Thursday, July 31, 2008

Money (check)

I got word from Toyota Corp that the paperwork is in the mail to get the ball rolling for the recall check. The Frankensteiner is worth a fair amount, it's a healthy piece of machinery thanks to defective steel. That basically means that I've been driving a truck that was costing me $1000/yr to drive minus all the problems that had to be fixed. Now that I think about it.... most of the problems probably stemmed from the fact that the rust was creeping from the frame to the pieces and parts that needed to be replaced.

I let my folks know what I was looking for in a new vehicle and being the calm understanding people that they are went right out and hit up dealers inquiring about deals. There are 5 cardinal rules when searching for a new vehicle that will ultimately screw you in the goatass if you mention them. They were able to effectively nix 6 different dealers from my list of options within the span of 8hrs. They managed to do it in one fell swoop. I love that they're interested in helping, but telling a dealer that someone is going to roll in with a pocket full of loot for a monster downpayment and will have financing through their bank => ready to take the vehicle off the lot, may not be the best way to start a conversation with a sales shark. They poured blood in the water and I don't even have the check yet. There are no negotiations once you take all the guess work out of the salesperson's job. D'oH

Buyer: " Hey I've got money"
Salesperson: "Hhhhmmm, so just how much?"
Buyer: "X amount"
Salesperson: "Riiiight, as luck would have it, we've got a vehicle right over here that is only X+2(3*4)squared, minus the tax title and reg. fees... it's just the ride for you."

I'm now searching in earnest for different dealers in New York that haven't gotten the memo that I'm going to be pseudo-rolling in cash for a week or so.

I'll be in the office for yet another 8 days of working fun so I won't have the option to get out there myself and secure some leads for a new ride. (The New Vehicle & Re-Naming contest for ShaggyBob's Funtruck Booze Cruz Contest is in the works, stay tuned for the Flyer and feel free to put suggestions in the retort section of this blog when it's posted.) Rules and Prizes will be included in the flyer.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Bob's Cookin Show at the Oasis

So today I woke early and decided that I was famished. A market day, nothing spectacularly exciting happened at the market to speak of which; in an of itself, is quite strange for me. [check out that semi-colon, wooooo!] I tend to run into the squirrely and inconsiderate folks that make the supermarket a freak showish funny farm. My checkout person was Hot. I purchased a roaster chicken, shrimp (not that I'm a super fan, just wanted to reaffirm my distaste) and a ton of other additions that make a meal perfect. I spent 4hrs today sweltering in my miniature kitchen slingin food, roasting, baking, frying, and nuking everything I had purchased. The pantry hasn't been stocked, it's full of the same old stuff that I've had for months. (basically boxed items and other things that actually may require milk to cook, that leche just doesn't seem to be available in my fridge. I buy it and it wastes away until I open the door one day, it barks at me and I throw it out.)

This evening I'll be dining with Shrimp Scampi on a bed of sushi rice with vinegar, soy, and wasabi, a garlic and butter infused roasted chicken that I brined for an hour or so, red roasted potato wedges that were lighty battered (tempura?) and rosemary, breaded and fried zucchini with lemon zest, and garlic, as well as a homemade bar-b-que sauce with toothpick of Endorphin Rush mixed in. Add some fresh Naan and I'm Starv'in Marvin and that's how my stomach will assplode. I can't wait to dig in... come ON! 9pm......Get HERE!!!

Monday, July 28, 2008

B-day goodness

Had a great B-day with the fam and the DK LilMac. HAppy 30 Miss Kristi, Happy 31 D and happy belated 33 to this guy. My upcoming work schedule is a bit of a bear so I'll be posting nonsense and whatnots for the better part of the next 14days. I don't think I'll be doing much other than sleeping, eating and working.

Hopefully Bob's Cookin Show will rear its ugly head and I'll post some pics of a new creation. I'm trying to come up with a recipe that isn't too labor intensive that can be made quickly and still tastes like a heavenly mix of meat product and perhaps fruit or nuts. Shaved almonds are always a treat in a hot dish, although I'd like to branch out and some other earthy something or other. I guess there is a farmer in NC that is trying to start a truffle farm. I'm not a truffle guy, but it's good to see that someone in the States would like to try and suppliment the European monopoly. I'd try an American white truffle once, once just once.

And on a different note the pre-press floor at the Gaz has no AC, it's 100 degrees with all the machines pumping out more heat as the evening wears on. It's hot on a good day when the AC is actually kicking out cool air. I can't wait for deadline hours when the machines are up and running to their maximum potential. Luck would have it that I'm the plate guy this evening. I'm in the fray and wearing a wife beater already. If you know know it's not pretty, skeletor is in the house. I've already asked numerous times "which way to the gun show" although it's too hot to illicit a friendly response from anyone. I love this happy horse shit!

I guess you can't see the ultraviolet lights blaring out of these monsters, but you can imagine that it's just hot... The red tops of these plate cleaning machines are hot enough to make an icy cold beverage a luke warm tea. er HOT TEA *Update* I just lost 10lbs and the temp infront of the glass on the machines was measured at 115. Thank you Mr. AC fixer guy with your thermometer and inability to fix the AC. My balls are stuck to my leg.

Thursday, July 24, 2008


T-minus 10hrs until I take the Frankensteiner to get inspected and possibly to its grave. Although sad, 5yrs has been long enough and it's time to move on. I'll be taking my time on the way to the dealer just to savor the last 37minutes and reflect on just what it was that made the Funtruck such a Goddamn awesome machine. I've spent the better part of the last 5yrs doing weekend trips, one week long bender had the Monstu and I rollin around the New England States to the tune of 1400mi. It's made of spare parts new and old, rusted and stinky, it twitches in right hand turns, the blinker doesn't wink anymore and the AC unit is shot, The tape (yes tape) player never worked and a speaker has been blown since I bought it. I've fixed, replaced, and/or duct taped 67% of the moveable parts at one point or another. 3 mufflers, brake lines, an axle, numerous tires and 6 brake jobs, oxygen sensors, electrical fires, windshield wipers that only work for the passenger. Stained seat covers and a tool box that only carried golfclubs. Tinted windows and a rear view mirror that fell off no less than 10 times. Ok, I'm sad now... it has truly been a fun ride.

Yet.... I still got to where I wanted to be and home again... even if it meant I had to first park the driver-side front wheel in a lake and return home using the E-brake due to pedal malfunction. Drive in a NorEaster for 12hrs, back the 3hr trip from whence I came. I've hit a guard rail at 50mph perpendicular to the road. I've carried 6 kegs and a loaded swamprat of a Boone in the back. It's towed me down a snow covered road at 45 on a sno-tube. The wheel fell off on the highway at speed and the only thing damaged was it's pride and a mudflap (and the wheel of course). I've slept in the cab, in the bed, under it, I've pitched a tent in the back. And now the undercoat is full of rust, it flakes like confetti at a B-day party when hit with a pressure washer. It blasted through a snow drift just like the commercials not on purpose but it was still flat out awesome. It towed more than a few people out of a snowy ditch in the ADK's at prime travelin times like 3 or 4am.

The Frankensteiner, the first truck I've owned that had a remote starter but you had to roll down the windows by hand. I liked it that way, a mish mash of whatever.... it's my truck.

....and then again maybe they'll tell me that the rust isn't a problem. But, I doubt that.......

I made it to the inspection, they checked out Frank and there are a bunch of holes rotted through the frame. It's safe to drive according to Nick the Douchiest Douche of the world. (I seriously think he may go to work just to escape his horrendous personal life, but he carries his baggage with a dumptruck to the office) I took that news with a grain of salt (pun?) and have decided to drive Ye Olde Frankensteiner until the corporate headquarters for Toyota contacts me with the paperwork for the recall value. Until that point I'll be searching for a suitable replacement for my boy Frankie. So i get to drive the best damn truck evar for at least a couple more weeks. And the bonus: The guy that inspected the truck found a loose connection wire dangling somewhere in the undercarriage and reconnected my AC. Freebie. Now the music can be played loud enough to suppliment the dashboard fans and drown out the ticks,rattles, dumps, thumps and other crazy noises that I hear when sitting in the cockpit.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Just for Vinnie and Val

Cuz Bailey is wicked small.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Military Laugh

I made a Lt. Commander in the 107th Stratton Air National Guard Wing almost laugh himself out of his fatigues today.....

After a great weekend, visiting the bro and sis, an evening with DK Lil Mac, Waldo and P. Lunde and his fam I made the jaunt back to work this afternoon in just enough time to wash myself and then hit up the local Subway for some dinner. The sweaty dude that drips in the food is no longer on the payroll there so, I'm not at all skeeved by ordering.

I was second in line behind a college student that was pretty well in the bag, and behind me was the Lt. Commander.... The college dude was slurring a bit, couldn't stand still and was in the basic mumbling stuttering prick mode that I tend to get into when powering through the old Oatsodas with reckless abandon. The 20 something turned and looked at me, did a double take and then opened his pie hole. ( I had just gotten out of the shower and hadn't felt like fighting with the mop, it was out in force) "You gonna get the veggie sub hippy?" Normally I don't take offense to such things, rarely do I acknowledge the statement or who is saying it, much less care about the fact that they're blatently using up my oxygen. This particular day that wasn't the case. Before I could help it I spit out a retort to his uncanny observation of my person. "Why no I like animals because they taste good, oh and by the way, 1981 called.... popped collars are still ghey" The Air Force guy just about pissed himself and we had a great little chat at the college monkey's expense the entire time he was waiting for his sub. He thought about responding and then lowered his head like a dog that lost it's ball under a couch.

That's my story and I'm stickin to it.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Thoughts in my head for you this weekend

Looks to me that a few things can be gleaned from this image.
A.) The Cathlo-Aboriginal coalition could take over the world despite Ayers Rock and Jesus Christ having little in common other than the fact that they are both inanimate objects at this point.

2.) The Pope rockin a mop is pretty damn cool, it makes him look less like the Emperor.

Lastly.) If you look at the headline accompaniment, Perhaps that isn't a normal Papal Vestage he's got wrapped around his neck. And there by we can deduce: we may have finally found the super secret identity of Captain Obvious.

I'm just sayin.....

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Survey: How did this Toad Meet it's maker?





The choices are:
A.) A handgun
B.) A Pong Table
C.) A Driver
D.) A Hockey Ass

As easy as 1,2,3

When it's hot enough to:

........fry an egg?
And you're hanging out with:

.........Vinni Bag O' Donuts, TandyMan and the Crew
You're bound to end up:

..........Tossing a Barrel during the First Annual Twilight Keg Toss Competition.
Long day..long night, as it is periodically in the hurry up and wait realm of Newspaper work. If there happens to be breaking news about, we hurry up and wait for it. Right now and for the next 3hrs I'll be waiting for a baseball score. Not the score persay, but more along the lines of what I have to do after the score so that you all can read about in the paper, or online if you subscribe to the pay portion of our little rag. Don't worry, you can read the story in its entirety on the free site too. I just get to section stuff out so that you can click a mouse and make it look like you're flipping through the pages of a real life virtual newspaper (if that makes any sense). separating and linking stories, labeling things and whatnot. It would be easier to just watch sports center.

I guess when you look at it, burning a Vacation day, and a sick day will get you a few good things. Needed rest, a paycheck sooner in the work week than normal and a shortened work week to boot. And now, owing to the fact that I do at sometimes work 14 or so days without a break. After the burn of two days I have to find time to waste just under 3 more weeks before January. The wedding season is coming up a bit later this year than for the past few. Peeps are getting hitched in late September and October. SO now I have to think about using the rest of the sick/personal/vacation/comp days after the subtraction of 3, of course. 3 will be the number of counting, not 5 nor 2 the number shall be 3. once that 3 have been subtracted I will no longer be able to use those 3. 3.

If you've ever worked in a deadline specific environment you know what I'm saying/inferring when "the pressmen are being vultures" They have deadlines as well, and so do the rural/commercial delivery people. There's one sports guy busting a nut in the adjoining cubicle factory, three of us here in the pre-press, and 20 press guys that already have the presses up and running. Would it be correct to assume that whomever were interested in such a barnburner of a baseball game would be up watching it? And if so, why not make that shit happen and replate it for the morning papers as the updates come in. SO, 20,000 people get the un-updated version of the sports news. Because the sport's monkey is rubbing one out, the print version of mr. home subscriber's paper won't be there on time in the morning and he'll watch sports center then call the Gaz bitching that his morning paper didn't arrive on time. It all starts a slide in the chain of who gets what and who gets it after. Ah F-it, I could use a few more comp hours. What else would I be doing at 4am anyway?

If you dig the sports that's cool, if you don't give a rats ass, you want the rest of the news in a timely fashion. I'm just saying... "I guess I should get a different job, it's nights like these that I remember the really really funny parts in Office Space, things about red Schtaplers"

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

After a weekend away and a sickness that lasted a good 24hrs of death, I'm back at work. I've never been one to promote sleep, but if you can manage to sleep for 24hrs straight... I recommend it. It's just what the body needs to get back in the green. It's not the few libations I had, nor is it the lack of could have been the minial food intake, more my fault than the buffets that were available. Or perhaps it the was the perfect storm of them in totality. I'll post some pics of what Miss Kate would deem Idiocy (it's a proper term) tommorrow or Thursday.

I'm traveling this weekend to the North to hopefully meet up with the Bro and Sis inlaw. They gots a baby on the way and I gots a nice little functional suprise that should be just what the doctor ordered to make life a little easier. Then on to Togatown for a little meet up with my B-day Partners in crime. Miss Kristi joins the ranks of the officially not old but moving that way in a slow and positive manner 3.0. Nothing like sitting in the sun hanging out with good company to make the world go 'round.

Congrats to B.Ricks and Mary...they're tying the knot in late October

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Iraq, IRAN, Afganistan

The other day Iran announced that they had test fired missiles during an exercise that could deter aggression from The Isreal and The Americans. They also mentioned in the past few weeks that they are digging up to 320,000 graves so that agressors can be layed to rest according to religious belief should they "invade" their country. The US has moved another Carrier Group into the Persian Gulf... Something tells me that the Iranian Navy better not paddle up to these ships and shoot off AK warning shots. Not only that, but... images released have filtered out to the media showing Iran's Might. Step off Georgie Bush, these guys can photoshop the Navy right out from under the Americans. Dun Dun Duh!!!!

I could have done better disguising that shiite, and also could have added myself in the image. I'm not promoting a war on three fronts even if it would connect the three X's and win the game of tic-tac-toe in the Mideast. What actually scares me is that Iran's main military force, is an aging bit of inferior goodness. I'm willing to bet a few bombing runs and a volley from US armour would vaporize them. It's sad. The main battle tank in the US inventory out fires the Iranian counter part by 4 miles. Have you ever played the game Beirut/Beer-Pong? Imagine playing on a table that is shorter in your favor allowing you to lean over and drop the quarter/ ping pong ball into the cup. The Opposing team in the skewed match would have to throw the ball/quarter toward your cups which conveniently move just out of reach prior to each throw falling way short.

I hope our country focuses more on homeland problems than getting into a fist fight with a migit. We don't need it, I don't want not me.

I'm guessing that we probably have until Halloween, or the 1st of November to find out what the current Gov't is really thinking. The the Monkey wipes his hands and retires to Former Pres Bush

pillow talk

Yeah, so after three days of being miserable and restless, I got hit in the face by my pillow last night and it didn't want to let go. It hit me hard enough to register a TKO and my glass jaw spent the last 16hrs in a Coma. I'm willing to bet it had something to do with the weather. Last night was balmy and cool and didn't top the 90's it was 68 degrees in my place and I'm thinking that that could be the ideal Shaggybob resting temp. The triple shades staved off the sun for the duration of my day and the crypt was good.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


I had yet another night of sleeplessness last night. Muggy hot intensity in my apt. even the AC didn't help. It was so hot and stagnant that I had trouble forcing myself to breathe, felt like a cinder block was resting on my chest. I'm now two days into a tossing and turning restlessness that I can get out of. I don't know why, but it's not all that great. I actually closed my eyes to concentrate on getting some sleep at 11am this morning, 15hrs later... no sleep yet. I'm going to try to hit the hay in about 30min. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Kevlar Underoos

Once again the fine upstanding young citizens of our glorious city have shined through in all their glory. Thanks to a wonderfully rich and diverse bit of culture, a bit of booze and someone who thought they heard some fireworks being discharged inside an adjoining apartment (Not mine, just over the river) we reached our 5th death by homicidal shotgun blast of the year. Please join me in celebrating (yaaaaaaay, and there was much rejoicing). Last night around 9pm, while I sat here in the funk that is work on any average Sunday evening, just across town a couple of thugs decided that an arguement at a backyard BarB-Que wasn't quite kosher so they escalated into "pushing and shoving" and "name calling" which leads...obviously to pulling out a shotgun and blasting your guest, pseudo-guest, some random dude that you allowed to have food with you, in dah face. KaBLAMMmmm!!! And the neighbors thought illegal fireworks were going off. Until, of course, they saw neighboring party goers scattering like cockroaches into the street and beyond.

The assailant is at large, and by the looks of the previous mug shots you may want to drive your "car" to the other side of the road while driving past him., should he be on the same side of the road you are traveling on. It's easily one of the scariest looking human beings I have ever seen. (<=inserts IT for HE with reason).

SO, today the cops were of course profiling and any and all motorists that even came close to matching the description were hampered on their daily commute by Police, Sheriff, and NSA agents. The opinion page will be crawling with scathing opression stories, and unhappy city-folk that can't understand why, that, if they look like a dreaded 6'8" 400lb black man with an angry disposition and a bit of a bulldog-ish underbite they got pulled over for no good reason other than police harrassment. "I hope Dr. Chim Richalds weighs in on this one." He hears the pulse of the city. I myself didn't get pulled over, I think it may be that I have a bit of an overbite. It's Hot in the Schenecta'Dirt, jungle hot.

==>Anna: When I was little, we found a man. He looked like - like, butchered. The old woman in the village crossed themselves... and whispered crazy things, strange things. "El Diablo cazador de hombres." Only in the hottest years this happens. And this year, it grows hot. We begin finding our men. We found them sometimes without their skins... and sometimes much, much worse. "El cazador trofeo de los hombres" means the demon who makes trophies of men.<==

Then again, luckily for me such crime never crosses running water, the Oasis is located across the abyss from the 'Dirt, and the last person that got pulled over...over here, recieved a DWI, on his lawn tractor. We dun got John Deeres on dis side o' da ssippi, uz cen keep that thar riff raff ova yondah.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Spanky's lounge

The Independence Day celebration at Spanky's Lounge was once again a huge extravaganza. Although I did forget a small portion of my evening, hoping that I wasn't too out of control. When partaking in cocktails that are fruity and come from a blender it would behoove you to drink slowly, and infrequently. They had a delicious concoction called Bongwater that had a strange sedimentary gray look to it. It tasted like nothing I've ever had before with a slight after taste that made you want more immediately. That's where the problem came in, I have no kill switch for teeth hurting sugary fruity cocktails. I was fine imbibing coronas for the better part of the 8hrs at the lounge. After the marvelous jaw rattling fireworks display I had that one last drink before slurring my way to a car for the ride home. What time did I go home? I don't know, who drove the car? I don't know. I do know that once back at my place I dessimated an entire pizza and shot some random text messages and made a few phone calls. It happened to be around 1am, so I must have gotten back just prior to that, me thinks. (My powers of deductive reasoning are amazing, I know. Try not to fault me on that one).

So here I am back at work, doing the mundane GAz work, trying to figure out exactly when or where my 1 lost hour last night went. NO harm no foul I guess, as long as I didn't do something completely idiotic. It'll take a few days for the real story to emerge I'm sure. It always does.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Just in time for the holidays (click Me)

Exclusively not through "...and other things not-so-holy", frankly just a tad odd, although completely alluring....Clothing for sale online. Get your very own lemming suit. They're itchy, sin-less, non-revealing, and tested to make the best of your shot at heaven. Buy a single article and or get 10 depending on your marital status.

*** I kid, I joke, I'm not out to defame religion here at "....and other things not-so-holy" I'm a lemming that dresses in cargo shorts and moosejaw tees- I wear my designer spectacles and drink from the bottled rivers in hell. I shall not be smited... or something even worse....SIN.

You dig the life style, good for you go with it! Share and share alike.

Part of me, just part of me thinks that the fundamental outer clothing is nothing but a tarp, covering for the slinky thigh high black vinyl stelettos, the chokers, feathers, and riding crops. It's a fundamentalist disco party under there. Yoooooooo shakka shakka khan!

Your AP moment of the day

Apparently the Chinese Terror Police are practicing the art of mobile death dealing for any and all people that step outta line at the Olympics.

Whoa there crouching TIGER, step back behind the ropes and wait like everyone else to get into the venue. That sound you hear is the practically silent electric hum of a heavy fisted ass kickin. Pure Gut laugh stopping power. Pray that the hooligans don't get loose. Check it out, Lieutenant Wu doesn't even need his F-in goggles and he's rocking a handgun. respect

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Beer bottles and beer cans

Recycling, it's fun, it's healthy, it's something everyone should do. I have a large collection of empty beer containers at my apartment. They were hidden away in my living room walk-in closet. They've been piling up since the first triumphant celebratory beer after my successful move into the Oasis. There have been a few larger gatherings, and a number of evenings that a few people joined me for a couple beverages, and or, the occasional beverage with a nice dinner... every nice dinner I cook to celebrate a fine dining experience. I collected them and moved them to a place that will be easier to get them out and down the stairs to my truck and on their way to the Bev. Center to pick-up the return. They've now been sittng there for about three weeks, my closest non-mathematically influenced head count will be bringing a supplimentary 30bones to my wallet. A rough guesstimate, owing to the fact that I know I've cut way back since the college days of rifling through a case of beer and then walking downtown, is that I consume one tasty dark beer a day.

Since I haven't been regularly returning them, my problem is that I have to take a stack of cans and bottles back that equal my height as well as the length of one of my living room walls. I'm apprehensive to be doing this only because the moldies in my building will be home for the day and undoubtedly peering out their windows for the Uber Drunk Mutt filling the bed of his truck (twice) taking back alcoholic beverage containers. I'd hate to be selfconscous whilst chatting with them when I project the thought into their melon that they're thinking what a slob he is. ( I am a slob yes, but a conscious one that isn't loud and raucous, that doesn't thunder stomp on their heads in drunken dance of William Golding proportions)

I keep putting it off, tommorrow is the day.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Halloween Costume

It's the time of year once again to brainstorm and come up with a workable Halloween Costume. This year, for the 4th Annual Spanky's Lounge Halloween Party. I have a few ideas, all of which should keep me in the running for the best/funniest costume prize. Last year I won a scented candle (I was more than ecstatic at the thought of having another candle to add to my huUUGE collection.)

At this time I have thoughts of reworking a blast from the past costume Willy Wonka, not the Depp version the Wilder version Snozzzberry.

And then a more indepth costume that would involve wigs, a bunch of robes, comfortable fightin clothes and a new found appreciation for Kung-Fu mastery or at least a bit of ninja type fakery. Hhhhmmmm Drunken Master? yeah.... Uuuun Gah Doo HAh.
Lastly there is the costume that I've been trying to piece together for the better part of 5yrs to no avail. Something that would be fun to wear any random night to a saloon, bar, tavern, alehouse, or pub.

At least I have some time to make the decision. Heck, If I've decided to grow up and stop making smiley faces on my hamburgers with ketchup and mustard, at least I'll be be a kid and dress up for Halloween.