Wednesday, August 1, 2007

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

A word to all whom have difficulties controling themselves in public. I'm not saying being an @sshole; or behaving badly, but rather with regard to bodily functions.

When in line at the supermarket, if you are not younger than 3, nor 90 years young you have no excuse. It makes it very uncomfortable to be standing in line with food stuffs when there is the wreaking stench of someones rectal air wafting into others' chest cavities. (the air directly from your ass doesn't have a place in my lungs) I can understand a slip, but not the over powering full blast drop of flatulence that stays in the air as if you've liberally dumped a steamer in your pants and have the audacity to fester in it. I have lived in a fraternity house and I can understand the humor in a well timed volumous fart, not so much when holding peppers and lettuce. I was in checkout line number 4 today at the Glenville Hannafords. Someone stunk. The line was moving slowly, and I stood patiently behind numerous other patrons that were under the spell of funk. I wondered the entire time who could have possibly dropped the bomb. If you have a pensity to eat 8cans of baked beans at a time, or anyother gaseous food...excuse yourself and leave the ass somewhere else. I was in line for what seemed like an eternity. I would only feel bad about this post if it were not the actual cashier, but it was. The stench stayed and got more intense as I approached the credit card swipe. Most places of business have policies allowing workers a couple of 15min breaks throughout the day. Use them and evacuate the flatulate in a timely manner. I don't want your stink on my asparagus, I don't want to have to hear you tee hee and smile that cute little smile at me, chatting me up when you know damn well that you're tiny little 18yr old ass is making me gag. You're cute....yes, but you have the power of the devil and it's leaking profusely out of you. Call the manager, take a break, chomp down some beano or something. I will wait in line if that be the case...your register won't suffer. Nothing turns a normal guy off more than a blatent show of irritable bowel syndrome. That my dear young lass is socially unacceptable. It's unfortunate because the thought popped into my head as soon as all the other patrons had floated through your stink patch. "You will forever be known to me and the Green Goblin"

Note to everyone "J**** the girl at Hannafords is now to be addressed as the Green Goblin" please use said name when standing in the cesspool that is checkout lane #4


Kate said...

Every once in a while, my mother's dog, a greyhound, malfunctions, and needs to be taken to the vet to have her scent glands, conveniently located around the anus, expressed. Perhaps young J just needs to schedule a trip to the vet...

Shaggy Bob said...

uhuhuhhuhhuhuh, I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth, yet I'm slightly aroused!?