Thursday, December 31, 2009

If you're out there I'm still waiting

MoonGoddess?...... MoonGoddess?..... Beuller?

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Set a man on fire

It's been some time so here's a little update. Not so long ago I tacoed my garage door in an attempt to move my Jeep for the purpose of yardwork.(retarded) I immediately called and purchased a replacement to be delivered and installed post haste. The ordeal that followed was by far one of the most assinine in my life. If you know me: that statement says alot. I DO NOT recommend any goods or services from the Home Depot from this point forth for the rest of my life.... not even in an emergency (like, say for instance, a busted garage door with winter looming.) I dealt with 4 different associates, a manager, a vendor, and a different install company. The 4 associates were confused, the manager clueless, the vendor apologetic, and the install company guy "the bomb" he's gonna be awesome.

Step 1 crush door Nov.5th
Step 2 order replacement Nov. 5th
Step 3 wait 2weeks for confirmation
Step 4 wait for site inspection
Step 5 get told the door won't be available until Jan 7th
Step 6 get offered a cheaper door on sale, with promotional discount available on Dec 7th
Step 7 get call from asshat, make that Dec 14th
Step 8 talk to manager, make that December 14th "sorry dude"<=the managers words
Step 9 new call make that Feb. 1st (curiously 1month after the original door order WTF me thinks)
Step 10 flip and go batshit crazy
Step 11 order the M2-2 WWII backpack mounted Flamethrower
Step 12 call to check on order, Feb 5th(seriously? +4days on top of 1 month?)
Step 13 Check online order status (January 11th, still 10days after original order.)
Step 14 call manager ask WTF politely, wait for coherant reply... nope!?
Step 15 inform the Depot their indoor lumber yard has Smores written all over it
Step 16 wait 20hrs
Step 17 Receive call from Installer "we're putting in your door tomorrow. at noon".

Total elapsed time 2 months.
Teach a man to make fire....yadda yadda, threaten his and 150 employee lives in addition to millions in merchandise with conflagration. Satisfactiory business transaction.

The laws of commerce seen through my eyes, a retailer sells goods and services, I pay for goods and services, when goods and services are in limbo after deductions from my account, flamethrowers get involved . Goods and services magically appear

Saturday, November 21, 2009

I've decided

I'm going to make it a point, to post....when I can. With a purpose. Today's randomness is brought to you by: Right Now! the word Pittance• \PIT-unss\•noun: a small portion, amount, or allowance; also : a meager wage or remuneration, The number .46, and the number 527.

the best waste of resources.


I've seen the caustic ridiculosity, I've seen the redonkulous, I've watched uber dumb, how can you expect anything less. Be rigtht! or make it right! You have nothing on real

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Today's Randomness

Todays randomness is brought to you by a trip to Walmart, the word peregrination \pair-uh-gruh-NAY-shun\noun: an excursion especially on foot or to a foreign country : journey, and the number 2874.

Everytime I venture into the uncharted aisles of "everyday item goodness" I find myself in a 3rd world country inhabited by people of unknown origin whom can only be classified by their manner of dress.

There's members of the High Court of Sweatpantopia
The Urchins from Baggypant Isle
The Cyborgs from the Planet FatScooter
The Mullet Warriors from Trailer 92
The Norms
The Hunter Gathers.... etc

And mixed throughout the masses are their demon spawn, I read not too long ago about an old man in a Walmart far far away that took it upon himself to liberally smack one of these creatures (which wasn't one of his own ilk). I never had the inkling myself. Until today....

Bartering in a checkout line should be outlawed, more so when you have 3 demons crawling in and about the shopping cart, on shelving, in and out of other peoples legs, demons that are throwing impulse items on the conveyor belt, opening and closing beverage coolers, dropping beverages on the floor from said coolers. Those that are whining for McDonalds food and screaming just loud enough to pierce an eardrum should you be within say; I don't know,4ft of them.

It takes a lot to rattle me into evil thoughts, I at one point imagined that my boot was clearly lodged in one of the demons asses. (I chuckled outloud). The caretaker for these devilish little monsters would have had a much easier time if she'd decided that the outing would have benefited from a cattle prod or two.

When I was a child, a backhand would have straightened me out, in fact the stink eye prior to a backhand would have squashed every and all thought of misbehaving in public. I guess a "TimeOut" doesn't have the same effect.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Landmine Croquet

If you've never heard of it before I'll fill you in with pics and a color commentary after the weekend. More specifically Monday because the Croquet Tournament in on Saturday and I already burned a vacation day for Sunday. It involves Beer and Croquet, a bunch of food and a few ridiculous College buddies with a healthy appetite for crazy.

At one point I was hosting between 12-18 people for the weekend of Beer,BBQ,and Games. Now it seems like 10 is the number. That doesn't include the people just stopping by for a burger though. I'm looking forward to it.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I'm alive

Still alive... I just got sucked into Faceyspace lately.

Update, the landmine croquet tourney is coming along nicely. 1 month away, and hopefully a few more people will be able to show up.

I've finally gotten the storage facilities, and the desired storage units forthe hardtop. I'm going to be rolling with the top down until I can't hold the steering wheel anymore due to shivering. I'm going to take the doors off this weekend just to see how bad-ass it'll feel.

wedding season is slowly rolling to a close with 2weeks until the double-header. er, well...back to back weekends.

I'll have to find an interesting life in order to type more.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

skinny jeans

If by chance you are in the mood to wear skinny jeans there are a few things I think one should follow to make it more socially acceptable:

1.) Skinny Jeans are stupid avoid them
2.) If you've got tank ass, no one wants to see your rendition of a double popsicle
3.) If you have to squeeze into said skinny jeans, don't bother
4.) Jeans are a comfort clothing you should be able to breathe whilst wearing them
5.) Good luck with your keys bring some bandaides with you where ever you go.
6.) Never ever, NEVER think that you can pick a wedgie standing in line at the bank
7.) $200 for a pair of pre-shredded skinny jeans is just as stupid as buying regular comfortable jeans that have been shredded prior to purchase.(I'm looking at you Abercrombie)

Todays randomness is brought to you by Skinny Jeans ass pickin' the word usufruct • \YOO-zuh-frukt\ • noun *1 : the legal right of using and enjoying the fruits or profits of something belonging to another 2 : the right to use or enjoy something, and the number (<) the cost of a jelly donut.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Sunday Rivaah (Part 1, 2, 3 & 4)

And so, the adventure began.....

It was just about 2am Friday July 17th when I was able to leave work and hit the road for the Sunday River Golf Trip. It began well, my Jeep started and I was on the fog that allowed for about 20ft of visibility. Barring all the headaches of driving to Boston in the middle of the night, in pea soup fog, with white knuckled terror... I made good time. As per the rules when driving to Z's place in Waltham I stopped at Funkin' Gonuts and ordered some donut holes. This isn't an odd order seeing as how they have trays of the little bastards sitting for the customers to see. Apparently ordering donut holes at Dunkin Donuts is like ordering a large coffee at Starbucks. Apu behind the counter did his best deer in headlights impression. I tried by best using a pidgin form of American Standard Sign Language to let him know what I was ordering, wait for it, wait for it.... nope no dice. Before I decided that 6am after a white knuckle drive was a good time to get heated and bitter I just said "give me 6 donuts and mix'em up". done and done...then on my wauy out I looked at the menu and thought huh... munchkins (effin Wizard of Oz Bullshiite).

I let myself into Z's place and hit the spare room for some snoozers. Around noon I was up and showered and we prepped for the trip, water, keys, smokes: damn it.. outta smokes we'll stop on the way. We hit the road. When we arrived at the smoke shop I pinched my dome in the car door on the way damned if I know but I pinched my head just the same. This is going to be an awesome trip, smashed melon and no donut holes?!

After getting on the highway, we quickly realized that stop and go traffic is not cool. Willem and Pinto were shooting a practice round and we were still 2 1/2hrs from our rendezvous. The trip did go quickly with the great tunes and catching up with the Big Bro, we even passed the Superstar Billy Grahm on a Harley. (now if you don't know who he is either, A. you're really young and shouldn't be reading this blog due to some questionable content, B. you didn't grow up in the 80's hay day of WWF watching goodness or, C. YOU'RE NOT AMERICAN, turn in your card and get out!). I found on the trip that the iPhone is a really neat piece of technology. I'll never buy one, but that's beside the point... GPS helps. We ran into some major construction listening to Five Finger Death Punch, got off the highway, blew through some reds and made it to Willem's place in one piece.

Once at Willem's we loaded the monster truck and hit it for ME. Great tunes, moose sightings, backwoods drivin, and oh yeah Absinthe wrapped in Bacon. Mmmm Bacon, bacon bacon...BAAaaaaaacon!!!!

After great deliberation and more talk of bacon we all thought hunger needed to be sated so in Conway or N.Conway we tried to narrow down the choices for a place to eat. Mexican?, Pub food?, F-ck Applebees, lets eat at the first place that has a giant Angus bull on the sign, lucky for us it was right there on the way. A family restaurant, bonus. We were immediately shuffled to their upstairs dining area overlooking dead trees, a Cemetery and the main drag. The ambiance was amazing, crooked pictures on the wall, "family" all around us. We ordered drinks from (we'll call her Sara McTellusAgain) and dropped some random F-bombs. Sara informed us that she would be right back to take our order, get our drinks, go downstairs and be right back...and she did, then she told us she'd take our orders, get us more drinks and go down stairs to get the food, bring the food back to us, ask us how our meal was.(we didn't have a meal yet, she was just letting us know the order of her thought process) Repeat an unnecessary number of times while we were dodging flying kids platters, screaming babies and Sara's inability to not think out loud. I'll have another beer thankyou. The food was really good though.

Kick IT! Back on the road, picked up cheap beer for late night after the brew pub... stopped to whiz on Mt. Washington. We were there in no time.

Rally Car racers? we don't need no stinkin Rally Car racers. Nice flame retardant suit ass clown. We checked-in and were off to the Brew Pub.(Stoo the brew master kinda shoot his head when we walked in, we horrified them last year, this year, and will again undoubtedly next year).

On to the horrification....(to be continued)
PArt 2.

The horrification wasn't immediately apparent when we got to the Sunday River Brew Pub. The place was jam packed with racers and the egos that tagged along for the ride. I would have a big head too if I could drive; my suped upChevy Nova with the duo over cam underhook deer slayer engine sans the two handed reverse threaded flywheel wing-nut: on a logging trail at 70mph. I'm just sayin'. So, Pinto and Willem ordered pints from the get go, Z and I ordered the sampler (it came all prissy like on the end of a ski, with hollowed out grooves for the baby glasses, go figure => ski resort). Any way. There were 6 selections. They seemed for the most part to get darker as they progressed toward the end of the ski and I'm not going to lie... the taste got exponentially better in that direction as well. I don't remember the names so I'll just describe the tastes as they went.
1.) Used Hockey bag smell with jockstrap. I don't lick jockstrap but this would be how I imagine it tasting. [Pinto HAHAHAHAHA Ordered a pint of this swill, more about that later, effin trooper that guy is, effin trooper]
2.) Feet and corn chips with a hint of vomit. Think the soggy rug of a fraternity house and there you have it
3.) Bearable, but hinting at something you can't find in the refrigerator that you know has definitely spoiled. Fungi MIA
4.)..... no reason to go on from here to number 6. They were good, but nothing super memorable. Worth another pint, and another and another.

Apparently in small town USA, when patrons go to a pub, and sit down...some f*cktard named Jesse tries to monopolize tips from the bartender by pretending to be your server. Bad news bruther, no tip for you. It's not that I don't tip (<=insert lines from resevoir dogs here.) It's that you're really obnoxious and terrible beyond belief at your supposed "job". Send over the cute one, and go away. Example: A standard pitcher takes lets say 2min to fill, we were sitting 10ft from the bar, throw in 30sec of order time it shouldn't take 35min for a pitcher to make it round trip back to the table. I'M JUST SAYIN, F*CKTARD.

So after we tasted Stoo's Brews we got a pitcher, Pinto ordered a pint of domestic draft, I think the first beer melted something in his brain, or maybe his pancreas.He choked it down though... air high five for effort Pintos & Cheese. In any event. We had beer, I was wearing the party in a vest, containing a deck of cards, dice, shot glass, quarters, survival tool, duct tape and band-aides. We were good to go. Some number of pitchers later.... um yeah about 7 maybe more ?! the place had cleared out. We closed the place down in similar fashion last year. Owing to the fact that Stoo was gracious enough to do a Carbomb last year with our drunken asses, Passing the bar one of us had the bright idea to order carbombs.

*clink* CarBomb.........(Fade to black)

At this point I guess there was some wrestling, throwing of punches, overall stupidity and consumption of the cheap beer we purchased on the way up. Damned if I know, I basically had a car bomb and then woke up for breakfast thinking Why does my entire body feel like it's been hit by a train??? As Pinto howls like a speeding locomotive down the hall.

Part 3.

After a thorough ass kicking at the hands of Pinto the Steam Locomotive we were off to sleep. A quick yet lagging wake up in the morning would have us at the Golf Course. We lagged, and lagged and lagged some more before heading to the breakfast thing.[for the second year in a row nobody had to step on my head to get me up and moving... not to shabby for a person that on average wakes up 6hrs after the itme I needed to get going] Last year we had vouchers for a breakfast sammich and morning drinks in a quaint little nook of the hotel complex. This year they changed that to a breakfast bar. Full spread, pancakes, breakfast burritos, eggs, an ommlette station, and (as per our ranting on the night previous....BACON) Bacon, and more bacon, just enough in the tray to hold down two separate sets of tongs and barely enough to fill my plate. I grabbed a burrito, sausage, scrambled eggs and piled the bacon over the lot. One could have said it may be too much bacon.... if anyone had uttered those words: I'd take my friend card back. SO, it was earlier than I wake up on a regular basis, I had 8lbs of bacon, 3cups of coffee and we were late for our tee time (factoring in the drive to the course proper.)

We made good time to the course, another couple of people were early for their tee time and we switched. The weather was a bit muggy, overcast, and damp. Let's Do This!

The first hole was difficult, I sucked, hit the ball a million times and got my first sandal full of festering bog water. Can't really say there was another direction to go at that point... things were looking up.

We all played fairly well throughout the day, some better than others and I think we all had that one shot that makes you want to play more even though the golf gods were kicking you in the testicles all day. At one point on a down hill par three, we noticed a fox running around the fairway. (Nocturnal animal in the day time isn't ever a good thing. But luck would have it that this particular fox was drinking coffee, I saw him carrying the cup around.) He even pooped in it and left it in the middle of the fairway. This particular hole sticks out in my mind not only because there was a coffee cup with fox shit in it, but it was down hill shot from the tee, like 500ft of elevation, steep angular fairway that a boulder could have rolled down. Boulder yes, water not so much. After I shanked my tee shot and bushwacked to find my ball, I had a great lie for my approach, the ball was sitting on a burm of grass surrounded by foul smelling stagnant muddy water. I wasn't hidden by trees, bunkers or any other hazards so I was definitely going to take a whack at this one. Judging by the depth of the mud, the funk that was up to my ankles, and the angle of my Pitching Wedge I decided to strip down. If you've ever tried to hit a ball from a situation like this you know that you're going to need a towel, steam cleaner and and a winch to get yourself out. I'm glad that the cloud cover didn't break because I would have flagged down the nearest plane with the reflection off my body. Half naked no practice swing, I gripped the club and screamed like William Wallace closed my eyes and let it rip... I picked the ball cleanly off the burm and wasn't any worse for the wear. I lucked out, I thought I would be eating some of the mud.

The front nine was a great time, my only complaint would be the encroachment from people playing behind us, I don't golf well.. but I'm relatively efficient and hate to be hurried. We let a 4some play through after they were riding our asses for 3holes and wouldn't you know it, they slowed right the fuck down and played aweful while we were waiting behind them. Such is life I guess.

At the turn we headed to the clubhouse and you other monkeys got something to eat. I dined on liquid bread, and figured it couldn't possibly hurt my game at all. I was right in the long run.

The 10th Tee is monsterous, there's a gully/ravine/gorge that you have to clear to even get to the fairway. I've never been good when there is open air between me and a bit of grass 150yrds away. Mr. Shanky bit down hard on my tee shot and after clearing the "expansive nothing" hooked back to the right on itself and did it's best suicide jumper impression, without hesitation. That was the start to the rest of the round for me. (I could give a play by play per hole, but it would be impossible to keep my facts straight, like that one time Pinto went off into the woods to take a leak and a sasquatch bounded out of the woods carrying a shaved woodchuck).

The sun had been out earlier in the day and in the afternoon it was hot, we finished up the day tired, thirsty, sunburned, thirsty, and ready to hit the pool/hottub and or shower, maybe all three. We discussed bacon on the way back to the hotel.

Hot tub....Pool.... Showered, and hungry.(To be continued.....)
Part 4.

After much debating and an overall lack of options we decided to head to the brew pub; once again, to snag a bite to eat. The place had a decidedly different crowd from the gearheads that were there the previous night. In fact, the majority of the patrons were a good 10yrs from a learners permit. The bar was relatively empty and they had a special running...20oz beers with dinner. It may not have been written on the menu or special board, but that was the special we were interested in and god damn it, it was what we were going to have. We mugged up some more of Stoo's Brews with Megan behind the bar and looked at the menus. Mind you I hadn't eaten since the plate of bacon at breakfast so I wanted it all. (I have a difficult time when not famished ordering from a menu with more than 1 page). A platter of pulled pork nachos was definitely ordered with a few burgers and stuff. I finished my 3rd pint and decided on the fish & chips. Why the hell not. Willem Pinto and Z had all but finished their meals when the fish & chips were cool enough to actually eat. There should have been a radiation warning with my plastic basket of breaded whitefish a la the sun. After the 5th pint and a blistered mouth we were ready to plan out the next bit of the evening.

Stay or not stay at the pub? They had a little game room area and Willem decided a roll of quarters and a few more beers were what the doctor ordered. While He and Pinto were getting ready to hit the machines, Megan's friend cozied up to the bar a few stools down and Z and I mopped up drool off the bar for a couple of minutes. Cute, tats, smoker, drinking an ice cold beer..... (fades out for a sec...ok I'm back) Willem and Pinto had returned in a less than pleasent mood. Apparently some of the younger Pub goers and their parents had parted ways and pool cues were buzzing the towers. "Here's some quarters Mommy and Daddy need some alone time in public, go horrify those people over there and throw fits" <=Done. Before anyone got more bitter we decided that maybe a night of poker or some other card game would be fitting for a early night. We had to leave in the AM and it only made (I ordered Jager Shots) When the shots hit the bar, some asshat asked if we should do Jagerbombs ..out came the larger glasses and red-bull. Bombs away. I never was really in tune with the Jagerbomb, JaggyB and I really had never crossed paths too often. That shit tastes like Pez Candy. I dig Pez Candy. Willem on the other hand was driving and was being responsible, no bomb.

Jagerbombs down we left, found a gas station, replenished the cheap shitty beer and headed back toward the Hotel. (1 minute away from the Brew Pub, uh, those jagerbombs were pretty good) (30sec out... yeah they were) (10seconds out...??JagerBomb??) "JAGERBOMB", the truck steams back into the Pub parking lot we exit the vehicle unceremoniously, help a biker chick pick up her helmet that she had just dropped, bound up the steps blast through the frontdoor and Scream "JAAaaaaaaaGER BOOOOoooMB" Megan behind the bar [I shit you not... deer in headlights, until shaking her head she turned to the Jager Machine]. There were a few more people in the place, and we were a bit louder than when we had left the first time. It's Amazing what 10minutes can do for the liver. People were staring wondering who brought the drunk kid. We did, but it's OK Timmy We can forgive you. (no really, hahhahahah) "JAGERBOMB!!!!!!!" KaBLAaaam, we bound back out the door and unceremoniously get back into the truck, steam out of the parking lot toward the hotel, gut laughing the whole time.

The rest of the night was an exercise in sleep depervation and alcohol consumption. A wedding party had descended on the hotel and people were being rowdy. We passed Poker did not collect $200 and went straight to Asshole. Get 4 ridiculous Fraternity brothers on vacation, pump them full of a few Jagerbombs, give them a coolerful cheap beer, and just imagine how; dirty, underhanded, and downright evil this game of asshole was, multiply by 2 and add 10 for good measure. It was a fun game! after a good many hours of asshole nonsense the other three mutts hit the rack. I was up, wandering the hotel, hanging out with the wedding folks still up that late in the morning, throwing beers at people on the floors above and below us, and generally just doing what I do at 3am....I was awake. Just about the time I went to sleep it was breakfast time, and also time to get moving. K&J had to be in Boston, Timmy had to get home, I had to work in 8hrs - 8hrs away, and Willem had to take Pinto to the airport.

We packed, hit the road, and were off. I slept on the ride back, woke to transfer bags and clubs to Z's ride, K&J piled in, W&P shot off for the airport, and we were off again toward Boston. I slept a bit more.... I'm definitely no fun before noon or even 2pm. After a brief layover at Z's Place and a much needed shower I was on the road toward Albany. I was late for work, and I dozed most of my shift.

I don't know about the other guys, but I'll tell you what...."I'm not as young as I used to be, it takes a good 48hrs to fully recover from that.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


The last two weeks have flown by and not much has changed with the life of our hero Shagz Von StillMovinShiite. The Digs are coming along and sooner rather than later I would like to have all the extra stuff sorted and distributed to various thrift stores and charities. I've come to the realization that I'll not be needing all those ties and dress pants anytime in the near future. I actually found clothing that has never been worn, and will be getting rid of that as well in favor of the clothing I've broken in over than last 8 or so years. At least until those articles fall apart.

The grill is my next big investment for the new place. I found a great deal and would like to see if I can swing the extra burners or if I just go with a standard gas grill. Something tells me that at least one burner is mandatory.

I also get to look forward to a weekend in ME with Z,Pinto and Willby. We're headed back to Sunday River to swing the sticks chasing the small ball. I'm hoping the DEET keeps the ticks off as I know that I'll be spending a fair amount of time in the jungle. It happens, and I'm not going to pay for lessons to correct my problems when a lesson costs the same as a round of golf itself. I'll work it all out on my own or play to my disadvantages. At least Mr. Shanky hasn't come out to play yet this year. (It may this time around, I gotta let the big dog eat once in awhile).

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

MOve it

Minus the three bedrooms and the two bathrooms....this is the new whip. All that needs to be done is the bar, grill, and the insertion of pong table in the garage.

I can't wait to rip the kitchen into shape and get to making stellar eats.

Monday, June 29, 2009


I saw a few things this past weekend that put my life in perspective. Not really in a bad way, nor in a good way. Just a few observations.

Example number one. A crotch Rocket passed me on the Northway. In and of itself, this is nothing spectacular. Motorcycles go fast. My Jeep not so fast. It was the way he did it at 80-90mph pulling a wheelie. I fumbled with my camera phone to take a pic to post but got frightened that I would squash him like a bug weaving into him. The image would have been appropriate for submission to the Guinness Book of World Records under the heading "Man with Planets Hugest Testicles" Obviously he was crazy enough to do it in the first place so said submission was only a few seconds away from a Darwin Award as well. Why perspective you ask? Because I realized that I'm too old for that kind of ridiculosity, would never had done it, nor thought of attempting it.
Score one for the level headed.

Example number two. I passed an elderly guy walking with a cane. Just shuffling down the sidewalk. Strange? not at all. although he wasn't using his cane in the prescribed assistance mode, he was just walking with the cane. No jig, not skipping, just shuffling along with his stick. ( It was just a stick since he wasn't using it). It got me thinking, was this old man just testing, was he just sick of the cane, or was he just in defiance of the people that thought he needed the cane to be mobile. Shuffle away Mr. Stick... more power to you. Why perspective? I haven't the foggiest clue, but that guy.... he knew, HE KNEW!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

West Virginia

Had a great trip to West Virginia to enjoy the wedding celebration for the Lynns. The timeline is pretty sweet so I'll list it as closely as possible so you can join in the fun. The pics are somewhat embarrassing, so no soup for you.

Thursday: June 18th
9a: wake-up very early for this guy, but somethings had to get done for the trip.
10a: load up the jeep with yard games, clothes for the weekend, beer/cooler/lawnchairs.
12p:early lunch.
1p: Commute from the folks place to work(I'm still not moved into the new pad...that comes the first of July.)
3:30p: arrive at work
4p: collect a double paycheck and deposit [Jessie still works the bank, why get direct deposit when the bank is that smokin hot]
4:30p: start shift, T-minus 10hrs until Vacation.
5-2:15a: Work, while staring at the clock like a rabid dog.

Friday: June 19th.
3a: Pick up my shotgun rider and head for West Virginia red-eye.
Satellite radio is awesome...
7a: Gas up in Binghamton, snag some coffee and hit it again.
9a: Stopped at the cleanest rest stop in the world, worth the hover dump without question.
11a: West Virginia after getting lost for like 5min.
Nooner: Check-in to Cacapon State Resort. Cabin 15... had a beer, and another, cold shower, one more beer.
1p: Golf cart, 18...the beating sun, lakes in the bunkers and bunkers around the lakes. Tough course, hot sun, we finished 14 or so beers and had a hotdog apiece. I hate when gnats fly into my eye like 60 brazillion times.
4p: Contacted the rest of the monkeys and they delivered pizza on their way in.
7p: second shower, more food, yard games get broken out...raging party at cabin 15.

Saturday: June 20th. Wedding day
12a: raging party at cabin 15
4a: Finally "Sleep on couch", 3 beds - 5 people, dorm furniture never felt so comfortable.
10:30a: It's loud people are hanging out, played "Good Idea vs. Bad Idea" Wake-n-Beered myself. Yard games, more beer... leftover pizza. Monkeys head to town for extra after-reception beers.
2p: Fall asleep standing up in the shower getting pimped for the wedding.
2:05p" finish shower
4p: Damn we clean up niiiiice, headed to the bathhouse (boathouse)
430p: They're hitched, Joe stalls a vintage car on the way to the reception and we giggle... time to get beer
5p: cocktail hour...everyone is here and it promises to be insane.
6p: Dinner Mmmmm dinner buffet with beer
7p: cake smashing
7:15p: dance floor opens, damn my buddies have good lookin ladies
9p: 1 of 3 kegs down, more dancing
10p: looks like everyone hit the wall.... may as well bring the kegs back to cabin 15 for a late nighter
11p: keg 2 of 3 down, drinking games hurt

Sunday June 21:
12a: raging party at cabin 15
4a: Everyone is beat, one more beer before couch surfin again
9a: Sonofabitch=> 8guys on the roof of the cabin tearing off shingles. Who the fuck works on a Sunday morning. And when the fuck is checkout time "Oh 11am"
10a: Lament muffled West Virginia twang when heard through roof, thanks for the thunderstompin.
11a: Good-byes, hit the road.
2p: I wake up 15min from NY riding shotgun with cold coffee and Slim Jims.
2:30p: Pitstop Binghamton
3:30P: Pitstop Oneonta, Brooks BBQ, 4 sampler platters we hit the road again.
7:30p: Lake George, shotgun and satellite radio are out.
8:15p: Arrive at the folks place, I don't move into the new place until July 1st.

Monday June 22nd:
4p: Wake up
4:15p: nap time

Tuesday June 23:
Nooner: Wake up

Backflip backflip round-off back handspring.. ta-dah!

Somewhere in there I got bit by a spider on the cheek, my eye swelled up pretty good it's nice welt. Kinda has a necrotic center surrounded by puffy ouch.

Wednesday: Starts the rest of my vacation "I got Nuthin" and I love it.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

NO thanks

If you're going to get into a knife fight, chances are that it really wouldn't be beneficial to do it with a gorilla. How gorilla gets a knife is beyond me, but you don't want to mess with him. And on that note. Just how do you get a knife away from a gorilla?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

In the mail

Apparently the lease for the new place is in the mail. Once it's signed and paid for, the townhome will be goog to go beginning in July. It's a few weeks further along than I had hoped, but is good just the same. I wasn't planning on inconcenviencing family or friends for a couch to crash in addition to a 2week timeslot but shit happens. It also means that I'll have to keep the storaage unit for another month so I can move at my leisure. There's no pool or hottub, but it does have a backyard and a garage (<=read, room for a pong table, and kegarator : possibly a studio area to throw paint in). It has lots of white walls to display the craptastic pieces I've been creating lately. 2 baths, 3 beds, a serve over island in the kitchen and a great place for a dry bar/wine rack. Extra added's dark at night (as opposed to city ambient light). The development seems nice and is within walking distance to a bunch of shops and foodie places/supermarket/coffee joint and diner. I timed the commute on my way to my folks place last night and it's only 17minutes from the old office, subtract 12minutes from that and there's a strip club.

MIDPOST EDIT: Done and done, new digs July1st 10min from Toga, 5 min from the lake, 6min from SPAC

Thursday, May 28, 2009

New place

Found the new place, a definite life upgrade.... It all depends on the current tenants, the lease signing and the eventual move. I had planned to try to move into the new place by the 15th of June, but it may get pushed back until July first. no harm no foul it'll give me a couple extra weeks of saving to make the place more spectacular eventually. I can always rent the storage unit for an additional month to make the trasition as smooth as the exedus from the Oasis.

When I've moved in the past with less stuff I'd always waited til the last minute, this round of moving I started well inadvance, a month in advance and barring all the furniture that I couldn't physically fit in the jeep I was technically out a week ago minus the cleaning and steaming. The Oasis will be a thing of the past at 3pm tomorrow. It's my hope that I'll finally learn how to lay down drop cloths properly at the new place. The garage is big enough to accomodate a studio area so it shouldn't a real problem. It is possible to get oil and acrylic paint out of rugs, carpets, ceiling fixtures, door jams, and off walls, windows, and appliances it just takes a bit of elbow grease some heavy chemicals and a bunch of wire brushes. I AM MR. CLEAN's raging bicep.

The new place checklist:
Pong Table
Dry Bar set up
Barbeque grill with extra added badassedness
herb garden
lawn mower
snow shovel

Unfotuntately the new digs aren't set in stone yet, there's a what if factor and all the little things that could possibly go south. Hopefuly everything will iron itself out in the upcoming week.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

There are people out there crazier than I

Just thought I'd get that out there. In my super busy labor intensive job I tend to have a few minutes here or there to surf the old intarwebb. I was searching a topic that was referenced in a novel I was reading and then started clicking on the next best thing that came along until I landed on a site that was, well..... created for the Great North American Whackadoodle holed up in a cabin somewhere in the Northwest Territory.

Now I'm all for it, get out there and get some proof. But since a specimen has never been conked on the dome and or found with a skeletal system more than .0025% whole. I think this particular chart is just about the handiest thing ever. In fact I'm walking on tip-toe next time I head into the woods and bringing my camera.

There's nothing I hate more than a deaf sasquatch eating my garbage while thinking about children!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


I'm looking at a few houses this weekend, and hopefully the process will be fulfilling. Three places within a 30min commute isn't half bad and if we are all on board the moving should be a snap once the final decision is made. A Lake apartment, a Townhouse, and a Cottage are the three players. One is with in stumbling distance to a pub ( Bayou Cafe, never been but I'm assuming it'll grow on me), one is within stumbling distance of lake rights (canyou canoe?), and one is within a short drive of Toga/ Toga Lake/and Northway for easy travel. I'm seriously leaning toward the townhouse, but it'll warrant a first person inspection. (9am isn't my favorite time of the day, but since I have appointment scheduled I'm sure I can roll out of the rack and be somewhat personable.) That will be followed by the Lake property; It's never good when a property manager says they've just renovated the inside and the the outside is the next big project. [It makes me thing the place is a healthy dose of shithole, but the money's right]. Third is the pub crawl place. I did a fly by and saw a contractor busy making reparations for the pasts lack of simpathy.

Packing up my life is easier than anticipated but still a pain in the ass. As of now I only have the 4 peices of furniture that don't fit in my Jeep, clothing and my kitchen to go. The kitchen is tomorrow's project, with paper plates and red plastic party cups ready to step up and take one for the home team.

I am definitely not looking forward to cleaning the place proper. It's not that I'm a slob by anymeans, but I been a bit creative and painted a few pieces since I've been there. I could have tarped the entire interior of my place and set out quadruple drop cloths and paint still would have made its way into the carpets. If the new tenant are into Jackson Pollock no harm no foul, if not I'm going to eat some serious cost with replacement.

Then there's the side of me that usually rears its ugly head in such situations "ah Fuck It!" me thinks,

You're not in the dugout

It is not your team, you are not on the payroll, you are not in the line-up, you are not batting clean-up with the bases loaded, you do not warm-up on the field.

SO, should I be wearing a different baseball cap than the particular team that you follow "fanboy" it doesn't give you the right to interrupt my meal to tell me that something was happening in a game I had no compunction to watch. It doesn't give you the right to expectorate over my food and use up my oxygen. ok, ok I'll make it simple. "YOU BOUGHT A FREAKING HAT" shut yer trap and let me enjoy my burger.

By social observation alone I can honestly say that Red Sox and Yankees "fans" are ridiculous. I would alternate hats everyday just to keep track of the stupid, if I were to buy into the advertising machine. "SO, how'd we do in the daygame today, it's gonna be a rough double header".... ah, no Bite me.

And to the guy at WallyWorld, I was buying socks, and bathroom cleaner... not screaming from the bleechers when you imagined yourself hitting a home run in the world series. F-U and your silly hat. "GO SCRUBBING BUBBLES!!!!!" Chiach

Sunday, May 10, 2009


It sucks to move, it's a pain in the ass. I know...I've moved quite a bit in the last 6yrs. Not all encompassing life changes, rather short "get out of the ghetto" type transfers of my stuff... followed by "hey look the crime scene van" moves, and the ever popular "was that a SWAT team incursion" time to check out different diggs a bit further from the heart of the 'Dirt. I'm looking still for a new place to live and have until the end of the month to get all my junk in a storage unit. It's a 10x15ft self-storage corregated cookie cutter aluminum space, I'm just over half moved right now, and it's sad. Very sad actually, I'm not even going to be able to fill the space ~the floor space~ not counting the 12ft ceiling. To tell you the truth, I could probably fit my Jeep in the unit with all my stuff and still not have to climb over stuff to get around it. I'm planning on donating some clothing and a couple of pieces of furniture to the Army so they can Salvage what ever uses they can from them.... al ittle contribution to those less fortunate.

I have appointments set throughout the week to visit various rental houses, and a contractors special lease to own home. I'm thinking if the place is insulated for arctic survivaL it would be perfect."Radiated floor heating?! Pffft whatever. I can't see how I could possibly take my 10x15 ft worth of shit and fill a 5br, 4 1/2 bath home, with full finished basement, 3 car garage, inground pool, and a dock on the Mohawk River, but the price is right and hell I bet I could give it a try. The other places are smaller and more quaint. Hopefully by the end of the week I'll be able switch my permanent addy with the bank and move my stuff for a June 1st berth in new diggs.

Here here

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


I checked my mail earlier today for the first time in a week and was pleased to see an envelope from the Christian Science Children's Fund. Now I used to see the commercials where you could donate the cost of a cup of coffee a day to sponsor a child in need. I opened the letter and I was was suprised to see that they had offered me the opportunity to sponsor a child that was in desperate need of some help. It had a picture, it had a vague description of where the child lived somewhere in the northern portion of S. America. Nothing specific. I looked over the material and thought long and hard about my finances to see if I could help.

Unfortunately 110037309 (the name of the child) will have to go without my help.... I went out and bought a cup of coffee. Had they included a name, even a fake name, a pseudo-christian name, or even Joe Smith, it would have sealed the deal. But alas poor 110037309 will have to live in filth and I'm adding some sugar to the coffee.

Thursday, April 30, 2009


I've officially decided that the Oasis is a thing of the past. I'm packing it up and getting ready to move out at the end of the month. There are a number of places that I've looked at and have on tap, but they're all in Limbo. SO I'm putting my stuff in storage for the time being and surfing for a bit. It couldn't come at a better time, it'll be good to move into a house with a couple of roomates to defray the cost of living and give me a bit more cash to spend on me and stuff (new shoes for the jeep a light bar..... you know necessities).

To add to the awesome that the OAsis is and was, periodically they pump out the septic tanks of the complex. Now if I had a day job it wouldn't be even remotely a problem. I work the night shift so when a poopy tanker decides that it's time to suck up human waste at 9am it isn't that fun. It's the third time they've emptied the tanks in two years and the pipe/manhole cover to the damn thing is just about 15yrds from my balcony. LAst night was brisk yet not cold night in the 'Dirt so I had all my windows and doors open. Wretched isn't the word for what I was stunned out of my sleep to this morning. The last time it happend I drove to a parking lot in my pajamas and waited it out sleeping in my truck. This morning I didn't. Bad call bruther, bad call. They were in and out relatively quickly so it wasn't like 3hrs of shit-festering funk but it was horrid just the same. After they left I couldn't stop laughing....

If I owned a Septic company I would name it SGAS Slurp Gurgle Ack Septic

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Todays Randomness

Today's Randomness is brought to you by leftovers, the word piebald • \PYE-bawld\ • adjective 1 : of different colors; especially : spotted or blotched with black and white *2 : composed of incongruous parts, and the number 9.

I have leftovers from nine different food stuffs sitting patiently by my desk for dinner tonight. I went to the rent's place to enjoy a belated dinner for Easter / the old man's B-day and came out of the deal with a shit-ton of food I neither wanted nor have a place for in my tiny refrigerator, so I made up my mind to eat until I couldn't force anymore. LAst night I went off the deep end and ripped through an entire Raspberry Cheese cake solo. ( It hurt.)

I'm gearing up for another week of work, bank stuff, and a possible date with the Moon-goddess bank manager, figure that one out and you get a prize. If I figure it out I'll give myself the prize.

I haven't had a smoke in 5days, and to tell you the truth I doubt I'll crave a cancer stick until I have a nice frosty cold beer in my hand. I hear that's where you have to draw the line....

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I've been away

It's been awhile since the last post. Nothing has actually resolved itself. I missed Alumni weekend for what I thought was a bit of banking error on my part. I thought I spent too much loot. NO so, some jerkball stole my card information and went on a terror all over the interwebbs buying stuff. I hope for his/her sake it was something good, cuz right now....right now, I no longer enjoy a good peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The bank has no refund for the stolen card information but it's on its way. I had to sign 4 pages of affidavits and mail them back to corporate so they could be mailed to my bank documented and then they could mail then back to corporate who would in turn a refund for the lump sum total in a mailing of their own. ( It's a bank wire-that-shit!) So what's a guy to do when he has 28$ to his name and a 3day weekend? Yup gooooood guess, I bought beer and smokes and had people over to celebrate identity theft. Go! ID Theft !!! YAY! Ripped it up enough to piss off my downstairs moldy (Mr. B). I also slow cooked some food. I didn't think it possible to burn something in a crock pot set on low ( I was wrong) it was a bit charred although still edible 37hrs later when I rememebered I had actually put food in the thing instead of using it as a paperweight.

Back to an exciting week of the same old same old.

I should be out of the dark here pretty soon and back to financially stable. which is a good thing considering that I could possibly be moving to a new pad.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


BAGGED IT!!! Stupid rent, and stupid bank, and stupid checkbook skillz, and stupid Course 3 math levels, stupid calculator, stupid gas prices, stupid food, stupid Mcduff's and it's cheap ass tasty beverages, stupid me for being stupid.

I'll be at the Oasis all weekend, and the next two weeks. "RAMEN"

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


I'm headed to Potsdam for the Annual LPE Alumni Weekend. This may not sound to epic, but you have to look at as thus: The Mansion on The Hill is great no matter what season (havnig spent 8yrs of my life festering in the place I'm biased), the River is a few hundred stumbles away, McDuff's is once again a viable place to imbibe and..... where was I? Oh, the people up there are nothing short of wicked Ahhsome to hangout with. I'll be rollnig from the Albany area to arrive just about 3pm, check into the Clarkson Inn (I'm pretending I'm a grown-up this round), zip on out to the house to make an appearance and then see how many people I can muster to begin the ultimate debauchery for happy hour. Ahhh McDuff's HAppy Hour how I missed thee.

Lace up yer drankin boots youngin's I'm 5x5 in the pipe flying in hot.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Chuck's nightmare

The only man that can give Chcuk Norris a run for the title

The girls

I cashed my paycheck today and went to the grocery store to liberate a tasty dinner prior to going away for the weekend. It wasn't that exciting until I was waiting in the checkout line. In front of me was a college aged betty (we'll call her Trisha), wearing what I can only describe as a celebutard track suit. It was pink...velvety and fit. She was an attractive girl, with huge... I mean huge cans. I'm 6'2" and she was 5 and change, I was looking down anyway. They were displayed prominently for the world to see splilling out of the white low cut top she wore to wrangle them. I'm a dude...I was staring no big whoop. Boobs are Boobs and a guy can't help a viewing. Although I guess I was staring a bit too openly, or the fact that I shaved off the Grizzly Adams beard a bit early in the season that made her pay more attention to this guy.( I like to thing of myself as a sexy bitch when I get cleaned up) Before I could pull my gaze from the brestesseses she was gawking at me and mentioned that I was awefully rude. NOT SO,sister.... NOT SO.

I politely informed her that "if she wasn't in the mood to get oggled by dudes while out in public, she should dress in a less openly displayed manner", I sited an example using myself as the subject "I don't go around with my balls hanging half out of my pants in public, should I choose to dress that way, I would only assume that people would be staring at them." I do believe that I would get arrested one can't openly display genitalia in New York State, but the option for women to go topless is still legal...I haven't seen it ever.

She wasn't too upset, and actually gave me a wry little half grin, and big doe eyes when we left the store chatting on the way to our vehicles.

Huh!? The girls were out there for a reason.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

And it's WHAT time of year Again?

I CALL SHENANIGANS!!!!!!!!! Blatent and unruly Shenanigans..........

Just in time for the holiday...brush up on your slang:

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


I have an innate ability to overdraw my bank accounts. An unconscious blood lust for making the bank charge me extra fees for taking too much loot. I've done it at least once each of the last 4months. I have no misconceptions about why I have no savings account to speak of. It's not good, but to tell you the truth I really don't fret about it too much. Most of the time I'm buying groceries and juice up the bill for something tasty. Then I fester as I did for the last month at my place without going out or doing much that requires the money I didn't have when I spent it. I still don't own credit cards which I believe is a very good thing. I have enough debt from student loans...a couple of credit cards would have me fleeing the country under an assumed name.

SO basically it's a fester month for me until the last two weekends, then I head to a reunion, and to meet up with some High School friends which will put me in the red again right out of the gates for next month.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Ebay auction

....sorry no picture, although I think this guy could sell snow to penguins...

"This is a max wicked sick BMX. It's a Reliance Boomerang and it's done heaps of maximum extreme stunts. I have mostly done stunts on this bike since forever. Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on it and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx. Some details about sickmax BMX: Comes with everything you see including: TOPS AS SUSPENSION REAR FORKS!! 2 x wheels 1 x seat I will even thrown my sick BMXing name for FREE - Wicked Styx. Has minor surface rust on handlebars and front forks (easily removed). More rust on rear forks (as shown in pics). Tyres hold air but are pretty old. Basically, it's an old BMX, but it's radness is still 100% in tact. Tricks I have done on this BMX: Endos - 234. Sick Wheelies - 687. Skids - 143,000. Bunny Hops - 2 (my brother dared me to do them, which I did because I'm Rad to the power of Sick). Flipouts - 28. Basically if you buy this bike you will instantly become a member to every club that was ever invented, worldwide, because you will be awesome. Pick up from Richmond in Melbourne. Throw your hands in the air like you just don't mind."

I want it now, I want that bike so I can be Rad to the power of sick.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Dinosaur

I just read an article that the Rockie Mountain News paper is going out of business after 150 yrs of distributing information via print to the masses. It's a bigger entity that the GaZ....ok it was. The thing that struck me as odd was he way they decided to go down. They didn't let their employees know that they were closing their doors. They announced today that the last edition will be tomorrow. That means that the people that work in a similar aspect to which I am currently employed are officially out of a job tonight after they finish the run. It's Thursday... come in and get your personal effects out of the building tomorrow Friday. It seems to me that would be similar to getting whacked in the stones by a cinder block dropped from a crashing airliner just before the damn plane landed on you. Wouldn't it be a bit more decent human being to at least have given them some prior warning? what could have gone wrong with that? Oh I answered my own question, some of the employees would have looked for another job and possibly found one, thus eliminating the need to pay them while in the process of closing the damn doors....

If that happens to me here, I'll warn the public of the impending mushroom cloud here in the 'Dirt, so you can don sunglasses and look toward the Capital District and see the bright light....

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A perfect world

In a perfect world it would be raining money as I left my apartment next to a stripper riding a unicycle covered in barBque sauce juggling puppies.... it's not a perfect world unfortunately.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Otter Creek Brewing Company

I'm not even going to go out on a limb here and state the fact that has been my mantra from the weekend. Otter Creek Brewing company makes a lot of delicious beer. Beer that goes with breakfast food, lunch and dinner, beer that goes with sitting on a couch or on the balcony, beer that goes with watching TV or reading a book, beer that can hitch a ride when you take the garbage out, beer that you can enjoy solo or with a friend... and the best part about their fine fine beverages, they come in tons of flavors. Mmmmmm Beer My favorite of the weekend was the "Sphinx" an Egyptian-inspired multigrain ale brewed with Vermont honey and chamomile. Can't wait for the rest to roll into the bev center down the street.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Off day

I'm having an off day today, I can't place my finger on it.... It's just an off day.

Today's Randomness is brought to you by James Thurber, the word metathesis • \muh-TATH-uh-sis\ • noun 1 a : a change of place or condition: as *b : transposition of two phonemes in a word c : a chemical reaction in which different kinds of molecules exchange parts to form other kinds of molecules, and the number 2.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


I've fallen into a lethargic slump as of late. Maybe it's time to restructure my life as it were. Not too much happens in the life of me, and most of the time I fester in solitude. Me thinks I needs a roadtrip, a brewery tour or something to snap me out of it. A lot of folks blame seasonal difective disorder in time such as this yet, in my case it may just be the fact that no sun illuminates my life. I wake in the afternoon, prepare for my day and by the time I'm ready to head out the door "especially this time of year" it's dusk, I go to work, and return home in the dark. Then the cycle repeats itself.

When I have something planned I have no problem getting up when the sun is out, but my plans seem to be far and few between... when the most exciting thing you have planned for yourself in any given week is a trip to the supermarket to pick up some grub it adds up to a sad existance in my book.

I do have the occasional bursts of creativity and love the process of slinging paint, but the spirit never moves me until 3 or 4am.

Maybe I need a change of venue.... yeah that's it, I'm going to start looking for a new place to call home. The Oasis has officially lost its luster for me. I still dig the couch and how it ties the living room together. I'm going to start searching for a place in the country, at least 20minutes outside of the current place, further from the river/moat that keeps crime at bay.

I bet a day job couldn't hurt either... but that another story all together

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I can't stand Cheerleaders

Not the chicks wearing the pleated skirts bouncing around like morons screaming in unison, every guy loves those cheerleaders.

I'm talking about the inevitable left over beers/drinks that are lying around after a party. The ones that "a cheerleader must have had and decided to finish only half of, tee hee, I'll just leave this here and get another." I think my problem stems from college, when a fraternity decides to throw a party it's inevitable that there will be a few cheerleaders around. Some people forget where they placed their beverage, some don't care if they open a new one without finishing, sometimes the beer in hand just get a little too warm and needs to be left somewhere for other to clean it up. It's a disgusting habit and when faced with the eventual clean up it is even more revolting. What's in this can, why is that one spilled on the rug, who's the momo that left the full beer on top of the fishtank sitting on the walkin refridgerator with a cigarette butt stuck in it?

I managed to roll to the Brother's place this past friday and had dinner with the fam, upon returning home I had a spring cleaning moment. I looked at my bar set-up adn decided that all the cheerleaders must go. Anything that was 1/4 of a bottle or less had to be consumed. It only stands to reason, (thanks to the Awrod and his wisdom... when it reaches that point of empty it oxidizes in the bottle and becomes worthless, that's just science.) once the mixers were placed on the coffee table I began the monumental task of getting rid of them. (Disclaimer: If I called or texted you Friday evening into Saturday morning I apologize) The vodka, gin, maker's mark, kalhula, rum, Morgan's, Jack, Jose and the last wee bit of Scotch I had are now gone. I'm not going to lie, I was up until 9am...and it definitely left a mark! Think of when you sleep in in the morning and you get out of bed with a tiny hangover at 10am to begin your day. I did the same thing...only it was tuned to my schedule, I woke at 6pm and decided the day was already wasted, I held the couch down and cursed my ill fated decision.

The good news is that I don't have anymore booze in my place, which makes it that much easier to cut it out of my diet.

I can't stand cheerleaders.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Curling pics

These were the only pics I could salvage from the curling tourney. Camera Phone, and mad pitchers do not the photographer make.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

You have to let it go man, YOU HAVE TO, LET, IT.......GO!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


He's wicked psyched for the opportunity to enjoy a sporting event that was more of a necessity to watch on the tube in the great white north. It also doesn't hurt that a couple of freinds are participating in the weekend long event that will hopefully be nothing short of stellar. I'm a fan, and have been since the mid 90's. Curling is a sport I enjoy watching. Baseball bores me, Football isn't my first choice, and basketball or hockey drive me positively mad. I screamed with enthusiasm at the screen when watching the Labatt Brier in college, now I get to see another tourney live in all it's glory. Although it's a bit tough to hear the yiping and wailing of skips bellowing at their teamates to "Sweeeeep HArdddd Woah...hard, let'er be" while situated behind a pane of bullet and temperature dampening glass in the warm room. The club has a CCTV system that gives you an overhead view of the house at the other end of the ice, the bar is within a hop skip and a jump (I'll be focusing on the hop skip and jump while getting libations, cheap ones too) Ponyied (sp) up to the glass is a pub height bar with chairs and stools so that you have a place to rest your weary arms and hold the beverage within close grasp. I'm looking forward to the weekend. The Bonectady team comprised of three Schenecta'dirt players and a Boston transplant have a good chance of winning the whole deal. Gonzo and Toolio are taking the ice and gunning for shot rock. T-minus 3days.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


1. indistinctly prophetic [syn: adumbrative]
1. the act of providing vague advance indications; representing beforehand [syn: prefiguration

I arrived at the office today and noticed that there were 12 new empty chairs. Not suprising because of all the layoffs last week. What I felt as an ominous cloud of foreshadowing..... there were only chairs, the cubicles that once housed said chairs and the unfortunate people let go last week were gone. They dismantled the cubicles and removed them. The editorial department now has a fairly volumous void. If that doesn't say some serious shit is going down pretty soon I don't know does.

Not good with a capital NOT.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Prehistorical nonsense

I'm riding the dinosaur of print media. A T-Rex steed that has no teeth. I've resigned myself to ride that sucker until it heads to the tar pit. I'm going to sit on the beast until it dies. Be that it in a month, or 6 months, I'm perched to be tall in the saddle and let it do what it needs to do. I'll continue the search for a suitable replacement paycheck in the mean time.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by: Bginning yet another job search for future employment, the word hebetude • \HEB-uh-tood\ • noun: lethargy, dullness, and the number 012009.

I dread searching for a new job, even though I still have my current employ. The future doesn't bode well for the newspaper industry in general and it's only a matter of time until the woes filter down through the ranks and slap me in the face. So I'm sending resumes again and trying to find suitable venues that would need a character like myself on staff. I'm not above washing dishes for a spell or raking dirt for a landscaping crew, but I don't really need nor want to take a step back. Our economy really bites the big one right now and off the 50 jobs listed in the country in Museum Administration most require a Masters. Of which I have none. Not to mention the throngs of newly gradumakated individuals that are adding themselves to the mix as colleges send the monkies on there way out into the real world. 50 jobs and 2000+ new applicants, experience goes pretty far but having an employee that you can mold into your particular company goes just a bit further. We'll see how the search goes.

At least my belt matches my shoes....

Sunday, January 18, 2009

where'd who go?

This weekend could quite possibly be in the top ranks of the "where'd I go" catagory. After Conner and a round of the Dark Knight, scotch, martinis and an infusion of many many different tasty cocktails. I recieved a call from KP she was bored after her shift and decided to roll to the Oasis to chill for a bit. By 4:30 or 5am we had basically made what little carpet that didn't have paint on it a thing of the past. Throwing paint until the sun comes up, twice in one week. Apparently I hit up the cel phone and texted tons of peeps all of which I niether rememeber nor had in my phone to reflect back on. I guess I must have run low on memory and erased them all. Saturday after a lazy wake up in the afternoon I festered on the couch, hit DK Lil Mac-n-Ollie with a quick phone call and then didn't move for 16hrs. It's pretty sad actually, festering solo on a couch watching movies until 6am.

Me thinks it's time to work my way into a relatively normal sleep schedule. Hitting the rack hopefully before 4am. We'll see.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


16 down.... I think I made the cut for the week. Next round of whacks comes in February apparently. Time to gather a little scratch and start really paying attention to the alerts I get from the 7 Museum Job websites I subscribe to.

......AND SCENE.....

[It's pandemonium in the cubicles and Bob Costas is in the fray with a microphone, the camera jostles and rights itself. Goes out of, then back into focus, behind Costas there's a small group of people huddled up and mermering a chant]

Bob: "Were here in the aftermath of todays game, looks like the home team took a brutal beating with the score 16-0. Maybe we can get some feedback from the participants"....

(ShaggyBob blasts through the throng of people maddened wildly doing a hippy dance)

Shaggy: "WOoooooooooooo Yeeeeah, I said WWooooooooooooo M_F'er Yeah, That's what I'm talkin about!"

(extends microphone)
"You look like, like you're relieved by the outcome"

(comes to a complete stop then looms into the camera until his nose touches the lens, retreats again)
"WHUh? OOOH, yeah man.... I'm pretty psyched."
"Over all it was a tough match, but the team came through with flying colors"

Bob: "How can you say that with such a staggering loss?"

Shaggy: "well I tell ya Bob, when a devastating thing like that happens it's good to know that your friends and nightside co-workers have your back, I'm glad that our evening shift is fully intact, Hell man the paper wouldn't make it out to the masses without us!"

Bob: " I see, can you tell me what it was like out there?"

( bounces back into the hippy dance, twists and stumbles headbutting the side of a cubicle with tremendous force)
"It was really hard Bob, not knowing, but we held it together.... we knew it would be tough and the losses would be huge but we kept the faith and had eachothers back man, we didn't want to lose anyone from the core group"

Bob: "Well, congradulations on the kinda victory then"

Shaggy: "Wooooooooo yeah WTF MAN WTF?"
(Shoots back to the huddle and they begin bouncing in unison chanting something unintelligible, the bouncing and muttering get louder and builds to a crescendo. Shaggy bob flies back to the camera grabbing the sides unseen, begins shaking it).
"I just want to thank everyone on the nightside crew they're the best, man"
(turns to leave and snaps back to attention, points to the ceiling and slowly looks up)
"AND GOD... if the NFL players get help catching a touchdown and thank the man upstairs hell I'm going to do it to, THANK YOU JESUS for letting me pay my bills, respect brother"
(pounds his chest......turns to leave and snaps back to attention, again)
(takes a step back flexes/growls incredible hulk style, then heads back to the group)

(KP, Liser, Pat, Bob and Shagz begin bouncing yet again, then abruptly stop and turn back to back as if being circled by an invisible wolfpack, peering and squinting around the floor looking for the suits.)

The Shift Ain't over yet.

..........AND SCENE.........

I feel as if someone will roll in near the end of my shift and say "thanks for working tonight peace, you're outta here." Wouldn't that just frost Satans nuts?

And so It begins....

Not 15minutes ago an editorial staff member got the axe in the latest round of layoffs here at the GAz. I'm a little more apprehensive now that the rumor mill is no longer rumor and the mill is set to grind some more people down to unemployed flour. Our department hasn't gotten word yet if any of us are on the block, my supervisors are more or less kept in the dark until the last minute. (I can understand that, we're a group that works hard and parties harder when not at the office.) A close knit group of night-dwellers that rock on the paper every night.

Tomorrow may be the day I legally yet, surreptitiously get out of my lease agreement due to unfortunate circumstances, pack up my life again a la 2001 and move across the country to a different state to start anew. Big Sky and Bozeman Montana were the big winners for a year then, perhaps a Wyoming berth is feasable. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. I've kept a list of museums and art centers that I've sent resumes to in the past ( rejected or not) and I can swing 6months of unemployment without making any additions. [I believe I'd have to document 3 "tries" a week to keep the loot flowing]. I'm also not opposed to picking up a few less lucrative positions until I find something suitable. I've worked in some low paying positions and had just as much fun as working at what I love doing. It all depends on perspective.

Then again maybe I'm not the big winner as it were and I'll continue my search for a museum that'll suit me at my leisure. It's just unfortunate that I'm not upwardly as mobile as I used to be. I settled in at the Oasis and have a ton of shit that wouldn't be condusive to packing up and leaving at a moments notice.

Should I be the next to go, my connection to the old INTARWEBB would be severed. I rely on the office comptuers to connect with fam and friends not to mention total friggin strangers. That's what happens when you have jobby jobs that pay just barely above the living wages in an area.... sacrifices. For me, cable and internet access were the first that I nixed. So I may be away for a bit. Rest assured If I disappear from the webbs for a bit that. "I did infact sober up after a minor 24hr bender and will be returning at the earliest possible".

If worse comes to worse does anybody need a couch that ties the room together? I also would need temporary homes for the artworks that are on the walls in the Oasis.

I'll post again asap.

I wouldn't even think about kung-fu cutout kicking someone in da'face.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Weekend Plans

It's going to be at least a month before the Manifest Boozery once again hits the road toward a hamlet near you. With some minor repairs from dessimating that snowbank at Vinnie Bag O'Donuts' place and the ambiguity of whether or not I may still have a job after the week's end I think I should squirrel away some funding. Once the ducks are in a row, I'll be more than happy to pan fry them and put them on a bed of baby spinach covered in a blueberry and mango salsa. Until then... I'm going to take it easy.

I don't generally follow the New Year Resolution thing for more than a few weeks. I guess that's the normal length of time for a monkey like myself to cave in. This year I've decided that I'm going to do things one at a time. First order of business is to quit smoking, easier said than done of course.( Other than my will power there's nothing keeping me from rollin down the same trail). Then it'll be time to actually get healthy, like healthy food and excersize healthy. We'll see.

SO I think I'll start the Boozery-less savings period by trying to give up the nicotine. Call me Sunday and I'll chew yer damn arm off. It may bee a pretty productively creative weekend whili I'm gnashing away the jitters.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


NO word from my Rushin'Friend Layofsky. Maybe he's just sipping on a shot of Vodka biding his time. The consulate said that he'd be in touch with someone here within the week.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Layoffs, part three.

Looks like the Company is going to let another round of people go. So says the little bird and the rumor mill.

I'll once again offer my services; in light of the impending storm, as a handyman, poolboy, chef and or all around butler for anyone who may think that free room and board plus a moderate salary [only to cover bills and insurance, the occasional 6pack, and movie addiction] may be worth it. I'm mobile, have attention to detail, and would be willing to do just about anything short of sticking my arm into clogged septic pipes. I'm kid friendly and don't mind pets, I cook, I clean, and I don't make too much of a mess.

Please keep in mind that I tend to be good natured and love having a good time if this fits for you and or anyone you may be able to pawn me off on I would greatly appreciate it.

Respectfully Shagz VonHandyman

Classic Me and Stuff

Because my life is so enthralling, and I'm into being philosophical, here's a little bit about me that should throw you for a loop when thinking of me in a wholely influential, and perfectly dignified way. "I'm pretty sure I knocked myself out bending down to pick up some crumbs that I mistakenly swept onto the floor in the kitchen". Talk about the awesome power of headbutting a counter. I was cleaning the kitchen after a few days of Bob's Cooking Show...I had let it fester until today just because I could. I KO'd myself. Knocked Right the "F"-out. The only thing I can think, is that I was in a great rush and vehement about getting the crumbled food as fast as possible, the non-moving entity of kitchen counter just happened to get in the way. This should be an occurance that happens infrequently, and indeed I haven't been dumb enough to smash my melon on a counter for quite some time. I am however extremely accident prone so it shouldn't be a complete shock that it happened. At least I can see straight now.

Kitchen Counter 1, ShaggyBob 0.

On a lighter note (used loosely of course) It's not like some ravishingly nubile young lady will be visiting the Oasis anytime soon. {I'm still under Doc's orders to refrain from the farer sex, it'll be year of complete abstinence on this end, around February 12th. I may have to continue for another 6months after that...depending on the outcome of another round of invasive and completely stomach churning tests. I'm hoping biopsies are done and I won't have to watch a dude stitch up my wang again... the "stitches in my dick itch dance" is one that I could completely put in my past} So basically I can leave dishes in the sink and postpone cleaning the Oasis until I see fit. I just have to watch out for the counter it's gunning for me.

what kind of world

What kind of world are we living in? Seriously, what has become of the world when.....

A Man, can't grab his assult rifle, hop a cab from Hartford CT to Albany NY. and not get into a gun battle with New York State Troopers sustaining numerous bullet holes which put him in ICU? The authorities are still up in the air and trying to piece together information to figure out why the battle happened. Using my skilz as a forensic psychologist, skilz I gleaned from watching crime dramas on TV I can go out on a limb here and offer to shed some pseudo-professional light for them. "This man, that got shot up, took a cab from Hartford CT to Albany NY [the cabfare was projected to be $2100] this man, brought an assult rifle with him in the cab, it stands to reason that this man, wasn't going to look for puppies and rainbows when he arrived in Albany, here's my educated guess as to why the shootout happened. Because the "man" was a "criminal" and by "criminal" I mean deserved to get shot at by State Troopers for taking an assult rifle on a 150mile f*ckin Cab ride whether or not he was actually in search of puppies and rainbows.

While I'm typing away about stupid criminals did you hear the Joke about the Somali Pirates and their 3million dollar airdropped ransom for the oil tanker they pirated? It starts something like this, "a rubber dingy with somali pirates capsized due to the weight of the 3million dollar ransom." If you're badass enough to play pirate, you should at least be smart enough A.) Ask for an amount of money that won't capsize your friggin boat, B.) Get a bigger boat, C.) not be a complete asshat in the first place..

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Start off on the right foot

A little snow, a a little GroundsKeeper Willy, an early wake up, and a blatent threat.

I park the Jeep in a spot away from my sleeping neighbors; owing to the fact that I'm arriving after work at 4am, so that I don't wake them making noise extricating myself from the vehicle. It's close to a snow mound that the grounds crew piles up as more snow falls. Usually I'm up and out to move the Jeep as to not impede their work. This morning they called at 12:15, I was fast asleep with earplugs to deaden the daily noise of doors slamming, showers running, and my neighbors generally going about their early morning. Apparently GroundsKeeper Willy knocked on my door, and called an additional time to wake me to move Kletus. When I returned the call 10minutes later he immediately threatened to tow my Jeep every time it snows from here on out during the winter should I not immediately move my jeep each and everytime they have to plow the lot. No warning, not "hey we're having an issue moving snow on a regular basis due to your vehicle being in the way, could you please be more attentive and help us out." Nope an immediate threat followed by a tiraid that included me not obviously being on the same page as the people that I'm paying to work making their lives more miserable and difficult. I was calm and collected with eye gunk resting firmly in the corner of my eyes until he wouldn't let up. I then found myself telling asshat McGee to drive his ass to my apartment to chat with me in person. I threw on my boots pajama pants and a winter jacket rolled into the lot, hid the switchblade and brass knuckles and waited for him. When he arrived and steamed out of his bucket loader I met him before he reached the ground siting lease articles and mentioning to him that he could honestly and truly go fuck himself. "Written notice, registered mail should he ever have a problem with me or any of my physical posessions for the rest of my time in the complex" Then and only then will I even consider his voice as a noticible noise, and the property manager can file his complaint post haste for the unwarrented threat.

I moved the jeep to a clear spot and thought the interaction concluded, an hour later they were in the lot with a bucket loader, a tractor, and a truck both with a plows. It's no fuckin wonder that the Jeep was in their way. The lot holds 10 cars on a good day. They ended up plowing the Jeep in again.... I couldn't move it due to heavy machinery and motioned for the Groundskeeper to get himself a TRO against me and eat some serious phallus.

I'm pissed.... it doesn't happen often, but I'm Pissed.
I want, I need........

.......There all better

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I'm taking Kleetus to the Dealership on Friday to have some U-joints looked at. Can't wait. I also had the pleasure today of waking to an icy barrage of sleet and snow type stuff. The roads weren't bad, just a bit slushy. Not for me anyway I actually avoided T-boning some yahoo that couldn't stop at a red light. The chimps all come out when the weather changes.

It's tough.

It's tough to sit at work wondering when the next portion of the paper will arrive for me to do my "professional damage to" and most nights I eat goldfish. Those little yellowish orange bastards take up too much of my time. Every damn one of them gloats and smiles, everyone that gloats and smiles dies a little death.

It's tough to be antzy enough to consider a jog around the frigid parkinglot without pants "Just for something to do".

It's tough to motivate to do pretty much anything other than fall asleep at sunrise snooze the day away and then head back here to ponder goldfish death and pantsless marathons.

Skidmore is still working their decision madness, and I may be out of the loop already I don't know.

Today's Randomness is brought to you by solo red plastic party cups, the word sanction • \SANK-shun\ • verb 1 : to make valid or binding usually by a formal procedure (as ratification) *2 : to give effective or authoritative approval or consent to, and the number 010109.

Monday, January 5, 2009

A New Year

I can't say as though I remember everything that happened at Vinnie's, and given that I decided to forego sleep until January 2nd I doubt I could explain the pandemonium in a correct way. Mass consumption, champagne, tasty food, a dessimated bank of snow, football, donuts, lots of great conversations and a bunch of cheer. I have pics but I'm still a bit slow in figuring how to get them from device to device/computer at work due to firewalls and the unavailability of RAM Space and or Rom the spaceknight.

That was the beginning of my New Year, followed closely (i.e. while whooping it up) by the news that my Grams passed away. I took flight from Vinnie's in the wee hours of before noon on Sunday to travel back to the 'dirt, suit up and head to G-ville for the Funeral. My Grams hasn't been in the best of health since she hit 98yrs old, but she passed away with loved ones surrounding her and had an out pouring of family and pseudo family / friends in attendance for the services. Rest in Peace Gramma M.

The jeep needs a little work, noticable by the hanging grass, dirt balls and the over all grit covering the interior/exterior. When smashing through snow banks at speed and or doing donuts in a yard giggling uncontrolably one must think before removing any porton of the convertable tops that it will create option for mass flying particles to enter. Oops... still kinda chuckle when I think about it. The first shot was a varitable tsunami of snow, gravel, and detritus flowing over the bumper hood, and windshield straight onto Carter and myself in the front seats. Ahhaahahhhahahaha AGAIN!!!

That's it, oh...and Pinto's belly button does and has infact held a good sized cherry tomato. (shudder)

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Pinto Likes Men