Dear US Gov't,
My name is ShaggyBob and due to the economic down turn forced upon me by the state of affairs on Wall Street, I respectfully request that you send/give me $3.5 Billion dollars. If you look at my past records with regard to spending you will see that I have never spent more than $300 in one place at one time without applying for credit, I squirrel away as much as I can under pillows and mattresses, in coffee cans and freezer bags. As a valuable asset to the freedom of the American people I need your support Thus my request should warrant your utmost attention. I will wait patiently by my mailbox and sign the required paperwork when the check arrives. Please send said moneys via registered mail. You know where to find me, if not just ask one of my lenders or utility companies ( they can get a bill to arrive 35seconds after it is printed, even if they are half way around the friggin world).
Thankyou for the $3.5 Billion in advanced.