Monday, May 19, 2008

Great weekend

Made it up to see DK LilMac, and spent 6hrs chatting the away, when I wasn't under sneak tickle attack. Good foods and beverages you know the goodtimes. Sat. headed to Gonzo's for a bit of mayhem... 6am rolls up fast. I'm looking forward to the summer. It promises to be exponentially better than the last few months to say the least.

I wonder about a few things and I thought I'd air them out. First I'd like to examine the term """Carbon Footprint""" (Three quotes beacuse it's that ridiculous!!!<=three exclamations for uber ridiculosity). Looking at this chart it seems to me that some folks have their heads firmly stuck in their asses. (I referencing you AL) Apparently due to the excess emmisions created by their motor vehicles, private jets, production plants, fossil fuel burning gas giants, the excess of domesticated farm animal methane, and all the other factors involved the small percentage of world's feudal populace inhabiting the earth in 950AD "WERE DOING IT ALL WRONG".

Global warming is a buzz phrase. It isn't a real threat. The heating and cooling of the planet is a cyclic thing that will continue to cycle after the last human takes his dying breathe. And while I'm at it I may as well let you in on the little secret about the "hole in the ozone layer" Imagine if you will, that the Earth is an orange, not a Naval orange, a Mandarin orange. The hole in the ozone would amount to a pin prick in the meaty zesty outer skin of said orange. Lets put it into perspective though, the pin prick would remain the same size where as the meaty zesty goodness of the orange would be bumped up a bit... 26ft of zest (conservatively). SO, the pin prick of holey Ozone would actually be located on a 52' diameter orange. Fruit Cocktail anyone?

Polar bears are now an endangered species according to the specialists.?due to global warming? I think its matter of evolution. Polar Bears don't have thumbs yet. And also a little known fact, more polar bears are killed each year by researchers studying them than by anything that the environment can throw at them. Let's jump now into the mind of a Polar Bear.

"Holy shit those wallruseseses are F'in huge" " I'd hate to get mauled by a fat ass slug of a seacreature", "I smell fish cooking, Mmmmm cooked fish; whatever the hell that may be" "Oh a cabin, ?what's a cabin?, that smell is coming from inside the cabin" "Lets have a look see shall we" "Wow, cooking fish and a land mammal that is completely awkward that I could easily snack on, I weigh 2tons and I'm 13ft tall for Christ's Sake" "this vertical ice looks like a great way to get into the cabin and have me a snack" (flash bang grenades go off, dynamite is thrown to scare Mr. Bear, inside the cabin Mr. reasearcher is shitting a twinky because he's out of HIS element and in the realm of Apex carnivore) Large bangs, and bright flashes don't scare animals with paws the size of serving trays. You may say that the warming of the planet has caused environmental factors that decrease the populations of Polar bear food forcing them to hunt and search for food stuffs that they don't normally hunt. Bullshit, they're opportunists. You may say that Seal populations dwindling force Polar bears to hunt larger game, (see above mention of fat ass slug of a sea creature i.e. Walruseseseses) Like Polar bears have never hunted walrii before. The walrii have a behavioral response that circles the wagons like buffalo "wee ones" to the center, fat asses and tusks to the outer rim to protect their youngins. I doubt very seriously that they developed that response to protect their young from an Arctic Fox. A 15lb Fox has never been witnessed gunning for a herd of walrus with the express purpose of taking down a 3ton animal with its Arctic Fox Ninja skills. Polar Bear opportunist that he is, is saddened when twinkie shitting researcher brings out the boom stick and unleashes hot lead. The bear goes down thinking "I bet this guy isn't even going to use my fur as a coat, and god damn it I should have been the one to evolve into the opposable thumbs catagory of higher genus".

The researcher then radios in to his superiors with the excuse "It's coming right for us". Thanks Ned"

Agree with me or not, I'm not saying don't do what you can to have as little adverse effect on the environment as possible. It's a good thing to be """Green!!!""" Just don't let the media and the monkeys in charge of the world belittle your intelligence by letting them influence you with made up bullshit statistics and fear mongering.

W.......w.......whoa @#%%&^$, (<=falls off soapbox)

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