Thursday, December 25, 2008

Boring day in the 'Dirt, Mommy Card or Transformers?

What is one to do when faced with a boring day flying solo on Christmas, less sleep than normal, and the prospect of working all night on a holiday? Thanks for asking.. I decided today to punish myself by heading to the local Wallyworld to purchase a few items for the NYE Bash and check out the natives redeeming gift cards while generally getting out of control, boisterous, evil and dastardly toward accompanying family members and strangers alike.

I personally don't have any kids (that I know about) and it lightens my heart to see the loving interactions between parent and child in a social setting. When I was a wee lad, a directed whisper in my ear of impending doom should I keep behaving like a monsterous little urchin was enough to calm me down. ( I never liked the fact that a superb beating was at any moment hanging above my head should I act out like a little mutt) But the almost silent grrrrowl that my folks were able to convey was plenty enough to stop me in my tracks. Apparently from my wanderings today, that's not always the case.

A 4yr old boy (I'm guessing) was in the middle of tantrum whilst his mom-dukes was searching for a perfectly scented candle for some home decorative need. Tantrum Boy was literally throwing himself around, hanging off his moms and knocking shit off shelves. [I was watching without even the slightest hint of trying to disguise myself as a shopper, I knew this was going to be classic]. My mind shot back to the old days when I would have acted in such a manner. Unfortunately his moms didn't use any subtlty at all in the matter. Here's a play by play.

~(Son is hanging off mom's pant leg screaming something about transformers, or popcorn, maybe even quantum physics it's basically unintelligible)

~Mom looks sternly at son, not saying a word, slaps the eyebrow off the left side of his dome and pushes the son into the lower shelf of candles spilling solidified wax to roll around the open aisle...

~Son, stunned- slugs mom in the crotchal region and runs away. Mom [ninja like, whip quick] slings a foot out, son Pete Rose's his way to a complete stop. Mom lifts son by invisible magic and levitates him in the air, tries to knock the other eyebrow off.

~Dad approaches, chastizes mom, looks at wailing bawling son, whispers in his ear..... Son => instantaneously placid and well behaved. Dad fakes a shot at Mom's eyebrow. All three motor toward the exit sans candle for home decorative need.

Maybe Dad told his son that if he didn't behave he was going to take away his old lady's Mommy Card? Or perhaps he said that the quantum physics of a transformer made of popcorn was entirely plausable?

I'm glad that my folks were well adjusted and had the voice rather than a heavy open hand. I dig my eyebrows and not having one would really have put a damper on my life growing up.


James W said...

That was classic.

When my boys (our daughter isn't old enough yet to require beatings) get out of line, I threaten them with the farm hand, a twist of the ear (to adjust their broken hearing units...), or a squeeze of the back of the neck.

Amazingly though, despite the fact that they are out of control for us, the people at child watch at the Y or their teachers think they are two little angels.

Go figure.......

Merry Ho Ho and a Drunken New Year Ole Shaggy One.

Shaggy Bob said...

HApy Holidays my friend