Sunday, August 31, 2008

Saturday, August 30, 2008

get bent or not get bent that is the question

My work station at the orafice has finally shit the bed. Now I have to guest blog from various other terminals on the floor until I get my own territorial spot back. That right there... yup that sucks. I'm not visciously territorial, I'm not going to naw someones arm off if they sit in my club sandwich cubicle (open faced get it?). I just enjoy having a space to wander to everyday. I don't have a favorite parking space, I don't care which urinal I stand infront of. I could careless about which side of the elevator I stand on. I do enjoy my desk, it has my personal effects, it has notes scattered about, it has a snack drawer. Over the last year there have been 3 part-time employees that seem to all want to share in my deskitude. I basically show up at work and have no work station. It only happens about 15hrs a week now, but it was pushing 25 awhile ago. Now my computer is down. I'm on the verge of getting seriously bent.

Just what the doctor ordered for a 10day stint at the place of biz.

I was contemplating posting the entries for the new names of ShaggyBob's life journey just for comedic value... there are some really hefty, deep, phylisohpical notes that I have to consider. I do have to mention that one of Willem's entries has already gotten the kaibosh. "Shaggybob's White Power Hate Tour" didn't make the cut, it just can't happen. Sorry man, I'm evil, sadistic and lecherous, but I'm not a KKK Chuck sort of guy.(I knew a guy once that I called KKK Chuck it fit him well, not so much me)
=>47minutes elapse=>

Technology can kiss my fuzzy white ass, yup....getting bent

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dialectizer (click me)

It stands to reason that everyone would love to have a translator to uh, switch normal speech in to that of the Swedish Chef (Muppet Style) There's also some other translations available.

I think that everything in the Elmer Fudd traslations is pretty much spot on for Bawston talk. MAssholes : )

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Sunday is the cut off

I have it on good authority, after a short ride in the new whip that the ladies will love the jeep.
"Sweet Ride Bob" I for one trust that since Lil Mac said it it's true!

Lots of suggestions flying this way for the contest, keep'em comin'. I'm setting a tentative date for submission close. Throw on the brain caps, and load the inbox until Sunday August 31st.I'll be in the office compiling and making a decision by a week from today. I figure, since I'm working another 12days straight again...It'll give me some time to thinkabout something else.

The hardtop gets installed tommorrow so, I won't feel as anxious driving into the 'Dirt. Something about a softtop and the locals carrying knives just on principle to protect themselves with an errant perpensity for violence and destruction.

The Jeep is awesome to the Awesometh power. I had the top down already for a trip, get decent gas mileage for rolling around in a 4.25ton brick, it tops out at 100mph with the wind at its back. I've been pulled over for having a malfunctioning turn signal, walked toe to toe, touched my nose and left with a warning to get it fixed. (The Officer and a Gentleman's exact words "just bought it and the signal is out...that's assinine, have a good night" (My thought exactly Mr. PoPo) That will be remedied as well tommorrow at the dealership to alieve my full intensions of working my way into a restraining order from the salesguy.

I have photos but can't use my desk or work station to upload them. The blue in the flyer is a bit bright and not true to the vehicle. It's more of a deep dark gray with a minor blue tint. I'll see what I can do to post one or two tommorrow with each of the soft and hardtops.

BAck to work.

Monday, August 25, 2008

What has two thumbs smiles alot and loves (coughs= ahem), er,um driving the new Jeep?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Thursday, August 21, 2008

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

Some day/any day, put on some robes like Jesus, hitchhike to a playground...and swing. Try not to lose your God Damned sandals in the process.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Type A is for "........."

4 dealers, 3 bank twits and a good many offers later I'm ready to get all Cheese & Crackers Postal on the next yahoo that acts like a conniving drill sargent with need for new hottub. I'm bringing my 3wood to the next round of ridiculosity.

I've dealt with Lee, (although it wasn't his fault I looked like I couldn't afford to buy a used Ford Festiva, I dressed down for and looked the part of hobo, complete with a half pony tail disheveled beyond bedhead, and a stain on my shirt). He was Type A+. Here's the break down in terms of Car Salesmen. "Notice prospect eyeing a vehicle: Approach, Greet, Qualify, Qualify, Qualify, Qualify, Test Drive, Qualify, Qualify, Recieve offer, Trial Close, Trial Close, Counter close, Counter Offer, Credit Check, Trial Close, back to manager make him sweat, Stay just out of the realm of reasonable, Trial Close...... Get called an Ass-clown Prospect walks out. NO Hottub, Eat a Dick Lee!

I've dealt with Kenneth, (more respectable now, I brought a clean change of clothes) "Notice prospect eyeing a vehicle: Approach, Greet, Qualify ->Repeat, Offer Test Drive, Qualify, Recieve Offer, Trial Close, Trial Close, Trial Close, Credit Check, Make him sweat, Counter Close, Trial Close, mention something that really gets on someones nerves like "You have shitty credit" verbatim, Get told "peace out". NO Hottub, Sucka Fart Kenneth!

I've dealt with George, (we're in Upstate NY, not NYC) "Step outta line ya get whacked", Notice prospect eyeing a vehicle: Thunder out into the lot and be a close talker, Qualify ->Repeat, Qualify ->Repeat, Get closer you may be hard of hearing or he may just not speak that loud, Recieve Offer, Counter offer with coffee, Get on his good side, Again "ya step out outta line ya get whacked" Trial Close, Credit Check, "Yoos ain't gots de bets credit" See what you can do for Prospect to move the vehicle off the lot, Counter Close, Trial Close, say you'll find a better lender, Get Hand Shake from Prospect and have a smoke with him. KIDDIE Pool, Rock-on Big George, you get the first call back and perhaps some leeway on my end.


I've dealt with Dennis, (Mousy, Veteran, unconventional) Notice prospect eyeing a vehicle: Wait for Prospect to Approach Showroom, Ask how shaggymutt's day is going, Request more info as to why Prospect is looking into a particular vehicle, Qualify, Offer Coffee, Mention Lake St. Catherine Vacation Home 10mi from prospects Hometown (how the fuck did he know I was from Granville NY? This guy's good) Qualify, Get Offer, Counter Offer with incentives, Check Credit [huh, wouldn't you F-in know it, Prospect has great credit] Look at Offer and Requested Extras, "new tires, extended warranty and whatnot", Bring in Manager, Tag-Team Prospect with options to make the purchase work with financial background and history, Offer free stuff to keep Prospect interested, Trial Close, Prospect needs better APR-> work for Prospect & call 24hrs later (tommorrow) with lower APR/monthly payment schedule. HOTTUB, Dennis you sly dog you, I'm ready to throw fuckin money your way for that damn vehicle. MF'in P.I.M.P

And there it is.... I sit and wait, with a Cashiers check by my phone. Dennis and Big George are the two big winners.

I'll be out of the office after this evening until SAT night when hopefully I'll be driving to work in my new whip. Then another 3days off. I'll post the contest flyer Wednesday evening when/if I drive off the lot with the new wheels in the next few days.

1st Choice, Steel Blue
2nd Choice, Maroon /Burg

"I don't have to take this kind of abuse from YOU, I have thosands of people witing to abuse ME"

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


I'm having a great day minus sleep again. It was a tossing turning night of restlessness. Not even the cold side of the pillow was working to lull me to sleep. I'm working until 4 and have a scheduled test drive at nooner tommorrow. I know that it seems like I'll be getting enough rest, but that just isn't so. Similiar to different shifts when it comes to working, I also can't force myself to sleep without a few hours to decompress from the days festivities. Imagine coming home from work at dinner time, saying the hell with and heading right to bed...

I will undoubtedly be awake until 6 and then have to make my motley ass look at least presentable enough to stop at the bank and inquire about autoloans. Kelly is rather attractive and I want to feel/look good even though I'm going to borrow money from her. Awkward?! NAh...just a self image thing. The hour trip to the first of what I can only imagine will be 5 stops to test drive and haggle for decent prices immediately following. I'm focused enough to be vague with the sharks on the phone and through email, but I rarely deal with type A personalities well when, well, inperson. I really don't need to put blood in the water the first 5minutes some monkey tries to qualify me for the vehicle. We'll see how the first foray into the abyss of car negotiations goes tommorrow. I'm taking Thursday and Friday off this week to continue the process. Then another short vacation of Sunday, Monday and Tuesday to finish it all off if need be. 6 vehicles all very similiar, within a set price range, and a plethera of different options between them. Maybe I won't pimp myself up, and go the route of scrubby, motley, shaggy hippy grunge dude

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Work blows

Yup that was a ripper of a weekend. Huge Bob's Cookin Show on Friday. Laced up the drankin boots real Tight. Martini is a great way to spend the afternoon if I do say so myself. So much so, that breakfast the following morning happens around 4pm. Sorry we didn't make it up DK LilMac. Not that there's anything wrong with breakfast for dinner. I think I'll be doing that more often.

I took the opportunity on Saturday "while I had the extra hands chillin at my place" to purchase an addition for the living room. It's HD, it's LCD, and it's 32" not a huge addition but a vivid and crystal clear one. It was on sale, and I finally got something good out of the old truck instead of pumping money into it.

Back to the grind here at the office and another working weekend on the way. I think it's awesome, shuper shweeeet, that they've laid enough people off so that I have to work tons of OT. 3 people on the payroll that do what I do, and the other two have like 14weeks of Vacation between them. Me... I get 2 weeks, but can never use the days because I'm working for the other guys. There's no reason to take a week day off what the hell would I do with it?

More options for vehicles are making themselves available, and now I'm in the 'go-ahead and pick one already' mood. Hopefully by week's end I'll post the good news.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Happy Hour

Happy Hour at the Oasis: Friday 8-15-08 4pm-4am. Z's Rollin up from Bean-town, Conner is rollin in from the Stockade, Gonzo's rollin in from Work. (It's not overkill, it'll be more happy at 4am, unless your name happens to begin with Mr. and end with Bigley)


Thursday, August 14, 2008

What F'in Color?

It was indeed High Nooner today when I signed the final papers and took the cash money from the people at Toyota. I was unexplainably sad. I actually sat in the cockpit for an hour before the transfer people showed up to take him away. I couldn't remember any bad stuff and you all know there was some really shitty truck times for me I can tell you. I was daydreaming about sno-tubes, being bogged down with kegs, driving in Noreasters w/zero visability w/o any apprehension, and I gleaned remembered snipits from all the road trips over the last five years. "The FunTruck has officially left the building".

The guy taped a piece of paper to the inside of the windshield that said something to the effect of "Unviable for sale, defunct, busted, broken, dead, do not drive...headed to the (boneyard.............!?. He taped another piece of paper to the hood, it was in blue crayon "#5". He asked if I had all my things and started snapping pics with a digital. I said yes. "Last chance" he casually spoke out loud "we're crushing it at 4" [There was a semi car-carrier in the back lot being loaded with Tacomas that looked like they were torn out of a war zone at the last minute, being loaded up] The Frankensteiner looked Regal comparatively. At 4pm today Frank was turned into a solid hunk of metal the size of a refrigerator.

Have you ever watched the Incredible Hulk. I walked away, off to the east, and never looked back. (( ))


What am I?


Slate Blue


Maroon / Burg

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The contest flyer is almost complete. I'm waiting for a confirmation from a dealer, and if the first schmo digs real deep and goes with my offer. I'll be posting the Contest rules with a dandy brand spankin new image of myself sitting on the hood of the new vehicle. By Sunday evening. I effectively send the Frankensteiner to the boneyard at high noon tommorrow. I hear faint whistling and music from "the good the bad and the ugly" playing in my head.

If all goes as planned....(A) a quick deposit, a night of letting some cash ruminate and stink up my normally empty cavern of a bank account, then take a bunch out for a cash downpayment. ...If all goes as planned I'll be driving off the lot Friday around Happy Hour in the new whip. Laying on the horn and generally feeling good about myself in all the mid-life crisis glory.

Plan (B), wait til Monday and shark some guy named George out of a loaded to the gills semi-identical vehicle that is a yr old, has 7k mi, and a stereo system the Awrod would here in MD if he chose to turn off his new motorcycle or open his kitchen window. He doesn't ride his motorcycle in his kitchen, I meant that as two separate occasions.

Plan (C), Tuesday take home choice number three, which is identical to choice B, minus the tooth rattling stereo system. Choice C is a ringer. I can have it anytime I want it.

Last but not least Plan (Nin'er) I buy a used car for wicked cheap, pocket XXg's and get a fuckin huge flatscreen LCD TV / cable for the rest of the year, and eat Kobe Beef and truffle icecream off a bunch of Vegas Strippers.

descisions decisions

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


"I'll take cheesy porn references gleaned from actual newspaper headlines for 100, Alex"

The answer is "The Russian/Georgian conflict of interests"

What is "Russia Pushes Deeper into Georgia....., Bush urges for immediate cease fire"

WHo's the big winner now??

Monday, August 11, 2008

Thank you

A huge Thank You to Steve and Rachel for a crazy weekend party that was nothing short of awesome. Good food good folks good fun.

There's something to be said about a rippin good time a little DethKlok mixed in. It was great to see you guys again.

Friday, August 8, 2008

I may be onto something

I may be onto something and will have to work on a new graphic post for the upcoming contest season. I'll be sure to size it 8 1/2 x 11 so that you can print it out and mail the entries my way. Just kidding you can email the entries. Cross your fingers and pray for the first choice, I look like a completely badass M-F'er in this whip. Yup, I'd be one sexy bitch I can tell you.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The End of Days

Sitting at my work station 12days into a complete clusterf*ck work stint I'm looking forward to getting out of here. 12hrs can't pass fast enough. We have a little saying here when all the work is finished and we're ready to go. Since it's the nightside it's not a real statement, correct in grammar. It's a simple "whelp" uttered in an exhaustive tone that denotes a feeling of let me the hell out. I WHELPED hard when I was riding the elevator to the 2nd floor today on my way in. Good times.

On an unrelated note, it finally appears to be the last hoorah for the Funtruck. All the paperwork is complete, and I'm waiting for the contact that gives me date and time to sign over the title and send the Frankensteiner to the boneyard. One last weekend roadtrip. ShaggyBob's Funtruck Booze Cruz will be given a new title, and an alternate vehicle will have to be Christened with a new name. This last excursion will have me traveling to CT to visit with Steve & Rachel to celebrate a wedding reception of sorts at their place. It should be good times and a fitting end to the life and times of the Tacoma.

Next weekend Z may make the trek to the 'Dirt for some rowdy ghetto bar crawl brawlin and stabbings. And perhaps drive in the new pig.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I'm almost there (Bill O'Reilly says it best click NSFW)

Ten days into my super work ridiculosity and I'm not even remotely hostile to my co-workers. The editors are another story, well... let's just say that they're "just another grammatically incorrect headline ". That in and of itself is reason to conflagrate. You know they like have to read and stuff, make corrections and, and...well, shit that's it. It would make my job easier to concentrate on the artistic realm of cookie cutter graphics in newspaper media if they had I don't know yeah=> spellcheck. It just hasn't been a good 3days for the monkeys in the cage next door. Maybe they're not getting enough potassium. I mean seriously I don't have time to read each and every word in the paper while piecing it together for final output. But I do catch things like HAEDLINE ARRORS. Kinda makes me want to get a big old handful of steaming poo and throw it at them.
(As he swings from cubicle to cubicle whooping and cackling.)

I just realized that this post sucks. I forgot all the people out there in the world that aren't familiar with my jargon. A headline is the head of a newspaper story or article usually printed in large type and giving the gist of the story or article that follows. They are eye catching attention grabbers that draw you into the dastardly things that the world has to offer. They're big, like the queen in an ant hive.

ShaggyBob's Self Help Hints of the Moment. Don't stop drinking coffee and don't stop smoking cigarettes if you don't want to. Fart in the elevator if you're the only one there - leave a little present, if you feel the need to drop an F-bomb at work eek one out, have a beer with lunch, hit on a barista... what's the worst that can happen hot coffee in the face? Hold a door for someone, or not.... It's lifes little distractions that keep you sane. I should know I had a perfectly decent 3hr conversation with myself today.... outloud.

Knowing is half the battle

Thanks to the efforts of G.I JOE's own Duke and Flint the bridge work can once again continue at Tsavo. The workers are now safe from evils that haunted that place.

Never a dull moment here at ....and other things not-so-holy, come for the ridiculosity, stay for the history lessons. (Feel free to read up on it)

Thanks for the pic Vinnie I think I whizzed in my pants.

(And or all you people out there that don't condone violence of any kind, No Joe's were hurt in the shooting of this image, and you seriously need to stop swatting mosquitoes to be a real animal lover) BbZZZZZZZzzzzzBZzbbBZbbbZBbBZB : P

Monday, August 4, 2008

"Click me" For a D'Oh moment

It's racing season

You know it's racing season in Saratoga when.......

I had been working at this point for 8days straight without any let up at the Gaz. D called and set up a Tee Time for Nooner on Sunday. I left work at 430am Sunday morning, was up by 9 showered ready to start the trip north. A little gas, a couple cups of coffee (I stopped drinking the sludge a month ago. "I saw the Matrix"). I hit the road to what seemed to be rush hour. No big whoop, I made it the 45min drive in just under an hour and a half. We hit the course to cloudy skies and a bit of drizzle. By the third hole we were terenchally blasted with sweet sweet cold rain. We were playing like PGA Pros in the rain and it was awesome. After a bit of the old soaking the sun popped out and the heat index shot up; as well as our scores, as the damp clothes were baked to our skin. We stopped at the turn for some beverages and then finished strong on the back 9. It was a beautiful day, and the course was pretty much devoid of people. Better that the only folks there were behind us so we could play at our own pace. After a fairly fast round of golf it was back to D's for a few relaxing minutes and then I headed back to the 'Dirt for work. I was a bit tired, rundown, but ready to get the evening started. Unfortunately I first had to navigate through Toga again.

Prior to even getting to the interstate I had three cars pull out in front of me. Not separately; mind you, all at once. Two SUVs with Jersey plates stormed into oncoming traffic from the left. ( More specifically ME driving along at a fair clip of 45mph) and a Black Caddy from the right. The SUVs were at a double lane intersection with no turn lane but managed to hold hands and wander ot into the road together. The Caddy pulled out of a driveway missed a head-on collision to the shoulder then snaked left in to my lane with speed. They all converged toward the same spot the size of a dime. They all stopped inches from eachother as I double footed my breaks laid on the horn and fishtailed to a complete stop. Had I been daydreaming I would have taken out three quarter panels and possibly levvied the old air bag upper cut to 7 people including myself. It was obvious from the glares of disgust that I was to fault that they all pulled out in front of me at the same time, while I calmly reached for my Driver. Fortunately it was a split second of road rage. I thought better of getting out of my truck and swinging the club around like a battle axe. I couldn't for the life of me not tailgate the last of the three to putter away from the deadstop, yeah I was honking and weaving a bit, but when we got to the next stop light I was reserved enough to stick half my body out of the driverside window and give him a curtious bow and a hearty thumbs up for his driving ability. I think that the incident would have been alot worse had I plowed into the morons. You see the check is in the mail for the truck and I doubt seriously if they would honor the 150% of retail value in excellent condition if the vehicle was no longer a vehicle but more a piece of modern art.

........ People drive like idiots.

T-minus 4 days until a much needed Vacation to visit with Steve and Rachel

Friday, August 1, 2008


Contrary to popular belief, it is not better to spend happy hour sitting in front of a computer bank at work, rather than sitting at a pub enjoying a burger.
Contrary to popular belief, when ones boss asks if you want overtime pay for ruining a weekend an having you spend 12days straight at the office, it is not OK to then change said agreement to 20hrs of regular pay and then top it off with 10hrs of comp time. There's a serious storm brewing in my calm.

Once again, I'm in a position that works me in a utility type aspect. I haven't done any graphic design for the better part of six months. That being said should my paycheck reflect the underhanded bullshit that they're trying to pull by not only screwing me out of a weekend, but also the money to reimburse me. It will once again be time to read on and be attentive to ....and other things not-so-holy; there will be a warning: just enough time for you to don your sunglasses and look toward Schenecta'dirt to catch a mushroom cloud. There will also undoubtedly be some awesome coverage on the local and Nat'l news channels of some crazy fuckin guy wearing only boxers and swimming goggles, standing on the smoldering rooftop waving an American Flag taunting news crews with either A.) his hairy beanbag, or B.) his fuzzy little white ass.

That's all I have to say about that.

Toyota Corporate

They don't fuck around. It takes 3 days for a mailing to get from the Gaz to my place 2 1/2 minutes away. It takes just under 48hrs for the paperwork for a Toyota Recall to travel half the country to arrive at my Apt.