Thunderclap

This morning at the unGodly hour of 7am, 7:02am to be exact I was woken (awakened?, woke, awake-ed) by a bright flash of light. It startled me beyond anything I have experienced to date. Heart racing, upset stomach, pseudo-heart mitrovalve prolapse type shit. Skip a beat and swallow hard. Since I have triple thick curtains and limo tinting on my balcony sliding doors there was no explanation for the bright light; other than, I thought immediately at the time "Aliens are coming to give me a probe" I don't want the extraterrestrial butt whammy..... Of course, a split second after my irrationality a monsterous thunderclap followed the flash. The beginning of a thunderstorm had conveinently started 4ft feet from my balcony with a bolt that split a 60 or 70ft tree in half. I normally enjoy thunderstorms, I like thunder, I can't wait to see lightning it amazes me to see such power. Only this morning I didn't realize that the reason my hair was standing on end wasn't bed head. ( I have a serious mop on my melon, and it's standard to be discombobulated when I get out of my coffin in the afternoon) I had been re-arranging my bedroom and my incredibly comfortable bed was relegated to in front of the balcony doors. Not anymore I can tell you. Any time you wake up from a thunderclap and immediately think the Aliens are coming to get you it's time to re-situate the sleeping arrangements to where they were previously. I quickly fell back asleep to the sound of the pouring rain [insert any cheesy song that includes "sound of pouring rain"]. My badass self image, and self-ranking on the manly scale just dropped 6points.

I don't believe in aliens, and if I did I would be pretty firm in my belief that they could care less about the people of earth. We suck in general. We're a degenerative disease, a cancer of the planet. And sometimes...oh, sometimes we kick puppies. Lightning, thunder and all.