Sunday, June 17, 2007


I'm not talking about a Stripper at Double Vision, I'm not talking about a helpful young waitress that I definitely caught staring at my junk at dinner on Saturday evening, I'm referring to the woman at the Hannaford's supermarket that was having a heated debate with her teenage daughter. I pulled into a parking space across and one up from the dynamic duo and witnessed that they were in a verbal skuffle back and forth in their car, teenage girl passenger and I only assume Moms sitting behind the wheel.

I exited my vehicle, and made the mistake of walking past the driver side door of their car. During the frackus battle of; no doubt, wit and sarcasm I happened to be passing Moms door when it flew open and tagged me in the twig and berries. I didn't go down, cuz in the back of my head;...actually during the out of body experience I was having looking over my own shoulder, I had seen it coming a mile away but the apparition me, couldn't tap the real me on the shoulder. Corner of a door + my crotch + the speed with which the door was traveling = loss of breath, a vertical bruise, and trouble sitting much less deciding on the grocery list that went by the wayside. I take solice in the fact that their Arguement about Shrek 3 stopped at the very moment of contact and didn't progress between the two byrds. God Bless'em and their foresight to save me the anguish of hearing about Princess Fiona when my balls were slowly recovering from the thunder clap. For fear of getting blocked by everyone on the net there is no camera phone picture goodness of the black and blue line crossing my wang and stones.

No public viewings have been scheduled.

1 comment:

moe.L said...

So an elderly gentleman ...was walking thru the hallway of the nursing home, glum and forlorn...the nurse asked "why so down Mr. Ives?"
the senior replied, " My privates have died..." and he went on his shuffling way...
The next day the nurse noticed that Mr. Ives privates were exposed as he went down the hall...and she exclaimed, "MISTER IVES you CAN NOT walk around here like that!!!"
Mr. Ives retorted, ' Remember when I told you yesterday that my privates have died?...well today is the viewing"