Monday, May 26, 2008

Capt'n Insano

Great Memorial Day weekend, you should have stopped by...I won't bore you with the details I can't remember. 7hrs of work and I'm Out until Sunday. Nothing to see here, move along.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

What do you get

What do you get when you put 6 Fraternity guys in a yard with beer and a game of Baggo? (it's not Bag'Oh....) you end up with 6 different explanations as to how you may have to drink given any random outcome of a specific event. "you dropped your smoke"=>drink.... "you were in the sun" Drink. Wooooo!

Ricks, Syverdirt, Fishaah, Boston crews, shoot me a ring, The ribs have been cooking for the last 8hrs. Time to get the feed bag on!

Thursday, May 22, 2008


T-minus just over 2hrs until I launch the second ever, week long vacation of my life. (barring of course the summers when I was in elementary school.) And as for the first thing I'm going to do on vacation..... wait for it, wait for it........... chip a filling. Yup thats the first thing I'm planning to do on my vacation. Technically my time off will rock, cuz I lost the filling about 35min ago and it's not really during my vacation just yet. When last at the dentist they mentioned a couple of options for when this was destined to happen. I say destined because the guy drillin in my face hole didn't seem confident ( I gave him the benefit of the doubt). He said should the filling come out we can cap your tooth for 600 bones or pull it for significantly less. If it's coming out anyway I'll deal with it for the weekend.

Plans change I'm cool with that, it's the showing up an hour late I can't stands.

So an addendum to my vacation plans involves a trip to the dentist. It'll make it that much more fun to go shopping for a suit. "which way do you dress asks the lady with the tape measure ready to capture the inseam" my reply "OHMMMmm hhhaaggplpktrg tuuuu duh MRLRPHhhh......." Good luck with that one; touch my balls. (that was rude, I'd never actually do it) But the thought is funny enough. Unless it's a dude not wearing a doctors uniform with sterile gloves minus the PhD and he tells me my balls are smooth as eggs with a wink and a coy smile. And on that note...I'll probably be away until a week from Sunday. Carry on, nothing to see here.......................

I'm getting sauced in Boston. Blend me up a porterhouse rare, and drizzle a couple of shots of tequila over it.

I'm 5X5 in the pipe, Funtruck is a GO.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

IT's ON!!!

The quest for a new position in the Art Administrative field has been given the green light. The folks at Toga/Tang have listed the opening. NO parachute this time.... I'm going to free fall into a new office. It's time to get a hair-cut and get a real job. (1st monster hair-cut in 10yrs) Of course I'll be waiting until I have a sit-down interview scheduled to pimp that mop. Shark Skin suit optional....yet rico suavishly preferred. I'll keep you all posted as the process progresses.

I'm thinking half full. If for nothing else, because I miss wearing a tie to work. After three solid years of wearing a tie 5days a week... I long to choke myself out again twice every morning. Since it's been almost three years since that was the case. Either all you mutts that I'm friends with have to get married, or I'm going to have to get a new job. I don't trust you all to help me out on this one so I'm gonna try to take care of it solo.

It's comperable pay, so the commute and gas prices aren't an issue yet.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Great weekend

Made it up to see DK LilMac, and spent 6hrs chatting the away, when I wasn't under sneak tickle attack. Good foods and beverages you know the goodtimes. Sat. headed to Gonzo's for a bit of mayhem... 6am rolls up fast. I'm looking forward to the summer. It promises to be exponentially better than the last few months to say the least.

I wonder about a few things and I thought I'd air them out. First I'd like to examine the term """Carbon Footprint""" (Three quotes beacuse it's that ridiculous!!!<=three exclamations for uber ridiculosity). Looking at this chart it seems to me that some folks have their heads firmly stuck in their asses. (I referencing you AL) Apparently due to the excess emmisions created by their motor vehicles, private jets, production plants, fossil fuel burning gas giants, the excess of domesticated farm animal methane, and all the other factors involved the small percentage of world's feudal populace inhabiting the earth in 950AD "WERE DOING IT ALL WRONG".

Global warming is a buzz phrase. It isn't a real threat. The heating and cooling of the planet is a cyclic thing that will continue to cycle after the last human takes his dying breathe. And while I'm at it I may as well let you in on the little secret about the "hole in the ozone layer" Imagine if you will, that the Earth is an orange, not a Naval orange, a Mandarin orange. The hole in the ozone would amount to a pin prick in the meaty zesty outer skin of said orange. Lets put it into perspective though, the pin prick would remain the same size where as the meaty zesty goodness of the orange would be bumped up a bit... 26ft of zest (conservatively). SO, the pin prick of holey Ozone would actually be located on a 52' diameter orange. Fruit Cocktail anyone?

Polar bears are now an endangered species according to the specialists.?due to global warming? I think its matter of evolution. Polar Bears don't have thumbs yet. And also a little known fact, more polar bears are killed each year by researchers studying them than by anything that the environment can throw at them. Let's jump now into the mind of a Polar Bear.

"Holy shit those wallruseseses are F'in huge" " I'd hate to get mauled by a fat ass slug of a seacreature", "I smell fish cooking, Mmmmm cooked fish; whatever the hell that may be" "Oh a cabin, ?what's a cabin?, that smell is coming from inside the cabin" "Lets have a look see shall we" "Wow, cooking fish and a land mammal that is completely awkward that I could easily snack on, I weigh 2tons and I'm 13ft tall for Christ's Sake" "this vertical ice looks like a great way to get into the cabin and have me a snack" (flash bang grenades go off, dynamite is thrown to scare Mr. Bear, inside the cabin Mr. reasearcher is shitting a twinky because he's out of HIS element and in the realm of Apex carnivore) Large bangs, and bright flashes don't scare animals with paws the size of serving trays. You may say that the warming of the planet has caused environmental factors that decrease the populations of Polar bear food forcing them to hunt and search for food stuffs that they don't normally hunt. Bullshit, they're opportunists. You may say that Seal populations dwindling force Polar bears to hunt larger game, (see above mention of fat ass slug of a sea creature i.e. Walruseseseses) Like Polar bears have never hunted walrii before. The walrii have a behavioral response that circles the wagons like buffalo "wee ones" to the center, fat asses and tusks to the outer rim to protect their youngins. I doubt very seriously that they developed that response to protect their young from an Arctic Fox. A 15lb Fox has never been witnessed gunning for a herd of walrus with the express purpose of taking down a 3ton animal with its Arctic Fox Ninja skills. Polar Bear opportunist that he is, is saddened when twinkie shitting researcher brings out the boom stick and unleashes hot lead. The bear goes down thinking "I bet this guy isn't even going to use my fur as a coat, and god damn it I should have been the one to evolve into the opposable thumbs catagory of higher genus".

The researcher then radios in to his superiors with the excuse "It's coming right for us". Thanks Ned"

Agree with me or not, I'm not saying don't do what you can to have as little adverse effect on the environment as possible. It's a good thing to be """Green!!!""" Just don't let the media and the monkeys in charge of the world belittle your intelligence by letting them influence you with made up bullshit statistics and fear mongering.

W.......w.......whoa @#%%&^$, (<=falls off soapbox)

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The start

Since I've been loafing around and not traveling much, the truck seems to be in good running order. So, before it gets all righteous and stuff, I'm going to take it back on the BoozeCruz. The next few weeks will undoubtedly add a fair bit of mileage.

May 16: Toga for a visit with DK LilMac
May 17: Back to the 'Dirt for some ghetto mud-boggin (never been? it's simple, replace mud with sidewalk and boggin with crackheads)
May 23: the red-eye to Boston ETA 6am for Memorial Day Weekend B-B-Q @ Z's place.
May25: the 'Dirt, for work on Memorial Day
May 27: the Second ever Annual week long vacation begins,(what that means? basically I have no plans and if you live within a days drive you may get a visit. Anywhere between Montreal and Atlanta, and from the East Coast to Souix Falls SD. [I was contemplating taking a drive to Bozeman MT, but that would leave all my stuff here for the repo-man when I don't return].
May 31: I may catch BiPolar's last concert ever at Northern Lights.
June 1: Play the lottery to possibly win enough cash to repeat the previous week 4-evar.
June 7: Golf outing in Newry ME with the old fraternity mutts, Pregame barstool olympics.
June 8: Tee-Time 10:40am, followed by pool bar/ hottub bar/ dinner bar/ bar bar/ tavern bar.
June 9: 8hr Trek back to the Gaz for a 6pm shift.
June 14: MJ's B-day, and Dad Day Extravaganza.

I'm thinking I'd like to check out the renovated McDuff' for a night so I'll have to get a working plan for the Great White North.

Somewhere in there the Frankensteiner will break down, I'll curse all that is holy and then spend the entirity of my savings to get a new vehicle ( A gas guzzling muscle car, a testosterone emitting thunder truck, or a Volkswagon minibus, nah...just kidding, a Vespa with racing flames; only 94miles to the gallon.)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


My moms had surgery yesturday, I was able to get there for moral support after work and a few hours of nap. The world does infact continue on without me and the morning has a plethera of people doingstuff at that hour, who would've thunk it) I don't know if it was the lack of sleep or the fact that I was in a hospital but I came very close to having a surreal moment. I was walking to the recovery room to see the old lady post-op, pre-release and the monitors beeping away with the IV drips, a stack of perfectly stacked crackers, one slightly off to the side with a bite removed, a miniture pepsi can with a straw dangling, and empty pill cup, voices murmuring all around. My moms looked at me in her drugged up half smile and said "that's pretty Dope" (with emphasis on the Dope portion) Jar of gall bladder, sure, drugged mom saying that's pretty dope, yup.... only a missing zoo animal sauntering through the recovery room would have melted the clocks for me. I was seeing things in slo-mo. Welcome to bizarro land.

Shes's doing awesome, recovering like a trooper and rifling down the vicodin only when the time is right (i.e only when prescribed). I would have liked to take the rest of the week off to hang out and wait on her, but it's not in the cards.

I'm a little worried about the powerful drugs, my grams was addicted to V for a number of years and prior to her passing she was a regular fiend. We'll have to see how things pan out. I know that the clan myself included seem to have addictive personalities for one thing of another.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Todays Randomness

I have a turkey sandwich

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


Where the hell did that come from. I rate htis entry with nothing more than 4 stars due to the frivolous content and the moron that posted. (it would have been 5stars, but there is a typo)

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by, some jackass that scattered roofing nails across the entrance to the parking lot here at the Gaz (apparently it's the 3rd time. I didn't get the memo about the previous nailings). The word nefarious: ne·far·i·ous Pronunciation: \ni-ˈfer-ē-əs\Function: adjective : flagrantly wicked or impious : evil, and the number "a bucket full".

As much as I dislike some people in the world, in that evil "nefarious" way that I am. The devious twisted dichotomistic step-twin of left or right brain function gone off the deep end with thoughts of retribution and how good a swan must taste all in the same second. I didn't lose any tires, I didn't see the nails, someone else was nice enough to scoop them up using only their own 4 tires. Now I can't say that the nail scattering wasn't warranted because the douche is anonymous. I can say that I'm pretty damn psyched that I didn't have to replace the tires on the Frankensteiner, last go'round it was a shitton of money. [then again I checked my tires thoroughly for foreign bodies and only came away from it knowing that they are in desperate need of replacing]. So I guess I say thankyou Asshat for throwing nails were I might drive giving me the opportunity to look at the wheels and make the decision to drive on bald F-in tires for a bit, thank you, ya "pipe" for being you., hopefully next time you decide to be a ninja and scatter some nails, a City bus on it's homeward-bound run for the evening will have a drowsy driver that doesn't register or care that you're there, and makes an example of you for all the little critters to look up to. you know, when they grow up to be roadkill.

Why? Nails? seriously.... we did alter the color comic line-up not too long ago. That doesn't warrant sharp pointy objects, a letter to the editor maybe, but not nails.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

LV 426

Name a quote from this movie?

"Ferro: [as dropship enters atmosphere] We're in the pipe, five by five."

[Can't you just feel the amount of work I have piling up infront of me here at the office?]


I cancelled the trip. Decided to take the Titanic Route; women and children first. I didn't meet up with the HS buddies due to the nasty chest cold. I did however make the correct decision to not infect their wives and children. Until this morning it felt like someone hit me in the sternum with a sledge hammer. Being sick sucks.

Is it common, to get aches and pains, so much so that; as with me, your hair even hurts?

Short week his week, working 4-10's, and a 3day weekend.

Thursday, May 1, 2008


The Annual/ Semi Annual/ whenever it's possible, HS Bleecher Creatures,... now Moms & Dads, hopelessly single mutts, Engineers, Gym Teachers, and the career clueless are ampted up for a rendezvous. This years choice the Sunny outskirts of the armpit of New York State, Syracuse NY. The clubs are clean, I'm coming down with a nasty cold (NO GIN MAKES ME SOMETHING SOMETHING...<=read, susceptible to illness.) Beers, Bar-B-ques, a round or two of chasing the small ball. Should be good times. My weekend mission is to stay as far away as I can from anyone under the age of 7 that could quite possible get the sniffles. "Hold my baby..." >"Not today bruther, not today"