Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Newspaper death squad

It's inconceivable, inconceivable! that the paper route delivery person whom has been faithfully bringing a paper to my place for the last 6months, has yet to be, even an inch off target with respect to the only/any puddle of standing water within between 4inches and 20 ft of my mail box. Now if this person were say a golfer... I would say that, that would translate into a 99% chance of hole in ones; scoring 18 on a par 72 course 7miles long -hitting the ball blindfolded, after spinning around a bat for 60seconds and being liberally pummeled about the head and shoulders by a gorilla with elephantitus of the fists in his/her backswing.

I applaud his/her focus and dexterity with this matter. Unfortunately as many of you newspaper readers know...there' nothing more useless than a soaked folded newspaper. I really should't complain because I basically read the paper cover to cover prior to delivery every evening as the last in a chain of editing overwatch monkeys. So I guess it means that I'm jst killing trees, I really don't need the paper delivered to my puddles...I've already read it. I'm just too lazy to cancel the free is free after all. You won't see too many people turning down anything that is free be it a beer, or a liberal dose of free religious door to door banter...well at least I don't. Free cracker sample at the Supermarket, don't mind if I do!

Tonight...I'm going to return home and wait vigilantly for the paper delivery person to approach my place, door unlocked, lights out, all stealthy like ready to pounce....when they sling/fling/toss or find someother way to send the paper at my standing water..I'm going to throw open the door catch that paper scream "I win" and return to my humble fishbowl....unassuming unnecessary horrificatory victory will be mine. Maybe I'll throw it back at them....wouldn't that be a treat in the mundane evening of a paper delivery person?

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