Todays Randomness

The nightside has a gentleman, a fitness guru - that works the swing between late afternooner and the night shift. The dude's active, and hopefully when I'm his age I'll be stacked up like he is. Periodically there are magazines about lifting and fitness to peruse when waiting, say, for the slow ass computers here to complete a scan or something of that sort. I was flipping through one of said magazines and thumbed to a page with a great image of a scantily clad fitness betty, it was overtoned in reds, oranges and yellows (H-o-t => Capital H). She was practically naked covered only by other portions of the advertisement. I oggled for a bit then realized what the advert was selling.......

Todays randomness is brought to you by Muscular Development Magazine, the word Ejaculoid. n. apparently a suppliment that gargantuan body builders take that leads to: Boost in Libido, #1 "Sperm" Volumizer, Bigger and Better Orgasms. And the number 2 MILLION BeaTCH ERRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr!! AAAaaaaaaaahgggrrrrgh (Now "come on back" here to this side of the room, wipe that stuff off your entire body and I'll bench press you goodnight.)

I'm all for people being fit; if that's your thing so beit, although I personally believe it's getting a bit out of control when you have a bicep that is the size of "My" waist. I only say this because I'm probably the gangliest, gooniest, ultra skin-n-bones wimp that another zombie could ever love. These guys are bench pressing 4 Shaggys for a warm up, and I have a difficult time dragging my own ass out of bed in the afternoon.

Goliath Labs has all the loids for a complete undercarriage overhaul.

EJACULOID...STIMULOID...GROLOID...THERMOLOID

Grunting and excessive mirror time not included.

See You Next Sunday.....

Click ME

MEMEMEME

I snaked this little thing from Miss Kate cuz I thought it would be fun.....

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Your significant other? nonexistant
3. Your hair? mopped
4. Your mother? awesome
5. Your father? missing
6. Your favorite thing? life
7. Your dream last night? bizarre
8. Your favorite drink? Free
9. Your dream/goal? family
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your ex? successful
12. Your fear? impotence
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? loaded
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you’re not? antisocial
16. Muffins? no
17. One of your wish list items? FJ
18. Where you grew up? sticks
19. The last thing you did? paint
20. What are you wearing? cargos
21. Your TV? unused
22. Your pets? sheltered
23. Your computer? company
24. Your life? blah
25. Your mood? lackadaisical
26. Missing someone? lady
27. Your car? Frankenstein
28. Something you’re not wearing? chip
29. Favorite store? Borders
30. Your summer? trippin'
31. Like someone? sure
32. Your favorite color? titanium
33. When is the last time you laughed? now
34. Last time you cried? February
35. Who will repost this? nobody

I not a Memer, but I'm interested in what Boone & Jen, Miss Kristi, and Z have on tap for this one.

For your darkest days......

Constuctive weekends

Having a weekend where something other than liver damage happens seems to me to be a good thing. I helped my bro do some projects to his house that was similar in happening to when Kate decided that she was going to renovate her kitchen while the hubby was away. ( Sorry no link, I'm not inatrwebb savvy enough to get it there). The sis-in-law was away at a conference and I was invited to partake in the "While you were out" edition of renovation/ rejuvination. I was primed and ready for painting, I'm not allowed to use power tools by decree of the TEP-LPE fraternity bi-laws, and now of course my family, I'm not good with electrical wiring unless it's the receiving end of a taser, and generally banging nails would leave holes in a wall at my hands. I can however, paint. Tape it, roll it, trim it, edge it, retape it, edge it, re-edge it, paint it, brush it, sponge it, roll it..... remove tape and viola!, painted wee one's room. It was baby colored so I didn't get to throw abstraction into it, but an even coat of paint goes a long way for making a place look presentable for a new arrival. Goodtimes.


Todays Randomness is brought to you by, Spring weather SWAT teams, the word hibernaculum • \hy-ber-NAK-yuh-lum\ • noun : a shelter occupied during the winter by a dormant animal (as an insect or reptile), and the number 3 ( the number of times in the past week that the Schnectadirt SWAT team did some spring cleaning and defuming a la tear gas).

Tax season is here and I'm getting a whopping return (no sarcasm) I'm trying to decide how to spend it and have two options as of right now, new specs and a a new truck. Given the extent of the governmental "here's your cash" I may be able to pull them both off. Although I'm leaning toward the new prescription first so as to better see the vehicle that I pine for. {And even if it's a cheaper option I'll never buy a car/truck/SUV that is urine yellow}..... we'll see how far I get with the cash in the up coming weeks.

500 years 90 faces

Click the link...if you can name 40 of the portraits w/ artists name, or more, during the slide show. You truly are an Art Geek like me. I hit 65 of the 90. Although the "Birth of Venus" portrait gets me everytime and I have I stuck in my head...

Coffee

I dig coffee, and if you've ever had the chance to partake; at the Oasis, of the special blend of goodness that I measure out diligently from three different microcosms of the coffee world you know what I'm talkin about here. Somedays though it may be just a bit too much for me, and here's why. ( Have you ever seen the episode of Futurama whne Frye drinks 100 cups of coffee and the world slows down around him?) I'm there. I couldn't fall asleep last night and had a sleep disorder-esque morning. I finally caught a nap at 11am today and slept for the long haul.... I'm talking all of 2hrs. So I decided to brew some heaven and chug it all day long. I'm now seeing the visual representation of how a heart/nuclear reactor melts down... there are garden gnomes running around the office, I can see them when I'm not seeing the kaleidascope of random blotches of color zipping back and forth. I had tunnel vision for a bit, and that was pretty cool, I got to feel as though I was wearing night vision goggles in florescent lighting....

I'm going to continue to imbibe the nectar and hopefully I'll make it to a gittery end of the evening. At that point I'm in hopes that my system will crash and I'll shake the night away in blissful sleep.

Nursery

So, Friday and Saturday I get to use Power tools and huff paint fumes in the quest to deliver a suitable place for the Bro & sis-inlaws' wee one to live-in when he/she arrives in August. I can't wait... Something to do on a weekend that will be constructive as opposed to my virile ability to wreak havok on me, myself, and I.

All I have to do is make it through the short week and I'm golden.... I guess that' easier said than done. I felt like canceling the paper today after I rolled out of bed and looked at the sunshine. (I think I need some new running shoes, and one of those eat healthy pyramid charts, or a juicer that can make healthy liquid refreshment.) I guess now that I look back at what I just typed that may not be a good idea... I doubt hotdog juice would be anywhere near tasty, but i do know it would be on tap at least once.

welcome to my head..... power-tools and hotdog juice. Where have all the years gone?

lovely nite ain't it?

Why's it always gotta be like that? Huh? why.... give someone a stick and they gotta beat you down with it. Some help that pimp-ass little cherub is, isn't he. Beating the livin' loin cloth off uh me. Bitch needs to pick up that harp and play me a tune before I stands up. And the lil fat man better keep waddling on down the road or I'll teach his ass how to fly. Cupid shoots an arrow and the all the chicks are whack-a-doodles. Crazy lot...all of ya!

Workin

Working everynight until further notice...... That is all. Able Zulu Foxtrot 9'er. "Woodchuck to gray squirrel, woodchuck to gray squirrel..., the owl has fallen from the tree"

I've noticed that the powers that be in NY have decided to tax cigarettes another $1.25 a box, making them 2dollars more expensive than a gallon of gas. I know who made it happen and I'm 1.) psyched, and 2.) looking for hockey equipment to incorporate into my leather jacket.
That's him sitting on the shoulders of the non-smoking giant.

"Two men enter, one man leaves....Two men enter, one man leaves"

Not a movie clip, this was an actual thunderdome at burning man.

The day after

I'm back at work; after an initial evening, following a 4 day weekend that involved a bunch of retardation and horrification. Not a bad gig, but I'm feeling better that I can resume being in my routine. I never thought it a big deal until I was away from it for an extended break (i.e more than 2days). I think having a solid routine makes me sane.

Saturday afternoon, I recieved a gift from Vinny and Val that was most unexpected. If you look at my link list, there is a listing for Oblique Strategies. It's basically a random thought and suggestion card deck that can help you in a tight creative pinch if you happen to be stuck, creating music, writing, or painting. I assume it would work for a miriad of other things as well. Vinny and Val hooked me up with an actual deck SHIT-YEAH!....

Here are the first three cards I drew last night when I was having an issue with a new piece..."I don't know if they are good or bad, but they're definitely comical if you know me".






"Carry On, Change Nothing and Continue with Immaculate Consistency, Disciplined Self-Indulgence"

Dressed to impress.

Wadlo rocked to the Oasis.
I missed the Hedges.
The Cantina has the best Assploding chicken Que' sa-dillahs ever when washed down with a frozen pitcher of Marguerita. Amazons tend bar there. No joke.
Backstreets is still a dump that serves free cold beer for reserved quantities of time.
Maxfields is great if you want to spend an arm and a leg for a pint beer.
Lloyd doesn't work the late night shift at Sunoco anymore I miss that guy he knows exactly where the Slim Jim's/ Mamas are.
The snow pile isn't snow, it's ice "I know that now", please refrain from launching 160lb objects off the porch into the ice.
MMmmmm Sleep. But only after I play the drums.
Check that, Chatting with the Monstu is more fun at 6am.
Bar-B-Que burgers and dogs taste good for lunch with pink juice.
Flaming appliances are much better at landing in the ice from the 2nd floor porch.
Archie did infact make a fair number of Hydrogen bombs, why do you ask?
Where did the AT&T phone booth come from?
Beers are great with florescent bowling shoes, the Wookie has his own shoes!
Ton's sports bar has a band that plays Grand Funk Railroad (Also great with beers)
Maxfields round two, pints of liquor are the same as pints of beer and much more entertaining from a slurred standpoint
Plastic tipped darts are stupid
Never Scream get the F-out N***ers when its after last call, someone may get offended and it's poor business practice
I never hit the guy
Getting shuttled out of a building like you are the president by secret service, priceless.
Mmmmm sleep, but only after I vacuum that guys head...
Breakfast foods are suprisingly good at breakfast time
BoT Meeting.
Saying Good bye.
Switch venues to Solo and Becky's, tasty food, couch fester Jackie Chan movie watching goodness.
drive home in the am.
Nap....Mmmmmm Nap.
..........And work go!

I have to work Friday as well as the rest of the week so I may be canceling the weekend, I'll keep you posted.

If you have the chance to drive through the ADKs at any point when the weather is attrocious, it's even more fun if you get to follow every logging truck hauling timber anywhere for 4plus hours.

Weekend Highlights:
Oblique Strategies deck from Vinnie and Val Bag O Donuts OMFG SAHWeeeeeeeet!
Looking good and Bowling bad
Maple Chicken wraps
Losing count 5minutes after arriving in town.

There are things I didn't get around to doing, which means I have to make a return trip:
Cook Solo & Becky a monster meal [thankyou again]
Gravy Fries
Caroline's Pancakes (three of them)
Swimming in the Raquette, camping out by the Beirut convertable float.
A Sergi's Fat bag
The Duck salad at Maxfields
a trip to Stone Valley and then Allen's Falls
Stop in at the Old Office to see how they are teaching students Gallery Practices and Collections Management without me.
Stop with Romi in the Storage Facility, turn the lights to 10candle Pwr and take a peek at the Albrecht Durer Print. c.1502
Meet Dr. D., Dr. W., Dr. McN., for a cocktail, those ladies are awesome
Buy something Wear On Earth
...I can think of more, like moving back to the great white north, and working for SLU, but they haven't made a decision yet.

FunTruck

Thursday: Laundry, Oasis Spic-n-Span, dinner.
Friday: to the Hedges', funtimes.
Saturday: to madstoP, Cantina, Maxfields, Mansion on the Hill
Sunday: BoT Meeting, to Parishville, chillaxin'...
Monday: lazy day drive back to the Oasis, and back here to the office. 5pm kickoff.

KaPOW!!!

Well, I followed thru with the game last night. A thunderous Wake the "F" up you inconsiderate bastards door slam, it resonated and echoed it's way to and thru the Ontario Province. I didn't gut laugh, but did giggle until I entered the my apartment and then immediately felt like a douche'. It's just not in me to continue on with the game. Me thinks that once was enough, but it wasn't any quieter today and maybe they didn't get the hint or maybe they were startled awake and thought that there was an earthquake of some sort rockin the building. Que se' ra (sp). I'll mouse away my life in the current digs, and play the good guy.

I noticed today that I'm also a fan of waiting for trains at crossings. Obviously only when there is a train passing, not just for the hell of it when there aren't any lights flashing. Here's why, the graffiti. I like to see the random scrawl of spray paint on the boxcar canvii. Some of it is attrocious, but I sit patiently and wait for that one prime example of urban art. If you're lucky you can catch a glimpse of something spectacular. I waited for 20minutes today as a train passed by on my way to work. It was a good train, there were multiple speeding artistic goodnesses. It kinda made my day.

When I arrived at work I was proofing a page for the Life & Arts section and a sub head read "Girls started young, will join pianist Wang on stage" (it was in reference to a Trio of classical musicians and a well know Piano prodigy but I didn't read into it at all.)

Let us play a game.

I've decided that being the mouse in the apartment building, with the occasional late night foray with friends (always notified in advance) "whom tend to be responsible and not make to much noise" is just not the way to go. As you may guess being the late night guy that I am, I try to be conscious of the sound levels I create and to the best of my ability, I try not to go overboard and wake the neighbors with any loud thunderbooming events, I try to keep the peace in the wee hours of the morning so that the can enjoy a night of peaceful rest.

I'm going to play the game that the other folks are now playing and I'm going to win, and win big. Here's the game, every morning from about 6am until 5pm they see that it's a fun enterprise to not only create noise, but do it in a monumental way. It all culminates and becomes vehemently apparent when they are entering or leaving the building. The front door "perma-locked" is not the mousy-est thing on the planet, but if you choose to be kind to your neighbors it's easy enough to open and close it in a quiet manner. It doesn't take much, it doesn't take a monster effort, it doesn't take all that much commonsense. The other monkeys in the building tend to slam it to the point of rattling windows, it creates a vacuum that in turn rattles my apartment door. When my windows are open, it rattles my shutters. Thus tripling up the WTF. All day long, I've politely requested numerous times that they be on the up and up and try to refrain from playing the game as it were. I on the other hand take the time to close the door politely, and not make a racket. They know I work nights, I know that they need their sleep, it's only reasonable to think that they would be considerate in the other direction.

I've tossed in my ante and I'll play my first hand when I return home tonight/tommorrow morning. At precisely 3am people in Boston are going to wake to the sound of my apartment front door being closed with the powers of Odin and a heavy handed twist of the screws. I may even laugh out loud, not just giggle, but a full blown gut-laugh as I stomp my way to Apt#8 and slam that bastard door as well.

It may be wrong, it may not be...I'm just not feeling too considerate today. I'll continue to play the game until either they approach me and realize that they are also being a bit rude and inconsiderate or I get booted from the building by the complex owners themselves. 3am, cover your heads with your pillows there's a door slammin contest to win.

If you put your mind to it, you can

....accomplish anything. I left work early last night with the idea that I would catch up on some sleep. I set the alarm, and planted my melon firmly on my huge pillow. The alarm was set for 3pm which would have given me just over 12hrs of sleep. For all of you thinking that is just a bit much, I understand where you are coming from, for those of you that don't, you're on board with me. The sun was peaking through my sound proof, slightly less than light proof darkroom of a crypty bedroom at nooner. I had turned off the heat last night and the only place remotely comfortable was under the sheets and comforter (did they name it specifically for that reason? comforter- damn engineers and their bedding contributions). I didn't stir until 3, when my alarm went off. Believe it or not, it's the first thing that I've set my mind to that I've accomplished this year. The quitting this the quittng that the getting healthy, the working out and carrying on like a normal human being have all busted at one point or another like a bad blackjack hand. I'd say that new year resolutions were a good thing but most people don't believe in them . It just takes will power. I HAVE NONE. Ask me not to have a tasty cold beer with dinner after it's been placed in front of me, nope. I'm having a ridiculous time quiting smoking, I was great for about a month and slowly they worked their way back into my life. One here, one there, how'd that pack of smokes get in the glove compartment of my truck?

What would Brian Eno do? Im drawing a card and then we'll see which direction I take this in. HAHAHAHAHA draws card=> "You don't have to be ashamed of using your own ideas". Now that's great and all, but didn't I just check the deck for a little inspiration...thus meaning that I wanted someone else's idea to give me that helpful hint?

My idea: sleep on it and decide tommorrow which way I think I should steer my life.

Movie reviews and beverages

Planet Terror and Death Proof, get them, put the kids to bed and get ready for over the top cheese perfection complete with explosions and mayhem. I can't tell you a single portion that made them fun to watch, because they're over the top good. Although you definitely have to be in the right mood. They both nail the genre....

Having an extra day off made me realize that I really haven't a clue. It's sad when the highlights of your time off include but are not limted to spending a shiiite-ton of money at an art supply store, losing money playing poker, and waking up with empty beer cans covering you on your couch like a blanket.... and not going to sleep until 10am. Wash Rinse Repeat (x3).

It's weird to know that you've done something, but don't feel fulfilled by whatever the act is. I know I managed to cram a lot of fun into my weekend, but look back on the time with no real gusto. it happened, and I enjoyed it, but not to the extent that it needs to be detailed for the masses. I also crammed a lot of sleep in there, and didn't really feast to expectation. what are ya going to do!?

Ladies and Gent....

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Boy and girls, and genetic freaks of all ages......." wonders will never cease. Apparently when you work for a company that frowns on OT; yet are asked to work 4/12hrs days due to vacation coverage that wouldn't have been necessary had they not laid off 17people just under a year ago- not to mention filling a position that you were never "officially" trained nor hired to fulfill, you get extra days off. I'll be off the intarwebb grid for three days this week instead of two, and I'll follow that up with a repeat performance next week at the same time. I knew that working like a slave without a raise for two years would pay off, that sacraficing my personal life to follow the graphic design path would lead to something....., ......., ........swell!? And here it is..an extra day off. Seeing as how I usually work a completely opposite schedule from anyone I know, whose up for hanging out tommorrow? OH wait...you'll all be working.

It's diner food tommorrow for lunch, I'm thinkin about revisiting Alice down the street for some narsty coffee and grit slingin'.

Call the cel 867-5309

Come on really faildogs.com ?

it's HIGH-larious....

The Kicker

Isn't it always the way of the possible thundercloud? I mean, the last week was nothing short of stellar here in the capital district...it was nice enough for a warm blooded creaure like myself to turn off the heat in the apt, and venture out with a long sleeve shirt and fleece vest. (The perfect weather for being outside, not sweating, not shivering, just plain perfect in my estimation. I'm a Fall early Spring guy) Until today, snow again, wind squals blowing full nalgene bottles off the railing of the balcony. I was under the impression that I should change my routine and get out of bed at a decent time of the late morning to enjoy it. Now, I'm already back in "sleep it away mode" my berth for todays festivities was just about 3pm. Granted I'm a boring guy and really have nothing to do/accomplish on any given day. Tommorrows task, get up before noon and try not to take a nap prior to work at 5.
I'm hoping that the Z rolls this weekend, and I'm already scouting sports pubs to watch the NCAA's. Although I neither care, nor care to care about them in particular. I'm just scouting to see what all the fuss is about and hopefully land in an Imbibery that has super fans screaming at flat screens and chanting college fight songs in hopes of someone making that one errant freethrow to win a game. (the best case scenario would be seeing an underdog scoring in the last few seconds to enter the tournament only to face a no.1 or no.2 seed and thoroughly get their jocks handed to them) That's something I could enjoy watching with a bunch of strangers having a pint of two.
I also though about making a journal about my daily activities just to see how mundane my life is..I think I'll start that tommorrow and after a week or so, I'll compile and send the boredom off to the mass here as a post. Just dont be too sad when "ate a donut" is the main highlight of my day.

If the Z does roll, I'll be posting the Saturday Evening/Easter feast pic. along with the combined superpowers' recipe. It may even morph into an Iron Chef type gig agian. It usually does. Let's just hope. Monstu if you're lucky a package of dry ice and a meal may make out to the left coast. OK, probably not, but I'll call and let ya know how good it is : ).

You're doing it all wrong....

Rather than spend the day like all the other morons of like mentality I decided to be brazen enough to venture to work. I didn't have my ceremonial Guinness at noon, nor did I happen to make it anywhere over the weekend that was green and loud, to get beer spilled on or in my shoes. Saint Patrick's Day this year passed me by., Although I didn't get a chance to have a nice "someone else cooked it for me" Irish meal, I did make a potroast and some earthy veggies. I'm willing to bet that most of you had a beer after work, as the sun set, and celebrated in your own way that which is the "drinkin holiday", More power to you. I think I'm going to do the same, only my first Guinness will be when you hit your snooze button, my second, when you leave for work. And then, then just maybe I'll get some sleep while you are contemplating what to have for lunch. When you are thoroughly fed up with work, and just want that last hour to pass by, I'll be enjoying a nice bowl of Cinimmon Life, and a cup of coffee after a refreshing shower. When you head home for dinner, I'll be packing mine into tupperware for the trip to the office. Thus continuing the life of the socially incompateble work cycle, single guy, I'm going to slave until 5am so you know that there's crime and badness in the world life of mine...

"IF YOU SHOP AT HANNAFORD SUPERMARKETS AND HAVE USED A CREDIT/DEBIT CARD TO PAY LATELY ALERT YOUR BANK" They've been plundered and chances are if you even live close to the east coast your indentification was compromised. You and like 1.4 million other people myself included. I'm headed there tommorrow to check on my millions.

The jokes on them if they try to use my account numbers..... 18$ won't get you very far with gas prices these days and it sure as hell isn't going to hook you up with a flatscreen Plasma HDTV. Holy Shit!.... I hope they don't snake my $5.16 in savings. OH for the love of God. I have to get to the bank..... what ever shall I do. Sweet tap dancin christ with a jar of marmalade. Great Odin's raven! (you get the picture) "Just so you know, If I get caught trying to cross the border into Mexico illigally by the federalis... it's not me, I'd rather have a canadian brew than a mexican one, it's that damn identity theives." {they won't truly be able to steal your indentity until they can swap finger prints with you}

Which reminds me of a great quote I've posted it before, but here it is again.
"A man Who can't imagine a horse galloping on a tomato, is an Idiot"

ShaggyBob's Movie review of the Moment

I thought I'd do a different post just for a slight change.

How about a movie review.... sure don't mind if I do. This weekend I was in the mood for a dark and bloody gutwrenching scare the bile out of my stomach in either direction kinda mood. So I ventured to the movie place and purchased 30 Days of Night. Synopsis: Vampires take over Barrow Alaska for the entire month that the sun doesn't shine. Google Barrow AK, you'll be sad for them and jealous that they can be off the grid somewhat. SO...here's the long and short of it with out ruining the movie. Poor on acting (main characters) Strong on Vamp. It's predictable, I only didn't know exactly what was going to happen in one particulr situation. I was startled, but not jump up in the air frightened. The Gore was magnificent, and I would honestly give the overall flick a 7 for rewatchability. A great match up of pseudo-cheese and fright, although I doubt they were thinking cheesy when they filmed it. Josh Hartnet(sp) couldn't act his way out of a paper bag in my opinion, but the guy who played Malcolm the head VAmpire, had some chops, I wouldn't shake his hands if his nails are any indication of personal undead hygeine. The voracity of the hungry vampires is what did it for me. And the fact that they did some screetching wasn't destructive to the movie, but it got old quick, like really quick. VAmpires wheezing isn't my cup of tea, I'd rather some nashing and chomping. (Personal preference of course, if you're into emphasemic undead they're spot on.) Oh yeah... it's Gory they did really well with the swimming pools of blood they must have sprayed on everything.

When one gets bored from death and blood letting,t and a movie night is on tap. A nice frosty beverage and "The Good, the bad, and the Ugly" takes center stage but only if you follow it with a "Fist Full of Dollars" and "A few dollars More" (Key the catchy background tune..... now; and you're transported to spaghetti, a small fronteir town where everyone is dubbed poorly and Greeeeeeengoh is a staple, along with copious amounts of mystery bar liqiuds from earthen bottles. And a gunslinger that actuially runs out of bullets and has to reload.) F-Rambo... yay Colt .45.

And just like that it's over....

St. Patrick's Day

Although I've out grown my need to get obliterated in the wee hours of the morning enjoying Kegs and Eggs, or Beer and Bagels. I find myself searching every year for the perfect place to get back to my college days/roots. I've refrained from celebratory retardedness for the better part of 10years but every Patty's Day weekend the thought pops up and I kinda feel like following my liver. This coming weekend is no exception. There are block parties, bands, and over-all great places to remain standing in the freezing cold holding a beer waiting to get in a fight with some 100/200 of my closest and not-so-closest friends, strangers, and morons alike. Not since the grand old days in Potsdam have I really had the drive to attend one of these gatherings. I never enjoyed smelling like a spilled beer, especially if it was spilled on me by a stranger that I'm standing shoulder to shoulder with corraled into a roped off section of the street. One particular party here in the 'Dirt sections off a large four corner section of streets, under an train bridge, and kitty corner to a homeless shelter. (I can't see being merry slinging my money at a beer-tent if there are people that can't afford a place to live "serving the rear-guard overwatch" position of the platoon.)

We shall see.

Elliot, poor Elliot caught with his wang in one hand and a hooker on the phone...... break out the wheelbarrow for the ginormous testicles hangin between his legs. Fortunately for him, his legal council is none other than Mrs. Silda Wall. The fact that this guy feels the omnipotence to cheat on his "truly hideous" wife of 21yrs is utter ridiculocity. I'm thinking that he'll soon be checking his actions and be more of a decent proper husband/human-being when his missus takes out the old iron and removes all the creases and wrinkles from his beanbag. If Silda is looking for a new man, I know one available, and he's a pretty interesting guy. He doesn't even look like a gremlin, nor will he tell you to get off his bridge in any uncertain terms.

Just a quick passing thought......

This weekend may be shaping up to be a fun one. Ray, Dre, Z, Vinnie, Gonzo and Cruggles are most likely going to be in the area. I might have to strap on the old bullet proof vest.

Left field

Out of left field yesturday I fell off the deep end for a number of hours. I couldn't do anything but stare at a wall and fester inside. It was pretty dark, brooding and feeling all crazy. I ended up rolling around in my own mind until 9am this morning. I started a journal to scribble in when I'm not feeling that all is right in the world..., Then I hopped in bed for some worthless sleep that neither helped nor was restful. Now I sit at my desk in a stupor...not wanting to be at the office, not wanting to do much but head back to bed. This week is going to be a sleepin' week. I could use a nap, and maybe I'll just do that here on my keyboard.

I had a blast Sat when the funtruck made the trip to Toga-town to chill with DK LilMac. Great food and of course stellar company. I even got to ride a unicorn looking for monsters. If you've never done that, I suggest you try sometime it's cathartic.

Hitch-hikin

Thanks for the pic Rachel...I almost forgot about fur coat. Can't belive that was almost 2months ago

Das jus less dam creepy

A whole lotta Mes

workin Fri, Sat with the DK LilMac, Sun w/GZ,Awrod, and Vinnie @ the Oasis

How cool is this

........ H.K and the real miracle worker. 120yr old photo, good stuff

Long Road, T-minus 341

It takes time to heal, I'm on the mend!? (aesthetically anyway, I'm almost looking like a normal P.I., with exception, no fedora)... the specifics are irrelevant. If stitches itch, they are healing, they can be removed in time. I'm not riding the lighting, I'm not sitting in a pit of dispair. I'm just being me. We'll have to see where that gets me. How am I feeling? What's making me tick? I'm living in a game of Clue without Yvette the French maid.

Yer damned right!!

"I can function with 4bones in my account until I get my next paycheck..." Damn right!! And I'll do it with a mouth full of chocolate covered expresso beans, a poetry book full of blank verse, a set of fleece boxers and two socks that don't match. I did however run out of shampoo so I'm gonna work on some dreads and stinky mop for a bit. It'll scare away those pesky ladies always tearing at the crotch of my pants.

For OGAR

Todays Randomness

The gods are just, and of our pleasant vices
Make instruments to plague us. ~William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

Today's Randomness is brought to you by blissful sleep, the word logy • \LOH-ghee\ • adjective: marked by sluggishness and lack of vitality : groggy, and the number 15.

I'm under the firm impression now that the easiest way to pass the time is to dream it away. It's just as easy to occupy myself with a project or two, but sleep is so much better. Hatha Yoga...and some pseudo-meditative breathing exercises, put me down for the long haul. It's completely the same as reading a book, while I wasted my time away in college... two pages into a required reading and I'd be drooling on the book itself fast asleep. This morning I fell asleep on the Dali Lama.

TUNA STEAKS

The way the Monstu showed me how to cook'em.


Blackened Ahi Steaks (cooked just enough so they can't swim anymore)
Sushi rice, ginger and nori, pressed wheels
Homemade sesame toast rounds
Pickled ginger
Oolong tea
bed of baby greens

broken chopsticks...their motor is busted
~add pimpin square plate and it's not a meal...it's F-in dinner.

Looking for more recipes for this weekend, should be able to find something before Saturday I think.

Doktor Dikc

I'm meeting with the Doc tommorrow to discuss the possibility of an alternative for DeCon. Taking poison really doesn't sit well in my stomach. I'm hoping that some of the other prescribed happy pills can be taken more liberally and the sides that come with my med meal won't be getting any worse. I'm going to take a shot at an analagy?: I've been told that I need to eat to get healthy, and only by eating certain foods can that be accomplished. Although I can't order the filet mignon, I can certainly try any number of other items on the menu should one in particular not be that appetizing. Unfortunately, with the limited menu that was placed in front of me, I'm having a hard time deciding what would be best. Over the weekend, after first looking at the menu the side dishes have all turned to brussel sprouts with a limabean glace'. Some of the vitamins present in the legume portion of my diet don't react well with my body. We'll have to see what can be re-ordered or sent back to the kitchen.

On a lighter note...The influx of vitamins in my system have also had a peculiar effect. I no longer have to turn on the light should I have to whiz in the middle of the night, I just let it rip and the neon yellow wee lites everything up in an eerie glow that is pretty astounding.

Strange Brew

I was just chatting with Miss Rachel and she brought up something that I had totally spaced with regard to "the cocktail". it was an eye opener, and a bit distressing but not so much so that I'll be flushing the meds.

I'm basically taking Rat Poison to work my way to a healthier and happier me. Warfarin is the main ingredient in vermin killer. And as far as ingesting it, as long as it's not mixed with ground glass and peanut butter or cheese...I'm going to keep on pounding it down until Doctor Dik says I can take a break. Mind you I'd rather be getting my regular poison intake in depressant form in a bottle or 20 of suds.

Off until Sunday...lets see how the sober stiffs live on the weekend.

Cereal Killer

I tried to work my way around the cereal aisle today at the supermarket. I figure eat healthy for breakfast..actually imbibe some dairy products... make the new diet thing more beneficial. I haven't really been super interested in cereal for a number of years, and I definitely don't remember the concept of the cereal foods aisle. I usually just meander through that corridor in a different dimension, a pure out of body experience concentrating on frozen veggies or something. I couldn't fathom the idea that cereal could encompass two full store length shelving units 5 tiers high. It took me two hours to decide on Honey-Nut Cheerios. I must have walked back and forth upwards of 20 times.

I'm notorious for my indecision when faced with choices on a restaurant menu (when I go on dates, I find the menu online and try to make my decision before I even get there) I can't decide what to buy at a supermarket even with a list of necesssary items. I can't get out of a cereal aisle in less than a couple of hours. As I was exiting the new supermarket bain of my existance, my hand reached out on it's own and snagged a box of Cinnamon Life. Did I want that instead of the Cheerios..and subconsciously just grabbed it? Why couldn't I have painted it as a target to begin with and then swooped in for the kill saving hours of frustration?

The cereal will be sitting unopened on my counter for no less than 3months now that I actually have it. why did I want it again to begin with?

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by, "the cocktail", the word pamphleteer • \pam-fluh-TEER\ • verb
*1 : to write and publish pamphlets 2 : to engage in partisan arguments indirectly in writings, and the number 8.

Acetaminophen 500mg
B6 400mg
B12 600mg
E 400mg
warfarin
Multi-Vit 1-A-day type stuff
~toss in martini glass, shake.... garnish with love and repeat twice a day. That ain't so bad.

I just have to avoid large amounts of vitamin K in foods such as liver, broccoli, brussels sprouts, spinach, Swiss chard, coriander, collards, cabbage, and other green leafy vegetables. Avoid Eating cranberries/ drinking cranberry juice, Avoid drinking alcohol,.Avoid sports or activities that could result in a bruising or bleeding injury. Use extra caution to avoid cuts when brushing your teeth or shaving.
Hopefully dodging these minor side effects:
skin changes or discoloration anywhere on your body;
purple toes or fingers;
pain in your stomach, back, or sides;
low fever, loss of appetite, dark urine, jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes);
diarrhea, fever, chills, body aches, flu symptoms;
easy bruising or bleeding that will not stop;
blood in your urine;
black, bloody, or tarry stools;
nosebleeds, bleeding gums, coughing up blood;
feeling weak or light-headed;
sudden headache, confusion, problems with vision, speech, or balance;
sudden leg or foot pain; or
sudden numbness or weakness, especially on one side of the body.
Less serious side effects may include:
nausea, vomiting, stomach pain;
gas and bloating; or
hair loss.
....and mixing with these could be fatal:
bromelains;
coenzyme Q10;
danshen;
dong quai;
garlic;<===========WTF! (death by tasty goodness?)
ginkgo biloba;
ginseng; or
St. John's wort.

Displacement

~Constructive thoughts sometimes involve: Toasted Focaccia, kalamata, artichoke puree', feta, babygreens, sushi rice, olive oil vinagrette, and blue fin tuna burger complete with roasted garlic, black pepper, and green onion.
Garnish with carmalized garlic reduction?! and you've got 3hrs of not thinking about a package.

Never thought

I never thought it would be beneficial to me ever, to continue to work at a dead-end jobby job. As of this moment, I welcome the time to focus my attention on something else. I recognize depression... it leads to me sleeping inordinate amounts of time. I usually fore go meals. I drink in excess. (me...drinking excessive amounts by my standards). 2 weeks have worked their way into my life without being invited, but I'm neither sleeping them away, nor hunger striking, I've curbed my booze intake => abstaining from it totally.

Just over a year and change ago, I was battling with addiction; I kicked Mr. Brownstone in the ass and sent him packing. At the time I lost enough weight to cause concern with my friends and relatives. (most didn't or don't know why I was wafer thin and that's ok) I'm not proud of that time in my life. I had steadily gained back some of the weight, and topped out at just under my all time high of 175lbs. I'm 6'2" and that's respectable I guess even though I never carry and mass.

A quick glance in the mirror this afternoon has me officially back down to skeletor, "I may be a sexy bitch in a hospital gown, but take me out of it and I look like a vampire" (I joke about this often... working the graveyard "almost" shift, never seeing the sun and whatnot) It's not funny anymore.

Granted stress can be a bit harsh on the system, losing 28-ish lbs in a week, is a Super Model's lucid waking wet dream to stardom. I eat regularly, I eat a Shit-ton of food, I eat healthy. A stiff breeze shouldn't lift me from the ground.

A nap would do me good right now.

Shock and Awe.

After 11days I've found out that.....

"I DO NOT HAVE THE CANCER" that being said, how about a little tale from my nutsack. (I'll be glib, and try to inject some humor into this cuz God knows I need a laugh right now) Seeing as how my nutsack has a front row seat to the malady...that's the best and most informed party to listen to. Before I go any farther, 1.) I'm a sexy bitch when I wear a hospital gown, 2.) Check your junk for problems on a regular basis, not just your boys....all of your junk 3.) I am frightened out of my skin and will be until such time as the doctors tell me I can finally take a deep breath and f*ck a hooker.

I'm single, 32, I work nights and haven't been in a relationship for the better part of a 5yrs. I'm just setting a tone here because Valentines Day 2008 was quite possibly the wreck of my mental stability for the rest of my life.

I woke from a dead sleep on Thursday morning with a priapistic erection that was nothing like the equipment that I've been tinkering around with for the last 22yrs. I know my intimate self, there was something completely wrong. Priapism is one thing, when it wakes you from a sound sleep and a portion of your 32yr old wang isn't engorged with blood, F*ckin bells and whistles go off. A trip to the ER sans Specialists had me worked into a frenzied state closer to catatonic. I was given anti- inflammaroties, and advice to get to a specialist, ice it down....yadda yadda.

Obviously when the erection dissipated I scrutinized the apparatus. (Appointment with specialist...no-one will see me until Tuesday morning) *graphic description comin'* Located just below and butted upagainst my Urethra and left corpora cavernosa was a lump about the size of a Ticonderoga No.#2 pencil eraser. Distal to that point my erectile tissue wasn't receiving blood enough to function. Bruising, swelling and a low throbbing pain round out the "good" aspects of what was happening. I'll keep the "bad" to myself thank you very much

I had a good long fester all weekend, continued to worry, freaked out on Saturday evening/morning....lost my shit on Monday evening at work "I have a lump in my penis and it's stopping blood flow? what if it's malignant?" "THEY're going to amputate the thunder donkey!" puke, vomit, full blown panic attack complete with faint, and numb extremities. {welcome to my thoughts...even though at this point the thunder donkey was more or less a sway back mule not good enough for hauling supplies to their destination.} I left work early and traveled to the fam's place.... They accompanied me to. Urologist number #1 [as an aside, I've had 6 more dudes touch my wang in the last week than I've had women touch me in the last 5yrs and that includes Julie the P.A, and Sue the R.N] Urologist #1. Dr. Schwartz, no joke, that was his name. He was about as helpful as a punch in the groin. His medical opinion you're fine, take some aspirin and call "when it gets worse" to a man who has never had problems in that area, telling him to to take two aspirin and call in the morning is not the way to go. Dr. Schwartz basically acted as though he was more interested in a delicious blueberry muffin and a large latte.... I was his only obsticle to said deliciousness. "F-him" Shaggy scheduled a second opinion but not until after he had to visit a GP, and have some more people play with his painful wang-doodle.

During the last 7days I'd had the opportunity to sleep for about 3hrs a night. Food? Forget it.

I forgot her name, but I'd like to apologize to the random nurse that was taking my blood pressure for the 20th time that asked me if I was "Nervous about anything" my pressure being a bit hi apparently. ~snapped, lost it!~

The last Dr. I visited was Friday morning Dr. Slatch he was informative, talked me through the Cat Scan info, spoke highly of the vascular surgeons in the hospital. (You don't need to know whether or not they did a biopsy on my lump /blockage, but you can imagine it's not a fun process if explained).

Diagnosis SHAGGYBOB's JUNK.
~At somepoint either in the recent or distant past there may or may not have been some trauma to the Corpora or not. Why this benign anomoly has appeared is up in the air. The lump cysted, plaqued over and pressed on vessels located around it. The entire process taking any amount of time between 5minutes and 32yrs. While rolling in my sleep with an erection, leverage was misplaced, pressure burst vessels, and I woke up screaming. Imagine a charlie horse. The immediate attack of white blood cells to correct the damage blocked blood flow. Erectile tissue was and is still compromised. Any further growth of scar tissue will further dibilitate blood flow. SO......my wang has officially busted, like a balloon. Signs and symptoms of Peyronie's Disease are the closest descriptions that the Doctor could give me. Although PD won't manifest itself until after the healing process is well on its way. They're saving the peel the banana and melon-ball out the bad stuff hypothesis until after a shot at un-invasive recovery. I guess this anomaly happens to a whopping 0.04% of the male population so it's not unheard of...although it is uncommon for folks to get treatment; even though the treatment is just a guesstimation of proper whatever, mostly due to a persons embarrassment/unwillingness to seek medical attention. I can understand that, but it just ain't me.

There are no specific medications that can help heal the problem. The doctor is hoping that a steady influx of blood thinners, B6 and B12, Vitamin E, and a few other additives and anti-inflammatories will make for a cocktail that will allow blood to reach the extremity past the obstruction, thus eliminating the possibility of necrosis. It's not a fixer, it's a prevention game now. He thankfully describe the process as thus. "They're pac-man drugs, they'll be eating away all the enzymes that could cause scarring, and inhibit platelets and stuff so that you're junk has a chance" Dr. Slatch dumbed his initial statement down after the deer in headlights flashed on my face. Due to the beneficial effects of the cocktail...of course you can imagine that there is a down side. And that is that the entire healing process is going to be exponentially retarded, as well as creating a veritable hemophiliac out of me.

I'm single, 32, I work nights and haven't been in a relationship for the better part of a 5yrs. I'm just setting a tone here because Valentines Day 2009 could quite possibly be the wreck of my mental stability for the rest of my life.

I've been told that any sexual activity will be detrimental to the healing process, I'm supposed to try not to A.) get an erection [I've had one already...it hurts, no REALLY IT FUCKING HURTS, I can steer my thought away from boners complete with sharp stabbing throbbing pains] B.) touch or Stimulate an erection should it manifest itself C.) Use my erection with a partner for sexual reproductive purposes [the potential for re-injuring and or causing more damage grows with intercourse...apparently it's a rough thing when you have completely squashed/smashed/nonworking blood vessels]... given that the healing process is retarded by the vitaminie drugged up cocktail this will go on for, but is not limited to, 12-18months from the date of injury. I don't have total ED, but the percentage is high enough to make me feel like a goddamned freak. Marvin Nash style from Resevoir Dogs "I'm fuckin deformed"

There are percentages of corrective manifestation connected to that time frame. These are the 3 outcomes: 33% Everything takes its sweet-ass time healing and all returns to normal. 33% the damage is permanent yet doesn't progress further, and "roll a 5 or a 6" the damage progresses to the point of being more dibilitative making it impossible to perform normal intercourse, blockage of the required pipes, necrosis, and corrective/reconstructive surgery is eminent. I'VE OFFICIALLY REMOVED THE DICE FROM The PARTY-IN-A-VEST. The what ifs are heavy. The why me, why nows are ripe, the WTF factor in my life.... is small...about the size of a ticonderoga No.2 pencil eraser.

So...there it is. I've walked away from being a cancer theorist. I've entered into a realm of dark, I-don't knowed-ness, and have a bit of a problem wrapping my mind around anything.

I'm single, 32, and until 12months from now, I don't know if I'll ever enjoy normal sexxy time again.

$1500
7 Doctors
4 cups pissed in
8hrs of paperwork
5 procedures
1 drug and vitamin cocktail
No difinitive remedy
No sexy time 12/18months


Hand spring, hand spring, round off, back flip, triple twist Tah DAH! (<= sits on ground and buries face in hands) Seriously... put your panties back on...I can't even if I want to.

It's tough to think about something 24/7 without overreacting, but I'm there. I'm not looking forward to any of this. It's amazing how the human body can change in an instant. I just wish I dislocated my finger instead...that would be a little easier to cope with. T-minus 354 days.

....."The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
you raise the blade, you make the change
you rearrange me ' till I'm sane
you lock the door
and throw away the key
there's someone in my head but it's not me".........

Hangin in.

Deleted post

I just spent an hour preparing a post that brought to light everything that is going on in my head with respect to a medical anomaly that has recently presented itself in my body. I had to erase it, because even I didn't feel comfortable with the post. I wouldn't feel bad or even the least hesitation to let you know I vommited and sharted my pants driving down the highway, most embarrassing things are fruitless and give me a good chuckle; I'm not shy. I am uncomfortable. I was using terms like Laparoscopy and Robotics, Oncology, Shock Wave Lithotripsy and other big terms that scare the livin baJesus out of me even if I have relatively no clue as to what they are and or how invasive they may be. Since Thursday it has weighed heavily on my mind (that's when I noticed the problem...) and even though I had a bunch of folks over the eat drink and be merry this weekend, now that they're gone and my place is empty again I get to run through all the scenarios in my melon and freak out some more. Thank you Ray, The Jill, Gonzo, D, Steve and Rachel for coming over and making the weekend shite tons of fun.

I'm headed to a specialist tommorrow. They're going to tell me what, exactly what the problem is or schedule a battery of tests and stuff. Coupled with the pain, there is a pretty f-in huge psychological shot to go with whatever the diagnosis is. No matter what happens there will be a benign/malignant mass, scar tissue, or chemo-cal shock in my immediate future. Making the equipment that I'm used to tinkering around with; different forever. That in an of itself is enough to drop me thoroughly off the deep end. I don't want to lose the physical ability to enjoy sexxy time...

I'm not looking forward to tommorrow at all. Or am I...knowing that there will be a definition labeling the issues at hand.

I'd like to thank you individually Miss Rachel for sitting up with me all night and listening to be whine, bitch and moan, hearing the why me-s, and the wtf is going to happen naysayer dark brooding ShaggyBob. I was a mess.






I'M SCARED

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment:

OLD AND BUSTED: Carrying a weapon into a learning institution and killing innocent people; because you think the world slighted you in someway, before offing yourself.

NEW HOTNESS: Offing yourself before getting to said institution and saving the world from your pathetic existance.

If everyone in the world; me included, decided it was a good idea to go on a killing spree everytime something happened that we didn't see eye to eye with. Only the hermits would survive and there would be a lot of dead squirrels. Here's a little helpful hint to all you mutts that have a propensity for random acts of violence when not getting your own way. "Either you need to build a huge fuckin time-out chair for yourself and sit in IT!, or....give yourself an attitude adjustment"

Attitude adjustments appendix:

For beginners,
1.) Punch yourself a few times in the testicles or ovaries. It should give you a moment of clarity.
2.) Have your imaginary friend deliver #1 for you. It should give you a moment of de-mystification.

For the sullen,
3.) Breathe deeply and think about a third world country and a house made out of discarded cardboard boxes and the millions of flies you don't have to deal with as you are not eating fetid foodstuffs.It should give you some perspective.

For the habitual assholes in the world.......
4.) Try Sticking one thumb in your mouth and the other in yer ass <=> rotate in different directions at the same time. "If that doesn't straighten you the fuck out. Fly solo, get the gun, sit on your couch, have some apple juice, eat a poptart, and spatter you own damn ceiling." Leave the rest of us out of it.

Recap: Clarify, Demystify, Perspective, Poptarts

That being said, I'm off the grid "intarwebb-wise" until Monday this week. The Oasis is open for business. See the below E-flyer and kick me a call or text if you're within striking distance. Leave the poptarts at home.

Debauchery

"If you're not there,
....you're in the wrong place"

~Try not to sit in any wet oil paint~

Two nights

Two nights of running the show for the Gaz are on tap. As much as I love the pay, and the overabundance of extra responsibility. The pay hasn't changed, and the overabundance creates a short-fusedness in my normally laid back persona. ShaggyBob don't wanta hafta smacka beatch.

New Pet peeve: A graphic designer is given a sleeve of advertising materials with a little note that says "be creative" complete with three exclamation points. Graphic designer then gets creative and designs an Ad for the customer that looks far superior to the crap-o-la that is usually displayed in the local rag. No less than three revisions later it resembles the crap-o-la again. Nothing special, nothing eye catching, nothing that jumps up and grabs your attention. If three exclamation points of creative equals bust your ass and then I'll re-design the layout to specifics that are required by the client and or the Sales Representative's keen eye for all that is marketable... then it's not so damn creative is it. Don't waste my time and energy to put the smackdown on principles of aesthetics and design when you can just as easily scratch a layout in purple crayon and have me color within the lines. Time is money...and it's not my money, I'm just a Design lemming on the gravytrain of deadend job.

A link for Miss Kate and Miss Sara

Any suggestions?

I'm looking for suggestions for Happy Hour cocktail type foods for this Friday at the Oasis. Something easy that goes well with a few beverages and great company. I've exhausted my bag of tricks and need something pronto so I can get the grocery list in order.... Lil help? (I'm not cooking wings at my place, the smell of deep fryer grease is enough to make me chunder.) And it has to constitute a meal, not snack food. I don't want to have to eat all night long there are better things to fill my belly with that involve more drinking and less chewing.

Saturdays fare is already in the works, I'm just lookin for Friday HH meal type goodness.

P.S. Train Wreck is straight out! No ifs, ands, or buts. And refrain from mention of Yogurt slinging I'll have none of that either.

Triptych Red, "it's portable"

Not weeping.....

And the weekend commensed with a trip to the local meat store. Avon Meatland. Yup it's named "Meatland". The furry wasn't really appetizing when I was there (ok, naked critter) so I moved toward foul. A Turkey bird to be exact, well, a portion of a turkey bird. I dig the turkey, but being a single mutt like myself I don't have the benefit of the rest of the pack of wolves to consume 25lbs of bird at one sitting. BAked breast started at nooner, followed closely with a nice dram of scotch to heat up the inside while waiting for the turkey. A few more...and the bird still wasn't finished so I topped off with some tasty brew that Jenn and Brett left last weekend. Managed to hit up the beer store for some of Americas finest swill in a 36can pack. The closest I can could get to my fav beer "free in a can and in my hand". Mmmm Miller Lite. 5pm the bird was done so I grabbed my best kniff. A Wustof 7" santuku that should make any would be chef out there giddy . It's balanced, heavy, and I haven't yet been able to fillet a finger better with anyother knife. While i was out earlier in the day I had an epiphany that revolved more or less around a panini type egg dipped pub grub type sandwich. Mr. Fisher was en route so I sliced, pulled, and shredded Mr. Gobbles' breast, sliced the dark onion rye, shaved the Jarlsburg, mixed the apple cranberry chutney... and shredded the bacon. Piled everything high (planning on making it impossibly to finished the sandwich when you got to the last bite...the "I'm going to be sick last sandwich bite" =>you all know you've been there) Bathe in scrambled and pan toast the suckers. The smoke alarm went off as Mr. Fisher and I were finishing our second pre meal bevvies. It always happens when there is no direct ventilation fan, I care not. A quick hop and Karch Kiraly takes the beeping smoke bastard hardwired into the electrical right off the ceiling, done and done.

After a decent meal Fishaaaah had to head out to the Union hockey game. My evening plans had me heading to the Schenecta'dirt Curling Club to spread some support for Gonzo and his team. 2.25 a pint? I think I'll have a few. Nothing beats an inperson viewing of Curling when you've been prone to stop whatever you're doing and or skip a final exam in College when Curling makes it onto the tube. It was a blast. After a few hours of Curl goodness I ventured back to the Oasis and had the ambition to do some late night painting. I no doubt pissed my downstairs neighbor off. Throwing paint when half in the bag involves a lot of jumping around and getting mars black and other assorted "no way no how is this coming out of the rug" colors around. I ended up with afew decent compositions.

Saturday I was fully feeling the effects of a night of drankin gone overboard. It's something that you have to live with when you punish your liver and if you feel sorry for yourself you're an idiot. You could have planned ahead and slowed down the evening previous and not put yourself in the Situation in the first place. I embrace the big stick that the hangover gods weild with ruthlessness. I finished the bird for the most part and sat down to viddy some movies, and chose the BBC Planet Earth series. About 10minutes into the Caves portion just when they were elaborting on a ginormous pile of guano 100meters high and showing cockroaches and giant centipedes another one of hairy's relatives motored across my living room floor. It's the first time at the new place that I've seen a House Centipede and he was a rather large fellow. Not 11inches long like is homeboy in the video but large enough to startle me.
.......
...........The hunt was on! The foe was smart, infact too smart. After throwing anything in my reach at him, he jetted for the only place in the Apt that I wouldn't flip over, turn upside down or knock over to kill the lil bastard. (your guess?) yup...he ran directly under the fridge that holds the beer with the extensively stocked bar resting on top. Round one to Centipede. Or was it. I removed some of the clutter from around the fridge with care and stealth and saw my enemy resting half under and half exposed by the outer perimeter of the bottom of Mr. Frosty. Swift action, ninja-esque chop Round two for the big guy; missing legs for the bad guy.... running in circles>??? yup ( but then he was gone for the evening and hours of vigilence didn't give me another siting.

I slept in Sunday as is habit...giving myself a few extra hours of shut eye to charge for the long night at the office. I made left overs for dinner and shot pics of the paintings I worked on the previous couple of evenings. I had just sat on the couch to give myself a few minutes of peace and quiet before heading to work and wouldn't you know it. That exoskeleton wearing, 2/3rd of his legs missing on the left hand side of his body sportin, lil shit was dipping his antennae into the cadmium red of the triptych I had finished Friday evening. Not in a drying rack, not on the floor, 2ft away resting comfortably on my Coffee Table. He should have spontaneously combusted via the gaze I shot his way. Infuriated by his brash "in your face" display I didn't even bother getting something to smash him with. I felt the crunch of his body armour as I smeared his carcass in a wide band of whatever it is that makes their systems work on the inside. It's totally possible to make a 2 1/2inch little bug much larger when you flatten them out. 2 1/2in to just under a foot, in the time it takes to laugh outloud and swing your mighty bug quashing mitt at them. Not so fast now are you Mr. Spindly long ass legs?

I can't even fathom the fun I had this weekend without getting a small yet satifying grin on my face.

And I weep

Someone has to be there to voice the concern for animals. I'm officially starting a campaign to make sure that they are all taken care of in the best way possible......



I, as the Executive Director of RJI Inc., fully endorse the fulfillment of our pledge to dispatch any and all helpless furry creatures in a humane or not so-humane manner when preparing to bake, braise, broil, grill, panfry, poach, steam, stew or rotisserie any of the worlds woodland foul or fauna.
A satellite faction of my organization will be commencing a brewing operation to add compliment to our mission.

As first order of business I've acquired the assistance of one Mr. Fisher to sample a delectable treat of animal death at the Oasis on Friday February 8th marking the beginning of the long and arduous task at hand.

Good News Everybody

I officially haven't seen the sun for an entire week, I cooked a steak for dinner (30secs and licked the packaging clean of any hemo) I'm bleaching my skin a la Wacko Jacko... and dying my hair black. All I need now is a raise at work so I can get the permanent cosmetic canines cemented to my choppers. My over all transformation from daywalker is nearly complete.

I AM MAX SCHRECK's... INNER CHILD's GREATEST FANTASY

The Oasis

The Oasis is open for Happy Hour this Friday. Perhaps a Ray Ray sighting... perhaps some Scotch, definitely some tasty food.

On an unrelated note, I'm not the only person to peace out and go toes to the sky falling on the ice outside my building. Miss Arleen my neighbor from across the hall took a spill this weekend. I'm fairly young still, just about to boarder on almost kinda mid-life, Arleen is above and beyond. She's a sweet lady and it pained me to see her trying to carry groceries from her car to the perma-locked entryway with her arm in a gianormous cast. (don't get your undies in a bunch=> of course I helped her) I thankfully don't have brittle bones, she's not in the same boat and shattered her wrist. Not just broken, shattered. I'm not traveling for the next three weeks because I've put myself in the service of Miss Arleen whenever she needs it barring the time I'm festering at the place of Biz. If you need to contact me, you know where I'll be... fending off birds of prey for helpless rodents bunkered in the Oasis.

I've also caught a glimpse of the nocturnal creature that Boone had a conversation with earlier this fall prior to his exedus from NYS to 'Bama. High up in a tree "hoo-hoo-hooooo-hoo-hoo" siloetted by the foggy mist over the Mohawk, with the dissipating city lights filtered out from the 'Dirt. I share a comparative living space with a Great Horned Owl. It nests no more than 30 ft from my balcony. Not the first creature you would expect to see in a city habitat, although it keeps me sane knowing that nature is still around, not withstanding the other nocturnal creatures lurking around the city. The ones with opposable thumbs are not as magestic.

Not a cent

"I Ain't got no corndog money"

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

When faced with the two options of trimming a wayward hair on your cheek above you beard hair line, or removing it by tweezer and sheer brute strength... I suggest the first option. Here's my reasoning, when removing a hair my "pull" method it allows for the folicle to retart it's growth cycle under the skin and without the option to re-emerge from the original pore. Thursday I removed by the latter method, Saturday I had a painful face. Sunday I had an ingrown hair that turned into a minigolf ball on my mug. 15minutes after I realized the monstrocity I had a wound on my face. A dime sized spot of red is better than a quarter sized patch of white....I'm just sayin....trim it...save yourself the pain and belittling feeling when you weep like a 4yr old little girl after powering the beast out. Sniffle sniffle......

On a totally unrelated Self-Help hint of the Moment, if faced with the prospect of wearing a quitter sock for the entire day/evening of work or turning around halfway through your commute to fix the quitter sockness... go home and get rid of the bastard sock. If you don't be prepared for a WTF day in the extreme. G-D,it! WTF. Work, pull up your sock, work, pull up your sock, think about working while pulling up your sock, think about pulling up your sock while working, get pissed that your sock migrated to the toe of your shoe, remove shoe and pull up your sock, work...get heated enough to be "that guy" wearing one sock at work. Debate with yourself the clear intentions you have about taking the infernal sock and burning it in the parking lot like a little camp fire of Sock Pire . Feel gratified that you don't have to pull up your sock anymore for the night and get giddy when you burn the sock to the bastard sock gods in the parking lot as fellow employees come and go staring at you like your a little tatched in the head. "They're coming to take me away...ha ha"

who said I'd live forever

How will I die? Your Result: You will be murdered.   This doesn't guarantee pain and suffering, but it will be at the hands of another. Perhaps the vile deeds of a past life will attribute to this horrific demise. Do not fear murder. There is a rare epiphany that comes from this type of death. You will see it in the last moments.
You will die while having sex.
You will die in a car accident.
You will die from a terminal illness.
You will die while saving someone's life.
You will die in a nuclear holocaust.
You will die of boredom.
You will die in your sleep.
How will I die? Create a Quiz

Super weekend

I realized that having an extra day off during the week makes for nothing but lethargy, and boredom. I used my Thursday last week to take care of all the miscellaneous things that I needed to do.(i.e. I cashed a paycheck & wrote a rent check) 24hrs off and that's all I had to accomplish. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not in training to be a smoke jumper, the excitement in my life is just too overpowering for the likes of mankind.
J & B visited friday evening and we got our powerhouse Rockstar drink on. So there was a bit more merriness at that point.

Me thinks the Funtruck had best get it's ass in gear and plan a roadtrip before Mr. Bigley decides to come up stairs with a hammer and chainsaw. 3 days of late night Bobism probley makes him something something.

Off til sunday

Off til Sunday,

Remember the 31st is yad sdrawkcaB lanoitaN, and Feb 1st you get a double whammy, it's Skippy Peanut Butter's(1933) and also Dog the Bounty Hunter's (WTF you lookin at) B-days. If ya got a pipe... may as well smoke it.


IF ONLY CHUCK NORRIS WAS THIS F'n COOL! (when and if chuck reads this I hope he warns me before he thinks about kicking my melon off, just the thought would put me in the hospital, praying to my false Gods and then weeping for his mercy)

The Oasis is celebrating "Don't have shit to do week" until returning to miss the Superbowl and fester in the office.

"GO COMMERCIALS!!!"

February

It's soon approaching the time when Valentine's Day rears it's ugly head and makes the single people of the world wonder why it's a holiday to begin with. I've decided to put myself out there. Not in an Eharmony sort of way, but something I guess a bit similar. I'll be manipulating various images up to an including the Big day and posting them as often as I can design them with any sort of competence. Without further adieu...



Any of you byrds out there that would like to hatch out dinner plans with yours truly... just make sure that you're a Born Free Range sort of chick. I'm not accepting any wild and crazy caged fowl.

Bored

30minutes left in a 12hr shift......

I'm buyin' a lottery ticket tommorrow and with my winnings I'm gettin me an Ostrich.

goodtimes

....Planet Earth, Lil Mac, D, K, Blue, Highland Park, Princess crowns, Laz, Jarlesburg, candle wax, gesso, 106.5, 4 weeks of laundry, new supplies, and a bit of creativity. Life gets infinitely brighter when a 2yr old gives you a noogie.

Until Sunday.....

And when one gets bored?

Budweiser and a Dream

Another day.

Another day another donut. Tommorrow I wake in the "AM" and start the new workout schedule sans the smokes that I mysteriously found by the pack-load in my stuff. I've already started the healthy diet thing..and have half the motivation.... Is it stupid to go for a jog in the cold with a cup of nice hot coffee? Yeah, I guess it is, so..plans have changed. I'll be waking up at the normal afternoonish hour, killing a few hours and rolling back to the office when it's deemed necessary by the paycheck overlords. I'll get my fuzzy white ass in shape after the weekend.

Got this via cam-phone

And it's good to see the Monstu is still up to his old tricks...(<=read, I really really want one of my own) just to try it out and drop off the face of the earth in a fruity O.E. 800 sort of way. Who says you have to be a snooty cock-knocker when faced with the fact that you live on the wrong coast. An O.E. Martini if you will, gets you off the high horse. I send my reply to the Monstu Friday at 4pm...just about the time he's thinking "well, I really don't want to be at work anymore and happy hour is a forever 3hrs away."

Say what again!

I WILL LIGHT YOU ON FIRE!!! Then maybe I'll bake you some cookies.... but you're gonna burn first.

Grampa Stan

Over the past weekend I had the opportunity to spend time with some folks I haven't really been able to catch up with for a fairly expansive amount of time. I can definitely say that it was a productive drunk. Housing way too many oatsodas and slingin paint. S, R and myself got thoroughly pickled and at 5am decided that it was time to get creative. We triple teamed / tag teamed 4 canvii and damn was it fun. I'll try to post the crappy cam-phone pics when I have another free moment. R has a project kicking around that involves historical family photos, and possibly momentos from her Grand fathers legacy. I've attached a pic of Grampa Stan.... "I have respect for this man, whom I've never met, and it all stems from the fact that he has an aura of I don't know what, but it's there"

Since getting Frank back from the garage it was high time to try out the new parts. I didn't want to scream to Boston and have the possibility of breaking down on a 4hr one way trip, so I halved it an hit the road for an hr and a half to New Fairfield CT.

Upon my return trip...after catching a few hours of shut eye, I rose at 4pm...it was dark. I headed back to the 'Dirt to rondesvous at Gonzo's place for the Jones Jr. Trinidad fight payper view. SO I put on my night blinders (ok, I never take them off, my eyes are bad in th dark) and decided to somehow make a few wrong turns. It took almost twice as long to get home as it did to get there, but it was relatively painless once I hit a main thoroughfare. I arrived home and had enough time to shower, pick up a party platter and some suds, and get to fight night.

Over the course of the weekend I do believe that I had some of the tastiest foods I've scarfed down in months. Ribs, smashed tatters, homemade stew, today I powerhoused a homemade breakfast. If food were free, I'd balloon for sure but as it is a treat every now and then ain't half bad.

"If you're born a circle, you can't die a square"

Uncomfortable male

Standing at the urinal doing my business, a co-worker arrives next door, no buffer urinal, right next door (uncomfortable), tries to chat (uncomfortable), he starts whizzing like he's eating a delicious blueberry muffin; Mmmmm Ahhhh, Mmmmm, mmmmm ........(super uncomfortable). I stopped midstream; tucked away the junk and left, then returned to an empty urinal row a few moments later when the blueberry waterfall wasn't around to finish my business. Strange? nah...just wicked uncomfortable. Urinal Etiquette should be in the copy of "A Dude's Handbook to Being Socially Blase' ".

Fire is Cool

Digging