac to celebrate the big 2.0. should be good times. Hopefully between now and Friday plans won't change.

Todays Randomness is brought to you by, yet another ruined set of pants by way of 2mm aluminum plate of death, the word limpid • \LIM-pid\ • adjective 1 *a : marked by transparency : pellucid b : clear and simple in style 2 : absolutely serene and untroubled. And the number 4. (total pants ruined by said plates).

No stitches.........

Friday and the end of weekness

It had shaped up to be just another boring weekend at the Oasis, until my bonus checked arrived via rubberband man at work on Thursday. Since I had a bit o extra cash burning a hole in my wallet I decided that a trip to outlet/mall/wastemoneyville was in order. Friday morning I awoke to the usual alarm clock flinging that only gets the clock far enough out of my reach on it's cord tether that I had to get up and turn it off. 10am...wicked "need more coffee than usual early". I traveled to the Comic Depot in Greenville Center NY, followed by a short trip to the Wilton Mall. D was at the shop and I was able to chat for a few hours, ad the mall went swimmingly despite the chaos, and I go all of my holiday shopping finished with relatively no pain what so ever. As I was leaving the Toga, passed Lowe's... I decide to see if the Waldo was working, he was. It was the end of his shift so we ventured to have a few beers before I had to head back toward the 'dirt.

When I returned home I tried valiantly to wrap all the goodies, I'm poor at this wrapping paper stuff. SO, what would any red blooded american do faced with such a daunting task? Yup, my thoughts exactly, add 20 or so oat sodas and the process should get easier right? I now have holiday gifts balled up in lime green paper surrounded by copious amounts of packing, duct, and scotch tapes. Half the fun is watching someone when they open a gift that you've thought long and hard over, the perfect little something to brighten their day. I get to watch this in super slo-motion with a healthy sound track. (Good luck to anyone that gets into the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop in less than 20minutes.)

Saturday had me nursing a pretty healthy bout of the day afterness, but I managed to spend a shiite ton of cash at the grocery store restocking the shelves in my pantry for the inevitable Frankensteiner break down that puts my bank account in the red again. I watched the complete Lord of the Rings trilogy, and basically festered.

Sunday afternooner I was visited by Vinnie Bag O' Donuts and we powered down a turkey bird prior to me heading to work.... I'm turkeyed out, sitting infront of my computer and ready for a nap. Over all I give the weeeknd a 6 out of 10, plus 2 for running into a bunch of folks that I don't see on a regular basis. 8 out of 10 ain't half bad if you ask me. Strippers would have put it over the top, but I gave that idea the slip once I opened the first beverage.

This week should be less crazy, we'll see what's what when it gets to it.

Would you like to play...a....game?

Every thing electronic that I touched....scratch that, everything having to do with the technological inovations of man that I came in contact with this evening, sputtered and fell apart, quit, froze, made hissing noises and shot hydrolic fluid and or, generally didn't respond to the stimuli I decided to press upon them.

The main frame, went down as soon as I walked into the building, the harris system fried while I was working on the Obituary reports and page (If you have never seen a really sad/irate person, try telling someone that the obituary for their loved one that just cost them 3g's is not going to run in the paper due to a computer glitch). The Olive program shorted and replaced the last two weeks of Paper online with information from 2003. The H System eventually came back online, but that didn't deter the JazBox, or the OSX systems from following suit. Each work station I sat in, whether I touched the keyboard or just looked at the screen had a catastrophic meltdown. FX-1 our bread and butter Neg to Plate exchanger blew a hydrolic line. And the bump door "just a lil bump of light to warm up the scum onthe plate for burning"...wouldn't open and fried all the plates. The Frankensteiners radio fritzed and then came back on. I'm glad I don't wear a wrist watch on my junk...I'd be childless for ever. BBzzzzzzz no swimmers?


Half empty you ask...hell no, My fuzzy white ass is off for the weekend. Peace!!!!!!!!

Click Me (NSFW)

Weights

I've found that I'm becoming more and more predisposed to worrying too much. I grind my teeth in my sleep, fret ungodly amounts and generally take things too seriously. When the hell did that happen? I used to be pretty mellow, laid back and nothing seemed to get to me. Now not so much.

It's time to re-assess, and get back to the norm for this guy. Tommorrow I start with a fluffernutter sandwich w/grape jam for breakfast and go from there.

Of course a Holiday bonus check never hurts and the fact that the grease monkeys are paying for all the frankensteiner damage helps out as well.

VOTING ENABLED

In light of recent events, I've once again decided it might be in my best interest to search for a new vehicle. I do have the Funtruck back in my posesssion now, and other than a bit of softness in its braking ability Frank should be good to go for another run at breaking down for good.

I'm looking at a few choices and welcome the input.

Rubicon Unlimited?

Rubicon?

FJ Cruiser?

Subaru Forester?


Stick with my main man, the one that got me from A top B for the last 4yrs?
THE Frankensteiner

Obviously the steadfast factors of price and other nonsense apply.

Frosting

The truck is still impounded at the G-ville repair shop. I'm coming down with a cold (apparently the old drink enough gin to be pickled trick for killing any virus is null and void) and the frosting comes to you directly from the Workplace.
Last evening I was joking with my supervisor, and he qiuped that I would be running the show today. Har dee har har har. I chuckled knowing full well that I'm neither prepared nor and I able to do the specicif jobs in a timely and uber correct manner yet. (mostly due to the fact that the Handbook for proper operating procedures and the indexed section for trouble shooting is, well, non-existant) Official training=> nope. Learned the position while i was performing my other duties putting in extra hours for ridiculosity. I have notes scribbled on index cards and post-it notes outlining everything that the position requires. It's like I was studying for an Art History test on Cimabue, and other Early Italian Renaissance painters, only I don't give a flying fuck about the subject matter here as a Gazeteer.

I arrived at work early to check the old email and realized that the old man wasn't kidding around. Tonight is the first night that I'm ultimately responsible for the only product that the company produces. Three editions of newspaper that has a deadline of 2400 hrs. More pay to pad the wallet, not so much.... still looking for a job that follows it's job description as stated when hired you bet your ass. So this evening while running the show and paginating the paper, uploading all info to the website, and generally being a superfly TnT pissed of Mofo, I get to continue to do my other assigned responsibilities. I'll be spending free time away from the servers and 8 other systems to complete the 3hrs of editing for thecomics and puzzles that need to be done, toning photos and designing advertisements for paying customers that aren't going to get my full attention.

I've already blasted through 6hrs of overtime this week, and was notified that I have to take the time in comp hours WTF is that shiite.

Happy Holidays everyone... I'm half empty right now, and that glass needs to be filled at somepoint. Maybe it's time to test the mettle, and get some bubbling done on my dinner break.

Addendum: I've gotten word on the Frankensteiner and not only did I dodge the bullet by way of some serious stunt driving, I only got whacked for a grand worth of damage. Yeah only 1000bones worth of Screwhead making my ride a hunk of more disgruntled junk. Thanks for balancing my tires!!!

Apple a day

I ran across this picture of a 101yr old woman voting in "someplace" Russia. She actually made it on A1 of our publication. I believe for some Putin related issue or something. My first thought was she looks familiar, I believe I've seen her twin sister somewhere. SO being the super sleuth that I am I hit up the ye olde Intarwebb for a bit of help and found what I was looking for. DO NOT under any circumstances buy apples from this woman. Sweet sweet, deliciouuuuus apples, just have one bite and .........

....THAT's IT! I call Super Bullshit

I was correct with one aspect of my Friday last week....Tequila is badnews after working the night shift. Agave and eggs is just as terrible as it sounds, and smells even worse.

The Funtruck is officially set to be poked and prodded by the garage back in G-ville, at least I trust the folks up there. I think the majority of my anger stems from only a few basic points. 1.) I have 6 payments left B.) I was performing an unnecessary make the truck feel good service that ended in a three wheeler. Gamma.) Chances are that it'll be costing me an arm at least possibly a leg as well to fix the damage that the incident caused. 9'er) I can't take a nap and it won't fix itself.

If I can eventually drive the vehicle again, I'll definitely be driving it into the ground. I had considered trading it in, but now with the impending repairs I think it'll put the old guy over the edge and make it pretty damn worthless. 6 payments away.... now, if I buy a new ride, it'll be setting me back to the stone age. "I'd say why me why now? but I know better...my last visit to the dentist I didn't have to have any work done and the cogs and sprockets of the world started to slow, creating massive tidal shifts and tsunamis on the other side of the planet. Paktar the Indian goat herder just had a similar incident and his first ever visit to the dentist was a perfect bill of health (my truck fell apart) stupid goat herders with great teeth.

Friday is the first pagination day for me, so I have to get back to work and finish creating the Officially unofficial gazette handbook for pagination goodness, (I'm going to build a bridge for the next poor schmoe that comes along and is pushed to the edge)