See You Next Sunday

I'll catch you on the flip side.

Thursday

Yeah, so it looks like I'll have to be thinking twice about buying beer this weekend, or at least I'll have to pretend that the thug on my license is actually the guy who is holding the ID . 13yrs of mustache and goatee. I didn't even recognize myself after I removed the next little bit. All it took is a triple take from the people I've been working with for the last three years to understand just how different I actualy look without the the facial hair. A welcome change that will be in effect until it grows back in. Then I'll leave it until I get married. At which point I'll be chopping the mop as well.

This weekend promises to be one hell of a good time. Friday evening Bob's Cookin Show for Z, Elisa, Gonzo, Lisa and Conner. Aperitifs, Cider Braised Chicken w/a Cranberry Compote, Almond and Cranberry Stuffing, Munstu's Smashed Potatoes, fresh French Bread w/ Garlic & Rosemary. Dessert will be relegated lowballs and tasty digestifs mostly of the Lowland Scotch variety.

Saturday Spanky's 4th Annual Halloween Party ETA 7pm. Costumes required w/contest, pumpkin carving contest, haunted house, scavanger hunt, bonfire, full bar, and tons of disgustingly tasty food items. I am particulary fond of the cake that looks like a kitty litter box... no one else is because it's so life like which means more cake on my plate placed there by a litter scoop.

Wednesday

It's midweek for all you people working regular hours so in honor of it being hump-day...here's some Shaggybob Porn-stache for the ladies. I was trimming the handlebars with a rolling bass line caught in my head. Suprisingly it kinda works. I wouldn't do it for an extended period of time, but for the day it's growing on me.

Confirmation, it's on!

Looks like Timmy Z will be 5x5 in the pipe rolling into town on Friday with his lil lady. Chances are that after a quick bite to eat, a rondevous at the MillStone or the Ditch may be warranted. A couple of pints and then back to the Oasis to relax. Hold the horrification.

Tuesday

Kentucky Coal Miner Tuesday.....

Minus the banjo, and the grime.


Todays Randomness is brought to you by Ancient Chinese Secrets, the word misprision • \mis-PRIZH-un\ • noun
1 a : neglect or wrong performance of official duty b : concealment of treason or felony by one who is not a participant in the treason or felony *2 : misunderstanding, misinterpretation, and the number 4.25.

Sketchy Greasy Laundr-a-mat Guy wasn't there today as I washed my clothes to a respectable and less funky goodness. No little girls wandering aound. A sublimely peaceful undertaking.

Congrats Mary and Brian

Friendly Crossways wedding. Goodtimes. All my cam phone pics were set to blur apparently B&W Blur. looking up from the floor blur, sepia toned blur, I think it's a shot of my pocket blur, take a pic with me - arm extended blur. I dropped something blur...you get the jist.. Good food good folks and good fun. A reception that starts at 2pm and carries on through out the evening until 3am is defintely a stellar showing.

I remember the whole evening, but really can't pick any one event that would look good written out in it's entirety. So simple phrase highlights:

Gorgeous Mary
Debonair Brian
Crazy hippy dance
Great Beer Pig's Ear Brown
The Worm
Pseudoswing dancing
Shattered Pint-glasses
Baggo
JY's Crocs
Thriller Dance
Super Toasts
Bob's help with a cooking Show
Pete's Awesomeness
Colin Mc I Heart K-Y
Hazel-eyes
Muffin Lives
Franco Yarded
Conner Invisibility and Most Awesomest auto-pilot ever
Kip and G
Niner and fiance
Syver-Dirt w/lady
Pat's Stogie
Eddie's whiz?
CiderBrazed Chicken food stuffs
Wind Storm
More Beer IPA
More Beer
Dance Off
Tyo ejection
Ninja Sighting
Shower with no locking door and 3 visitors, and yet I still don't feel dirty
Late Night Nachos with a side of Three man
Dessert tray, Mmmmm dessert tray
Wolf Pac Sighting
Second Worm, busted chin
Hammer Dance
Keg Killin partners in Crime
Potts Bartending
late Night convo with Isa and Jon
Basil in a tux
DownPour Keg testing
Conner and his miraculous piloting of Kletus allowing this guy to sleep a little more in tune with my normal schedule.

As Promised Facial Hair Fun week began today.
I'll try to up load the pic when I can....
It's Motor Head Lemmy Monday


I'll be changing the facial scruff until Friday when I have a clean shaven face with which to practice the prostetic applications for The Halloween Party at Spanky's on Saturday.

HhaaaaaaaaaVaad

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by Levi's Brand Straight Leg Boot Cut Stone Washed Pre-worn Blue Jeans, the word kundalini • \koon-duh-LEE-nee (the "oo" is as in "book")\ • noun, often capitalized: the yogic life force that is held to lie coiled at the base of the spine until it is aroused and sent to the head to trigger enlightenment, and the number 32 x 34.

Winter Schedule

I've fallen into my winter sleep schedule already. It doesn't bode well for my weekend productivity. Working nights, and less daylight hours basically keep me in the rack longer than usual. For the last few days on average I've been rolling out of bed around 2pm. That in an of itself means that I'll be loosing a lot of extra me time during the days that I don't work. It may seem simple to wake up to an alarm clock for most, but I'm an emphatic snooze button smasher. Just the other day I hit the snooze button and stayed in the lucid dream realm for 3hrs. Every nine minutes, waking to hit the button and fall back asleep. The sheets are warm the Oasis is chilled, and the tile floor in the bathroom is a bane. I wouldn't see this as a problem but, everyone I know (barring my coworkers) lives life as a daywalker. I may have better luck spending time with people if I just choose to not sleep the night prior to hanging out with them. Without coffee as a steady stimulant I don't see anything good coming from the situation.

My real first trial will be this weekend in Harvard MA. I'll be traveling Friday to chill with a ton of old college friends for the evening and attending a wedding Saturday. The ceremony is set for 2pm. My internal clock is going to take a huge hit I'm sure. Hopefully I can manage to be personable and rise a few hours prior to wash myself and look presentable. I plan on duct taping a travel alarm clock to my melon and setting the ringer for stun.

Only time will tell.

3yrs of working as a vampire, it's time to start looking in earnest for a day job. I won't even delve into the depths of what that really does to your social life.

I feel like a......(=> Click)

Chimp on a Segway

Skunk

Nothing even comes close to the awesomeness of stepping outside of the old office to get some fresh air and then having to stand motionless for 10 minutes while a skunk decides to investigate your surroundings. Lisa and I played a very interesting game of statue. Statues don't move, statues don't talk, statues don't giggle. 6steps from the door, 4ft from a skunk. I think it was resting quietly under a shrubery next to the double doors when we strolled out and startled it. The shrub rustled, a couple of planted flowers wiggled, and then a face popped out of the landscaping. No stench, no tail wagging, just a wandering little grub hunter circling the the entrance. We did manage to put some distance between ourselves and the critter at least 2ft more. I never realized just how fluffy a skunk looks up close. Maybe it was just this skunk, no stripes, more of a patchwork of "go ahead and shit yerself". I can only imagine how much it would suck to walk into a store to buy the home remedy skunk stink removers when you actually wreak of said aminal. No harm no foul.... it ended up wandering off. Cute little skunk ass bouncing as it went. {So I did a search for a likeness of the little rascal to post, because I was too chicken shit to bust out the phone and take a pic at the time, and what do I find...weed, nothing but pot, marijuana} google skunk or white skunk you'll get fields and fields of medicinal....er, um pics of pot plants.

O2

Whether it's the fact that I'm warm blooded, or the fact that I exude more CO2 than that of a normal human being, or my stylistic driving proweress; I'm not certain. But I do know that inherantly there is now for the rest of my life with regard to every vehicle I own going to be O2 Sensor problem/problems. I had to replace the O2 Sensor in the Frankensteiner no less that 3 times, and also adjusted the thing to make sure it was fully functional a handful of times. Kletus has now taken his first step in the O2 sensor replacement regimen. Luckily I decided on an all inclusive warranty program for a few extra thousand dollars and it was covered. It was a shitacious meeting with the sevice personel at the dealership and I really don't need/want to go back again for a long time. I assumed that something would go bad with the vehicle, I still have Frank in the back of my mind... bad things happen to vehicles, they deteriorate. Given that Kletus is a slightly used vehicle I figured that would happen and now it has. Lets cross our fingers and hope that nothing more serious happens in the next 5yrs. (<=he laughs out loud)

Not too....crazy

Laid back weekend, some more recovery I guess. Conner and JY rolled to the Oasis on Friday for a few cocktails. I rolled Saturday to Gonzo's and had a few cocktails. Ran some errands, picked up some costume stuff. Made an appointment to get the Jeep taken care of. Cleaned the place a bit in preparation for the weekend away and my visitors the following weekend.

Once again I made the trip to the supermarket and had a bit of an adventure, nothing dire by any means. In fact it made me feel good about myself. I was getting some food for the week. It happens, believe it or not, I eat... I eat quite a bit actually. My damned metabolism is the bain of my existance. I had made my circuit of the store ending as most people do in the frozen food section, just up the way from the beer coolers. Two ladies were trying to decide on a great brew when I was thumbing through the frozen pizzas. I say Ladies because that what they were, Dames is you will. My grandmother would have had to say yes ma'am to these ladies. They were cute, and chatting with a little giddiness. ( I imagined one saying to the other, hey Martha, lets get some beer... wouldn't that be grand and prohibiiton just ending so short a time ago.) But they had a dilemna, they were tiny, maybe age had a bit of an effect on them, but they were tiny. They wanted something top shelf... [Enter: the knight in Shining Armor] <=insert bonus: superhero theme music. I butted into their conversation under the guise that wanted something from the same case. It was a ploy, I grabbed the beer they were eye balling and laid it gently into their cart. "Have a great afternoon ladies." And away I went, with a simple thankyou young man. Huh, young man..... I would have been content with just the act itself, but on my way out of the parking lot I got a huge Honk and a beep & wave from the little old ladies as I drove off. Yay...chivalry even if it revolved around beer.

The costume is looking alright, I may not be able to get the wig sorted out, might just dye my hair white. Then I could walk around acting like I got struck mby lightning for a couple of weeks.

Halloween one of my Fav.

Halloween is one of my favorite Holidays. I enjoy getting costumified and heading out to a party to enjoy candy and good company, a couple of cocktails, and lots of fun. Last year was cool, but the costume didn't take any iniative... This Year, it's taken some work. I'm just about 1/2way to completion, and the best part is yet to come. There are a few things that I have been contemplating and this is as good an excuse as any to get them rolling. I'm going to lose some hair. It's needed to complete the costume, and techincally it's been about 13yrs since I did. I'm excited, and apprehensive, but the end product for the costume anyway will well be worth it. I'm thinking that I'll take progression pictures to the final product. T-minus 2weeks and counting.

He's Healthy

Yay healthy....

......and then the check engine light blinks on.

Somebody throw me a frick'in bone here!

Dirty Laundry

Laundr-o-mat drama never ceases to amaze me. A short WTF in the life of Shaggybob.

I watch the spin cycle on the dryer tumbling through for 7 minutes and add some more quarters, a mother and her 4 yr old daughter sit at a play table rolling over blocks and talk about what they want for dinner.(the little girl wants grilled cheese.)
....5minutes have past since Mother of the Year decided to leave her 4 yr old daughter ALONE in the Laundr-o-mat to run some kind of errand. 10minutes pass. The little girl is still rolling over blocks and glances up periodically with a glassy eyed look. No doubt wondering if her mommy is in the bathroom or on the other side of the huge machines playing hide-n-go-seek. Her eyes brighten, and she's immediately in game mode... she runs around the two banks of machines in vain. Peeks around the corner and runs to the other end of the row, peeks again. She charges at what I can assume to be lightning speed for a wee one around in circles chasing her mother in an endless race. Mom has left the building. Automatic doors open and close, people mill about. There's a college aged girl sitting across from me that has been watching this as well. The wee one is sniffling, she approaches the electric eye. The door opens. Only two people in the crowded laundr-o-mat seem to notice. They calmly approach the little girl and coax her back into the building. She's not weary of strangers. (The young lady escorts her new charge back to the play table, the man speaks to the attendant, then joins the block party) Her name is Heather, her new best friends on the planet are named Shama & ShaggyBob. Mother of the Year is gone for another 25minutes. When she returns she's for lack of a better term Meth'ed Up, and the Police cruiser waiting in the back lot was blocked from her view. She sees the Officer waiting inside and turns a 180 for the door, his partner is waiting there. ........She never even glanced around for Heather.

Shama and ShaggyBob each grab a cup of coffee, stare at eachother and have a complete conversation without words. Dirty Laundry, I leave the Laundr-o-mat.

WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT.

comfort food and bras

Meandering through the supermarket on Friday, slightly dazed..and super feverish I was in search of comfort food, I had already exhausted every last pantry item I could before making myself go to the store. I got the usuals (insert your usuals here, it's of no consequence). I passed a magazine aisle and a blazing red cover caught my eye. On it was a woman, torso only. dressed in a slinky black bathing suit top.... what does a sick guy do when he needs food, he thinks of boobs, I looked at the boobs and thought to myself I would like to squeeze'em. I realize it's only a magazine but I seriously thought of squeezing boobs anyway. Feverish boobie squeezin' if you will. As I kept panning to the top of the cover I realized that it was that Megan Fox chick, I have nothing against her, although her particular expression on this cover was supposed to be some what sexy I think. In actuallity she was just licking her teeth and squinting. (in my mind add a shiny red hockey helmet to that and she could have been the gold medalist for the U.S. special olympic table tennis team). It did not look sexy, I had also considered spinach...perhaps she had just eaten a nice veggie bagel that had baby spinach on it, a leaf had gotten stuck in her teeth and the photographer [also staring at boobies] decided to just have her lick her teeth instead of loosing the valuable lighting of the moment to let her pick it out.

What's with the licking of lips and puckering up like a god damned fish these days? Hot...No, borderline hilarious....Yes, boobs....yes, boobs....No?

I'm perplexed... why to birds think seeing them lick their teeth, showing off their best Gene Simmons impression, and or pouting like a grouper think they're sexy?



I guess maybe they are, and I just don't see it. To me a sly smile and the right look goes a long way. Hell I say more power to the teeth lickers, just as long as they're wearing something that reveals their boobies. I'll get myself a red shiny hockey helmet and call it even.

2days of bed rest

2 Days of bed rest and some decent sick people food, soup and whatnot. What do I get for my "be healthy and take care of yourself" efforts? Nothing but a severe case of bedhead. It's been a week and I'm still in the midst of plague. Less congestered (I just made that word up cuz that's how I sounded when I said it out loud). I'm feeling a bit better, I'm not as achey and I'm fevered down to a dull 100....so I guess the drugs are working. I expect a full recovery by Friday.

I had forgotten how much sitting in my place solo really bites. Conner rolled over to catch a wide screen version of Cloverfield. He's got a similar illness as do A.J. and a number of other people that attended the wedding. Here's my guess; which totally affirms my distaste for restaurants and the opportunity that any number of people have about expectorating purposefully or not in my food, one of the servers at the reception had something. It got transfered to the catering and viola plague for the masses.

D-rugs

Thera-flu ginger ale sudafed anti-oxident mentho-lyptus tylenol acai echinacea chicken soup with a lemon/honey slammer please!

Add a little Germ-X, surgical mask, nitrile gloves, 3 less people on the night shift due to vacation/scheduling problems and I'm still at work.

Friday and Saturday this week, Shaggy Bob's Manifest Boozery will be headed to the Oasis and it's master bedroom "where none of the magic happens."

MAN-i-fest Part 3

After the excruciatingly long trip to Potsdam and a quick trip through town to see what was new, I landed at the Fraternity house. I was starting to feel a bit under the weather, yet still made the executive decision to visit the local watering hole named McDuff's. It has been renovated, it's clean, it's well lit, it has technological wonders around every corner, clean bathrooms, and a healthy menu that includes pub food that , wait for it......wait for it....IS NOT Deep fried.



I ordered a pitcher with a few of the fraternity guys. Spoke with Hottie McHotsAlot with the great "special board penmanship" and put in an order for a dozen wings with blue cheese. When asked how hot I wanted the wings, I asked for Scortched Woman Hot. They didn't have that particular Scoville unit of tasty but did have Mild, Medium, Hot, Super hot, and Ridiculous. What? a ridiculous thought, you bet. 1 dozn ridiculous wings. It took a bit longer than expected to recieve my Ridiculous wings and they were a ridicuous let down. I've had wings made by myself, and other establishments that would have placed these particular culinary treats in the mild catagory. Oh well, the blue cheese was still the old chunky hanious sit on top goodness I'd survive. Sprague and Kahuna are still there and the drinks are priced in the same range as they were in '95. Ahhhh Mmmmm McDuff's

I played a few games of pong, wore a gladiator helmet, hung from a pair of sandals that I screwed into the basement ceiling when I graduated in '01, and ran around town visiting all the old sorority houses with some croneys. Moose and Daisy Duke the two house dogs running around and making life enjoyable. I even spotted Lawrence in a late night scamper across the kitchen floor.




I slept comfortably in a spare room on the third floor, and Monday when readying myself for the ride home, sat up, removed my ass from the TV Room Couch ( it has more specific gravity that anywhere else on the planet) and promptly got lightheaded enough to sink back into my ass print. I wasn't safe to drive and was super congested. I sat in the same spot for 24hrs and tried again Tuesday morning. Then made the trip home to work.

MAN-i-fest Part 2

Congradulations To Chris and Becky




We traveled en mass to the Wedding, it was a low key affair with a bunch of people that knew how to have a good time. Everytime I put on a tie I'm reminded of how much of a sexy bitch I really am. Cocktail Hour, Wedding over-looking the water and reception. I was seated with all the teppers in attendance and it made for one hell of a dinner. We danced a bunch, chatted with the bartenders and made nice with the people that were obviously a little horrified by our presence. We stayed at the Beach Club whooping it up for just under 8hrs. Played yard games in the parking lot, spent too much money, got liberally sauced and then jetted back to the Hotel. I guess we went out for a bit at that point but I can't be too sure.... I was invisible.

Prior to checkout we were all up and ready for the trip to P-dam on Sunday. An hour trip... that felt like 3, although I haven't out grown the "return to Potsdam jitters" once the village is in sight.

Plague

I'm having trouble focusing on the last parts of my weekend. I have the plague, sinus cold, sore throat, stuffy, achy, fever, shit...even my hair hurts at this point. I can't hear out of my right ear. I blame the slop-tart!! (you'll get the uninteresting story of that soon) I can't wait to roll home after work and sleep in my own bed. I already used a sick day this week when I couldn't get my ass of the fraternity's TV Room Couch yesturday. I rolled home from P-dam this morning, came to work to use a half day once the Super Pat arrived (Usual ETA 9'er). He works the paginator shift on Tuesdays after I roll with it for 5hrs...then I play webby and upload the stuff to Ye Olde Intarwebbs. We're short tonight, suprise, lay a shit ton of people off and what happens>>> double duty, and sick monkeys like me can't skip out.

The goods and bads of it are thus:

There is an upside, I've heard 8 people already complain about the stench wafting into the AC from the Sewage treatment plant down the hill. I'm violently ill "I can't smell It" and of course a downside as well " I can kinda taste it in the air".
60,000 people's worth of foul stench... right on my tongue. I sometimes joke that "I've threw up in my mouth...just a 'lil bit" when I see or describe something as hanious, the jokes on me, I just threw up a lil bit in my mouth.

I'll try to elaborate on the weekend tommorrow, and/or.... you can just infer that any combination of Wedding => Reception, pong game, gladiator helmet, drop kick and a bar called McDuff's; not in any particular order, is a good thing. Even when the wings have the title Ridiculous, and are a mere step above Franks Original.

A wise man put it best when he said "Sex is like pizza, even when it's, bad It's still pretty damn good."

MAN-i-fest

Another successful trip to wedding and zaniness. I haven't downloaded any pics yet so I'll leave you the list of events in hopes that I'll be able to snag pics for each entry.

PART:1

3 1/2hr drive to Alexandria Bay arriving at precicely sunset visible over Boldt Castle after dropping my bags off int he room.

I wandered past 8 bars,taverns and nightclubs. Past...I said, I wouldn't stop in them all until later in the evening.

The last place in line was Skiffs, and I was welcomed at the door by Blue (Golden Retriever) and his master,(I say that loosely Blue had command) Vick was the guy, Blue was the dog and they had both ridden to work at the tavern in Vicks Boat. I stopped for a pint and asked for the best burger in town...they didn't have it. But it was nextdoor in a separate pub type establishment. "Tell'em Vick Sent ya" Will do. "Hey, Vick sent me for a great burger"...7 minutes later I had a frisbee sized burger in front of me. I woofed that down.

Next Pub had a black lab tied up in front, a mean little bitch that reminded me in appearance alone to Marley. I had a pint and asked if most places in town were closed for the season. the Tender motioned without looking to the place just up the street with the faint sound of live music. "That place ain't closed after today" The band was comprised of 4 brothers that were partners ni teh Tavern The Dancing Dog, the bartenders were wives, and the little kids weren't random Faggen runaways. I had a few pints.

After the tunes I returned to Skiffs as Vick's shift was ending and he asked me to tag along with him. He was going out for the night. Normally he reserved his evenings for "Fishin' and Fuckin', it's an intimate thing, you know how it is" SO as I was gut laughing down the street following Blue we ended at a waterside pub that was in the middle of their end of the year closing party....free beer and chicken, (not the band..the food and drinks). I met Bob here, and he was a Vietnam Vet before moving back to open his bar, mean rowdy, a little bitter with the world, but also I could tell that this guy was awesome, and a kind person. It may have been the beer, or maybe it was his glass eye that was set way outside of the norm, HIs pupil had lodged itself in the outside corner of his eye and from where I was standing hie was looking at me out of the opposite eye, opposite corner. Imagine it...try not to whizz in your pants. We closed down the party.



Apparently the party ended before the band was done at the DAncing Dog, because my night ended on a high note doing shots with Vick and Bob listening to Grateful Dead Covers and chatting up the bands wives behind the bar.

I woke in the morning with a note on my car and a telephone call that Tandyman was in town and looking for a place to grab a bite to eat He drove the red eye and rolled into town at 6am. The best burgers in town shrink considerably when Vick doesn't send you. ALthough I was turned onto a sauce that was awesome. A honey mustard Bar-b-Que Kettemans(sp)red hot sauce thing. OH Yeah, wash that shit down with a couple of pints done and done.

Tandy and I had a beer with Vick during his day shift, prior to meeting Syverdirt, P.King, Kurt, Parry, Conner and A.J. back at my room. Blue was chillin in the doorway of SKiffs and I casually made the statement that I usually make when leaving someones presence in a pub or farternity sort of way "Be Safe, Be Good, and Don't Do Anything I wouldn't Do" Vick's retort made me pee a little in my pants, 70 yr old Vick returns with "I'll do it goddamn twice and take pictures". The wedding was promptly 45minutes after we all stormed our last road beers and headed to Swan BAy Beach Club to watch the Wiccan Wedding.

PARTS 2,3,4 to follow

VP Debate

Just caught like 5minutes of the Vice Presidential debate and I have to say:



SWEEP THE LEG!!! BIDEN

If we happen to as a nation vote in the majority for the McSame / Failin ticket, we're uber FUCKED.

Gather 'round.... Gather round

Hey boys and girls, gather, gather around and I'll tell you a story, it's alittle tale that took place in the not so distant past. It begins in the early afternoon with a lazy roll out of bed, a long hot shower to wash off the cold from the previous evening, and a small breakfast. Once all the morning rituals were taken care of I decided to get some errands done, of which, I had 2. (It was not a loaf of bread, a carton of milk and a stick of butter) I needed a card for the upcoming wedding on Saturday and I also needed to fill the tank for Cousin Kletus.

So where does one go when just in need of such things you ask? Walmart and a gas station of course. Walmart is an experience everytime I go, and it wasn't different this time. 28 aisles 4 open and I inevitably pick the slowest aisle, I second guessed my initial choice and still ended up waiting for 50minutes to buy a 3dollar wedding card. I wasn' too bitter, but I started bordering on heated by the end of the line. From there I traveled to the gas station just across the street. This particular station has 18 pumps 2 of which had cars at them. I chose pump 18, my territorial choice for this venue. Cousin Kletus has a fairly large tank, and my gas light flashed the moment I stopped (masterful timing on my part). The station has a 50dollar limit per purchase, so after the first round I had to hang the hose and restart. At this point 5 other cars were lined at various pumps doing their business. As I closed on the full tank mark a car pulled in facing my ride, he pulled up to within a few feet of the bumper. I finished my fill, and mounted my steel steed, there was a car behind me and a car boxing me in. 12 Empty pumps and this yahoo was feet away from putting me over the edge of pissed off.... but only for a split second. You see, the hood rat flashed the over the steering wheel WTF jazz hands at me. Split second, GONE.



I motioned without my orange cone aviation signal flashlights that I would need some room to get out. Ghetto monkey laid on his horn and jazz hands again. I slowly glanced to my right and still saw 12 empty pumps. He inched closer, I got maaaad. ( Apparently, I have the same look that my brother has when he gets pissed, I don't do it often but when it happens I've been told I look like a serial killer on speed). I motioned politely that I didn't have enough room again, and he immediatel started cursing me through his windshield. I was awestuck my his inability to understand the simple equation that was before him. So, I cursed my windshiled and then did something on impulse that I've never done before, I've seen it mind you(with parents and their toddlers), but never took in the practice. I raised one hand and showed him 5 fingers then slowly began counting down to one.... his eyes widened when I got to two fingers like he was going to get put in a time-out chair,.... and inched closer once again. When I got to once I kicked open my door and got out, started rounding the end of Kletus walking to his driverside window. His lady friend who witnessed the whole encounter from the passenger seat quickly broke into tears and pleaded with Monkey McJackass to back up. I politely tapped on his window which he cracked open just enough to disallow a hand to reach into his vehicle yet verbal abuse to escape. I informed him; in matter of fact way, that the bumper of my Jeep was manufactured with the express purpose of punching radiators and engine blocks into the passenger compartments of little rice burners such as he was driving. I also pointed to the bumper with it's tow hooks and let him know that A.) Trail Rated means I could end up on his hood monster truck style and the skid plates would laugh at the damage to his car B.) the foglights were cheap to replace and C.) I would probably take his hood as a souvenir. He screamed some obsinities as I returned to the driver seat. When Cousin Kletus starts there is a shimmy that rocks the vehicle 2 1/2 times on it shocks. The engine revs pretty high and is louder of course outside that inside. When the lights are turned on in their entirety they rival the sun. Again I started a five finger count down.... by three he was at Pump number 1 on the other side of the lot cursing under his breath the fact that hs lady friend was still in tears. Today Boys and Girls I stepped over the line from civil human being to monsterous creature. I'm not happy with me, myself or I. I did however get out of the gas station 20minutes shy of my stint at Wallyworld.

Punk McGhetto got a lesson in humility, and or, common sense.