Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Back again

So the weekend was great. Drinking games, losing extreme amounts playing poker, good food, good folks and fun, random conversations. I ended up staying an extra night and caught the Opening day baseball game St. Louis vs. Mets and festering.

So here's why I haven't posted since the weekend. I work evenings and only have access to the intarwebb at work.

On my return trip from Waltham I decided that a great idea would be to put some coffee into my system. I stopped at the Tigermart at the Mass Turnpike's Sturbridge Rest Plaza. "I don't recommend getting the irish creme coffee from this place." Have you ever see the movie Leviathan? It's a piss poor Sci-fi flick that has a tainted bottle of vodka laced with some bio-weapon that turns into a flesh eating creature after being injested by the Deep salvage team's crew..... The coffee I had liberated from said rest stop was in my system for all of about 10minutes when the bio-avomination beast first made it's presence known. I was driving down the Pike managing to level the Frankensteiner off at 75mph sandwiched by a Toyota Carolla and a Semi hauling a giant pipe (any guess as to what the pipe was for is up in the air) I Hadn't time to react nor pull over when the coffee and the rest of the stomach contents promptly made a mass exedus from my gullet and landed with extreme force spraying out off my crotch and all over my dashboard. That made me feel a bit queesy! I don't know if it was an unclean carafe of coffee, creamer that was south of cheese, or an employee that neglected to wash their mitts prior to playing with food product but it put me in a foul mood. I continued to feel ill and rocket numerous times making my 4hr return trip into a 7hr marathon. I managed to spew in my lap, out my window, in three consecutive reststops, in the bed of my truck, on my Fishbowl slab while keying myself in and then continually in my bathroom for the following 26hrs.

I'm now at work, after burning two sick days and praying to the gods that I don't relive any of the great north american technicolor vomitorium while sitting at my desk. To give a technical explanation of the way I feel...."my hair hurts".

After such a great weekend if was unfortunate to return under such extreme duress. I did manage to sleep for 24hrs inbetween my yackfesting, and ate some white rice today to finally get some food in my system.

I only wish it had been a hangover, at least I would have had some say in the matter at that point.

Sincerely yours, Pukey McBarfsAlot


Kate said...

Oh, Bob.

Sir Pukesalot.

Mr. "Calling Ralph on the Big White Telephone."

That's so not right.

At least you weren't puking under the stairs at the Clarkson Inn. Willem was kind enough to demonstrate the acoustics of that for us a few years ago. Fantastic.

Shaggy Bob said...

It sucked that I landed the first salvo directly in my lap for loss of ability to roll window down (initial unchecked explosive shock) or pull over to the side of the road (boxed in the center lane at 75mph) Once I got back home I as able to play nice with the big white telephone.