Decidedly Minimal, at least it looks that way

....After purchasing 4 hollowcore doors from the Home Despot, mounting the hardware, and applying 22hrs of 15coats of gesso to each, I ended up with the 4 panel blank above. I had thought about covering entire compositon with a mossy green & black/newspaper/wax/thread type abstract dealy perhaps with a bit of chicken wire for texture, but wasn't motivated enough spiritually or monetarily to undertake such a creation. After weeks of deliberation I decided to fall back to my innate leaning toward the minimal.




Here's the final outcome...with plenty of wiggle room for additions should I be moved enough to do so. Installed it measures just over under 8ft wide, as well as just under 7ft tall. I guess it's all relative to installation.




....close up of Panel-3, obviously I have to clean it up a bit. I had to clean the rest of the place and myself with a vengeance, alizarin crimson..and cadmium red don't look too spectacular on the rest of my stuff or my eyebrows.




Lighting in this close up is a better representation of how the piece feels when you stand infront of it. I applied the paint first with a pallet knife and then dry brushed to create the highlights. It still has to dry, and I'll then add some Damar Varnish so that the gloss sticks with it.

I almost lost one panel 1. It didn't look quite right, and I was going to send it to hell with a hammer out of frustration "my measurements were off just enough to not notice" within the grand scheme of things, but I knew...and prior to figuring out how to work the adjustments I had already planned it's demise through pain... I was going to hope that Mr. Destructo Mad was going to liberally smash the crap out of it and pray for a new interesting composition to result. Since they're hollow-core I think the depth would have worked with any luck. Thankfully I pulled the rabbit out of my ass and performed some prestidigitation. ( That's magic using math).

(Edited by Shaggybob, Th. 9/31/07) NOT For SALE! once it's been varnished and cleaned up.. at cost, +plus my usual hourly fee. It's more than I get paid at the Gazette, but that doesn't mean it isn't cheap.

Numbness

Along with the unfortunate side effects of a not so comfortable couch I've also noticed a numbness. This particular numbness started a couple of weeks ago while I was at the weekend getaway in Waltham. I won some cash playing poker on Friday, got my ass handed to me playing Baggo and drinking games on Saturday evening and hadn't realized that falling asleep on a hardwood floor would be much different than when I was in college. Floor, couch, camping out...all the same. I fall asleep where I am and don't really think to care about in what contorted position I may end up. It makes it easier than trying to play cowboys,ninjas,and bears for a spot on a couch if there is limited sleeping arrangements. I gladly opt for the more uncomfortable with the thought that someone else will be sleeping soundly. This specific trip something changed, I realized when I got home that something was amiss, not right if you will. "I slept well" on the floor and didn't care at the time.... aging has finally caught up with me. The big 32, an age when it becomes profoundly evident that hard flat surfaces aren't kind to a body that isn't well cared for. Since the evening in question my right hip is numb, not too sure if there is permanent nerve damage, but I can't feel it, I can feel pressure, but it's numb. It's only an area about size of a pie plate... but it's not cool.

Time to once again re-assess the choices I make with regard to being me and looking out for ye olde bod.

(NSFW) The Ball of Inverness

THE BALL OF INVERNESS
There where four and twenty virgins
at the ball of Inverness
And when then ball was over
there where four and twenty less

Swing your balls to your partner
and your ass against the wall
If you don’t get fucked this Saturday night
you'll never get fucked at all

The village magician was there
doing his special trick
putting his legs over his head
and standing on his prick

Swing your balls...

They where fucking in the kitchen
they where fucking in the hall
You couldn’t here the music
for the clinging of the balls

Swing your balls...

Little Tommy he was there
but he was only eight
he was to young for women
so he had to masturbate

Swing your balls...

The village idiot he was there
sitting on a pole
Drawing his foreskin over his head
and whistling through the hole

Swing your balls...

The village doctor he was there
he had his bag of tricks
And in between the dances
he was sterilising pricks

Swing your balls...

The village cripple he was there
he couldn't do very much
He lined them up against the wall
and fucked them with his crutch

Swing your balls...

The village butcher he was there
with a copper in his hand
And every time he took the floor
he circumcises the band

Swing your balls...

The vicar and his wife was there
the vicar had some fun
The vicar had his finger in
another lady's bum

Swing your balls...

The vicars daughter she was there,
performing a stumbling stunt.
Hanging from the ceiling
by the suction of her cunt.

Swing your balls...

The prostitute was also there,
she sung her special hits.
Slided down the riverside
and landed on her tits.

Swing your balls...

The postman he was also there
the poor man got the pox
he couldn't fuck the women
so he fucked a letterbox

Swing your balls...

The village smithy he was there
his prick was iron ware.
When the first begun to rust
he swapped it for a spare.

Swing your balls...

There were fucking in the bedroom,
there were fucking in the stairs.
You couldn't see the carpet
for the mass of curly hair.

Swing your balls...

And when the ball was over
everyone of them confessed
They all enjoyed the music
but the fucking was the best

mild persistant backpain

I hadn't noticed before; but having the opportunity to enjoy few relaxing evenings at the Oasis, that the wickedly comfortable new couch is somewhat..... uncomfortable. It's not a matter of sleeping on it..I know that it's good for that. More specifically it's a bit alarming to find out that while sitting and watching the TV (DVD's if you will, no cable) that it puts me in a postion that doesn't feel off at first, but definitely hits home a few days removed. I feel as though I have a rabid Howler monkey jumping on my spine between my shoulder blades. At a few points today it made it a bit difficult to breathe. I guess that me being hunched over a keyboard and mouse for 8hrs at a stretch isn't going to win me any Posture awards, but damn it, it's annoying. Being the night owl that I am, I started watching movis around 9'er and then decided to call it a day in the morning. Me thinks I should have gotten up and moved around a bit within that time to stretch it out. Maybe it was a poor planning idea to put a fully stocked beer fridge within reach of the couch...and heap mountains of snack food on the coffee table. I did get up to go to the loo.... even paused the movies to not rush myself. It just didn't cut it.

It really sucks, I like the new couch, it ties the room together..........

Not safe for work link

Every Cuss word we know...... weak tune. But funny none-the less.

Roadtrip to Somers

Weekend chillin' with Vinnie Bag O' Donuts, Val and Gus. Sept 14-16th. T-minus 4days of work and counting........ Blow torches, automatic weapons, kegorators and frozen margueritas. What could possibly go wrong you ask? Nothing because it'll all be wrapped in bacon, with an extra side of bacon covered in bacon bits.

Todays Randomness

Today's Randomness is brought to you by, ratatoullie, the word convivial • \kun-VIV-ee-ul\ • adjective: relating to, occupied with, or fond of feasting, drinking, and good company, and el numero uno.

The Oasis this weekend was a bit drab until I had the opportunity to head out for a shopping excursion. Hannaford's Supermarket has got some good eats. I've found that the produce there is far superior to the Ghetto Chopper and Mal-wart. I made no less than enough food to set up 3 meals for 6 and froze some stuff for later. I've never really done that before, although..It's a top priority now=> what a great concept.

This coming weekend's flyer is in the making...stay tuned for the skinny on where and when the horrification begins.

Weekend plans

So.... this weekend I'll be here=> a.k.a.... "my place" The Oasis, stop on in...I shouldn't be straying too far.

-Bev Center
-Liquor Store
-Driving range
-Bumpercars
-Diner
-Food store
......are just a short walk around the corner.

85 and sunny, try a walkabout to the back of the building and try to get my attention as I nap on the balcony. If that is I don't here the door buzzer.

Be good, stay safe, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Sunday is a workin day...until then droogs

Sweat drops and skeevies

I'm a fan of Subway Subs, they're filling and somewhat tasty...the closest shop is walking distance from the Oasis and when in a hurry to get to work the whole 5min drive away.. I like to know that a sandwich artist will ultimately throw something together so that I may not starve. Most visits I'm waited on by one of the little ladies whom are always pleasent and look me in the eye when I order. (I dig that). Today is a totally different story. In the past I may have mentioned that I enjoy my own cooking more than resturaunt food, more for the obvious reason I know what's in it. I abhor the thought that some expecterant inherantly found it's way into my food either by maliciousness or by chance. I dislike when a server (How's that for PC) chats me up over my food...microscopic mouth particles are flying at that point landing ever so gently on my eats. I don't mind when I can see someone prepare my food... at least I get a peak at the slight chance of narsty landing in the food.

Subway has a new guy working whom isn't morbidly obese, although he's a big guy....I didn't ask him to do the truffle shuffle, I merely was polite enough to ask him to start anew with the order that I placed. He started the first sandwich in the apparently over stuffy Subway Shop standing behind the counter glistening. Once he snagged the freshly baked loaf from the super bread cooker machine, I could see standing perspiration on his forhead. He got right into it and started making the sandwich......*gag, wiped his forehead with his gloved hand*....kept making the sangwich, *snarf, a drip fell on the turkey*. {It was a slo-motion drop that sounded like thunder when it hit the deli slice},..... I politely asked him to think about making a new composition. Sandwich artist sans sweat. He called the manager, the manager was rude to the point of me getting mad. If you know me.....that my friends and readers is something that only happens once in like 4yrs. I quashed the urge to hop the counter, liberate a dropkick into newguy, and start slashing with the blunted bread knives they use, and opted for fury instead. (I used the "Paying Customer" line) I became discombobulated immediately because that's one phrase that happens be a pet peeve of mine. I let the manager have it..ignoring the sweaty guy.... People left with their children, I dropped a few F-bombs and called the reindeer games behind the counter super-bullshit. Manager lady offered me a free sub....to which my reply was..... you guessed it "Can I have that without the salty sandwich Artist sweat sauce" Tweak city! They made a new sub and I left without it just for spite.

It was the start of a stressful day, (stressful day for me, not a normal person....If I drop my toothbrush and pick it up with 15inches of my own hair wrapped around it my life is stressful.... not much by way of exciting happens during a regular day for me.) I got to work and the S. was planted at my work station, everything had been moved around and I knew that the system set up; that I work with, was undoubtedly changed. She works part-time and has her own station but It doesn't suit her apparently. On a normal day (twice a week) I'm slightly perturbed and territorial but only end up being displaced for an hour or so. Today it was three hours and I was hungry, fresh off a tiraid lambasting a poor sweaty subway guy and his bitch of a manager. I swallowed my anger like a spoonful of sand and let it be.

Next on tap...road rage on the way home after I get tagged by a tractor trailor. Or I'm driving to the nearest Zoo breaking in and heading straight for the Ostrich corral to knock one of'm out.

Move along, move along ...nothing to see here

Strange day even for me.

After the weekend blow out, it usually takes me a few days to get my bearings again due to the over abundance and non-existance. "i.e. Practices in Alcohol consumption and Sleep depervation." Work last night was a killer, it was even more boring than I had imagined it could be. I caught myself on a number of occasions last night as well as today imagining myself the fancy star in a Noir film. I was narrarating it in my head.....

......After a brief sleep that consumed me for the last 12hrs I was dazed, confused....yet not wanting to roll out of bed to face the daylight. The pillow was comfortable, like laying your head on a supple breast and never wanting to move again. I was hard pressed to not call in and cancel the paper this evening. I can't say as though I miss the dames. I had the kind of afternoon wake up that requires things not quite on the level with birds around. It was a dig at 'em sort of crotch/ ass scratchin that men only waking dream of in the predawn hours....a euphoric scratch that never wants to stop..... After a thorough steelwool treatment I moved on with my day.

I brushed my teeth, the light in the bathroom was overwhelming, small circles, liberal paste...I looked like a rabid dog, (maybe I am).... The shower wasn't much better, I leaned on the cold tile walls,... and let the water glance off me: not really putting too much effort into it. The shave was an unruly one...blood dripped from my jaw bone ruining the freshly laundered towel I used to sop it up...damn new razors, I didn't lop my head off but I sure looked like a stuck pig. That's gonna leave a mark, just another reason to give up the practice entirely......

I made pasta for dinner, nothing too exciting there, boil water and fight the urge to bury your hand in the pot just to know you're alive. Time to kill is the name of the game for this guy..... never up early enough to get something productive done, never sleep late enough so as to rush to catch the plane if ya know what I'm sayin'. I look over old photos, and check to make sure the Xmas Ornament is still getting fanned on the refridgerator door. (A present from, from the W's)
....I smoked a couple of squares and then headed to work, and here I sit, clad in black (not my color but it's just one of those days)...... Caffiene and Nicotine fueled graphic design boredom......

Todays Randomness

Today's randomness is brought to you by weekend recovery time, the word pillory • \PILL-uh-ree\ • noun 1 : a device formerly used for publicly punishing offenders consisting of a wooden frame with holes in which the head and hands can be locked *2 : a means for exposing one to public scorn or ridicule, and the number 5.45

SHAGGY BOB's New England TOUR

The next stop on the US Tour will be Waltham Mass: Labor Day Weekend for some Grillin', gettin my ass handed to me playing poker, and some beers with good ole fraternity boys. Should you be in the area Friday following 8am (I'll be hitting the red eye in the Frankensteiner to arrive in the AM after work.) the Funtruck is rollin'.

If you:.....
Have nothing to do and want to enjoy frosty beverage.
Feel Like relaxing with less than stellar conversation.
Need a healthy dropkick in the sternum.
Think you have stones enough for a game of F*CK'ed UP.
Like animals becuase the taste good.
Want to sit in the sun and dehydrate by hydration.
.........: Hit my Cel No.#

Nothing really fun has happened this week other than diner food on Monday so....., I'm hoping for a little horrification for the next few days.

FIRE IT UP!!!

Malaise

I haven't really had anything exciting in the last few day to expound on here in blogville. I've fallen into a lazy funk, made a few dinners, and generally just lost myself in crossword puzzles. I did laundry today, another adventure to yet another dirt hole of a laundr-o-mat and decided when I arrived home with my fresh clean duds that I would file them away. On the floor of my bedroom. I could easily put them in bureaus, drawers, baskets and on hangers...but it is swelteringly hot and the thought of extra effort in my current malaise was just a bit overbearing. I don't do hot lately, I think it stemmed from the round of Golf with the D.

This weekend barring a flight to some bar-b-que and beerfest I'll be cranking the AC to get down and dirty cleaning the pad, and straightening up the piles of funktapuss.

Todays Randomness is brought to you by: Glaceau Vitaminwater (Charge lemon-lime(b+electrolytes) , the word Walter Mitty • \wawl-ter-MITT-ee\ • noun : a commonplace unadventurous person who seeks escape from reality through daydreaming and the number 32.

Paycheck to paycheck we keep rollin on.

Today is a good day

Thanks to all of you that showed up at the Parting Glass,(individually I'd like to thank Me, Myself and I) for keeping ShaggyBob company, I was the only one there, but I understand that you all have lives and couldn't make it for the free pints. I didn't get around to singing any of the tunes on the ballot only because horrification wasn't my main goal for sitting at the bar. Pub Grub and pints are the way to relax on a Friday Happy Hour prior to headin out ot see a little lady.

My date with Lil MAc was awesome, we dined at the Casa deCarrarra and hit up the swing set for a little post meal fun. Saturday I ripped a round of golf with Darren on what could quite possibly be the hottest day ever. He broke a hundred, I shot a bit over but par for Shagz Von Golf'in-heim. I think my clothes were in rough shape seing as how they magically gained 15lbs of water weight in the 4hours we were getting opressed by the sun. I ventured back to the Oasis and decided that hot and hotter are a good reason for a 30rack and movies. Relaxation is the key to speed and the night flew by. I sat a hour or so inside just off my balcony and watched one hell of a thunder boomer and lighting storm the mist slightly entering my place and cooling it off a wee bit.

I had trouble sleeping Sunday after work and didn't get anymore than a hour or so this morning so I decided that It would be a great time - dirt ass early in the AM, to head to a local diner. If you aren't a fan of Pub Grub or diner foods you're unAmerican to the utmost of the statement.

I opened my copy of Schott's Miscellany and indexed the American Diner slang entry (www.miscellanies.info)....rehearsed for an hour or so and headed out on my adventure. When I got to the diner just down the road I realized I should have walked it was that close, and I was saddened by the fact that the waitresses albeit old weren't dressed like Flo from Mel's Diner the old TV Show. I sat down and was ready to order, the cleintele were mostly moldies and people reading the paper I had output the night previous. When the waitress approached I saw her little hard plastic name tag "Martha" it had a little sticker that was faded and non-recognizable... her version of Office Space flare from days gone by. She called me Sugar, plus (+1) one for the breakfast of champions already... "What'll ya have Sugar" were her exact words. I let it rip and watched for her reaction to see if she was catching what I was throwing. She was 50-60yrs old.... I was positive she would be able to handle the Jargon, but I waited in anticipation just the same.

"A Bridge of Baby Birds- Wreck'em on a Raft, Murphy and Adam's Ale, A Crowd of Bacon In the Alley, Shingles with a Shimmey, a cup of Joe with a Life Preserver, and a Lil Squeeze should do me just fine" To which she replied "4eggs, scrambled on toast, hash browns, a glass of water, two orders of bacon on the side, toast and jelly, coffee and a donut, and a small OJ....will that be all Sugar?" She smiled. "You bet darlin" was my response. She practically sauntered to the ticket window and whispered something to the greasy short order guy behind the stainless steel hearth. I couldn't help looking at her butt, I'm a guy sometimes you just look, it's ingrained in our psyche.... it was sunken and square held in by some pretty tight black waitress scrubs the loops of her apron swishing to and fro as me moved. I felt bad for a split second and questioned why I had looked in the first place and then shrugged it off. Not even 15minutes later she returned with both arms full, balancing plates like a ninja...."I threw in crowd of Zepplins for ya Honey, they're on me enjoy your meal" She had, in fact, tossed in a side order of Sausage for me. My day began sans sleep and totally in heaven. She refilled my coffes twice, I left a 50% tip.

So that was my day so far.

It's the start of a good week. maybe I'll head back to the diner tommorrow, and the next day...and so on to establish a territorial breakfast nook and be a regular.

ShaggyBob's cookin show

Lazy day today with an AM wake up left me strung out for something to do. No cable...no new good reads, whats that leave other than clenaing the Apt? You guessed it, ShaggyBob's cookin show. I'd rather cook than shave the toilet anyway. I decided on a little ditty from a Thai cookbook I snatched not too long ago. The only problem (which was easily solved con paycheck) was ingredients. The shelves in the Oasis are relatively bare seeing as how a single guy doesn't ever think to stockpile the goods for a plethera of different dishes from a multitude of nations. If it's frozen and in a box, I may have it, if not...I never get my hopes up. Box it, bag it, or freeze it, if it nukes bonerific.



This particular culinary treat is a garlic sesame ginger chicken hodge podge that smelled quite delectable. I added vidalia, some basil and some, and then some, and then a pinch more crushed red, and white peppers. It's not strictly adherant to the recipe because Shaggy doesn't play that game or buy into the fact that a few Cookin Show staples can't be added to any and everything. It's kinda like the Monstu's SCHMBashed Botatoes, there needs to be a little something something added to the mix.( Salivating and hating the fact that the Monstu is 3k miles away when I crave Smashed F'in potatoes...he makes the best trumping both my Moms and my Grams hands down<=insert drool to boot.) So I cooked the hell out of this Thai dish, fresh killed chicken tender little beasty at the farm (er, grocery), and just for good measure...even though I've only seen such a thing at Indian resturaunts whipped up a thermos of Mango Shake.




Tonight I dine in Heaven

Toga happyhour on Friday

10minutes and an idea is all it takes to be creative. The asthetics are weak and the leading, spacing, overall composition, color scheme, art, and type face need to be re-worked: what do you want from me, it was seriously 10minutes. I'll be in Toga on Friday.

The above image has nothing to do with the establishment, sorry I'm not even Almost Famous. They do have a fine selection of draft beer and Scotch, and their menu have some tasty treats. You can view their site here=>
http://www.partingglasspub.com/

I'll be relaxing for an hour or so prior to an important social engagement I have planned for the evening. I've got a date with Lil Mac. Stop on in and say hello. I'll be the tree-hugger sitting at the bar being less than Green.

SweatHogs

I'd never think that an overly obese Sweathog could make my day, but she has. I'm not being mean here, this woman may have had a lymph problem, she wasn't block out the sun large, only Orca fat, again I haven't a clue to here personal life...so I shouldn't judge her size [she had a wedding ring cutting off her circulation so bully for her, she's one up on me in that respect]. She did however wreak, an odor from not bathing for days on end, without the happy campfire smell of a long sojourn in the woods. I was at local a Stewarts shop ready to get a cup of coffee...I had run out of the good stuff and was running a bit late for work. The samoan hopped in front of me at the coffee pots obscuring my view, I tried to peer around her to no avail, it took her so long to make And drop the first cup of coffee for herself that I decided that Dunkin Donuts was a safe bet and left. I stood behind another less bohemuth mass of woman flesh at dunkin sans the stench only to have her turn and unload a hot large french vanilla w/ cream and sugar on the front to of my pants...no scaulding of course I'm a ninja. I did have to go home and change though. Today is a coffee droppin' day! The dunkin folks offered me a free coffee after the incident ...score. I left dunkin and made the pilgramage to Subway (Wednesday being the lazy day) and ordered a sub....the monkey behind the counter pulled the freshly toasted sub out of the oven and promptly dropped it on the floor, due to the long wait and the subsequent remaking of the sub he gave the new one to me at 1/2 price and threw in a free cookie..... score. Free coffee, semifree dinner and all thanks to a Sweathog for being inordinately slow and clumsy. Today started out just fine...we'll see what the shift brings....T-minus 10hrs and counting until I head back to the homestead, open the GRE materials and start getting on, getting on with my future planned adventures.

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by, the Landscape Architecture Masters program @ Clemson University, the word caducity • \kuh-DOO-suh-tee\ • noun 1 : senility *2 : the quality of being transitory or perishable, and the number 2008.

I had the oppotunity to chat with a wise man this past Saturday evening over a few beers and a raging fire that opened my eyes to the fact that I'm a transient person> It's not a bad thing, I've traveled cross country a number of times, Highlighting the trips by whizzing in to the Grand Canyon, and learning to two-step in a backwoods Texas Bar. I've lived in 3different states, and had 14 different apartments, I travel extensively keeping in touch with old friends. But and haven't a clue as to whether my goals in life (which are basically touch and go at this point) are ready to set into motion. In the past 6yrs I worked at a total of 4 different jobs. A University, a museum, a Depot, and now at a newspaper. Working as a preparator/registrar, exhibition coordinator, contractor sales rep. and a graphic designer respectfully. I still have no clue what I want to be when I grow up, I already took the first step by not making smiley faces on my burgers with ketchup and mustard. I can see myself building the resume by staying put for another year or so, although I'm feeling the itch again, the itch that spurred me to move to Montana, the itch that prompted my move back the old stomping grounds, and the itch that eventually landed me working where I'm currently situated. If it was only socially exceptable to scratch with steel wool, I'd be a homebody, and litter my place with exotic plants. what's the deal with this guy and his wandering ways? Damned if I know.

I've always wanted to settle down with a little lady, and make some wee Shaggies (I enjoy the concept as well as the pre-production activities...come on who doesn't!?), but the last number of years haven't afforded me the option. Now I'm working evenings and to tell you the truth I haven't met a single person outside of my co-workers since I've been 3rd shifting it. It feels like an abysmal situation that I can't escape from. I've toyed with the idea of Grad school in the past, toyed with it, played with it, and eventually lost it under the couch or under the bed and haven't seen it in too long. The option of grad school is a good one, although my GPA puts a damper on the actual school. To get into the programs I've focused my attention on requires an overall GPA of 3.2.... I'm a bit below that standard (2.89). I'm hoping that the GPA from my majors could outweigh that seeing that it's a 3.7 along with the fact that I'm not a college meathead anymore and am ready to buckle down to reign in a new start. I've recently started looking for programs that combine all the life skills and right brained-ness that I'm under the spell of. By combining the best of all worlds I think that an Architecture degree may be right up my alley. Landscape architecture would allow me to work in numerous environments. I'm an outdoorsy kinda fellow so a berth doing planning for the DEC or a Parks and Rec group, would get me out of the office as well as allow me to get some artists figiting out of the way.

Money isn't so much a setback as it it an option, I'm hovering on the poverty level as it is, and have been since my exedus from SUNY Potsdam. In fact the only real money I've made as a professional was back when I worked for SUNY Potsdam a year removed from my graduation. Since then, I've just been living paycheck to paycheck (Overall savings account balance "I'm not ashamed to admit" is a lump sum total of $11.45) If I should be accepted into a grad program, I don't see tacking another 30 or 40 grand on top of the already gargantuan student loan shite pile I've been slowly shoveling, as problematic.

The mind set of a college student is such that, school is school, college is for partying being social, eventual degrees will open doors (at least that's what I was thinking the 7yrs I stayed in the trenches). Hindsight is 20 X 20. I'm pretty confident in applying myself should the opportunity arise to look at the education process in a different light, that of a business or job. Albeit a job that you pay for instead of receiving reimbursement. Different mindset + itch to move = wonder as to whether I can successfully make another change and be happy with it.

I'll have to continue to do the do and keep my eyes open.

Todays Randomness

Shaggy Bob's Home style Asian fusion cookin show goodness. General Zoro's Chicken and Sticky Rice, Tso's is weak by comparison.... Zoro is gauranteed to fire in the belly. And what you may ask makes General Zoro's Chicken that much better that General Tso's?
Vidallia onions, pomegranite, and a sweet red bell, HOTTtttt RODdddddd!

Today's randomness is brought to you by, Chuck and Sharla's b-day gifts cookin' show, the word contradictanym, contradictanyms are words that have opposing meanings depending on the context in which they are used, and the number of moons revolving around mercury ( 0 ).

You must BOLT the door or he will BOLT for the door.
FLOG a horse in order to FLOG the horse-meat.
GARNISH that dish or I will GARNISH your earnings.
Secure it with a BUCKLE or it will BUCKLE under the weight.
Please SCREEN us from the film they are about to SCREEN.
Though CRITICAL in his comments he was CRITICAL to our success.
You can see the stars are OUT once the lights are OUT.
It is everyday CUSTOM to have suits CUSTOM made.
It was an OVERSIGHT to give him OVERSIGHT of the project.
I will FIX the gate in order to FIX the race.
Bind him FAST to prevent a FAST getaway.
He was only a QUALIFIED success although he is fully QUALIFIED

UHhhhhhhhhhh

WON THE LOTTERY!!! I won big time. So much for the next round of paychecks at the Gazette, it's already spent. I'm ok with that though. The next project will be a new starter if any indication can be gleaned from the number of times I restarted the already running mouse quiet Frankensteiner (3-since it was finished, 1hrs ago). Looks like a "home entertainment center of the huge testies" has to wait.

I'm getting pretty psyched for the weekend. Traveling again, this time to 'Cuse, for some backyard reindeer games with Miss Karlie and Miss Julie. I'd cancel due to the enormous hit I took from the muff-deal, but that just isn't an option.

Bets anyone?

THIS IS NOT MY TRUCK, there aren't enough dings, dents, scratches, keymarks, carcases, and bird droppings... but one can always imagine they way it used to be, back in the day when a new vehicle was the T*Ts, and you puffed out your chest at the mere mention of your battle chariot.

I'm playing the lottery tommorrow and it doesn't involve a vending machine...er, well in a way I guess it does. Tommorrow at 3pm I'll be playing the Muffler Lottery. Since the old muffle-dirt is somewhere on the Northway causing havoc I'll be getting a new one. Now I'm not too sure what exactly has to be replaced. I've never actually looked at the exhaust system under the Frankensteiner (while it was intact) So....I'm playing the lottery, with hopes that the grease monkey doesn't have elephantitis of his gorilla sized mitts to ball up and thunder into any of my orafices.

It will have only been 5days of driving around sounding like a tricked out Harley with extra attitude. I don't know if I'll miss the badass rumble. It'll definitely cut down on the "are they staring at me and my busted ass truck" syndrome I've been copping as of late. After the monkeys tinker around under the truck, touching it all over, and eventually screwing a new muffler into it...I'm going to a full service car wash to make it feel less dirty, and give it a full tank of premium gas. I bet even inanimate objects feel a bit violated when they have a procedure done that rivals a colonoscopy, and trucks don't eat icecream.

Golfing

I finally got to enjoy my first golf outing of the year. I shot an 66, not bad for the first time out. I wasn't jumping out of my spikes at all, it was a par 3 course, and we only played the front 9. I can honestly say that I'm an atrocious golfer. I did have that single moment of greatness that will keep me heading back out to do it all over again. Par3, 145yd downhill to the green, and I stuck my tee shot 6ft from the pin. That was the extent of happiness all day. The snack bar didn' take plastic so I was beer and greasy burgerless as well. I think the lack of beverage put us over the edge and pushed the decision to not let me make any more of a fool of myself swinging the sticks.

I was driving home from the 'rents place Saturday to head out golfing and I lost something pretty important from my truck. 70mph, and my truck is distinctively louder...I lost a portion of my muffler. Not sure how much that'll run to get fixed, or where the parts are, but I have to do it quickly or the neighbors will be up in arms. If I don't get it repaired I may as well just pay on the horn when I get to my parking space in the am. I think the decible range is similar.

Todays Randomness

Today's Randomness is brought to you the by Art and Architecture of Florence, the word erudite • \AIR-uh-dyte\ • adjective
: possessing or displaying extensive knowledge acquired chiefly from books : learned, and the number 1276.

What do........

What do ALzheimers grocery shopping, sushi, and clue number 117 down from the August 5th Sunday L.A. Times crossword puzzle have in common? ...........I did them all today.

I started my day; sans sleeps again, doing some cleaning and starting the LA times crossword. I eventually decided that cashing my paycheck would be a good thing and headed to the local supermarket that has a bank branch conveniently located within. While I was cashing my check a foot shuffler approached the counter and was a bit off center. She was chatting with the little lady behind the counter as if she knew her and was babbling about anything and something at the same time. The girl looked at me and did an obvious eye roll signifying that she had no idea in the world who this lady was. The elderly woman used her name (her own name) in the conversation. The girl behind the bank counter was at a loss, so after I received my receipt I turned to the elderly woman [kicked a wink at the teller] and used her name in passing conversation about how her morning was treating her. From there we bantered back and forth, me gleaning anything and everything from the conversation I could to try and help her with chivalric intentions. She was shopping and lost her cart...saw her "friend" at the bank counter and was in need of assistance. ( I doubt Alzheimers had anything to do with it, but I listed it previously). Martha and I then meandered through the store and located her cart, and I was obliged to accompany her around the food aisles helping her locate all the items she had on her list. She was doing quite well, and half the list was already taken care of, she just needed help finding a few items. I pushed the cart and kept up the conversation. Her son was on vacation in Belize, or Florida or some ofther country, so she said, she missed him and her grandchildren. On our way to the checkout we were approached by a frantic 40 something, who had been to the customer service center and was paging Martha in an effort to locate her. I hadn't noticed the paging...it wasn't my name. Apparently Martha was a resident at an assisted living home on an outing, doing some shopping to help her stay in tune with her regular life and on top of her game as it were. Her chaperone thanked me for taking the time....I felt generally good. Selfishness with regard to a random situation accomplished. I think random acts of kindness are the way to go. When I'm a dirty little old man (cause I will be a DIRTY Old man someday) I will no doubt receive some help at one point or another, and think back to the time I helped Martha in a "Pay if Forward" sort of way. Martha gave me a hug and we parted ways.

I then went shopping for myslef (yup myslef) and purchased some sushi rice, rice wine vinegar, soy sauce, some tuna, powdered Wasabi, Nori, and some other things to roll up for din din. Upon retuning to my place I set to work and made some of the ugliest sushi rolls known to man. I know they'll taste good, but they look pretty sad. The tuna wasn't sushi grade... I didn't want to spend that much money for raw fish although I should have. (If you know me I'm no seafood person, but the Monstu turned me onto Tuna prepared correctly and I enjoy it immensely) I definitely had time during the day to head over to Avon Meatland and get the good stuff. Anyway the sushi was rolled poorly I mixed the wasabi, failed to remember washing my hands post wasabi mixin' and had to whiz (NSFW) Dick Burn. Not cool, but a pretty serious endorphin rush I can tell you...didn't bother with a shower and basically [if you're not a single guy you'll find this remotely disturbing] washed the wang in the bathroom sink. Much better.

Good deed for the day accomplished, non burningwang and dinner prepared I sat down for a few hours and hit up the afore mentioned ccrossword. Usually it takes me a week, and more often than not longer to finish one of these, that includes random calls to Timmy Z and the Monstu for a bit of asssitance. I finished the entire puzzle all by my lonesome. Barring the few clues in the morning it only took me 2 hours. I felt SMRT.

This evening I'm working on car ads for the paper, they're the bain of my existance but I'm not that phased right now. The bonus of the evening will be the dinner break which I should be able to wrench out an extra half hour for.

Overall today was a 8 on the worth scale and is a significant jump from the last week of hovering around 4 or 5.

Todays Randomness

Today's randomness is brought to you by, sleep ,the word extirpate • \EK-ster-payt\ • verb *1 a : to destroy completely : wipe out b : to pull up by the root 2 : to cut out by surgery, and the number 0

US, lazy?

Think of anyone in the world being lazy? I bet it was a person in the good old U.S. of A. I caught myself in that boat today while in the supermarket. I was in the frozen food section thinking about what I was going to cook for dinner when I passed it. A large purple box of goodness that I couldn't stop looking at as I was walking. Uber Lazy trumps lazy in this case for sure. I was thinking of some light fare, nothing too hot, I wasn't in the mood to sweat. So I snagged the hometown food goodness of my childhood, only it was prepackaged, frozen and already to be consumed with a 1hr thawing time left out on the counter. I'm talking about none-other than a Smuckers brand product. The epitomy of lazy, and quite possibly the best damn invention since sliced bread with peanut butter and jelly.

"Uncrustables" Sweet Jumpin Jesus on a Purple Pogostick. 10 to a box, slightly less than my average meal...but the friggin crust has already been nixed in the dealy. I can't say I have any disdain for myself or my purchase, they're good. Nothing tastes better than a PB&J that someone else makes for you. I can't remember if I've mentioned it in the past, but that's the way things work. Try it sometime.... get out PB&J mixin's and a friend. Each of you make 2 sandwiches exactly the same, same ingredients, same knife, same amounts (measure if you wish or just eyeball it) Gauranteed the trade off of one of your pals sandwiches will taste better than the one you made for yourself. And visa versa. Sad that lazy is a factor in our society, lazy to the pinnacle of laz when you can't be forced to get the ingredients and make peanut butter and jelly sandwich opting for a frozen round crustless pocket of the Gods.

I'm lazy. There's no helping me.. but at east I'll enjoy my slothily glutonous uncrustable sandwiches for the next 15minutes. They're practically bitesized. Snowman says they're definitely bitesized although I think they're bigger than a standard Zebra Cake.

Poor sleeping habits

I'm back to a super ridiculous sleeping schedule befitting the graveyard shift. All it takes is good book, the AC, and a decent reading lamp for a great reason to once again get into the habit of falling asleep when most of the civilized world is just emerging to start their day. If you happen to sleep in and start your day at 10am. I crashed out at 10am, and got up for work at 4pm, what was I thinkin. Nothing that's just it, I ignored the new born baby 15ft away in the adjacent apt building(both our windows were open and I wasn't the one screaming bloody murder). The baby birds newly hatched next to the Air Conditioner were boisterous, I wasn't making a peep. Even the weed whackers and mowing that sounded like they were on my pillow didn't really matter. From 3:30am tp 9am it was uninterrupted reading time for me.

I started a compilation of Stephen King Short stories. Even he has admitted that his writing style is poor, and he isn't the best prose generator in the world, very far from it. I do find that his musings are heavy and weighted with everyday substance. Thee(s) and thou(s) aren't given a chance. Cursing is used where appropriate. He's suspenseful, but you can feel the human character exhibited from his pro/antagonists. I'm a horror fan yes, but the collection I'm reading now isn't full of thrillers, it doesn't make me sleep with the covers over my head. The stories are familiar ones with most of us. The Breathing Method, The Body (Stand By Me), Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption (The Shawshank Redemption), The Apt Pupil (Apt Pupil). I've also finished The Eyes of the Dragon. Not that I want to blow his HORN but his writing keeps me locked in and I can't put it down. It's also in large print for the most part and I don't like reading at night with my glasses. [If you wear glasses you know that the worst thing in the world is to fall asleep with them on and then wake to find a new discombobulated warped monstrocity that you have to untangle and can't refit to your melon. mentally you know that all day you're wearing crooked glasses, even if unpreceptable to the masses, you know they're F@cked up, man that's annoying]

So I'm reading Stephen King, after A Tale of Two Cities...it's light reading. "I'm trying to explain my reading habits to people that don't care aren't I?" well, I'm almost finished with it anyway and I think I'm going to be the bookworm this Saturday and spend all day at Barnes and Noble looking for a fresh batch of classics. If you make it to the Barnes and Noble in Toga-town on Saturday say hello, I'll be the hippy thinking about looking for reading material.... hopelessly stuck in front of the art/history section drooling on my fleece vest. I'll walk away for a few minutes at a time then mindlessly gravitate back to open an arthistory book that eclipses my truck payments in price and weighs 35lbs. I'll be doing that all day until I'm stuck and can't focus on purchasing anything.... relegated to walking out of the joint empty handed.

I'm now glad I festered this weekend

After delivering the Police blotter for print in tommorrow's paper. I'm glad that I didn't go out this past weekend. It was Hot in the city, hot to the tune of 6 full page columns of Police blotter criminals. That's not really a good thing......

(hushed).... When I was little we find a man --(she struggles for the words) -- like a butcher. The old ones in the village cross themselves and whisper crazy things. 'Demonio, cazador de trofoes...Only the hottest times of the hottest years...' Crazy things...This year is grows hot. And we begin finding our men. We find them sometimes without their skin. Sometimes...much, much worse. Cazador de trofoes...means the demon who takes trophies.

I was seeing things on my way to dinner this evening, everywhere I looked there were red dots emenating from random places around town. Maybe it was just my imagination. Put the guns down and walk away.....it's not worth it.





I doubt we could get Jesse "the body" Ventura and Arnold in the same place right now. To whip things into shape.

I'm not carrying the knife in my truck anymore, just the "buzzsaw" rescue wedge for skull splitting, stroke saving in the rough fun. Maybe I'll actually put it back in my golf bag at somepoint.

A relaxing weekend?

I was fortunate enough this past weekend to stay at home and not travel for the first time in about 2months to some shindig or other. I was exhausted from the previous 8weekends of rockstar and thought that being at my place; in addition to being a convenient place to sleep, would make for a pretty good bit of down time. It turns out that I'm a social creature, I detest being my lone soul company. I get angry with me for no reason, I'm boring and I really don't have an ounce of ability to function when not gathered with a group of people with which to joke, imbibe and be merry. At least someone to sit around and not speak to.... I need peeps. I had the only personal interaction of the weekend when I visited the laundr-o-mat. I'm not very nice to people when they're eyeballing my underoos. It was hot, expensive, and took forEvaaar. They had PEZ in one of the candy machines so I popped Pez candy and watched as the dryers mesmorized me into tears of boredom.
I bought some movies to occupy my time and that didn't do it. I started working on the new painting mapping out the composition of random bars and colors, that wasn't cool. I made a tasty feast without someone to share it with. I was overwhelmed with it not being the best damn thing ever And picked it apart noting the changes that needed to be made....then cooked it again... it sucked the second time too. I had a few beers, watched some more movies...finished another book, I may as well have just been staring at a wall in a catatonic stupor, nothing felt satisfying and or accomplished.

I decided to come to work early today just to be able to speak to my co-workers. I've decided that my life can be pretty lame at times. It's tough to be a pack animal and spend a few days as the lonewolf. But I have clean underwear so I guess the weekend on the whole wasn't a total wash.

My name is Shaggy and I'm a social creature. I would drag on and elaborate my mindset of the weekend more, digging into the whole thing in a pseudo-psychological way but that would be more depressing.

Homer,Homer, Homer

You know the drill,

101100010110110000110101'9er10101011111111010001

See you at the rondezvous point.

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

A word to all whom have difficulties controling themselves in public. I'm not saying being an @sshole; or behaving badly, but rather with regard to bodily functions.

When in line at the supermarket, if you are not younger than 3, nor 90 years young you have no excuse. It makes it very uncomfortable to be standing in line with food stuffs when there is the wreaking stench of someones rectal air wafting into others' chest cavities. (the air directly from your ass doesn't have a place in my lungs) I can understand a slip, but not the over powering full blast drop of flatulence that stays in the air as if you've liberally dumped a steamer in your pants and have the audacity to fester in it. I have lived in a fraternity house and I can understand the humor in a well timed volumous fart, not so much when holding peppers and lettuce. I was in checkout line number 4 today at the Glenville Hannafords. Someone stunk. The line was moving slowly, and I stood patiently behind numerous other patrons that were under the spell of funk. I wondered the entire time who could have possibly dropped the bomb. If you have a pensity to eat 8cans of baked beans at a time, or anyother gaseous food...excuse yourself and leave the ass somewhere else. I was in line for what seemed like an eternity. I would only feel bad about this post if it were not the actual cashier, but it was. The stench stayed and got more intense as I approached the credit card swipe. Most places of business have policies allowing workers a couple of 15min breaks throughout the day. Use them and evacuate the flatulate in a timely manner. I don't want your stink on my asparagus, I don't want to have to hear you tee hee and smile that cute little smile at me, chatting me up when you know damn well that you're tiny little 18yr old ass is making me gag. You're cute....yes, but you have the power of the devil and it's leaking profusely out of you. Call the manager, take a break, chomp down some beano or something. I will wait in line if that be the case...your register won't suffer. Nothing turns a normal guy off more than a blatent show of irritable bowel syndrome. That my dear young lass is socially unacceptable. It's unfortunate because the thought popped into my head as soon as all the other patrons had floated through your stink patch. "You will forever be known to me and the Green Goblin"

Note to everyone "J**** the girl at Hannafords is now to be addressed as the Green Goblin" please use said name when standing in the cesspool that is checkout lane #4

I've been having one of these days

Congrats Rob & Erica

Camphone+dancing+a boat=blur

Since I'm still under the effects of the three day rule following a rockstar weekend of wedding reception and multiple hundreds of dollars in bar tabs, I will leave it up to you for now to imagine the weekend just past, and the crazy antics enjoyed by all whom attended. Take a bunch of fraternity guys, booze them up, put them on a boat, and celebration seems to follow suit. I remember the entire evening, but can't focus to expound.

Snipet: I did however lose all my compatriots after a stint on the dance floor at DJ's Night Club rippin' it up with a gaggle o strange birds. Did you know that ladies will dance with just about anyone, specially if he's wearing a tie, it's 3:30-4am, and he's a jackass complete with the worm and spinning drunken breakdancing "I'm in pain" type movements. Maybe they were just as hammered as I was? I've since erased all the evidence from my cam/video phone to keep their ananimity and not horrify them by posting here under .....and other things not-so-holy. Cus it was just that..... Plus I was removing articles of clothing....... my donkey may have been showing. And didn't remember a name from the bunch so out they go.

That was, by far, overshadowed by a quaint little ceremony and friendly faces celebrating two terrific peeps and their choice to go it together. Congrats again.

After the effects of stupidity wear off, I'm thinking by Thursday. I have to figure out how to content myself with nothing to do for one weekend. Huge pile of laundry neglected the last two months? That could be a safe bet. Oh the horror and shock you may feel when you all read this. "I'm not really into having a few beers this weekend, I'm gonna drink iced tea................... and wear my pink gingham skirt."

Last weekend of running around

On that note..... NASA pilots drunk, discuss!?

"If they strapped me in a seat wearing diapers and told me they were going to touch off a rocket sending me shaking at 12G's to eventually travel 17,000mph. I'd take a nip or two as well."

That's a couple of pimp'in ties right there!!!

I have to say that it definitely feels good to put on a selection from the old work duds that were a necessity, prior to becoming a GAzetteer.
.......I think a man feels more like a man when he's working out of doors in the springtime if he can have a bottle of suds. That's only my opinion. It would go down smooth........
..... and he definitely stands up straighter when he wears a suit that makes him look like a god-damned Adonis. Whether it be for work or for a bottle of suds at a wedding reception.....

So what's a guy to do?

Here it is...MY Birfday, yippie haaaa weeeee..... who cares.{click the link, now it's stuck in your head, hahahahahha} What's a guy to do for his birthday after work when the job ends at 3 in the morning, you ask? I'll tell ya what the guy does.

A.) Leave work
B.) Have a beer at home
C.) Grab the Pole and go fishing
D.) Troll the streets of Schenectadirt looking for the one that got away
E.) Hook the big winner
F.) Pay the Hooker on a Bike
G.) Head home and take a WTF?! did I just do shower with steel wool.

or........

Celebrate with a beer and a good book and read until the sun comes up, same as every night.

I checked my horoscope: Romance has certain potential today, attached lions should find themselves enjoying some tender moments, while singles will be able to enjoy a flirty day. However, interruptions in the form of an overly needy friend or colleague might eat into your spare time!
Horoscopes are BULLSHIT and that makes it a #10 day on a scale of 1-10. (10 being the highest or lowest you pick)

I don't have to wear them often but I think tommorrow is a treat yourself to a new tie day for this guy. A Man's gotta be a sexy bitch every now and then, or the sun shines on a dog's ass every now and then. Suit dry-cleaned check, pimped the shoes check, cut the hair........ that's pretty iffy, hair stays. A man has to have his Samson on "if he's to flirt with a dunkin donuts coffee wench: following the advice of some stupid horoscope" , new tie....soon enough.

I also realized that I'm in a transitionary period, I don't love my job enough to stay for a prolonged period of time, yet haven't figured out exactly what & where it is I need to be. Many different questions pop into my head and I haven't got the answers. Grad School?, Museum Admin, again?, Hermit? S&R Dog Trainer? SmokeJumper? Should I try the Fed Air Marshall thing again?Currently the money isn't great, but it's sustaining me for the time being and I pay my bills. Plus it's wicked easy and has limited responsibility attached to it, no supervisory crap and a great bunch of co-workers. I'm not in the right mind set to look for a new gig, and I have a fair amount of time left in the lease 10months of lease actually. So I guess I fester on it for a bit. I'm kinda thinking of a move....a change of scenery...I've done the West already, I've done the North, perhaps the South...like S.C. round-a-bout Greenville SC. Yeah...looking for a job in Greenville SC that's the ticket.

NOW.... enough of the chit chat. Preparations to bag the hooker on the bike begin. At least a good cam-phone pic for hilarity sake.

The reason for making the cut

I realized just a few minutes ago why I made the cut when thy laid a dozen people off earlier in the month. When shit hits the fan at work and there are deadlines to be met, rips for pages go down, numerous ads need to be fixed,( relinked, run through a few different programs, reworked, resized) editors are barking for photos, systems crash, machines catch fire, the editing I am charged with needs to be finished post haste i.e comics and weather, I miss dinner, and there are only a fraction of the necessary people at work due to sick days and vacation time..... I don't get stressed and barring the few minor almost derogatory outbursts at impatient people who really don't know what the Pre-Press department has to deal with in realtime as opposed to pushing paper and computer keys during the day, life moves on. (My co-workers C and K ripped it up,as well)

We had a minor set back with a Horse Racing insert this evening that basically put us backlogged 3 1/2hrs from the normal easy pace which usually makes working here boring and fantastic at the same time. Two of my co-workers weren't here, and a third was fashionable late. After I flexed, pointed toward the door and asked "which way to the gun show" was I was able to sit down to an awesome meal of vending machine sandwich dinnery goodness at 11:30pm. I usually head out around 8, but that got put on hold. By the time all was back on track...no food places are open around here. I played number b8 in the vending machine lottery and won big.

I hope the rest of the evening I uneventful.

Good Idea, Great Idea

Good Idea, invite some folks as the first visitors and "entertaining company" in the new place. Thanks for stopping in Pinto, Jen, Z, Tool,and Denison. [brazed chicken breast, with whitewine and rosemary infused goodness, fresh garlic, red peppers and onion....simmered to falling apart] 74days in the place and one evening of good times. Great idea....packing everybody off to a suprise B-day party and hitting it like rockstars the next day. See Birfday...lower in the cue.

Along with Good times and Great times there come trying times ( and little bits of stress). Apparently having 5 fraternity guys and of course the Miss Jen in my pad was fun, and a little too loud for the downstairs Moldy oldies...they're non-too happy about the entertainment portion of the evening even though we we're respectful as possible with regard to the noise levels. I guess they turned up their hearing aides. Mr. Bigley told me today he was going to mention something to the Landlord about the "raukus" party on Friday, that ended at a respectable 11:30- midnight, when we all decided that it would be beneficial to getting up the next day, to call it an evening.

The rub is.... I've been returning from work at 3am for the 2 months now and walking on pins and needles to trying and not disturb the peeps downstairs( I haven't actually spent an entire weekend at my place for 6 weekends due to traveling). I politely let them know that I would be having guests and that should the occasion arise that it gets too loud for them, they should make the long journey up the 12 steps and knock on my door...at which point the evening disturbance would cease and desist. They never stopped up. One night in 2 months shouldn't be cause for alarm.... heck I didn't even whiz on his door, or toss anyone off the balcony. We weren't jumping around...? how loud can a Pinochle game be? Granted I have stellar hearing and the TV was a bit louder than usual for me.... but not surround sound deafening. Maybe it was the thin doors, I heard Mr. B swearing at his wife just before he approached me just this afternoon.

I hope the Bigleys are calm cool and collected when next we meet, because I love me some jumping up and down and thunderstomping for no reason. I'll even brush my teeth louder if they stop being reasonable people. (I've even considered it from their point of view...which used to be my point of view: when I lived in my first Schnectadirt apt. The upstairs neighbors there were serious thunderstompers, 24/7. It wasn't a one time thing it was constant, I don't have baby crying, and my place is fairly new...the floors don't creak as much, or echo at all. I eventually moved, but had the curtesy to ask them to tone I down a bit...not go directly to the landlord.) Perhaps I'll make a peace offering... or not, who knows when I'll actually have more than a couple people over again.

Good Idea, Great Idea... trying times? F'em, it really shouldn't be an issue I hopes. {welcome to the pseudo-stress of my pathetic existance} little old strangers causing me stress, I can't even come up with something good on my own.

Lazy hits a new low

Link IT! Click away and get your sodium for the week in just one short read.

SO....how do you say "Get the can opener in Japanese" ShaggySan? " 得るaの缶切りを行きなさい "

kankiri = can opener. Sorry I don't have the rest of the romanized text.

Birfdays

HAPPY BIRTHDAY D & KRISTI

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by, motivational impairment, the word Floccinaucinihilipilification "you figure it out, I can't be bothered to post it", and the number 6.

Nothing odd happened

I did some errands this morning around 10am...and fought to keep myself awake. On my retun trip home, I passed a suped up, monster truck tire wearing El Camino, dirt blue and had reb. written all over it. That wasn't so strange...I grew up in Granville NY. As I was looking at said El Camino, I dessimated a small bird with my windshield (no damage to the glass, I'm positive the bird didn't make it...at least with all its feathers). Still not so strange, it's the third bird I've vaporized in as many weeks. When I got home I decided a cup of coffee would do me just fine, the rain had let up so I was sipping coffee on my balcony. By the edge of the hedge row across from my place a lumbering fat bastard of a woodchuck bounded out of the underbrush. Not strange, flora fawna..nature, sipping coffee. Fat woodchuck looked at me, looked around...froze, I didn't move I didn't want to scare him off. He looked toward a tree not to far distant from myself. I looked too. There was another woodchuck slightly smaller just sitting there staring at me. Two woodchucks, staring at me drinking coffee, did they want some? Yes...well at least lumbering slightly larger woodchuck did. Soon after looking to the little one it tore out after it. (I thought gopher/woodchuck fight...this should be good) Turns out big woodchuck wasn't thinking fight. A farly large puff of smoke in the shap of a heart showed the trail he was running. He was thinking "I wants some" and leapt on the smaller presumably female woodchuck and it was on!. Woodchucks humpin'.... now that's not something you see everyday. Nor do you see them playfully rolling around for 20minutes afterward and chasing eachother back and forth in the grass. Odd?! The fact that I watched the entire interaction and was almost late for work. ( SO, Shagz...why are you late for work? "Oh, just some Gopher humpin' .") Is That so? How odd.

There is no.....

There is not try or try not, there is only do or do not. "That's Yoda" I have failed. I held a door open for a Bird leaving the office today, said please and thankyou to free cookies, and haven't either scratched or spat once. 6pts.....again removed. 70 out of a possible 100 makes me want to shave my legs.

oh yeah, and working Friday nights sucks!!!!

Nice old ladies

I was at the supermarket purchasing some odds and ends (Focaccia) that I forgot to include with the blueberry and mango dark rum salsa that I drizzled over my oven roasted chicken for dinner. My tiny fuzzy white ass needs to eat better than I have of late. Of course it was later than normal dinner time, it being 9:30 in the evening. I decided to take it slow and burn a comp hour so I wouldn't have to rush back to the grind. I passed a frail little old lady, with an oxygen tank in her basketed 3wheeled Grocery electric mobile buggy thing. She was staring intently at something on the topshelf. My guesstimate is that the target area of her gaze was no less than 4ft above her head. I stopped, inquired politely if she needed help "finding something" not "getting something" and was promptly told in a nice little old granny voice to mind my own fucking business, and to get the hell away from her, asshole.

In light of her response to my kind gesture, followed by my subsiquent reaction, and the totality of the interaction itself. I will be awarding myself back those 6points lost from the "My badass self image, and self-ranking on the manly scale" that I knocked off earlier in the week. Rather than overturning the electric tricycle and flicking a lighter near her pure oxygen sniffing haggard old crusty nose- igniting her hair in a blue Q-tip flame of glory, I peacefully and politely excused myself and apologized for my err in offering my assitance.

For the next 3days, I will not be opening doors for the ladies, I will be scratching my twig and berries in public, should I feel the need to clean house, a booger diggin' I will go! followed by flickage in a chicks general direction, I'm farting when I please, burping loudly when ever possible and spitting in public. I'm not showering or brushing my mop until Saturday. I may even just leave my zipper down for the duration to air things out a bit. I'm calling every new girl I meet a Bird or a Lizard, and staring at their assets while engaged in politically incorrect conversation.

In the future should someone that grew up in the lap of chivalry in this country speak to me in that manner, I'll continue with my normal daily routine....

And I'm Snapping into a Slim JIM. OOOOOOOOOooooooH YEEEeeeeeaaaaah!!! Granny's getting an earful from a disrespectful foul mouth 32yr old hooligan, that looks like a hippy, and is down right intimidating when you're sitting in a grocery buggy thing until either she drowns in tears or I get banned for life from whatever store I may be in. "I have bread" and tried to be helpful.

Todays Randomness

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transitive verb : to burn up or sear with or as if with a hissing sound intransitive verb 1 : to make a hissing sound in or as if in burning or frying 2 : to seethe with deep anger or resentment, and the number 2.

Geese

7/10/07 Last year about this time, there was an uproar about Geese infesting Collins Park and making it unsafe for human interaction. It was covered extensively in the Gazette and no doubt will be again this year. The rival publications really didn't care too much about the foul. Goose poo + people wanting to picnic = geese B-Gone. Today marks the first mention of leasing a Border collie to rid the Park of the plague Goo, last year tree huggin people without anything better to do went kayaking in the lake/pond to shoo the birds away [I love me some huggin of trees, I also love me some goose dinner if you catch what I'm thrown'in]......

......""in related news that is infinitely less important and covered by our rival paper 07/10/07"" (double quotes in this case denote severe sarcasm). The TSA was able to pass 5 homemade explosive devices through the Albany International Airport's check in/carry on. (the story even made FARK, there's a link over on the left) Granted they weren't labeled with ACME, and there were no notes alluding to the virtual feast of bomb materials that they put on a platter and sent through without a bite. Once astute checker of safety/make plane ride safe/type person, even asked one of the undercover officials to remove a bottle of water that was placed in plain view next to a mass of wires, and batteries of some sort. Wile E Coyote is salavating. I'm psyched he's a Good Ol Boy.


.....in still better yet, related news, nevermind the above story wasn't even mentioned in the paper I work for. I say G-Damn it..... they have a dog to scare geese out of a pond and that my fine friends make my ass feel safer. Knowing that a "Border Collie" is on the job and geese won't shit in my soda bottle. If a plane happens to blow up 12minutes away and spray wreckage on my apartment I only hope it isn' the blue water.

Maybe I could make the cut this time to become a Federal Air Marshall, and be the guy with the water bottle and mass of kaboom trying to make it through security. I'll even buy me a Border Collie and take'm along for the ride.

Thunderclap

This morning at the unGodly hour of 7am, 7:02am to be exact I was woken (awakened?, woke, awake-ed) by a bright flash of light. It startled me beyond anything I have experienced to date. Heart racing, upset stomach, pseudo-heart mitrovalve prolapse type shit. Skip a beat and swallow hard. Since I have triple thick curtains and limo tinting on my balcony sliding doors there was no explanation for the bright light; other than, I thought immediately at the time "Aliens are coming to give me a probe" I don't want the extraterrestrial butt whammy..... Of course, a split second after my irrationality a monsterous thunderclap followed the flash. The beginning of a thunderstorm had conveinently started 4ft feet from my balcony with a bolt that split a 60 or 70ft tree in half. I normally enjoy thunderstorms, I like thunder, I can't wait to see lightning it amazes me to see such power. Only this morning I didn't realize that the reason my hair was standing on end wasn't bed head. ( I have a serious mop on my melon, and it's standard to be discombobulated when I get out of my coffin in the afternoon) I had been re-arranging my bedroom and my incredibly comfortable bed was relegated to in front of the balcony doors. Not anymore I can tell you. Any time you wake up from a thunderclap and immediately think the Aliens are coming to get you it's time to re-situate the sleeping arrangements to where they were previously. I quickly fell back asleep to the sound of the pouring rain [insert any cheesy song that includes "sound of pouring rain"]. My badass self image, and self-ranking on the manly scale just dropped 6points.

I don't believe in aliens, and if I did I would be pretty firm in my belief that they could care less about the people of earth. We suck in general. We're a degenerative disease, a cancer of the planet. And sometimes...oh, sometimes we kick puppies. Lightning, thunder and all.

Somedays......

<==== Somedays you don't feel like being the good guy. I've officially changed the photo over there to reflect: the pissed off asshat that comes out when I don't get enough sleep, don't get enough booze, feel like being the meathead that everyone hated in High school, looking like a rockstar, feeling tough, being a fraternity guy and all it entails, walking down the street in Sch'dirt, chatting with bikers at stop lights, scaring little kids in the supermarket while searching for Carvel icecream bunny cakes, when I'm driving, when I'm talking to cops in Lake George or Saratoga or Schenectady or Potsdam or Boston or Syracuse or Bozeman or Big Sky or Oneonta or Burlington or Manchester or anywhere else I've spoken to Police in an official business like setting for them, when I feel like feeling like a guy who is muscular must feel, when I shoot pool, when I have to work on a regular day off, if it's sunny out and I feel like wearing a hat backwards, most generally most lately.

I think it works for me. Now all I have to do is start treating people like shit on a regular basis, buy a bonsai tree, and all my dreams will come true. Or at least I'll get a blue cheese and horseradish crusted steak out of the deal.

Running out of Gas

This past weekend was just as I expected. Unfortunately I didn't get to do all the things I had planned on the agenda. The Friday BAchelor party was fun.... ran into Beuf's Bar. Lost my Credit Card somewhere out on Lake George doing 80mph in the pitch black of night. I felt like a drug runner...it was awesome. I'm Pretty sure that a Credit card can't swim seeing as how they don't have arms or legs. Saturday was the furniture move, which started later than expected due to the Hunt for C.C. Red October. IN the house...no....at the bars....NO.....in the lake?....most likely. By the time all was said and done couch out, couch in, trailor, recliners, chairs, dressers, in, out, in , out....transported to my place, in, up and done., It was too late and I was shy just about 9hrs of sleep, to attempt the drive to CT. The celebration for Steve and Rachels gettin' hitched 9hrs after the ceremony was alive and kickin when I got a call wondering where the hell I was. When the furniture was loaded and packed into my place and the placement was finished, I had made it three steps closer to the bedroom when the specific gravity of said new couch in my place sucked me in and didn't let go until 3pm today. I have no doubt that should I have tried to drive down to the celebration, they would be peeling me off the side of the road wrapped around a Mack truck...still sleeping gently in a pudding like state somewhere near Poughkeepsie..

First opening I get I have to drive down and apologize in person with Stogies and a few uber expensive bottles of Andre' Cham"pain". ok, ok I'll bring a bottle of Dom...but the case of Andre is less expensive being that it's only 3$ a bottle.

Miss Rachel, Steve.... apologies for my absence.

In the shadows

After returning home from work Thursday at 2am, I was ready for a great big day of relaxing. I took the normal route to the Oasis, T-minus 5minutes of travel and a much needed after work beer. When I pulled into the complex there was a pleasant gentle breeze. My now {normal parking spot was open as per the neighbors leaving it for me}. You still have to love territoriality and the benefits it can afford you no matter how old you get. (just don't use MY F-in' crayons bitch!).

I stepped out of my truck, glanced at the light shining over the locked entrance way to my building started my not so laborious walk carrying my spent tupperware dinner containers, man-purse around my shoulders and keys at the ready..... when I heard a voice.

Some dude, was walking out of the shadows toward me. Instantly thanks to the ""old neighborhood"", fight or flight had me glance at the door, then with ninja cat-like reflexes (Because a ninjacat is just that much faster than a regular ninja) I had a blade shining in the light and was inquiring why said monkey had decided to startle me and whether or not he was willing to get cut up for said offense. Here's the interaction between middle aged fat lard scaring people on the way into their apartment bastard (FL, Fat Lard) and knife weilding ready to gut you if you blink wrong=> me (DH, Dirty Harry).

~FL... "Hey man can you give me a ride to Brandywine and State, my mother lives down the way in another building and I couldn't wake her, to give me a ride home" "she's 70yrs old."
~DH..."Your Mom is 70 and you're banging on her door at 2:30am expecting to wake her to give you a ride to crack corner in Sch'dirt?"
~FL... "I have cash I can give you for gas"
~DH.."take a step back chief, I'll call you a cab"
~FL..."I only have 3$, not enough for a cab"
~DH.."What the F are you doing 8miles from where you want to be, walking around at 2:30am, asking people for rides from peeps with 3 F'in dollars?"
~FL...."you looked young, I didn't think one of the old people here would listen to me"
(2:35am)
~DH..."You think you're Mother would have gotten up to drive your ass up there?"
~FL... "probably not"
~DH..."what makes you think a stranger would give you a lift?"
~FL..."I was at the K-mart up the street, and thought I'd walk over here to my mothers to ask for a ride."
~DH..."There's no Kmart up the street..."
~FL ..."could you give me a lift?"
~DH..."How much would you give me for gas money should I decide to give you a lift?"
~FL.."I only have 10dollars"
~DH...Back the fuck up man"
~FL..."I just need a ride" ( approaches DH, and then sees glimmer of blade)
~FL..."whoa man, no need to be hostile"
~DH..."I'm headed into the building, I'm calling a cab, your ass is going to stay away from my truck, and wait in the middle of the parking lot in the light until the cab shows up, or you're headed to Glenville PD's finest hotel room."
~FL "F-U, man....."
~DH...."guess it's the G-ville police then I'm sure they'll give you a ride home" (DH almost has time to hit send on the cel phone that he had dialed 911 on covertly)

G-ville PD shows up; sketchball is waiting in the light in the center of the parking lot well away from my truck. Mom Dukes had already called the police and they had been on their way.

Enter, (BA, Bad Ass ginormous thunderstick weilding Copmonster, 6'6" 280lbs, wearing shades and carrying a flashlight/nightstick/bazooka combo. less than 2min later.)

~FL..."that som-bitch called you?, FU man, that's bullshit"
~BA..."what seems to be the problem?"
~DH.. (reiterates, whole scene)
~BA...(tells story from FL's Mom's perspective with restraining order)
~DH..."Fair enough I'm going to bed" (basic, report filing)
~BA..."FL you're under arrest for violating an order of protection."

(FL gets chauffered away wearing silver braclets by BA).

Total time lapse 10minutes. July 4th, standard day right off. WTF!?

This is a Post

This is a post that has more substance than the last three weeks of posts.

Stepping out of the Norm.

I decided today that, I wanted to try my hand at the lottery, not the vending machine lottery but the Win 4 Life lottery. I scratched diligently and carefully trying to make it a cliffhanger. So slowly I scratched hoping to see a shit-ton of "Win" or a great prize in the prize area.... I should stick to the things that I know. B6 wins me a Lipton Iced Green Tea. it costs just about the same and is twice as refreshing.

I have tommorrow off so I won't have to be here at work, and I'm trying to decide how to celebrate the Independence of Our fine country. I think that I'm going to Commute to the local beer store on my Scooter and buy me some tasty cold British Beers, set a Bush on fire and watch a baseball game with grilled weenies and peanuts.

twits using my oxygen

The New Zealand Herald reports ........"Lindsay Lohan has been tipped to play Paris Hilton in a movie of her life. The Mean Girls actress, who is currently in Malibu's Promises rehab centre, could also be joined by Britney Spears on the project. A source told Britain's Daily Mail newspaper: "There have already been negotiations with a major film company to make the Paris Hilton biopic with Lindsay Lohan playing Paris - with Britney Spears singing the soundtrack."..........

I'm going to have to think really hard not to be rude when saying anything about this particular topic. And it has to be true, cuz I got the Hollywood Gossip from a paper based in New Zealand....they have hobbits and shit down there.

I've spent the majority of the evening trying to look busy at work, being as offkilter as I am. It's not that I partied like a rockstar to the extent that I almost wore black leather stinky pants and sang Kareoke, leaving the rest of my crew to play in the Air Band behind me. I don't do stuff like that. The amount of retardation that I normally subject myself to on a given weekend was pretty comperable to this weekends madness. It was definitely the driving that kept me from resting, and the scheduling that made it impossible to catch anything even remotely like sleep except for the 5min power nap I took on Gonzo's couch ;after the return trip from CT, before heading to the Hellfire and Brimstone party. Refreshing no so much...it felt too good to close my eyes and then have to hop on the bus to whoop it up for another 12hrs. I ate a ton of food, which is different than my normal diet on the weekends, and didn't really lace up my drankin boots that tight. This evening I'm going to hope and pray that I don't get into the same mode I was in last week at his time, staying awake until wednesday.

The upcoming weekend has more jam packed fun in store. Here's the break down. Friday afternoon, an Early dinner at the Water's Edge.... I take flight to Lake George for a Bachelor Party (Bars close at 4am) I get up, Sat morning to race home and be here for the new couchs' arrival. A quick Shower and pimping of the suit and tie variety to hit the road for South Eastern CT and a wedding. Tie one on at the after reception, I'll be pimped out, so it's going to be a Scotch night. Find a suitable place sleep like in the passenger seat of my truck. Sunday I have a B-B-Que to attend in the early aftermorning back in Glenville, followed by work until 3am. Caffiene and Nicotine fueled ball of energy That's what I'll be.

I'll be away on Wednesday unfortunately they've decided to give me a paid holiday, Strange enough, I've never had one of those before. This place rocks with all it's hurry up and wait, paychecks, and paid holidayness. I think I'll stick it out for another year or so.

June 29th - 30th

UGH.............. not quite feeling like typing, but will mention an AR-15 with grenade launcher, laser, and flashlight, and a blowtorch. Give a dog a bone already. Both of which I was able to get my hands on prior to the Super-Que and firework display of champions back closer to my homestead.....

To describe the weekend I can only say that I'm Shattered tired right now, and definitely had a quality time.