Toyota Commercials

I've had the chance to see a few TV Commercials in the past weeks and I don't get it. There are numerous versions of great ads for a Toyota Tacoma braving danger and coming out unscathed. "Driving off cliffs and surviving", "Barrelrolling down hills to land on their wheels and come away unharmed." I think I have the slow kid of the bunch.

It was mentioned to me by the great Gonzo that I should try to make my own commercial. Only instead of trying to survive a cliff dive, try to destroy my vehicle. If the motto of the company holds true and my particular vehicle takes off its shiny red hockey helmet I could be driving it 4-EVAR. Just imagine, screaming toward a cliff, just me and my Toyota...Me wearing a flight helmet, (flight of the Valkyries blaring in the background) my truck leaking fuel in fear.... .......ooooooooooh ....... I'd never make it to the cliff because the truck would break down and I'd have to get a tow-truck to ferry us into the abyss. So much for that idea.

May be in the future

http://empac.rpi.edu/

Yet another resume goes out the door for a possible Curatorial position. Although it may not be in the visual arts speifically I think the experience with the three curators will be invaluable. The experimental new media and technological aspect of EMPAC is something that fascinates me to no end. Check out their 360 degree movie screen traveling exhibit. Whoa!? Music Modern dance and technology as art....yeah!!!

Waiting patiently for the "no" letter in the mail.

Coined?!

Whom? who? ever coined the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff.... it's all small stuff" should have been a better known philisophizer. And/or been made to stand in front of a speeding bus holding a 50gallon bag of thumb tacks. That way he/she could pony up the "it's all small stuff" should he/she survive getting run over. 50gallon bags of thumb tacks stuck all over him/her and all. I'm still waiting to hear the damage report that my bank account will be filing with regard to the Frankensteiner. I'm driving a soccermom minivan in the mean time and putting doylies under my free standing table light fixtures to round out the effects produced by said Emasculator. Oh...Oh, and baking some cookies while I'm at it, with rainbow sprinkles.

Just kidding, I've got a loaner from the folks while the home garage takes care of ol' Frank. The Funtruck Booze Cruz will be on hiatus again pending the damage report. It looks as if a 1000 clams may be the final extent but I'm not sweating it. The pantry is stocked and I have Scotch, I'm still working, and I don't have any dependents to worry about. It just sucks that the breakdowns seem to coincide with important rondevouseseses. HAPPY 30th B-day Rachel hope the weekend treated you in spectacular fashion, Sorry I wasn't able to make the trip.

I was mistaken

NOt a tie-rod...it was the rack, or if you prefer 1/2 of the rack and pinion steering. $1G don't mind if I do.....

Off til sunday

Friday and Saturday off, Highland Park 15 and MaCallan 12, black gesso... 2 panels, Spam-a-lot...truck fixin, maybe get it back and some travelin' maybe not. Gesso and Scotch potent mix with the possibility of ruining the couch that ties the room together.

While I'm at it

SO supposedly, prominent people of the basic hollywood variety are pitching and yapping about going green. Save the environment, do this do that....do what ever you can to save the poor polar bears that are drowning (polar bears can swim... if a bear goes out into the ocean too far, it's darwin rule that he doesn't make it back... it's too cold for polar bear eating sharks up there) So getting back to my perplexion. Hollywood stars and what not are yiping about being good to the environment.... here's my question for them. "Where is your re-usable travel coffee mug, you latte/coffee/expresso chuggin morons?" How many times do I have to see a starbucks paper cup with plastic lid being carried. They may recycle!? But a tree died for the recycled paper in the first place, and you're adding to the emissions of garbage trucks hauling the refuse away a second time. If you want to preach green, green yourself, green it for real. Take your millions of dollars and buy yourself a designer mug for that oh so insanely high priced 10bones.

And also, if you want to be a PETA monkey and preach about animals and their rights... take off your Nice leather belt F*cktard and stop wearing shoes hyp·o·crite, walk around in something else that is less than green and or recycled from used rubber trees.

Just for the record I'm writing myself in for President and "I like animals because they taste good". Moooooooo bitches!

Apples

At what point do you lose all respect for others? When does your brain switch from decent to prick? I know... for I have seen it first hand. Here's a little tale from my nutsack.

The Frank is now resting comfortably at a mechanic that has assured me that he'll be up and running sooner rather than later with a newly aligned set of wheels and brand spankin new tie-rods. Bully for Frank I may just keep his ass around after all. I digress, I dropped off the truck, walked some errands (drop off truck, bank, food, and coffee) then headed to work. I was walking across the bridge and a here's where I witnessed the exact point. This particular bridge has no sidewalk so pedestrians are relegated to a fairly wide shoulder. The guard rails are about shoulder height. Me being 6'1" and wearing my trail running shoes 6'3"ish. So the guard rail is about 5 and 1/2 ft tall. I was a highjumper in highschool and my PR was 6'10... no small feat getting your ass up in the air that far or brushing the bottom of a basketball net with your junk. The guard rail didn't have a mat on the other side...it was a 60ft drop to frigid post sewage treatment water. A Union College student (I know now because of the bumper sticker) decided it would be funny to swerve toward the lone pedestrial on the bridge.. no rhyme or reason...just for kicks. He didn't have an evil look in his eyes, but did have a smirk on his face. Prick through and through. I can honstly say that the Betty riding shotgun thought the same as I did when it happened, and at the precise moment she decided to let him know the err of his ways : the extent of his prickedness, by starting to scream at him was also the precise moment that a steaming hot 20oz. cup of coffee hit his windshield. He missed me by a good 3inches. All these measurements really have no correlation, but 3 inches was better that 5 1/2' + 60' to cold wet soggy pants. I didn't have the chance to ask if he enjoyed the coffee because he didn't stop... it's too bad because I recently adopted the don't give a F attitude and maybe he could have had soggy pants. Either he didn't stop because he feared the reaper...or he likes apples.

Thank you douche bag for refreshing my faithlessness in human beings in general.

Tie-died rods

The Frankensteiner....yeah. Last night after my post about spilled soggy peanuts, I was on my way home from work @ 3AM, I lost a tie-rod crossing the only bridge between work and home...it lies approximately 1/2 way to my apt. (i.e. 3/4 of a mile from here) Something in me snapped as well. And despite my overwhelming urge to take the old guy over the side of the bridge and peace out Dukes of Hazzard style, I over corrected and made good use of the entire bridge to stop without tatooing any standing metal support. Hair-trigger today? Yes, depressed to an extent? Yes, Unhappy with the fact that no matter how I steer my karmic life toward good- something always kicks me in the dick? YeS I AM. Tommorrow starts the life of SHAGZ DON't GIVE A F*CK, self centered, prickish me, me, me.... here I come.

I just need a new vehicle to get me started down the road to *sshole-ishness.

If it's not one thing it's another...I'm over it.

Sorry Frank.... that's the last straw. I'm getting a sub-compact hybrid, testosteroneless, sallypants set of wheels and you're headed to the chopshop.

a day in the day of a day

On a bad day, it would fall out of the sky glance off your new glasses; spill half its contents in your lap, on its way to emptying itself in your favorite bowl of peanuts and then careen violently into the side of said bowl relegating your newly dampened peanuts to a new home, either on the floor or your soggy lap.

Mysterious ways HIS omnipotence shows his affection, mysterious ways.

Something is a Foot...!?.

Yes.. I believe something is afoot



Yup there it is... something is definitely a foot



......in a backwards sort of way!?


"I LOVE SPAM" a lot!

The Con list

If ever the view from my balcony rivals this, it's time to move post haste.

Working for the current place of employ I've made it a point; not in a vendictive sort of way, to produce a pro and con list. As it stands the cons far out way the pros and it's only a matter of time until there's another venue that offers me $0.01 more a year and I take that position whereever it is in the country. The resumes' are still flying and I'm in a business funk. (My pseudo-alter ego at work happens to be Rob) So at somepoint Rob will be venturing out to another glorious jobby job that has nothing to do with the 4 pieces of paper that SUNY Potsdam gave me 7yrs ago.

Today I'd like to add a con to the list and tell you alittle bit about it. It has nothing to do with the umpteen things that have been lumped onto my "vague at best" job description. It has to do with the physical work environment. Working nights aside, there is a treatment facility just over the hill and on occasion..... the smell of 60,000+ people's fecal waste matter permeates the building. Today it's made it onto the Con list. By merely walking into the building, having the smell pumped through the ducts, has caused me to gag, throw-up a little in my mouth and basically has caused an unease in my being. IT WREAKS. Somedays it's a tolerable whafting, others it's a bit oppressive, today.... it's vomitous, the fecal coliforms of god knows who or what is driving directly into my lungs and making the work place environment unbearable. Ripe is not the word, it borders on newborn diaper to the power of 35. 8 ginormous tanks of shit waiting to be treated and dumped into the Mohawk River are no further than I can drive a golf ball from where my truck is parked in the back lot right now. If the stench had a green tint there would be a neon green fog thick enough to cut with a knife. SO...Con number 24 as opposed to Pro number 4 has been added to the list.

Luckily the smell is like crime, it doesn't cross running water, I think it has something to do with air density, (the shitsmell, not the crime) although in both cases it doesn't make it over the bridge to my apartment 1.5 miles away. If it had, or ever does... my savings account and the unemployment I receive after making a complete ass of myself and getting fired will be enough cash to leave this stench for good.

yeah...it was one of those

I seriously doubt that my downstrairs neighbor has the gumption nor the know how to work these new fangled readin boxes, but In the spirit of feeling poorly about my actions I'll offer an apology here to make my soul feel a little better. (Sorry Mr. B) This weekend was going to be a quite weekend at home, trying to stay out of trouble, get another painting out of the way in the attempt to sling my wears to galleries at somepoint in the next ten of so years. Dinner, a Waldo sighting, a few bottles of Gin and some blue lead based oil paint can do strange things to a persons mind. Needless to say I believe that Mr.B down strairs may have taken the brunt of a thunder-stompin' good time. I'll post a BW pic from the Friday craziness after the post. The color version is frighteningly ...uh, frightening.

Sat. Gonzo had dinner at his place with a bunch of folks I haven't seen in a long time and I ventured over there only to receive a peaty belated Xmas pres. of the MacCallan 12yr old lowland goodness. We caught the wildcard games, and I returned home to sample the goods.

This coming weekend, I have a rondezvous with Spam-a-lot to wait for....

Down in a hole Happy Hour

Happy Hour @ the Oasis 5-9pm. January 4th. "Bob's Cookin Show", beverages, To the Lighthouse, The Grogge Show, The Ditch, and ending at PinHead's.

It's about time

It's been snowy/icy for quite sometime now, and it was just about time for them to play a part in my life. As I was leaving my apartment today for the grand olde Gaz; I stepped gingerly onto the sidewalk, toting my coffee and dinner... I felt a slight unease. Before I knew it. I was ass up rolling in a snowbank after just bouncing my spine off my building's front steps. Years of college had prepared me for just such a fall and I neither spilled my coffee nor tossed my dinner. I did however create a nasty kink in my back and am having a hell of a time functioning properly. Sitting, standing, bending, thinking, and generally working at all. Good times. At least I still had a great cup of coffee and that's all that matters right!?

Tonight it's the tooth and nail Vacation-day lottery...or well, it's the rest of my co-workers time to hash out their differences and make the schedule for the upcoming year. Me... still low man on the totem and I'll pick up the scraps.(which probably means another round of Xmas and NYE working bouts with a few days inbetween). Pretty psyched, you bet!...the coffee even better.

Happy New Year

I sit here on the second day of working in 2008, last night being the first overnight shift that I got to ring in the new year with. Yeeeehaw! Instead of staying put where I was and enjoying a night of libation and good company I decided to trek back to the homestead and actually work my scheduled shift. More because, I didn't want to screw over a co-worker and had I not shown up...he would have gotten the olde butt-whammy in a not so pleasent hardcore sort of way. Apparently as much as I feel I would like to peace out of the work environment I'm currently tolerating....that whole stability thing gets in the way and without a viable next step in the career I'm going to have to fester where I'm at.

New Year resolutions are a handy way to let yourself down two weeks in advance of failing with them....but I'm going to practice them just the same. 1.) I quit smoking...it happened as soon as I left the Vinnie's party palace, why not...maybe healthy is a good thing. 2.) The mop is coming off and it's going to travel to the good folks at Locks of Love...(I still have to get that on tap, and schedule it before I fail miserably.) 3. I'm not going to call anyone an Ass-Clown for 1yr. it's degradingly hilarious and sometimes we have to give up what we can to make the world a better place ass clownery aside I think I could do without it. 4.) Time to take better care of myself, first order of business, new specs. I've been wearing the same glasses for 6yrs and I'm getting used to being failry blind...I'm changing that soon. then on to the physical aspect fo health..there are too many outlets for self destruction and I need to rid myself of at least 2bad habits, the first is #1. the second is sleeping...not just catching a cat nap, I think that's ok...I mean really sleeping, I can generally put in a good 13hrs before I feel totally rested. I don't think that is healthy so...8hrs max is the way I'm leaning.

There are more places that I should look to better myself, and unfortunately A New Year resolution is just the way for me to kick myself in the "ass" and stop being a "clown" (<=that doesn't count)

I'd like to thank Vinnie for being a great host this past weekend and it was awesome to see everyone that rolled in for the festivities. This Friday or Saturday I'm chillin with Waldo that should be a riot as well.

Happy New Year everyone!

YUp

I want to drink from this glass and not fall over....

Missing Man Formation

For you, you poor wretched lost souls............



Or...........



and then.........




(Choral Singing in the background=>) AH Haaah HA, Hah hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa BReeeaaaaaadddddah!

And the Lorde hath said unto you ,your breadlessness is forgiven by thy fellow man, yet in thine own soul it weighs like pumperknickel thrown forth from the great Satan himself... purge the demon, reach high for your salvation, and let the HEAVE be the path to a breader existance on His earth.

"Tremens factus sum ego, et timeo, dum discussio
venerit atque ventura ira."

Work'in in 3-B

3-Beers and it looks good, eh! I should have cocktail hour prior to heading to work everyday..skip out for dinner, have a few more, and then come back to finish off the rest of a flask. It sure does make the evening fly by faster than festering sans the booze. Merry Xmas!

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by a can opener that broke midway around the can: the word Chimp-o-riffic,(chimp-O-ri-fik) adj. used to describe any action that a human does that requires only the basic knowledge that a chimpanzee can make simple tools and apply them to a situation. ex. "I macgyvered this chimp-o-riffic can opener using a butter knife, empty oversized can, a rubberband and the basic principles of physics/leverage to open a slightly smaller can of soup today" and the number, fuck yeah simple tools I had Sooooop. (flailing my arms and banging my red shiny hockey helmet)

Add soup to a shredded pulled turkey sandwich with cranberry-apple-chutney-onaise, three cheeses and bacon on 12 grain and it's a Merry F-in Xmas to me here at work to say the least. It's toasted!

The Mal-wart fortunes

Some people don't like Wal-Mart, some people think it should be run out of existance. I think of it in a different light. They provide jobs to people that would otherwise be left in the dark, they sell on the cheap, they always have stock, and where else are you going to see the real "winners" in society at 3am? Wally-world!

I also have applied to become part of the team which will be moving into the; yet to be constructed, Crystal Bridges Art Museum. They are looking for a "dynamic individual" (with my entire skill-set included). The thing that would make some people cringe at the opportunity of me getting a new job are the ones who hate Wally-World. The museum is slated to open in 2010, it'll have a gianormous collection of American art, provide traveling exhibition spaces, have a theatre and conference facilities, performing art spaces inside and out, a comprehensive sculpture garden, museum store, eatery, and bring big time art to rural North Western Ark.

The benefactors, purchasing some well known pieces from all over the country and the holders of the existing permanent collection are the Waltons (Walmart founders) The home base for wally-world is just down the road. Me.. I don't care. If I can buy socks, a TV and a 1lb bag of coffee and a fresh bagel all at the same place, and they indirectly give me a job opportunity, I'm in "I support wally-world"

Wally for president.

Most Impressive

I just returned from a great Holiday at the funnyfarm, the Xmas celebration and dinner were quite good. I got to stop in and play a little hide-and-seek with the Lil Mac, ate way too much food, ruined my sleeping habits/ eating schedule, got the frankensteiner back to functional, received a Shiiteton of Canvas and gesso type spoils with which to create unknown/neverseen/completely anonymous masterpieces that will never grace the walls of any gallery space and generally had a stellar weekend. (I also had the opp. to watch some television, that thing is like crack without the itching and random dealer hummers.) I'm just sayin' after three years of not having the cable it may be time to hop on the wagon and fry my brain again, gain some ass fat and eat mass quantities of chips and dip. I returned to the Oasis and had packages waiting at my door from SC, thank you!!!

There's just a few days remaining until the Big Bash...I'll be working right up until I leave after running the Show here at the Gaz on Friday eve/Sat morning, dependant on the the amount of time it takes to screw the pooch... I should be taking to the skies and bringing the Rolling Thunder to Vinnie's place ETA (between 5am and 7am) just in time to wake-n-beer the masses and peer pressure the monkeys into having Bloody Marys. "Bloody Buddy"

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

The Spears clan are a bunch of whores. Although from the snipits of tabloid garbage I've been exposed to, I find it better that the younger of the two harlets actually still has a man with a real job. Now if; you're an underage young lady and, you decide to engage in the practice of pre-marital sex ( I guess when you marry your cousins at a young age down in the south it don't matter none) make sure that your choice in men comes from the employed variety even if you happen to be a celebritard.

The newest oops was helped along by a 19yr old.....

....wait for it, .......WAIT FOR IT!...... HE LAYS PIPE!!! NO Joke. ZIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiNG! "yup, heeeee's a, pipe-layer"

It's a Pipe Laying / Po-Po-Zow baby batter slingin' good time with the Spears ladies.

Shaggy Bob's Self Help hint of the Moment=> should you choose to hook up with any of the Spears spawn use a prophylactic. For you gentlemen out there that wear a red shiny hockey helmet a prophylactic is not a digestive issue with regard to milk and or milk by-product consumption. "It's a Condom", wrap your: Russell The One-Eyed Wonder Muscle, Gristle Missle, Pumping Pole of Penile Power, Thunder-Donkey, Harry & the Hendersons, Granite Edifice, One-Eyed Fred, Dip Stick, Piss Pump, Meat Wrench, Nightcrawler, Blue-veined Junket Pumper, Love Pump, Richard and the Twins, One Eyed Wonder Weasel, Ralph The Fur Faced Chicken, Tobias the Cheeky Monkey, Johnson, Trouser Snake, Tool, Thrill Drill, Sex Pistol, Pocket Rocket, One Hole Friction Whistle, The Pink Oboe, Purple-Helmeted Warrior, Purple-Helmeted Yogurt Thrower, Trouser Trout, Vlad The Impaler.

It's been a crazy week and my weekend is finally starting, give me a lil bit of a break for that post.

A new Flyer is on the horizon, keep your eyes glued to the screen......... back on Sunday

Resume` of WTF

I took sometime today to look back at the career of the Shagzster to see just when and where I may have gone wrong with choices of employment and to chart the path of my career. It's sad and a little impressive to me.
so without further hesitation here is the most complete listing I can remember.

Nursing Home Kitchen Attendent
Dishwasher
Waiter
Landscaper
Lift rat
Parking Security Attendant
Phone room solicitor
Studio assistant
Beverage center /bottle counter/keg carrier
Prep-cook
Scenic chairlift ride attendant
DPW lawnmower
Fraternity Cook
Band Roadie/ Photographer for the Knoa
Camp Councelor
Photography Head-specialist
Group Leader
Trek Leader
Wilderness Paramedic
Gallery Attendant
Slide Librarian
Bartender
Guest Lodge Reservationist
University Musuem, Preparator/Registrar
Gallery Practices/Museum Studies Instructor
Exhibition Coordinator
Registrar
Preparator
Volunteer Coordinator
Interm Curator
Contractor Services Associate
Graphic Designer
Editor
Pre-Press Production Assistant
Photo Editor
Paginator
All Around Swell Guy

Somewhere in there I managed to pick up degrees in Studio Art, Art History, Museum Studies, and Art Education.
I also got my Brigadier General collar Stars in Imbibination/Party Animal/Slime Ballery.

My dating list follows the same plan...with hitches up to and including 4-5yrs.

With my current situation I had hoped that ecclecticism wouldn't play a part, but the last five listings definitely prove me wrong. Here is how I percieve it as a hinderance.

A professional baseball team has players that they call "utility players" a guy that can cover any number of positions should the main guy (ex. First Baseman) get registered on the Damaged List. This utility player isn't gauranteed a starting spot, can't bat regularly in every game, and as a result not only does his batting average suffer, but he doesn't get the mega-millions a star player would receive. When it comes time to hop on the free agent list, said utility player doesn't command enough pull to warrant a much larger salary, he'll be traded to another team for a pittance doing what he's been labeled to be "a utility guy". Although I have an ever increasing bag of tricks, I haven't been able ot secure a spot as that First Baseman, I was there a couple of times, but then had more and more responsibilities lumped onto the existing position so that focusing my energy on one aspect became futile.

As far as getting back to the Museum Aspect of my career, being that Utility guy scares venues away from picking me up. I've intarveewed at no less than 70 Intitutions in the last 5yrs: most of those situations involved multiple visits, calls, and sitdowns, with a good few leaving me "the Utility player" that was second in line behind Mr/Mrs. 1ST Base. Given the fact that 8 different Museum Job websites are searching across the globe for me...doesn't mean that there are hundreds or even thousands of opportunities. Last count in the US alone there were 45 listings, subtract the number that require 5-7 plus years(exp) of focused job skills and the Executive Director listings and the remainder is 7. 4 of those have already called me and decided on another candidate. 3 are waiting to send the rejection letter in the mail. Me...I'm waiting for the next round of viable listings.

Until then I Utilitize myself as Vampire Slug No. #7 here at the Big Show.

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

When cooking a Delicious DiGiorno, "It's not delivery" rising crust pizza. It is inadvisable to make a phone call at the 20 minute mark should you enjoy the conversations with the personal you are calling. After an extended duration of post recommended baking time the pizza will spontaneously combust. Take into account that flaming pizza isn't that hard to extinguish, it's fairly simple. There are a number of options. A.) give it a shower, B.) spray it in the sink C.) Hoss it out a window, D.) throw it out the nearest 2nd floor sliding glass door into the snow, E.) Suffocate it with tinfoil.

I also wouldn't recommend trying said pizza after it's charring. The pepperoni will taste like burnt coffee. ( you may be asking why in the hell did I try to eat it?) The answer is simple, everyone would. It's not a char thing, it's a waste thing...everyone would at least take a little lick to make sure that they weren't throwing away a viable option for sustinance. Afterall...a little redhot may help it back to life.

Self help hint of the moment. "watch yer pizza ya damn fool, watch it...watch it cook"

That is all, move along.

The Break down

Time percentages for a 50 week work year.

Graphic Designer gets hired to do graphic design work. 100% of the time.
Graphic Designer is told that 50% of the time he'll be doing Pre-press production.
Graphic Designer is told to Edit, Comics, Weather, Puzzles and Tone Photos 20% of his time
Graphic designer becomes the end all beat all Utility player and is loaded with Paginator responsibilities 20% of his time.

Graphic designer is now doing graphic design about 10% of the time he's working......

Wonder why they hired a graphic designer? Me Too!

And if you got a warm fuzzy feeling when you saw PAGINATOR.... the position doesn't have any futuristic weapons, body armor, or super powers...I can't kick Chuck Norris in the yam bag and get away with it.

Sucktitude Factor jumps by exponentially lethal denominations on it's way to critical mass.

My mood....... Meat the Fuzzy Bunnies


...Awe!?


...and MMmmmmm

Great News everybody!!!

As per the new position at the Gaz, I will work ??? 6 hr shifts, ??? 8hr shifts, or it could be ???12hr shifts, I may have to start at 3pm, or perhaps 6pm. They might even throw a 5'er in there. And it all boils down to what ever the hell they decide. SO, I may have a 3 or 4 day weekend, I may have to work weekends, I might just work my regular schedule,"the one I've grown accustomed to for the last 2 yrs". At least I know that it'll be at night, cuz fuck daylight, I'd rather work a Friday around Happy hour and Saturday night anytime. Never have anything to do then, nothing ever......

My computer keys and the room are rank with the smell of sarcasm, disdain, and lamenting abhorance. I'd love to post more, but I have to work tommorrow at a different strange time and I may, or ..........may not have a few extra hours to kill. This week it all depends on when they need me the next day.




I've pulled the pin and I'll let this sucker cook off for a lil bit before I toss it.

WWWHOA

Miss Kate, Willem, Jacob and Emily thankyou for a fantastic evening up yonder in what is now the snow belt of death. I had tons of fun. Slim's was awesome, until Gremlin mcSketchy rained on the parade. I'm sure that Willem can agree with me here in saying that there's something magical about gianormous circus boobs and their progression with each additional beverage/bar, and shift change. "Circus Boobs"

As expected, the weekend was an adventure, Nor'easters can indeed suck it. After getting my keys out of the truck where I conveniently locked them Friday evening I headed off to see J and B, they've just purchased a couple of cabins on a good sized plot of land. When I first tried to locate their new digs, I didn't understand that they do live in the midde of Nowhere NH. If you are driving on RTe 202 it's just a 45minute drive from East BahJesus Junction, turn at the logging trail, signal an SOS with your horn launch a flare and then keep going just a bit farther. Had some great foods and some bevvies. Thank you as well for the hospitality, and the circus boobs in Concord. This is where it gets a little strange.

I made up my mind in a pretty rapid manner that I wanted to beat the "Storm" home so I loaded up the frankensteiner and left J & B's place at about 2am. I'm a vampire..no big deal, usually I make better time in the wee hours of the night. Not so much this time around. The Nor'easter was earlier than expected, and the weather reports I was judging my flight on were skewed. I had been under the impression that 6am was the kickoff. Had that been the case I would have made it home prior to the real nasty stuff. I; of course, was mistaken and at 2:00:12 am I began what was to become my extended 12hr sojourn back to the Oasis. I managed to get lost a bunch of times, it really wasn't my fault everything was white. I won't bore you with details, Although I do realize why people say they're shattered tired now. A little nap every 30hrs or so is a hum-ding'er of a great way to spend some quality time searching your eyelids for holes. By the time I reached my place it was just after nooner. I couldn't see straight, think straight, and My body wanted to shut down, so I napped a few hours and then meandered in to the office for a long evening.

It probably wasn't the brightest idea to leave a nice warm cabin at 2am to bomb through a snowstorm.

I can't think, I'll have o continue the post at another time.

HAPPY B-DAY lil Mac!!

On the 'Morrow

I'll see you in about 16hrs Miss Kate, Willem and Fam. I'll shoot you a call while enroute to see if you need anything and/or if I run into any unforseen bru-haha.

Jenn, give me ring, let me know what I'll be bringing sat. for dinner and drinks.

Lil Mac, Kristi, and D, I'll see you on Sunday prior to heading in to do my Gazetteering.

Keene NH You don't scare me, and Nor'easters can suck it.
VrooooooooOOOOOM!!

Never be.....

I will never be a professional gift wrapper, it's not my bag, gift bag if you will.... It's not that I don't want to be...it's just that I severely fall short of the of the standards/protocal requirements for making gift packages look presentable for the masses. I can honestly say that should you receive a gift from me this holiday season, and it's in professional grade "wrapping paper" It will be ghetto wrapped, expect duct tape and packing tape, as well as portions of the "paper" that have had tape mistakenly attached and torn off leaving a blank spot to add to the motley continuity of ghettoness.

SHAGGY BOB's FUNTRUCK BOOZE CRUZ

Here's a brand new flyer for the upcoming adventure. (where it leads, I do no know, but chances are that the storm will have me using comp, sick, and Vacation time on the return home. AHhhhh HAHHAAAHHAHA.....hahahhahaha. ha ha uhhhhhh)




I had thought about adding "Live Free or Freeze Your Eggs" but didn't think everyone would catch what I was throwin'" Get it, your eggs...as in "the BOYS", "yer STONES", "The frank and BEANS", "the twig and BERRIES", "the other BRAIN", ...feel free to add any tacky childish name you have for your testicles after the beep.

The Quick Turn

It stands to reason that a person of my age would know better when it comes to food stuffs. But alas sometimes we intelligent people go against all that is in our better judgement.

Hence the Quick Turn:

I had the option of mailing and or dropping off; by hand, the final estimate for truck repairs to the Screwheads. I chose the latter. After my triumphant last rant session I decided that I wanted to celebrate with a couple of burritos. I enjoy hot spicy foodstuffs (While in college, our fraternity house was under the impression that redhot and other capt'n insano hotsauces were a distinct food group) I made the burritos slathered with Endorphin Rush (it's just hot enough to be on the cusp of a fight or flight response) straight out of my personal stash of gut rot goodness and enjoyed my meal. Mastication and Esophagial (sp) aspects aside I "thoroughly enjoyed the lunch."

As with most people when they eat their gastrointestinal processes get triggered and the food slowly makes its rounds. Along with my burritos I had a few cups of coffee, a regular addition to lunchtime meals considering my sleeping habits. Prior to heading to work I had to whiz. Mid-stream I experienced a gutteral thunderboomer. I'm going out on a limb and focusing on the male aspect here "it's happened to us all". If you're a woman the experience should be different. If it's not you're doing it all wrong by all guesstimation. I almost immediately had to "Quick Turn". Had I not..... there would have been a serious clean up in aisle #2. Wheeling around like ninja I planted firmly and held on. This is why I can infer that if a woman experiences a Quick Turn they're doing it all wrong. [that's the short version]

I have yet to completely define Quick Turn for Merriam-Webster but I do believe it should be available for the entire population to read up on. SO there you have it: Quick Turn: (kwik-tern) n. 1. The inevitable whiz-to-sit, due to explosive lower gastrointestinal exedus following ingestion of nuclear hot food stuffs.

Tah DAAH

Conflagration

500 Gallons of liquified Gorilla dung sprayed through a fire hose wouldn't be good enough for some people to take in the face right now. Seriously, My zippo has a new flint and I'm pissin' gasoline, watch your feet.

Somedays it doesn't pay to get out of bed prior to 2pm I swear. Wishing you a very happy holiday, since mine is apparently F-in cancelled. Put on your shades everybody and look toward Eastern NY.




.....and just like that, an oreo cookie changes everything. huh!?

Cruz'in

Shaggy: It's 257 miles to Rochester, I got a full tanks of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and I'm wearing sunglasses.
Bob: Friday.....Hit it.

Indecision

After posting that I may once again be able to hit the road and have made tentative plans to carry out. I find myself questioning my resolve.

The Funtruck isn't at 100%, the brakes are still al little soft an can't be worked on until I return to G-ville for the holidays.
It's by no means unsafe to drive, and I'm positive that I can stop the beast if need be, but I'm constantly white knuckled and thinking that at any point my tires will all fall off and I'll shower sparks down the highway, flip, roll and that I'll make a grand exedus from the vehicle by way of ninja, landing on my feet involuntarily screaming TAaaa Dah, whilst taking a bow. My plans this weekend will have me traveling through the mountainous regions of VT and NH definitely out of cel service and chances are that the weather won't cooperate. SO I'm torn.

My boys say "just go ahead and do it testosterone monkey", my mind says "what if "!? ( who would have thought that a little technical disuption in the proper working of a vehicle could generate such feelings)

One of my projected stops is kind of blind, I'm not to sure they'll be around, the second stop is on the return, and the third is Lil Mac's B-day celebration. If I should decide that it's not a great option to put the Funtruck out there for potential damage, I'll limit my travels to Togatown and the lil lady. (the choice is weighing on me. I really would like to see the all folks prior to the holiday and spread a bit of ShaggyBob cheer)

As much as I enjoy sitting in around the Oasis all by my lonesome I never have a feeling of accomplishment after such a weekend. Flip flop, flip flop.

ShaggyBob's Funtruck

I'm thinking that I want to see this in person on Friday, covered in snow, while warmed by some spirits. Busy weekend for the funtruck should the repairs not be in the cards right away. I'll be traveling to Rochester NH, Concord NH, and ending my weekend with the the Lil Mac to celebrate the big 2.0. should be good times. Hopefully between now and Friday plans won't change.

Todays Randomness is brought to you by, yet another ruined set of pants by way of 2mm aluminum plate of death, the word limpid • \LIM-pid\ • adjective 1 *a : marked by transparency : pellucid b : clear and simple in style 2 : absolutely serene and untroubled. And the number 4. (total pants ruined by said plates).

No stitches.........

Friday and the end of weekness

It had shaped up to be just another boring weekend at the Oasis, until my bonus checked arrived via rubberband man at work on Thursday. Since I had a bit o extra cash burning a hole in my wallet I decided that a trip to outlet/mall/wastemoneyville was in order. Friday morning I awoke to the usual alarm clock flinging that only gets the clock far enough out of my reach on it's cord tether that I had to get up and turn it off. 10am...wicked "need more coffee than usual early". I traveled to the Comic Depot in Greenville Center NY, followed by a short trip to the Wilton Mall. D was at the shop and I was able to chat for a few hours, ad the mall went swimmingly despite the chaos, and I go all of my holiday shopping finished with relatively no pain what so ever. As I was leaving the Toga, passed Lowe's... I decide to see if the Waldo was working, he was. It was the end of his shift so we ventured to have a few beers before I had to head back toward the 'dirt.

When I returned home I tried valiantly to wrap all the goodies, I'm poor at this wrapping paper stuff. SO, what would any red blooded american do faced with such a daunting task? Yup, my thoughts exactly, add 20 or so oat sodas and the process should get easier right? I now have holiday gifts balled up in lime green paper surrounded by copious amounts of packing, duct, and scotch tapes. Half the fun is watching someone when they open a gift that you've thought long and hard over, the perfect little something to brighten their day. I get to watch this in super slo-motion with a healthy sound track. (Good luck to anyone that gets into the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop in less than 20minutes.)

Saturday had me nursing a pretty healthy bout of the day afterness, but I managed to spend a shiite ton of cash at the grocery store restocking the shelves in my pantry for the inevitable Frankensteiner break down that puts my bank account in the red again. I watched the complete Lord of the Rings trilogy, and basically festered.

Sunday afternooner I was visited by Vinnie Bag O' Donuts and we powered down a turkey bird prior to me heading to work.... I'm turkeyed out, sitting infront of my computer and ready for a nap. Over all I give the weeeknd a 6 out of 10, plus 2 for running into a bunch of folks that I don't see on a regular basis. 8 out of 10 ain't half bad if you ask me. Strippers would have put it over the top, but I gave that idea the slip once I opened the first beverage.

This week should be less crazy, we'll see what's what when it gets to it.

Would you like to play...a....game?

Every thing electronic that I touched....scratch that, everything having to do with the technological inovations of man that I came in contact with this evening, sputtered and fell apart, quit, froze, made hissing noises and shot hydrolic fluid and or, generally didn't respond to the stimuli I decided to press upon them.

The main frame, went down as soon as I walked into the building, the harris system fried while I was working on the Obituary reports and page (If you have never seen a really sad/irate person, try telling someone that the obituary for their loved one that just cost them 3g's is not going to run in the paper due to a computer glitch). The Olive program shorted and replaced the last two weeks of Paper online with information from 2003. The H System eventually came back online, but that didn't deter the JazBox, or the OSX systems from following suit. Each work station I sat in, whether I touched the keyboard or just looked at the screen had a catastrophic meltdown. FX-1 our bread and butter Neg to Plate exchanger blew a hydrolic line. And the bump door "just a lil bump of light to warm up the scum onthe plate for burning"...wouldn't open and fried all the plates. The Frankensteiners radio fritzed and then came back on. I'm glad I don't wear a wrist watch on my junk...I'd be childless for ever. BBzzzzzzz no swimmers?


Half empty you ask...hell no, My fuzzy white ass is off for the weekend. Peace!!!!!!!!

Click Me (NSFW)

Weights

I've found that I'm becoming more and more predisposed to worrying too much. I grind my teeth in my sleep, fret ungodly amounts and generally take things too seriously. When the hell did that happen? I used to be pretty mellow, laid back and nothing seemed to get to me. Now not so much.

It's time to re-assess, and get back to the norm for this guy. Tommorrow I start with a fluffernutter sandwich w/grape jam for breakfast and go from there.

Of course a Holiday bonus check never hurts and the fact that the grease monkeys are paying for all the frankensteiner damage helps out as well.

VOTING ENABLED

In light of recent events, I've once again decided it might be in my best interest to search for a new vehicle. I do have the Funtruck back in my posesssion now, and other than a bit of softness in its braking ability Frank should be good to go for another run at breaking down for good.

I'm looking at a few choices and welcome the input.

Rubicon Unlimited?

Rubicon?

FJ Cruiser?

Subaru Forester?


Stick with my main man, the one that got me from A top B for the last 4yrs?
THE Frankensteiner

Obviously the steadfast factors of price and other nonsense apply.

Frosting

The truck is still impounded at the G-ville repair shop. I'm coming down with a cold (apparently the old drink enough gin to be pickled trick for killing any virus is null and void) and the frosting comes to you directly from the Workplace.
Last evening I was joking with my supervisor, and he qiuped that I would be running the show today. Har dee har har har. I chuckled knowing full well that I'm neither prepared nor and I able to do the specicif jobs in a timely and uber correct manner yet. (mostly due to the fact that the Handbook for proper operating procedures and the indexed section for trouble shooting is, well, non-existant) Official training=> nope. Learned the position while i was performing my other duties putting in extra hours for ridiculosity. I have notes scribbled on index cards and post-it notes outlining everything that the position requires. It's like I was studying for an Art History test on Cimabue, and other Early Italian Renaissance painters, only I don't give a flying fuck about the subject matter here as a Gazeteer.

I arrived at work early to check the old email and realized that the old man wasn't kidding around. Tonight is the first night that I'm ultimately responsible for the only product that the company produces. Three editions of newspaper that has a deadline of 2400 hrs. More pay to pad the wallet, not so much.... still looking for a job that follows it's job description as stated when hired you bet your ass. So this evening while running the show and paginating the paper, uploading all info to the website, and generally being a superfly TnT pissed of Mofo, I get to continue to do my other assigned responsibilities. I'll be spending free time away from the servers and 8 other systems to complete the 3hrs of editing for thecomics and puzzles that need to be done, toning photos and designing advertisements for paying customers that aren't going to get my full attention.

I've already blasted through 6hrs of overtime this week, and was notified that I have to take the time in comp hours WTF is that shiite.

Happy Holidays everyone... I'm half empty right now, and that glass needs to be filled at somepoint. Maybe it's time to test the mettle, and get some bubbling done on my dinner break.

Addendum: I've gotten word on the Frankensteiner and not only did I dodge the bullet by way of some serious stunt driving, I only got whacked for a grand worth of damage. Yeah only 1000bones worth of Screwhead making my ride a hunk of more disgruntled junk. Thanks for balancing my tires!!!

Apple a day

I ran across this picture of a 101yr old woman voting in "someplace" Russia. She actually made it on A1 of our publication. I believe for some Putin related issue or something. My first thought was she looks familiar, I believe I've seen her twin sister somewhere. SO being the super sleuth that I am I hit up the ye olde Intarwebb for a bit of help and found what I was looking for. DO NOT under any circumstances buy apples from this woman. Sweet sweet, deliciouuuuus apples, just have one bite and .........

....THAT's IT! I call Super Bullshit

I was correct with one aspect of my Friday last week....Tequila is badnews after working the night shift. Agave and eggs is just as terrible as it sounds, and smells even worse.

The Funtruck is officially set to be poked and prodded by the garage back in G-ville, at least I trust the folks up there. I think the majority of my anger stems from only a few basic points. 1.) I have 6 payments left B.) I was performing an unnecessary make the truck feel good service that ended in a three wheeler. Gamma.) Chances are that it'll be costing me an arm at least possibly a leg as well to fix the damage that the incident caused. 9'er) I can't take a nap and it won't fix itself.

If I can eventually drive the vehicle again, I'll definitely be driving it into the ground. I had considered trading it in, but now with the impending repairs I think it'll put the old guy over the edge and make it pretty damn worthless. 6 payments away.... now, if I buy a new ride, it'll be setting me back to the stone age. "I'd say why me why now? but I know better...my last visit to the dentist I didn't have to have any work done and the cogs and sprockets of the world started to slow, creating massive tidal shifts and tsunamis on the other side of the planet. Paktar the Indian goat herder just had a similar incident and his first ever visit to the dentist was a perfect bill of health (my truck fell apart) stupid goat herders with great teeth.

Friday is the first pagination day for me, so I have to get back to work and finish creating the Officially unofficial gazette handbook for pagination goodness, (I'm going to build a bridge for the next poor schmoe that comes along and is pushed to the edge)

Emotive

After a weekend of the funnyfarm in G-ville with the fam, and one evening at work I traveled to liverpool NY to help my friend McG pack up his life to move to SC.
~Throughout my life barring the time I spent in Montana, this gentleman and I haven't really lived beyond a 3 hours distance since I believe 1980. We played Little league, ran on the same cross country team, completed in both indoor and outdoor track, attended the same University (sort of), Ended up in the same Fraternity, I was the Best Man at his wedding to Miss Val, for the last few years I've been Uncle Bob to his two beautiful daughters. SC..... that's not close, and although I see a 12hr drive better as a 1 1/2hr flight... I'm saddened by the loss. This bastard is the strongest character I've EVER known. The definition of Quality Friend/Human being. I'm sure their family will be happier down in Greenville, but any "random" visits by Uncle Bob can't happen and aren't even a feasable option. Sad (check)

I wish them all the best and know that once the girls and Miss Val arrive tomorrow via air travel that everything will be right as rain and they'll no doubt grab that state by the short and curlies and make it bow down to it's new monarchs.

48hrs, 4br house, one 26ft moving truck....6hrs of sleep, truck loaded and new life on tap comin'. Standard TEP reimbursement, beers and Bar-B-Que. sweetness!

I left 'Cuse at nooner for the 2hr drive home and was hoping to catch a power nap prior to venturing into work Wed. evening. 1hr and 55minutes into my return trip, 200yds from the exit ramp, the back of my truck shimmied, I pulled onto the off ramp, and the truck had a seizure, it cavitated violently, and frightened me. (it's never frightened me before) by the time I was able to double foot the brake and hit my hazard lights I was passed by my left rear tire...(It fuckin rolled past my skidding truck) Did it see the future? or was it just in a hurry. I was in view of the toll plaza. [backstory: Last Tuesday prior to the turkey day festivities I brought the funtruck to get serviced, tires rotated, aligned, balanced, all the little non-intrusive preventative maintenance that a vehicle should need before the winter.] No more that 7hrs "driving time later" a goddamn tire fell off. Superfly TnT pissed off (check)

AAA coverage works on surface roads but state highways such as the NYS Thruway have private contractors for towing. An Hour after my "WTF" call (I was 5miles from my apartment) a wrecker showed up to flatbed my truck off the Thruway. He had to bring the vehicle to his homebase we backtracked 20miles, and he unloaded the truck. I then had to get another wrecker to travel the 20miles to pick up my truck and bring it to the F-in screwheads that warranty their stellar workmanship. Short version=4hrs later I was staring at the grease monkey that rotated my tires 7days previous. I'm not an angry man, I'm not a violent man, I'm not an irrational man. I kindly asked that they put the truck up on a lift and get their asses in gear repairing the fuck-up that they made. The lug nuts weren't torqued correctly for my truck and they supprisingly took 7hrs of driving to all pop loose in the span of 3 harrowing minutes. [aside: had I been driving 65mph when this little incident occurred, you would all have the pleasure of imagining this blog entry postmortum] barrel rolling my vehicle is far from the top 100 things I need/plan/or want to do prior to peacing out at the ripe old age of 62yrs old.] dumbfounded (check)

within 2hrs: I said so-long to my best friend, and had a brush with death. Scared w/soiled underoos(check)

They worked on my truck and had it back to me this afternoon, saying that all was good to go. "I believe'd that just about as far as I can throw my truck, and I hadn't had my bowl of gamma radiated fuckin wheaties". I don't really trust the shit this jackhole was slingin'. Their manager said something to the effect of "I've never seen that happen before, maybe "you......" I stopped being the kind, respectable, level headed, polite rational person that I am at "y". (the following conversation is an abridged version minus the chair flying in the waiting area of the Shiite hole garage. In attendence ME= yours truly, DH= the fucktard that did the work on my truck last Tuesday, and SAB=manager ShitAssBitch.)
SAB: I've never seen that happen before, maybe y.....
ME: Seriously!?..... Are you implying that I've tried to commit suicide by missing lugnut?, or did the Lugnut fairie wave her little glittery magic wand and make them dis-a-f*ck-in-pear?
SAB: It's not that I'm accusing you of...
ME: What the F are you saying then.
(DH enters) I wasn't the only person to work on your truck that visit, I'm not sure who put the truck back together
ME:???????? Explicatives galore.... Your name is on the workorder, what do you mean" not sure who put the truck back together"?
SAB: Don't get in his face
DH: I'm not sure, it could have been anyone
ME: YOUR Garage is responsible for a catastrophic bumble F*ck that could have cause my death (said with a bit of spittle that probably looked like a milk mustache or on par with a rabid 4 balled wolverine hovering over the carcass of a dead doe) And you don't know who worked on it?
SAB: Bob, it could be the bolts and lugs from your truck...they're different than a normal......
ME: We're past that friendly Bob bullshiiite. You'll address me as MR. ROBERT J. IVES.
SAB: sir, I would appreciate you calming down...
ME: Is this place a garage that works primarily on brakes and mufflers?
SAB: yes sir
ME: WTF is the first and last step of each and every brake job you complete in this dump..... hint It involves taking off and putting tires back on the fuckin cars, you mean to tell me that the apes under your employ are incapable of replacing the lugnuts of a Toyota Tacoma? It's a pretty rare automobile isn't it??
SAB: sir, calm down
DH: I know they're (the lugnuts) manufactured different
ME: WhyTF didn't you do it properly snapperhead?
SAB: Sir....
ME: IS MY VEHICLE DRIVEable?
SAB: yes
ME: Send the work order for the shit you did to my home address registered mail, the body shop I've contacted will fax you a copy of the estimate that you will be paying directly to them, separately when my home garage finishes the repairs to my truck, you'll receive a bill from them : for towing expenses, parts and labor.
SAB: we don't have to......
ME: Have a great F-in Holiday Assclown!
(Shaggy Bob gets in truck, drives to curb presses brakes and they hit the floor, )
(Shaggy Bob returns to shop)
ME: Brakes are little soft to not working~!@#%*&^$$@#!#$^@^. "EXPLICATIVES!!!!<=with 4exclamationpoints"(oh yeah, it was that ridiculous)
SAB: Bob it'll have to wait.
ME...empty that bay (points=>) and it's MR..... "Asshole" (I chuckled to myself a bit on that one)
(Shaggy Bob removes folding chair from truck and sets it up with an overwatch view of garage bay)
(SAB dumbfounded look)
ME: Get it done!
(DH gets the truck into newly emptied bay and ShaggyBob watches both DH and SAB tinker around with the now and perpetually messed up Piece of Shit I call my pride and joy the Frankensteiner)
SAB: that should do it.
ME: Registered mail asshole tommorrow afternoon..... (over shoulder) They gonna stay on this time?
(Shaggy Bob gets in truck, drives to curb presses brakes and they =>catch AND => stop the vehicle with "at least a 1/2inch to spare" before being completely pinned to the floor). Nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr F those guys.

ME (to the poor mutt looking in his rearview and or, my windshield as we drive in the same direction toward my Oasis) Man I hate fuckin lawyers, goddamn it I hate lawyers..... WTF are you lookin at? fuck you to Mr. driving the same direction as me guy... fuck you!

It took me a few hours to stop fuming. In fact, as liberating as it felt at the time I won't be completely satisfied until I can have the home garage look at the truck and fix the problems that were most likely overlooked when they rushed to get it back to me.

I fully planned on using vacation days to help Mr. McG out cuz that's what brothers do, they're there for eachother. nostalgic reverie (check)

I didn't plan on burning my last vacation day of the year and comp hours on slapnuts and his crew of wayward monkey fuckers. Disappointment (check)

Shaggy Bob's Funtruck "whatever" Cruz is again on hold. Saturday evening D, Kristi and the Lil Mac ( http://www.comicdepotllc.com/kristi/ ) are going to join me for dinner at the Oasis I can't wait. There's a possibility of a Gonzo appearance as well.

Emotive you bet... the ups and downs of life are easily mellowed to a static malaize with just a tad too much Cuervo 1800. (looks like I have my Friday morning planned too, at least until 9am that is...then maybe I'll catch a few hours of sleep). headache and upset stomach (check)

If you see a naked man that looks suspiciously like the Jesus w/tv dinner below.... running down any streets in Glenvilliski honk, say hello...... I'll wave my wangdoodle at ya.

Happy Belated 1st B-day

Jesus Tap Dancin' Christ.... I missed it. "....and other things not-so-holy" turned 1yr old on November 14th. I guess in my haste (read=> intense enthusiasm) to be the best damned employee evar at the Gazette I completely overlooked a finer, more important thing in life. That will never happen again I can tell you.

....SO! Happy Yubiwaza ....and other things not-so-holy!

Turkey Day

So here I sit munching away on leftovers with the mane flowing in the artificially heated stench that is my office space. Mmmmmm leftovers. I have enough left over goodness to dispell rumor about me chopping off the mop. Granted I'm really just looking for an excuse. I can't force myself to specifically go to a chopshop just for a trim.

I realized once again that family is family and no matter how mundane or confusing it becomes at the homestead it's fun to be there.... for a limited time. In fact, I've found that I have a threshold for the funnyfarm. I can be in close proximity to the 'rents for just over 48hrs before I get the urge to conflagrate. The first 24hrs it's novel to hear stories and get the info about random phone calls to relatives across the country. After the first 24..... and the 5th time I've heard said stories of lore, it starts wearing me down. 36hrs....I begin to get agitated at the small stuff (whoever said "don't sweat the small stuff..it's all small stuff" needs a kick in the JimmyMarbles"), and then 48hrs turn me in to pure evil. So 48hrs of parents and I was back at the Oasis with enough food for an army. Today...I'm patting myself on the shoulder as the Army of One while I take my dinner break and finish off the spoils of the pseudo-vacation. The leftovers lasted just under one day while under my care.

Hope ya'll had a great Turkeyday vaca, and were able to spend time with fam and friends... I'll be peacing out for a few more days to help the McG family venture on to a new beginning in SC. Until Wednesday.....

SHAGGY BOB's FUNTRUCK TRYPTOPHAN CRUZ

Enjoy Your time with friends and family all.

Please donate to your local homeless bell ringer when visiting a supermarket near you. "ding ding dingding ding"

For the Holiday

Looks as if I actually get a Nationally celebrated Holiday off for the first time since I've been with the current company (2yrs). I'll see that turkeyday, and raise you CHRISTMAS EVE, CHRISTMAS DAY, NEW YEARS EVE, AND NEW YEARS DAY as well as working the weekend inbetween them. ~Shagz Von Losin'Hiscool.

If there aren't enough eats for leftovers I'm shaving my head. Nothing beats a turkey dinner leftover sandwich post ThanksGiving feast'aroonie. I haven't had short hair now for about 8years so I don't want my melon to freeze. The Pic at the bottom of the page is a year old and the mop is still growing.

The only good that can come out of "No leftovers" is a Locks Of Love donation. Pray either way...the decision is set in stone.

p.s. I look like a monkey without hair.

ShaggyBob's Self-Help hints of the Moment

Should you and your body be unaccustomed to a high fiber diet, it is unadvisable to enjoy the entire contents of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios, as a breakfast/lunch/afternoon snack. The shit will literally sneak up on you and make you its bitch. Should this be the case, be sure that you pack your shoulder towel for where-ever you may be heading off to in the very near future. I'm just sayin' be prepared. That is all!

Todays Randomness

Today's Randomness is brought to you by, serious shaggybob Vampirism, the word denigrate • \DEN-ih-grayt\ • verb 1 : to attack the reputation of : defame *2 : to deny the importance or validity of : belittle, and the number 15. (equal to the number of minutes I actually saw the sun today).

Seasonal Affective Disorder... ever decide it's just too cold to venture out of bed on a winter day? Ever wonder why you've no energy, feel a bit sad all the time. Perhaps you are just like countless other people... suffering from (SAD). "I can't tell you first hand what it feels like, I'm usually too busy swimming in gin and tonic" I do think that it affects a lot of people as the times change and day light seems to wane. There are many things that you can do to pull yourself out of the funk, such as exercise, healthy diet and perhaps a new inviting hobby to take your mind off the darkenss. Me, I burn small pieces of paper in front of a golden idol I call Fred. Fred looks similar to the Indiana Jones Idol and weighs about as much as a bag of sand. I even shared my bowl of cheerios to his Freddedness

I ate breakfast today, just like I had yesturday at 4am....ahhahahah "just kidding" it was 4pm, yet looked very similar out side to the wee hours of the morning.

Happy Arrival Day

Join me in wishing Jen, Boone, and Roxy the best, they're safe and sound at the new digs down in RocketCity 'Bama.

Ah.....well?!

Looks like all you monkeys on the East Coast will have to buck up and deal. Who actually wants to move to Alaska and get paid obscene amounts of money for a job they love to do anyway?? ( you would think Denali Nat'l Forest would persuade the naysayers, but it doesn't) I want my shiat hole existance to be right here across the river from the Ghetto Schenecta'dirt... "F" the wild animals on the frontier and all their tasty glory. I bet a deer blasted in teh ADK's tastes just the same as Elk from Chugatch.

Global Warming

CAR EXHAUST AND COW FARTS DON'T PHASE ME IN THE LEAST!

Breakfast foods

I've decided that on the tail of cooking breakfast for Z an myself on Saturday that you really can't go wrong with breakfast foods. In fact I believe that everyone should decide on a whim to make a 12 egg omelette with bacon, roasted red peppers, and enough cheese to stop up an entire army of soldiers throw in some toast and grape jam and the world revolves a little smoother, hit that with roast beast hash and time stops. Granted if you cook like me, an omelette turns out to be more like scrambled eggs with shit in them. 12 eggs of scrambled with stuff in them, MMmmmmm. Left over breakfast foods, not so much, but they can be spiced up a bit if you roll the stuff in tortilla and add Frank's Original Redhot like it was it's own food group.

Today I had more breakfast, unfortunately without the added company, breakfast is just a little after most of the world finishes their lunch. It's not brunch...it's brinner in all its glory. If there were an IHOP close to my place of res. I'd be eating pancakes everyday and getting a rabbit.

Todays Randomness

Today's Randomness is brought to you by rollin out of the rack; following an awesome weekend, @ 5pm, the word peripeteia • \pair-uh-puh-TEE-uh\ • noun: a sudden or unexpected reversal of circumstances or situation especially in a literary work, and the number 15/hr.

After many, MANY empty cans, bottles, glasses, jugs, growlers, and plastic cups....it's difficult to play backgammon with three-man rules (not impossible, just difficult). Thanks for helping me remember the the finer points of getting retarded Z. Goodtimes, hope you made the journey home safe and sound. RPG Matty!

Guest appearences this weekend included Gonzo and D, thanks for rockin gentlemen. wooooooooooo!!

Good food folks and fun.....shaggy bob need sleepers, and as soon as I get myself out of work, I'm crashin' until work tommorrow evening.

Rut R'oh Raggy

Due to unfortunate circumstances, Devastatin' Dave's agent called and he won't be entertaining the happy hour crowd at the Oasis. He died tragically when his faux leather pants exploded into flames touching off a conflagration that ignited and ultimately charred him to the soul. Zip Zap Rap..... R.I.P. Fire officials expect foul play...something having to do with poor album sales and his shady record label. "It was a totally Devastatin' blow to the record industry to lose such a mogul"

In his stead, the Zman will be making an appearance approximately 8pm, after a brief moment of silence.... the drankin boots will be laced up, and it'll be a good to the last drop evening.

Surrealism revisited

Like all human beings, the bladder can only hold so much. When it's time to go, it's time to go. I ventured to the 2nd floor restroom in my place of biz to do my biz/whizz and Surrealism hit me like a sledgehammer made of jello right on the left eyebrow. 4 urinals in standard formation are located on a wall, with dividers to separate them. No one was in there, the lights were shining to their best florescent hurtfulness. I'm territorial, I generally if possible use the third urnial from the left. In my melon it's my unrinal just as much as my desk is my desk. I meandered to my urinal, what a composition. In the past there have been pens/post-its/chewed wads of gum...standard things that "well whatever", today there was a half eaten donut.
A half eaten donut resting on the Urinal top ledge, crumbs scattered over approximately 15% of the ceramic whiz receptical. Florescent lights, crumbed half eaten donut, my spot... "ever laugh out loud while you're trying to pee?" (I couldn't decide if I wanted to remove said donut, or leave it for the next bathroom break... I left it).

So... imagine. Surreal, very surreal.

Todays Randomness is brought to you by a half eaten urinal donut, the word jactitation • \jak-tuh-TAY-shun\ • noun
: a tossing to and fro or jerking and twitching of the body, and the number 15%.

Ladders and walls

art by Jenny Holzer

`One often thinks one is climbing towards a solution only to eventually discover that the ladder has been leaning against the wrong wall. Sometimes this happens because one didn't look where one was going, or receiving the wrong information, or because one addressed the situation with an invalid preconception.

~Conclusion: If you don't realize you've picked the wrong wall. Then when you've reached the top you're convinced it's the right answer.

art by Jenny Holzer

November 9th

I realized today that I'm looking at my newly added responsibilities at work in the wrong light. I've been basically bitching and moaning that I don't get paid more to be ultimately responsible for the finished product of the company. I've got it in my head that since I'm the newest member of the nightside team, they wouldn't bat an eyelash at sending a pink slip to my desk should anything go "wrong" under my watch. That's not so crazy...getting rid of me wouldn't hurt anything....they could function. I didn't get the Christmas bonus that everyone else got last year, I missed the cut off by two days. I didn't get a raise in June, yet didn't get the axe like the unfortunate 12. BUT, now that I think about it, I get a daily bonus ( Everyday, as in every single day ) for working at the G. Monetarily It works out to about a Starbucks Grande coffee or what would be a tasty good draft beer at a bar ( 1 everyweek of course). Everyday I get the extra added bonus of having the paper delivered right to my door. Yup $0.50 a day.... bonus man!, Bonus. And think of all the trees I'm killing by doing my job actually reading the paper every night as the last line of defense against the editorial oopsies. I do have to read it, in its entirety, as well as the entire online edition. [what a job]

I haven't unsubscribed...and I won't. The person that delivers my paper gets paid by the paper, the cost of plastic bags and rubber bands, come out of his or her pocket. So should I decide to cancel my subscription I'm taking food out of that persons mouth. They have a narstier shift than I do, I hear them pulling in as I lay down to finally sleep at 5-6am.... I'm the first stop on their route they'll be rollin' around dropping off papers until noon. So who am I to complain, I get a $.50 bonus everyday, and I help another soul with a terrible shift make ends meet.

MAybe I'll cover my place with all the old newsprint laying around, top to bottom, even the windows. Then I'll get my favorite spidey underwear on (only the spidey underwear) and cover myself in paint... Cadmium orange, and lead white.... sit on my couch and wait for the effects to kick in, then add color like an H.R. Puff 'N' Stuff set. Hmmmm. Thank you to the G, for the opportunity to be a performance artist, performing for my three biggest fans. Me, Myself, and I, we love performance pieces. And all for just $.50 a day. Woooo hoo!

The Owl

The Owl is gone and he's pissed, like going to go Postal pissed! "Who?" (click above for a link to Boone and Jen's post)

Free range organic

Chatted briefly with Jo on this subject, but really didn't get too indepth, foolish rant follows turn away. Turn away now.

Are free range organic eggs really any better than the store bought eggs that come in styrofoam and are marked in the Grade AA? I mean, does an egg that invariably gestated in a bird going to be any different if said bird was caged or running around in the yard? I would think that there would be more problems with busted eggs from Free Range Chickens, or would the omlette be just that much more countrified? (I dun got me a free range omlette, cock-a-doodle-doo) PETA is going to hate me here, and on a subconscious level, heck I'll just flat out say I don't care. Animals are on the planet because they taste good. Fois Gras? Drunk Ducks with enlarged livers.... or wasted water fowl who can't control how much they eat. Our country is obese, why not the ducks man, why not the ducks. (PETA, n. an organization that sends me hurtful mail, followed the next day by solicitations.... my very own PETA address labels and videos of animals getting slaughtered) Ever see a cow get slaughtered? All I can say is that it's a grueome ordeal at best, a going to turn into steak and hamburger ordeal....processed meat, all beef franks and a tri-tip roaast, gruesomeness. They use an airhammer now, kaPow. As opposed to back in the day, READ the JUNGLE By Upton Sinclair.
Here's my theory, if animals were and are so intelligent, loveable, and derned cute... evolution would have made it possble to avoid being on the menu. How is that possible? you may ask.... go grab a knife, (I'll wait) just go to the drawer/block and pick out your favorite chef knife. It feels good in your hands doesn't it?! Now, pretend you are a cow.... you can't! because that thumb of yours holding onto the knife prohibits you becoming a prey animal. Send in the VEAL biatches and have a feast, wear leather shoes, and belts, dine like a king or queen.... Lasron once said to me at a party, that 'If my dog would ask him for a bite of his hamburger'... in english, 'he'd give her the whole damned thing'" And I knew he would, but she's not going to speak english anytime soon, and opposable thumbs are way out of her league. I step on bugs, spiders and other things that crawl... exoskeletons are no match for the opposable thumb toting carnivores. A stew pot is a great place to keep a bunny. There are things I don't eat, Shark, I don't eat shark.. I also don't swim in the ocean because a shark could eat me. See how it works, Apex predators should consume whatever they like with out having to worry. Opposable thumbs and a paycheck are the only limitations. If you want to spend triple the cost for a chicken that runs around all the time bully for you, I'm going to eat the lazy one that comes from a cage.... If fact, I'll never see the cage, my chickens come in shrink wrap, on styrofoam, sometimes a couple of birds at a time, well...the parts at least.
I'm not going to bash anyone for being good to the food stuffs, but if you're going to join an organization that promotes better animal living through knowledge, ( get a bucket and climb a tree, free range milk is hard to come by) "whatcha waitin for up in that tree? "A cow to walk under me so I can jump down and milk it" good luck with the calcium intake buddy, I hear that the cows are wearing camoflage these days...if you're color blind cuz you didn't eat carrots as a child.
If you're a person that says animals that live organic have a better life, and that's why you've decided to give up on the mass produced meat, I can understand that. But you also have to think of this...It's still F-in Dead and you're eating it, it dies to be on your plate, I doubt organically raised beef is sung a lullaby, and or given a chance to run free out on the prairie when they're about to turn it into a slab o beef. "Awe, that's a good beef cattle, did you enjoy your organic oats today, look over there, a few free range cows....what do you say stud head on over an.....=>blam beef tips<=.
Organic vegetables? No matter where you get them they grew with shit, shit alone or shit mixed with dirt. I can't taste the difference between a carrot that costs $0.35, and a carrot that costs $2.55, but I can defintely see the wallet emptying. Carrot, (Ka-rot)n. orange root vegatable that grows in dirt, available at varying prices, yet strangely similar all around when it comes to nutritional value. ( the only difference I see in the market with organic veggies is the faux dirt, that's what you're paying for.

Point less rant, finished. I'm going to go get a soy latte, with organic cinnamon, in a biodegradable, recycled cup, head home to my chemical free domicile, light up a bees wax candle put on my hemp pajama pants and read a book that was printed on flax.

OK OK...I lied.

In 12hrs I will have finished laundry day: washing my superman and spiderman under-oos and prepping the Oasis. Boone and Jen are rockin out for a celebratory kiss my ass NY, Kiss it until you can't breathe function. Something tells me we're going to have some happy hour fun at Schenecta'dirts expense, "burn it, buuuurln ete tu the grouuunund".
It's Jen's last day working for "the man", man, at "the Man's diggs", and stuff. This might be the last hoorah, before they venture down to plantationville, and start up an S&M biz in 'Bama whoopin ass with their Bible-Belts and unleashing the featherduster sportin Reeses Organ-Grinder monkey named Butch on unsuspecting neighbors.....

dark funky moods

I'm taking the week off. Not from work..like a vacation or anything, just taking a week to prioritize some shiat that has been boggling my mind for the last few weeks. Be back on the 8th of November, with a lame post about being back to post again.