Curtains

Being the sort of man that tends to think his boys are large enough not to deal with the frilly things in life I have overlooked certain things that seem to be necessity. Although I love the fact that I'm lazy enough to hang sheets from my gloriously large brand new windows, I need to buy curtains. The new Whip is significantly less ghetto than the Fishbowl, and that in and of itself requires that I go out and purchase......(Oh MAn I'm going to actually write it) window treatments. Since I haven't decided what type of furniture I will be buying to fill the ginormous voids that the living room and bedroom are comprised of I have to rely on my innerself to make a decicion as to color and style without the benefits of other interior design aspects and influences. (<=Said with a raging lisp and a flip of the hair.) That being said I started my search yesturday at a few stores and to my amazement, I was dumbfounded.... who decided that there were to be invented and distributed no less than 3 brazillian different styles of harware, rods, reels, drapes, curtains, sashes, valances, and small garden gnomes, WTF am I lookin for? For the love of all that "isn't".....and other things not-so-holy.
You see, the flatscreen TV, new video stuff, Pub table, bar, kitchen fixin's, and down feather pillow top Bardo Thodol bed is already on tapto compliment the wall sized mirror a la American Psycho. I've invested in a Wustof Santuku that could shave a billygoat, a lobster pot, smoker/grill, poker table, workout bench and weights (hahahhahaaahahh), and deck furniture..... F'in Curtains?

I spent no less than 4hrs yesturday staring at curtains like a puppy that just got kicked into a pool of razorblades and vinegar with a little bit of EMO mixed in. I cut myself, I cry, I listen to melodic sappy bullshit rebellious pseudo punk cuz I'm a 31 year old teen with pent up anxst for societal values induced by curtain indecision. Testosterone level is at EF, Extreme Forfeiture.

Someone get me a loaded gun and a bag o' circus peanuts I'm going out in style.