Something Weird happened to me....

Suprise suprise, once again something unexpected has changed my perspective. It's not a life altering event, but it did make me smile and look at food in a different indecisive light...I actually laughed at it.

Today is Wednesday, I decided that since I have to boil water for everything, that I would create a spectacular dinner of Turkey Sandwiches...4 or 5 of them will definitely go down as a decent meal. I went to the Ghetto Chopper, didn't see G-Unit or Thugs McStreet-Pharmacist. Just food shoppin', no people watchin'.

Healthy meal on bread!?....I grabbed some deli Turkey to the tune of 2lbs (that should be enough). Mayo...none of that Miraclewhip bullshit, straight up Helmann's artery cloggin' wooooo!!! I couldn't decide on cheese, so I went for a three cheese combo, then purchased an assortment of veggies: sprouts, peppers: green and hot, tomatoes (even though I think they're poisonous), pickles, black olives, cucumbers, red leaf lettuce, a rare find vidalia onion, then some rasberries to make the gargantuwiches that much more healthy for my weak- boring- diet. I stood infront of the bread arena trying to choose my gladiator for quite a long time and eventually went for the 12 grain. Bonus bread for a bonus 5 sandwiches. {That's where the unexpected was hiding...in the bread]. I had a difficult time deciding between the 12grain and pumperknickel...why you ask? A Gargantuwich needs a little something extra to make it the monster that it should be. Ultimately the 12 grain won out.

When I returned home I began the preparation, I cleaned off the cluttered kitchen table bare and arranged my inventory to systematically with the least amount of labor create my sandwiches. Everything was ready to rock when I opened the bread, it seemed to be a normal loaf of 12 grain bread. Not so. As soon as I removed the first end cap it turned out to be a pipe bomb, hidden inside my loaf was the completely unexpected find of an undecided lifetime.....I'll elaborate.

Imagine a tic-tac-toe board, Apply that image over a standard 12 grain slice of bread, now imagine that the top 6 squares are 12grain bread...moving slowly to the bottom three squares imagine that the entire bottom left hand square, marbling to the right back to 12 grain is none other than pumperknickel bread. How does this happen? Me thinks it an automated FUBAR that makes me happy, unless some baker somewhere inadvertantly decided to suprise the first person that couldn't make up their mind as to whether to use 12grain of pumperknickel for a gargantuwich was to get the best of both worlds.

SCORE!!!!! I now have 7 'wiches loaded to the point of un-eatability (Cuz they're massive) on Pumperknicka12grain bread. I doubt the sandwiches could taste any better, even if someone else made them for me.

I didn't even have to boil water.....someday I'll step into the technical world and get a digital camera so that I can actualy download pics of the finest creations I can mustard.

Water Main Break 2007: part 4

Yeah yeah yeah I skipped some parts...but I'll label this one, day 4 or part 4...who gives a hoot. I woke up this afternoon to rumbling, sputtering, and spraying, they were able to fix the main, and water started to return to my little fishbowl. If you can call it water. Given the number of people that should have already been testing their pipes...there's no reason why the fetid black gunk should have been shooting out of my faucet. Granted..individual pipes that attach to my wonderfully oderiferous shower needed to be purged, but what's with it taking 40minutes. The last time I smelled something this rank was when I had a funtime showering in the Outback after two years of idle pipe fester. I let the water run..until clear. Most of the setiment dissapated, then hopped in to offcially wash myself properly for the first time since Saturday. I'm a liberal scrub hound after days without clean...and took my leisurley ass time applying hand fulls of soap shampoo and nut scrubbery. And sluffed off all the dead epithelials. I must have grown accustomed to the putrid water very quickly...cuz Apparently according to the property manager I smelled worse when I got out than I did when I went in. Rotten eggy wegg water. I decided to melt some snow and retouch the cleaning of the old A.A.C.T. Let the drip continue in the apartment and headed to work. The area wide advisory says eat junk food from fast food places for a time...well, it actually said you'll have to boil your water until further notice. I'll take the opportunity to grease my insides with stacker sandwiches from burgerKing and Kung-Fu Chicken.

A.A.C.T. the 4 important cleaning zones for those on the GO! Armpits, *sshole, Crotch, and Teeth, if you put them in a little melodic music you get quite a humors little tune. I like that tune almost as much as "Piss on the fire, call in the dogs...headed on back to bow-legs"

Tommorow i actually make a shopping run to buy food stuffs that don't require water to prepare.

Water Main Break 2007

Three days without water.....You would think that a city of 60+ thousand people would have a repair crew jumping at the chance to fix a busted pipe. It's a big deal...but nothing that can't be overcome with a little ingenuity and a carefree attitude. I've melted snow to wash myself, and went out and purchased umpteen gallons of bottled natural spring water that no doubt came from the Mohawk river and a local distribution center. It reminds me of the time I spent in Montana living on the outer rim at the Ponderossa. The Ponderossa was a great little house made of red clap board located just off the Gallatin River. There was some large beasty living under the floor boards, but we had an unwritten rule..beasty wouldn't come in and i woudn't have to bust out opposable thumbs and kill it. For $500 dollars a month I was able to live a frontiersman's life, collecting water from the river to continue with daily cleaning and food preparation, chop wood, and light gaslamps/candles. For a mere 500bones a month I lived without running water and electricity for a time. Rimbaud the Husky made evenings when I had forgotten to stoke the central wood stove enough, more than bearable. I'm 2000 miles from the Ponderossa, there is a strikingly similar aspect of both places that makes me yearn for a return trip back to the west. The main reason.....an outhouse may smell bad...but it's an "out"house and you don't have to melt snow to shit in a hole...in the city they frown upon defecating in the great outdoors. For some reason people in the city don't like watching a grown man pop a squat and grunt a gargoyle. I never realized A toilet tank takes about 4hrs to fill with melted snow all told after the melting and the pouring. When I first discovered the waterlessness I had just dropped the kids off at the pool and had to condense the melting time for said tank into 15minutes of poo smell. Ever schedule your day around a healthy dump? I never thought I would. I've mentioned in the past that I'm not a very ponticficating defacatorian when it comes to public restrooms. I'm not a sit on the seat that's seen more action that a porn star kinda guy....not a germ-a-phobe, just the thought makes me cringe a little bit. I'm sure I'll make due.
A note was left in my mailbox from the Property Manager today that appologized for the inconvenience, and it noted that once the water is returned to normal I'll have to boil all my water until further notice. Lord knows I don't need to catch beaver fever from city pipes. I'll live. It does make me think that my eventual move to a different municipality in 2months will be that much sweeter. Water Main.....3 days, did they decide to take the weeknd off?
I can't help but think of Sara, Joe, and Irving...they're elderly in the utmost sense of the word. Not one of them is under 70 and Joe lives on the 3rd floor above me and is pushing 90. I can't imagine the way they must be feeling put out by the situation. I've offered to make runs to the supermarket for anything they need, although they haven't taken me up on the offer. It stands to reason that since I'm working nights the times that they would actually need the help are when I'm not inhouse.
I decided that since I was living off the land that I would go out and try my luck with the real lottery. 216mil....If I win the money, I'll be buying my way into Schenectady Gov't. and making it a point to shut down some affluent part of the city and chalk it up to a watermain break....then I can watch the chihuahuas and poodles outside with their owners in fur coats wondering where the shit that doesn't stink will end up.
I wasn't totally truthful there, I don't need to be in gov't. I'll be spending the money on friends and family until I make crash to 0 balance and have to enter a homeless shelter without running water. Then deucing on the street won't mater in the slightest, nor would just dropping it in my pants.

NO, the best is......

The Best thing about making a pot of coffee?, Give UP? Using the non-existant F-in' water in my apartment. I don't know how long the problem has been lingering. I returned after a decent weekend to clean my badass self, and no water...none, not even a drop....ok that was a lie, I did coax a brownish wreaking drip from the kitchen sink. I'm not too pleased that my complex apparently hasn't gotten the prob fixed, I called and left a nice message. They haven't gotten back to me yet, I doubt I'm the only one that is a bit miffed by the lack of H2O, in fact the older Japanese lady across the way was screaming God only knows what as she stormed out of her place toward the Complex office in her bathrobe...(that is burned into my brain now.) Prunish, Nerrrr. Hopefully they won't call, at least not within a reasonable amount of time, hell it's been 7hrs now anyway, why not wait until tommorrow say at 11pm or something so that I can enjoy aqualessness for more than a day.

I'm pretty psyched....yup, happy and psyched by the situation.

Weekend Wit the Fam

I'm looking forward to the weekend hanging out with the Bro and Sis, having a bite to eat and poking fun of at my Mom's Dick.

There may be something inherantly wrong with that statement..but I don't give a damn, you'd have to see the Dick to understand. I'll elabrate so that you all don't think of me as the spawn on a hermaphroditey She/he King of Queens. My step father, my Dad essentially..is named Richard {i.e. Dick}...he's gruff, hard tempered, and set in his ways...when I was little I always thought of him as being a DICK. What a dick that guys is. SO..he's my Mom's dick. The older I get the more I think of him as Dad...he may be a gruff grumpy old man, but he always was a good provider for the moms and our family, both financially and humorously.

Funny example of dickness, maybe not for you but I get a kick out of it. {scene: slowly blur to dream like memory......}

How many of you can remember raking leaves in the backyard? How many of you never did it right? How many of you had an overly tempestous hard ass telling you how to correctly rake fuckin leaves? Here's the kicker, he was always a fan of using the statement "do it right or don't do it at all"... bad call pop-dukes. On numerous occasions my bro and I would be raking leaves in an incorrect manner of course...cuz only the rake HE had was working correctly. He'd get flustered at the inability of two teenage brothers to correclty move leaves from scattered disarray to a comglomerate pile and out came the statement "Do it right or don't do it at all"...the first three times it was said we (my brother and I) looked at each other quizingly(sp), the fourth through the I can't remember how many times later.....[Gut laugh] envisioning an tempestous hard ass with a gawking blank stare. Camera Pan left to right, midthigh to ground slo motion: As two leaf rakes float to the ground in infront of two sets of bluejeans and hightops walking off camera <=insert favorite pulp fiction overtune).
I CHOOSE DON"T DO IT AT ALL....AHAHAhahhahahhahahahhahaha DICK!

I'd attach a picture...but that would invade my Mom's privacy with her Dick.

Cyprido-Cyclophobia

Self Disgust

Yesturday was Fat Tuesday and my co-workers and I, decided that the nightside staff would order Cajun foods and celebrate. We had the most delectible plethora of spicy food stuffs you could ever imagine, although it wasn't authentic it was Upstate NY Cajun.

Throughout the evening I felt a weariness beginning to grow within my gastro-intestinal loop. Upon returning to my fishbowl, I was under the furry of gaseousness produced by Cajun Upstate Fat Tuesday horror. It wasn't a sit on the can and pray you don't have to wipe yer shoulders evening. But it did prove to be a poor night for sleeping and I made it a point to involuntarily gag on numerous occasion due to the eminations from my lower O-ring. (Label11records guru and members of the Knoa affectionately call the recording venue down in NYC the fart tank....my apartment morphed into a similar venue)

I've never been a horrendous purvayor of gas...but last night I kept myself awake with the stench. It was a weird situation...it was so aweful that I reveled in my disgustingness. It made me laugh, it made my eyes water. I went out side to pass gas, and it followed me in, I had to check my underoos. Had I a little lady in my life I'm sure that the relationship would have ended on the spot, one evening, and it would be all over.

The lingering fetidness, the vileness, the malodorousness, the rancidity of my evening hung in the air like a dark green sinking cloud this morning. I don't usually keep my door open due to the rifraff that constantly meanders past, but today I welcomed the outside world, and watched as the foible of my evening egressed to the sunshine that is Downtown Schenectadirt.

The Bike

After just a few weeks of snow and ice and freezing temperatures, the city of Schenectadirt is slowly catching on that winter will soon melt away and spring will be here soon enough. Dealers will once again be able to freely distribute their wears on corners, and not have to worry about snow plows slushing them from head to toe. (that tends to culminate in shattered tail-lights by way of 22 pistol).

I know that Spring is on its way for one reason and one reason alone. Since the winter took so long to encroach on our fair city, it was last year, late in the season that I witnessed a Hooker on a bike crusing down the main thoroughfare. It has been three weeks and 3ft of snow...but the DOT of the City has finally caught up with the surplus snow and is finally removing the majority of the snow banks that inhibit traffic. I have once again witnessed the Bike Riding Slinger of Sexual favors for profit. Again, I had to chuckle (GUT LAUGH) to myself at the apparition of a fur coated, miniskirt wearing, thigh high vinyl boot pedalin' hooker riding down the street in 30degree weather.



Just in Time for Mardi Gras, 'Dirt style....wish I had beads to toss at her.

I've seen everything that the city has to offer now, and I'm ready to be gone, and when I get gone...I stay gone, you Dig!

I LOVE THIS COUNTRY

Take a look at headlines and You'll see why. England's Prince Harry, third in line for the throne of Britian is going to war in a patriotic act of selflessness. Our Country >Bald Britney Spears getting tats and a Dead Playboy Playmate that has 6 dudes claiming to be the father of her youngest child over her embalmed corpse. We rock....Go Team America....F*ck Yeah!!! Comin' to save the Mutha-F*ckin day yeah!
OH YEAH....We have this waste of oxygen too!





I'm moving to Belize.

Cookie Monster

I'm a little saddened, and a lot enraged by some information I have recently discovered with regard to one of my two fravorite Sesame Street Characters.

It's a long drawn out tale that basically presented itself due to the inability of my generation to suck up and deal, take responsibility and afford generous, well intentioned providing for children. I'm not sure when it happened, nor do I care for that matter it's the prinicple of the thing that irritates the shiite out of me.
I had the opportunity to hang out with Karlie, Julie and their folks this weekend, and if you're into sesame street as baby crack...you've seen where I'm coming from.

Apparently!!! They've gotten so caught up in PC crap that Sesame Street's very own Cookie Monster is now a fan of vegatables as a most of the time snack and cookies are a sometimes snack. Cookies that are eventually eaten by our childhood blue furry friend are loaded with Monster chips, a pseudo-lack luster excuse for raisons, instead of chocolate chips.

Who the F was is in the group of concerned parents that had Sesame Street exec's up in arms cuz COOKIE MONSTER WAS Eating COOKIES? It was no doubt as I alluded to earlier somepeople from my generation that have the inability to win a debate with thier three year old at snack time because of a fictitional character. My kids are learning from Cookie Monster that cookies are a snack "Boo Frickin' Hoo" My child is gaining weight and isn't as healthy as other children that don't watch Sesame Street. ( Take some responsibilty in the matter there's no McDonalds Monster, and no Doritos Monster on Sesame Street...They even have basic execise programs on the Childrens Television WorkShop...for you naive monkeys out there it's the old name for SesameStreet workshop) Because the TV Show isn't portraying a Blue Fake Monster eating vegatables my kids are going to grow up to be disadvantaged. Cookies are not the best snack for a blue monster cuz they're not the best snack for kids?!. For 30 some odd years Cookie Monster has been eating cookies...."C" is for Fuckin' Cookie not for carrot you lazy pieces of twisted responsibilitiless shit.

Back to the debate... If your three years old wins the argumentative confrontation and you break down and give your child a cookie when you know completely well that a veggie or fruit is healthier...you lose a battle of the minds with a child and instead of going to the crisper you grab for the cookiejar. KILL YOURSELF NOW or call the Department of Social Services and turn yourself in as a bad Parent. A three year old that says cookie, and you buy into the fact that because a Monster on TV said cookie, you have to give said child a cookie...you're in need of a Frontal Labotomy. Here's a thought, let cookie monster EAT COOKIES, and then you as a parent can be the responsible one and put the cookies on top of the refridgerator in the cookie jar where a child of less cognitive ability will not be able to deduce that a ladder, a small safety net, a climbing harness and a short length of rope can be fashioned into a cookie retrieving device. A child that can't make a cartoon character from a toilet paper tube and cut paper yet, shouldn't be able to win a battle of the minds with an adult when it comes to a snack. Cookie Monsters name ....COOKIE MONSTER. implies that he eats cookies. if you're the parent that made a stink cuz he wasn't healthy...Turn the F-in TV OFF. What are you going to complain about next? If I sit down with my neices and the Count...Starts spitting out the Alphabet, I'm running over the first person I see with a stroller the next visit to a supermarket to get myself Chip A freakin' Hoy cookies and I'll smile with chocolate chips stuck in my cheshire cat grin.

"C IS FOR COOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"



That is Super BULLSHIT

Oh, By clicking on the Cookie Monster Link above you can officially Toss A Salad with Cookie Monster. No Joke it's a little game with Sesame Street....Go ahead I dare ya...GO TOSS A SALAD, while you're at it, Tickle that Elmo.

Here's a thought that's entirely PC for you. Cookie Monster the inevitably influential Sesame Street Muppet has no throat hole and if you watch closely as I'm sure your children do, he never swallows a crumb of food be it cookie or anything else. I Hope and trust that your children don't develop eating disorders from this Icon of Childhood goodness. F-U Stupid parents!!!

That's "H'...."H" number of sarcastically levied put-downs for retarda-parents out there...."H" Ah... ah... ah.....

Crunchy Snow

Of the things that make me feel a little bit off, Crunchy snow is one of them. My only other thought on the entity that is cold crunchy snow is that I bet even a ninja would have issue walking quietly on the stuff. What a shame...even ninjas have issues sometimes too. A monkey that makes snow balls on the otherhand doesn't throw me off in the slightest.

Sleeping bags

My Pre-Press Production Manager, called me this afternoon waking me from a great dream...letting me know that I should bring a sleeping bag, and pillow to work, just in case they weather got to a point of no return. "WTF" let me sign the liability release form and my 4x4 truckski and I will make the journey 5min down the road to my apartment. General consensus in the office "Blow Me" and that's only the ladies I work with.
The daystaff were given a half day, and the work load they didn't finish will pprobably keep us here until 4am anyway... if I stay that long (There better be some free fuckin' coffee, when they wake my ass up sleeping under my desk) In the words of the immortal, or is that the immoral Fisher "IT'S NOT GOING TO SuCK ITSELF"

Schenectady has already cornered the market on jackasses getting stuck on oneway streets with me being the guy directly behind and most likely to push their ass an entire city block just so I can walk back to my vehicle and bomb thru the 5inches of snow.

Some how...snow storms here just don't bother me as much as they did when I was in Montana, the basic difference is that tommorrow isn't going to be declared a Powderday with all business shutting down for the duration. Bullshit.



I left my parking lot in a blaze of typical Toyota propaganda blasting through a recently plowed bank of snow complete with little bits of ice raining down as I rooster tailed dirty snow on a momo shoveling his car out behind where I was situated

AXE

I tried out an experiment this morning, and I've either disproven the commercial renditions, or set a new precedence. I decided before showering that I would test the Axe smell test in town. The difference is only that I have 6different kinds of axe and they haven't as of late afforded me with a very attractive lady tackling me, knocking me down, jumping me, and or showing the least bit interest. I figured the more you use the better the reactions right?
SO...I used all six profusely...and went to the minimart to get gas for my truck. Immediately upon entering the store to pay for said gas...the girl behind the counter reacted. Her nose scruntched up, and she almost gagged. This can be viewed one of two ways. 1.) She was so enraptured by my scent that she couldn't help but twist her face into a grotesque grimace to keep from launching over the counter with lustful thoughts, or 2.) She was going to vomit from the intense yearning for me as a sexy beast wearing the plethora of intoxicating smells and could only hope to contain herself but thinking of eating some revolting Survivor-esque bug based meal. In any event I was finally able to illicit a response by wearing Axe body spray...
Next step...finding the right person with which to share the stank.

In order not to attract the women I work with thus confusing the work relationship I have and camaraderie at the Gazette, after my experiment I washed my bad filthy self, and used only one stench. In the elevator a random dayside worker; I believe a photographer, commented that I smelled "nice". I pushed the "close door" button.....

OT

Got the call to come into work early to take care of some extranious Ads that are due to proof tommorrow. Now I could say that I mind terribly, or I could just say I don't care about the early work schedule. The fact is...when you work evenings, and basically spend your entire week waking up without an alram clock ( it's easy...just get a job that doesn't start until other people are eating dinner) You tend to enjoy the fact that you have something to do. Matinee movies are great if you choose to spend the money, books are fun to read if you don't finish novels in three days. Working means one thing at this point and it's the almighty kicker in the stuation. If my bosses want me to work extra they pay me handsomely...They offer the comp time and I flat out say pay me. A large paycheck at the end of the week makes me feel as though I didn't just join a Fraternity full of engineers, but sometimes I can get paid like one. Albeit a recently graduated senior that tests vagisil on a production line to insure viscosity correctness...but damn it he/she's an engineer. So this entire week, I've resigned myself to OT. I'll be making the 5minute pilgrimage to work 3hrs early and givin' it to the company real good.
HAHAHAHHAhahhahaha (<=laughin' all the way to the proverbial bank) uh scratch that...laughing all the way to the bank proper. HaH

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by....... Valentine's day chocolates and candy hearts, the word stereotactic • \stair-ee-uh-TAK-tik\ • adjective : involving, being, utilizing, or used in a surgical technique for precisely directing the tip of a delicate instrument (as a needle) or beam of radiation in three planes using coordinates provided by medical imaging in order to reach a specific locus in the body, and the number 0.00038.

Why you ask? Becuase it's freakin' random.

Hope you all enjoy your day of red flowers and precious gifts from that 'special someone. I'm makin' home made general Tso's Kung-Fu chicken, and eating it alone. Then if I have the ambition... I'm gonna get me drunk and take advantage of myself...... er um, watchin a movie.

Sleeplessness

Woke up in the middle of the night last night and I heard the words "It's Over" come out of my mouth. Pessimism is thebain of my existance. I'm fraternizing myself to think half full today.

If it happened 5000 yrs ago.....

Sad that a couple of dried up neaderthals can put your dating life into perspective.
I need to find some flint tools and an arrow head so that 5000 yrs from now they can dig me up like this.

Dead Beaver Viking Funerals?

Let's have a Huge round of applause and a standing Ovation for TEAM AWESOME!

it was years ago...yet just the thought of seeing the vid, brought tears to my eyes

G'morning sunshine

For the past week I've found myself waking prior to noon (10am to be exact)...and feel better about life.I'm not sleeping it away. Although there really isn't much to do in the fishbowl "without cable" and my fuzzy white ass sitting on the couch. I've been mapping out paintings that I would like produce, but haven't the materials to create them as I wish. The problem is only that I've been without gloss medium for acrylic paint and the drab flat colors don't do anything for me. Oil paint is super but it wouldn't be condusive to put it on canvas in my black mold infested place wasting the more expensive pigment on rotting canvas. The toxins that are used to be able to push and pull said medium would only add to the toxisity of my current health. That sounds really narsty. If a painting is going to say "look at me you moron" there has to be some gloss...unless of course it's flat pigment and is hanging on the wall in Guggenheim with proper museum lighting. Fishbowl does not equal Guggenheim. I'm using the cheaper end acrylics until I can get myself into a safer living space for the longevity of my work. Not so narsty...but inherantly saddening.

On a lighter note...I'm almost finished with "The Art of Thinking Sideways" a thoroughly impressive read. 72 chapters on anything and everything graphic and holy in the design world. Think about that.....Sideways!

Recovery

Recovering...and hopefully going to be at the doing well status in the very near future.

"In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain."
~Pliny the Elder (23 AD - 79 AD)

It's amazing a practical stranger can affect how you view life.

SNAFU

I didn't quite make it to all the adventures in culinary delight this past weekend. Although....Fridays Green Curry chicken potato mush at Solo and Becky's was the bomb. And then there was the lasagna a la, Vulcan Oven in a not so fresh fraternity kitchen. I made due, and had some beers as well. It was great to meet up JY, Virlkdirt, J.Lynn, Syberdins, Dre and S.Savaaaad people I haven't seen for months, if not years. I'm not purposfully leaving out the rest of you monkeys, cuz you know it's always good to see you as well. I met a few new friends... and

There was an incident that occurred Friday evening well into Saturday and on to Sunday....., before noon, I had left to return for work prior to any solid resolution to the problem or any great word. I'm shattered for having to jet and not be present to support in some way. ""..........



<=Crazy Shit happened in here=>



..........."" Somber.

I hope and trust that all those involved with said crazy incident recover and are able to put things back together. My prayers are with you, and it's "My God" that I'm talking too, so you're in super better hands!


I'm shot, and my emotions/thoughts are wrecked.... It's not a good night to be sitting in the office.

Red eye

I'm takin' the red eye flight to the great white north, to have Duff's wings, Norwood Diner gravy fries, and the 3pancake challenge at Caroline's. I'll be 5x5 in the pipe at 0230 zulu E.T.A. 0600....just in time for the Pancakes.
Following a few days of R&R I'll take the freedom bird back to the 'dirt to work during the SuperBowl...enjoy the game folks.






That pizza bagel will only be purchased if it's on a pumperknickle bagel (a la, Bird)

Thankyou

I'd like to personally thank Flexfit, Pearl Vison, Stafford, Hanes, Mountain Hardware,The North Face, FirmGrip, Levis Strauss, L.L.Bean, and the Timberland company for supporting my efforts to effectively dress myself today. I would also like to convey my sincere gratitude to, Arm and Hammer, Listerine, Paul Mitchell, Dove, Herbal Essence, Aveeno and Axe Body Spray for keeping it real.....real clean.
It wouldn't have all been possible without the support of Skippy, Smuckers, Freihofer's, Crowley and Cabot, Stouffers, Pepsi Co., Nature Valley, Green Mountain Coffee Roasters, General Mills... in general, and Dackets Vending lottery.
My patronage and the mutual respect we have for eachother with regard to propaganda have come to their pinnacle.
Thank you for converting me to a respectable human being, clothed, clean, and fed, i.e worthy of public appearance, .

Warmest Regards,

the Slug typing

P.S. I'd also like to thank the Fucker who just dented the side of my truck while I was at work, without you life wouldn't have been in perspective today. Mutha-F'er I hope you get hit by a bus while carrying a 50gl garbage bag full of thumbtacks and a naked picture of Michael Jackson, scum sucking low life piece of monkey funk. FU!!!!!!!!!! ( the extra use of exclamation point actually signifies that I'm laughing on the inside, my truck just moved up on the rugged manly scale)