Wednesday, June 11, 2008

1 yr ago today

1 year ago today they laid off 12 employees from the dying breed of news publication that is the Gaz. Holding true to the now what seems to be yearly schedule. They laid off CB, my co-worker on nightside. The man is awesome, and has 3 sons...his eldest turned 5 today. It happened 15minutes ago. He walked to his desk and started pulling photos of his boys off the cubicle. I had been summoned by the super-super-super pre-press production Supervisor for an office chat. CB said "C-ya" in a customary way...the way it's said when one takes a dinner break or has a few minutes to head outside for a smoke. It didn't dawn on me.... I meandered out into the hall, turned and was awestruck/dumbfounded. what does one say at the happening of such an event "out of the blue". I couldn't think of consoling words, only offered my help if it was needed. WTF?! I'm still stupid with WTF was that alll about.

I'm not secure enough in my life to make rash decisions, and had I a little more testicular fortitude. I should have marched to the office meeting and quit on the spot, thus making it possible for him to stay on, and I to find another job. I couldn't pull the trigger. And right now I feel as though I've let myself down.

It seems a waste to remove a person that's been here 8yrs and is raising a family when I'm here still. I don't know why they made that decision. Probably never will. As for me, I know now that I'm not a chivalrous/stand up righteous person, I failed to give unselfishly that which I have to offer. I dropped the ball when it came to a moral decision that would have benefitted another. As a person....I suck at life.

Apparently the first order of business in this cost saving measure by the company was to hydroseed a new lawn surrounding the parking lot.... [<=jaw drops]


Anonymous said...


You aren't a bad person and you dont suck at life. Life hasnt been easy for you and you need to worry about yourself for a while. This is a time to be selfish. The people that care about you need you to be selfish. Take care of yourself because others need you to be ok. We love you.

a lil cup of Jo said...

Agreed. There is a time for generosity and a time for selfishness.

Kate said...

It would have been selfish had he asked for a candy bar on the way out and you didn't give him half of yours. There's nothing selfish about keeping your own job.

You know this. Go ahead and wallow for a little while, because sometimes guilt feels right, but then let go. Life has plenty of unfair out there, this one time it happened not to shit upon your head.