Thursday, July 24, 2008


T-minus 10hrs until I take the Frankensteiner to get inspected and possibly to its grave. Although sad, 5yrs has been long enough and it's time to move on. I'll be taking my time on the way to the dealer just to savor the last 37minutes and reflect on just what it was that made the Funtruck such a Goddamn awesome machine. I've spent the better part of the last 5yrs doing weekend trips, one week long bender had the Monstu and I rollin around the New England States to the tune of 1400mi. It's made of spare parts new and old, rusted and stinky, it twitches in right hand turns, the blinker doesn't wink anymore and the AC unit is shot, The tape (yes tape) player never worked and a speaker has been blown since I bought it. I've fixed, replaced, and/or duct taped 67% of the moveable parts at one point or another. 3 mufflers, brake lines, an axle, numerous tires and 6 brake jobs, oxygen sensors, electrical fires, windshield wipers that only work for the passenger. Stained seat covers and a tool box that only carried golfclubs. Tinted windows and a rear view mirror that fell off no less than 10 times. Ok, I'm sad now... it has truly been a fun ride.

Yet.... I still got to where I wanted to be and home again... even if it meant I had to first park the driver-side front wheel in a lake and return home using the E-brake due to pedal malfunction. Drive in a NorEaster for 12hrs, back the 3hr trip from whence I came. I've hit a guard rail at 50mph perpendicular to the road. I've carried 6 kegs and a loaded swamprat of a Boone in the back. It's towed me down a snow covered road at 45 on a sno-tube. The wheel fell off on the highway at speed and the only thing damaged was it's pride and a mudflap (and the wheel of course). I've slept in the cab, in the bed, under it, I've pitched a tent in the back. And now the undercoat is full of rust, it flakes like confetti at a B-day party when hit with a pressure washer. It blasted through a snow drift just like the commercials not on purpose but it was still flat out awesome. It towed more than a few people out of a snowy ditch in the ADK's at prime travelin times like 3 or 4am.

The Frankensteiner, the first truck I've owned that had a remote starter but you had to roll down the windows by hand. I liked it that way, a mish mash of whatever.... it's my truck.

....and then again maybe they'll tell me that the rust isn't a problem. But, I doubt that.......

I made it to the inspection, they checked out Frank and there are a bunch of holes rotted through the frame. It's safe to drive according to Nick the Douchiest Douche of the world. (I seriously think he may go to work just to escape his horrendous personal life, but he carries his baggage with a dumptruck to the office) I took that news with a grain of salt (pun?) and have decided to drive Ye Olde Frankensteiner until the corporate headquarters for Toyota contacts me with the paperwork for the recall value. Until that point I'll be searching for a suitable replacement for my boy Frankie. So i get to drive the best damn truck evar for at least a couple more weeks. And the bonus: The guy that inspected the truck found a loose connection wire dangling somewhere in the undercarriage and reconnected my AC. Freebie. Now the music can be played loud enough to suppliment the dashboard fans and drown out the ticks,rattles, dumps, thumps and other crazy noises that I hear when sitting in the cockpit.