Another Year

I can't quite say that another year just went down the terlet, but I really didn't accomplish much in 2008. I had the opportunity to celebrate weddings with freinds and family. Made it to many different venues to golf it up in my disdainfully pathetic way. Rocked a few gatherings at the Oasis and around New England. I welcomed a new bio nephew "Tanis", and a new nephew via DK Lil Mac & "Ollie".

Tonight I get to sit at the office while a party rages 1:45min away until I get the green light to hit the road. It'll be a perfect send off to ring in the new one albeit a few hours late when I arrive.

Then the bullshit resolutions rear their ugly heads on the 'morrow. I haven't exactly sat down to contemplate what I may be interested in sacrificing, or doing to better my existance on the planet but there are a few things I have in mind.

So I fester at the office, ready to pick up the slack of my life starting at 1am or 1:30, or 2am, or............

Happy New Year to all. I hope and trust that you'll all be spending the evening with family and friends. Monstu I'll give you a call when the New Year hits the Left Coast.

AMPed

Sleep is not over-rated.

It's back to normal for this guy. After a few loads of laundry and one more evening of papery goodness tomorrow, it's off to Val and Vinnie's place in CT to be a lazy beast for a few days. I'll be lounging on couches and tending to the ever present pint glass in my hand trying my best to keep'er from hitting the empty point. If I fail in that task the down side is only a slight perfect pour away. There are just too many games to be played and too few hours to take it all in.

ShaggyBob's Manifest Boozery takes flight NYE at 12:30am for the short trek to the homestead basher.

Shaggybob's Dance of holy moronity

I'm the guy in the corner at the highschool dance making eyes at your date and she wants me more than you. In my head.

Step 1: Give up coffee for a month
Step 1 1/2: Wait an extra day
Step 2: Wake up 5hours prior to your regular wake up time
Step 3: Have 2 cups of coffee
Step 4: travel to DK LilMAc & Ollie's. Hide-n-seek, bounce house, play-dough, and funtimes
Step5: Chillax for hours.
Step 6: Roll to the Parting Glass, eat, drink and be merry. Leave w/ entree' in take out box.
Step 7: Cancel work for an hour
Step 8: Pints
Step 9: Pints
Step 10: Pay tab
Step 11: Next Venue
Step 12: Pints
Step 13: Pints
Step 14: Pints
Step 15: Whiz
Step 16: Cancel Work for another hour
Step 17: Pints
Step 18: Red Bull and 7up
Step 19: Contemplate canceling work for the evening, settle on another hour
Step 20: Red Bull and 7up
Step 21: Say Farewell, stop at Dunkin Donuts and coffee it up
Step 22: Roll to work jittery from redbull and coffee
Step 23: cut self on plate
Step 24: band aide
Step 25: Coffee it up
Step 26: Eat take out from Parting Glass
Step 27: 3 Coffee sludges from vending machine
Step 28: See the matrix
Step 29: ............................... where are my pants?

Todays Randomness

Today's randomness is brought to you by possibilities, the word videlicet • \vuh-DEH-luh-set\ • adverb : that is to say : namely and the number 8,675,309.

It IS, in fact, possible to put too much garlic and basil on a pasta dish. And I AM, paying for it dearly. Normally I have a goto guy when it comes to making a quick meal. That guy is Stouffer's. They have a multitude of diffferent dishes that can quell the grumbles and, up until this point, seemed to have an exceptable gambit in the realm of taste. I hereby denounce the false avertising and general blah WTF of Stouffers chicken rigitonni basil brick Garlic dump frozen dinner. It may cook in 10minutes for the famished at heart, but I wouldn't wish the overload of garlic and basil on an emaciated african hunting dog that was just ousted from its pack. Letting the poor wretched beast die in the baking savannah to be feasted upon by vultures would be more humane. I'd rather dine on dirty gym socks.

Wound Up

He's jittery, unfocused, racing...... has no attention span, worries about stuff that shouldn't be bothersome, flighty, missing in action a lot of the time, He's himself and no one can fault him for it. Although when you're running an extensive campaign with a deadline specific time frame, these qualities really aren't that desireable. If it takes 1:15min to tap the mouse three times to change a BW cartoon to a bitmap image which is infinitely more printable given that you're using a flexo printing press... prehaps you may not be in the correct line of work. His name is B rhymes with Phil and I got to work with him the past two evenings, of course given that they aren't my normally scheduled days I was a bit mift that I had to be here anyway. Neurotic man added to my frustration. Not only that but, while he was running around being a space cadet he also had the opportunity to finish up some graphic design projects for Thursday and Friday this coming week. (wouldn't you know it...he left 6 live ads in the stacks untouched, all of which I got to roll into work early today to finish)

Now I'm Jittery, unfocused, racing.........have no attention span, and worry about things that have little or not intrinsic value, trivial shit that can be finished in due time and with minimal effort. I'm heated only because I had to work the weekend and also join the staff here at the Gaz early today. F-that!

"I don't need this kinda abuse from YOU!, I gots thousands of people waiting to abuse me"

Half way through the holding pattern at the office for the vacation monkeys and only 4 days to go before I get me a day off. Tomorrow Boone is rollin to the Oasis and I'm going to rip a few tini's and choke down some sort of lunchtime food prior to rolling back here for a round of plate make'n/photo tone'n/ad design'n tomfoolery.

-Monday morning off to DK LilMac & Ollie's to meet up with the Curns and fam.
-Tuesday Kletus gets an oil change.
-Wednesday is laundry day in prep for the venture to Vinnie Bag'O Donuts' NYE Bash in CT. ETA 1 or 2am NYE goodtimes.

The Manifest Boozery is bringing boots and pencils. (.....and taking names boys and girls, kicking ass AND taking names) Last one awake gets a dropkick.

Just a friendly reminder

Lace'em up, and roll.

Boring day in the 'Dirt, Mommy Card or Transformers?

What is one to do when faced with a boring day flying solo on Christmas, less sleep than normal, and the prospect of working all night on a holiday? Thanks for asking.. I decided today to punish myself by heading to the local Wallyworld to purchase a few items for the NYE Bash and check out the natives redeeming gift cards while generally getting out of control, boisterous, evil and dastardly toward accompanying family members and strangers alike.

I personally don't have any kids (that I know about) and it lightens my heart to see the loving interactions between parent and child in a social setting. When I was a wee lad, a directed whisper in my ear of impending doom should I keep behaving like a monsterous little urchin was enough to calm me down. ( I never liked the fact that a superb beating was at any moment hanging above my head should I act out like a little mutt) But the almost silent grrrrowl that my folks were able to convey was plenty enough to stop me in my tracks. Apparently from my wanderings today, that's not always the case.

A 4yr old boy (I'm guessing) was in the middle of tantrum whilst his mom-dukes was searching for a perfectly scented candle for some home decorative need. Tantrum Boy was literally throwing himself around, hanging off his moms and knocking shit off shelves. [I was watching without even the slightest hint of trying to disguise myself as a shopper, I knew this was going to be classic]. My mind shot back to the old days when I would have acted in such a manner. Unfortunately his moms didn't use any subtlty at all in the matter. Here's a play by play.

~(Son is hanging off mom's pant leg screaming something about transformers, or popcorn, maybe even quantum physics it's basically unintelligible)

~Mom looks sternly at son, not saying a word, slaps the eyebrow off the left side of his dome and pushes the son into the lower shelf of candles spilling solidified wax to roll around the open aisle...

~Son, stunned- slugs mom in the crotchal region and runs away. Mom [ninja like, whip quick] slings a foot out, son Pete Rose's his way to a complete stop. Mom lifts son by invisible magic and levitates him in the air, tries to knock the other eyebrow off.

~Dad approaches, chastizes mom, looks at wailing bawling son, whispers in his ear..... Son => instantaneously placid and well behaved. Dad fakes a shot at Mom's eyebrow. All three motor toward the exit sans candle for home decorative need.

Maybe Dad told his son that if he didn't behave he was going to take away his old lady's Mommy Card? Or perhaps he said that the quantum physics of a transformer made of popcorn was entirely plausable?

I'm glad that my folks were well adjusted and had the voice rather than a heavy open hand. I dig my eyebrows and not having one would really have put a damper on my life growing up.

Self Respecting behaviors

You may have at one point thought that there are many different levels of self respect. I agree, and there are things that I just won't do, or things that, if I forget to do them then I may have a problem with my self respect.

Should you at this point on a whim think that drinking 2 pints of straight up gin sitting on your couch in your boxer shorts, with one ball hanging out, eating chocolate icecream and SlimJims, while wearing a halloween mask is one of those little things that throw me over the edge you would be completely wrong. I don't have problem with that at all, in fact that's what I'm doing when I get back home from the office tonight..... Just to celebrate the Christmas Holiday.

The thing that got me today was a simple interaction at a local Stewarts Shop, I had just purchased some serious munchy food for the long haul here in the Gaz Tech center and was puttering toward the door to head into work. I was a bit late in motivating today so I was in a bit of a hurry and launched out the door toward the Jeep. While throwing myself headlong toward the vehicle I rushed past a lady on the way in. Well, kinda... In my haste to exit I didn't hold the door for the lady and it basically rapped her between the eyes. When I got to the driver seat I thought back those o few seconds ago and kicked myself in the ass for it. (-1) self respect point for not holding the door.

I guess it's the little things, maybe I'll console myself by spreading chocolate icecream on my eyebrows and making chicken noises until my neighbors wake up. Merry Christmas buck.... buck..... buck, buckaaaaaaaAAAAAAK!

Back to the Grind and uber Grinchful

Back at work for the extended haul(this time only 9days beginning ...NOW). I'm sitting in the office making the best of my holiday eve. My Super is imbibing some Martoonie for his eventual berth here at the place of biz. I can't blame him.... where else could you have a few toddies and still accomplish making the news happen for the greater capital district. If I wasn't paginating And making plates, I would have tied one on earlier in the afternoon to pre-emptively celebrate the birth of the lil jeebus guy.

Oh yeah, I hope that everyone not in my chair has a great Christmas Eve and eventually a spectacular Christmas day if that's what you choose to participate in tommorrow. If not, Happy Holidays anyway. I hope and trust that you'll all be spending quality time with your family and friends.

After my shift this evening, I'll be sitting down with my buddy Balvenie 17 and having a chat, a three finger salud with one icecube.

16inches of snow on Kletus means that instead of making the venture to Toga-town to hang with DK LilMac & Ollie. I'm stuck at the funny farm for one more evening. It has just elapsed the 48hr rule for hanging with the folks and the mind is starting to wonder as to how I may be able to leave once it stops snowing for a late night sojourn back to the Oasis. It's kinda like the years I spent working for the Arts Center, living with the fam, pining to get the "F" out of dodge. I love'em and all, but there's only so much before I start to go bat shiat crazy being cooped up with them.

Snow Storm

Ever want to carry a baseball bat in your vehicle for emergency confrontations? Ever think that a putter would make a great whackin stick? Ever have the opportunity to park your vehicle and walk to the first car of a 10 car line at a traffic light to ask if pole position needs a push or a tow? just to realize that they're a shitbag scared to go at a green light. Returning back ten cars to your own again to see that the damn line hasn't moved? A light dusting of snow was floating from the sky, the traffic signals were working spot-on. (insert sarcasm now=>)Hell it wasn't like we were all waiting for el numero uno, to drive out of the turning lane when the green arrow appeared {the electric device not the comic book hero} We weren't in a white out of sno-globe proportions. His car wasn't busted. I got the same feeling that everyone else had. Eventually I merged into an adjacent lane and flipped him the bird as I passed laying on my horn like it was god's buzzer to end this man's run in the final four of life. Kletus has a wimpy horn, but it sure sounded like a fog horn thanks to the semi behind me, he even took the time to swerve a bit toward Asshat Mc NogasPedal.

That was the beginning of my day at 11am. It only got better from there.

Cousin Kletus

Kletus is back in my posession. The work took less time than I expected. The service persons that worked on the jeep were more that pleasant when I spoke to them about the eventuality of bringing a flamethrower into their establishment should this clusterf*ck happen again. They've replaced all the fried wires, melted fuses and the computer system complete with upgrades so that the "death stall" (Jeep forum and jeepers who own my model of vehicle have lovingly given it a name) won't occur in the future. I'm glad that Pinto was riding shotgun and I'm also glad that I wasn't in the middle lane of a freeway without the option of rolling to a stop on the shoulder due to lack of steering. Had I been driving 70mph and caught in the stall there would have been no avoiding a possible collision from behind while flatlined in center of the highway.

I've officially seen my "new" vehicle on a flatbed, not once but twice in three days. It brings back fond memories of the Frankensteiner which in its own rite was on a flatbed every 2 or 3 months when and if it wasn't at the shop for some other reason.

The Holiday season is officially not cancelled. I can move toward places of business that will afford me the option of purchasing gifts for my family and friends. Rather than sitting on my couch waiting for the jeep. I'm celebrating the holiday with my family on Saturday and then rolling to Toga on Sunday to wish a Super Stellar Happy B-day to the Lil Mac. Thursday this week is a paycheck received and immediately out the window day for me. Holiday party at the orafice with co-workers and then a quick shot to the north for the fam. I have 6days off until my return to work and will at that point be sitting here at the computer bank until NYE when I make the jaunt to Vinnie Bag O'Donuts' house for a weekend of being a chillin villian.

Service

I mentioned to the Service personel at the dealership that I was in fact just south of happy. While I was on the phone with the guy; whom seemed rather helpful since his jeep had a similar problem, they dispatched a flatbed to my apartment to retrieve the paperweight. The service guy told me to look out my window for the truck and the driver was already getting the chains ready. That was a pleasant suprise.

After looking at the vehicle (It started just fine when they took it off the wrecker, but shorted out when they got it into the garage) my onboard computer seems to have a glitch, that shorted the "go factor" out of the vehicle proper,and melted it to the roadside somewhere between where I lost power and coasted to a stop. They also said it would be ready to pick up tommorrow afternoon. I trust that about as far as I can throw my jeep.

I thought I had gotten away from the car problems when I said goodbye to the frankensteiner. Perhaps it would have been smarter to pocket the 20G's and drive the old truck into the ground.

I can say that it was a great idea to extend the warranty, a free fix is a free fix

Nerrrr

My Jeep looks rather stately on the back of a flatbed truck, hitching a ride on a frigid Saturday evening. The 2 1/2hr wait out in the cold for the tow guy to show up was a bit much. I like to take solace in the fact that I am the proud owner of a 2 and a half ton $30,000 fuckin paperweight. I'm going out on a limb here....that's just about awesome. I've made three payments all of which I could take the receipts from and place under a tire so they won't blow away in the wind.

When a dealership sells a customer a particular vehicle, one would assume that while driving down the street that the entire electrical system won't shut down, the steering wheel won't lock up, the engine will not flatline, the starter won't fry, and you won't have to wait in the cold for a grease monkey to bail you out of a jam with flashing yellow lights on.

I'm officially south of happy about the whole situation. Someone is getting lit on Fire, bright and early Monday Morning.

Shaggybob's Dance of holy moronity

After the last post here's a little update. What should one do after such a great afternoon of dumb? I'm workin' it baby, I'm dancin' tonight!

I'm making plates this evening for the Gaz, a dance that I've done for the last three years. The dance floor is a confined space that limits the movements to a stutter of steps. The choreography involves some 39 different shuffles, steps and turns that are the epitomy of efficient. I stand between two machines, one droning the sounds of the beat behind me and the other baking my junk with ultraviolet light needed to perform the functions of burning negatives onto the plates. Had I done this particular waltz naked for the last three years my bits would be tanned a nice shade of Kalahari brown. It's not the routine that bothers me, rote rehearsal and repetition are good at times. I can loose myself in my own mind and the evening flies by. I've performed the steps no less that 60times already this evening. What's eating at me is this.

While I was changing from my "out in" public clothes to my work duds I noticed a minor hole in the heal of my sock. I wasn't planning on going home tonight with a fare little creature so no harm no foul.( I wouldn't be breaking any first night rules by clothing malcontent). It was just a bit of a hole, nothing to write about. Although throughout my recital this evening I started to border on breaking a rule of life I set for myself when 18. There are 4 rules:

1. Always look good (even if it's a self inflected good)
2. Never wear quitter socks
3. Banana chips go with everything (and they do, damn it)
4. Never grow up until you stop making smiley faces with ketchup and mustard on your hamburgers. (No chance of that happening soon, I'm a friggin artist)

The last repetition of my cyclic maneuvers left a sock screaming to drop, in fact I felt the fabric of sockdom letting go to the powers of the universe, so much so that I now am wearing an ankle gaitor and the bottom portion of my sock is gently and very noticably balled up in the toe of my boot. Borderline quitter, half a quitter, the gaitor is still hugging my calf and not sliding. I imagine it as a modern day version of a Roman Greave. I'm torn. My sock is torn. Theres torning everywhich way from torn.

I could return home to change the malfunction seeing as my round trip commute is only 10 miles (a week). But I'm tempted to just deal, to modify my dance routine to compensate for holy sock ball. It feels kinda weird, but not bad per say. I'm contemplating just brewing sweaty foot and after stewing it for another 7hrs unleash holy hell back at home.

Welcome to my mind, come for the foolish, stay for the idiocy, and leave feeling just a bit retarded.

I'm a maaaaaaaaniac....... maaaaaaaaaaniac on the floor, And I dance like I've never danced before!?

What's Better?

What's better:

A piece of toast with half melted butter or totally melted butter?

An icecream cone or an icecream sundae?

Bath or Shower?

A plate of Sashimi or a Blackened Tuna-steak?

Miniature Golf or a Round of 18?

Tea or Coffee?

A sit down meeting/luncheon with the entire Ad Services Department at a local restaurant for a free meal and a presentation that basically tells you that you will never be in the running for a contest to design spec ads for the company at a substantial prize per ad ( knowing that you've been relegated to reports and outputting as well as editing the paper as a whole instead of what you'd been hired for), the full page ads raking in $40 per, or the 6 martinis you drink with the night-crew after all the friggin mucky mucks leave said establishment washed down with a few beers?

Me: I'll take the latter in every instance. Hapi THrrrrrrsdeeee evra bodeh! (hic)

Just a thought

http://www.meltbarandgrilled.com/

Any of you rich engineering types that I know out on yonder intarwebb want to open a fuckin resturaunt. Because I'm not going to lie....a place like this in Boston or the Greater Capital Region / Saratoga Springs NY would make a killing. I know, I know you're asking yourself "who could we possibly get that can cook grilled cheese and sling beers at patrons?" Think a little harder, just a bit harder... there it's easy isn't it, EVERYBODY!

I'm willnig to throw my entire life saving behind just such a business venture, which means that we're already $4.57 on our way. That's a loaf of bread, a spool of goat cheese and a stick of butter already rarin to go.

If only it could happen and then transplant itself to the physical structure of the Rondevous Resturaunt in San Pedro... life would get a bunch sunnier. I'd even forgoe the hotdog cart if a dog /w frisbee were included to sweet'in the deal.

I'm just sayin

Curling Tournament

This weekend promises to be a healthy diversion from the same old some old. On Friday and Saturday I'll be joined at my place by a few old fraternity mutts and we'll venture to the Schenectady Curling Club to partake in the joyess event. Cheering and imbibing in the company of more than enough strangers and a couple of long time friends that will be participating in the Tourney. Toolio's first draw is Friday at 230pm. I'll catch the game then roll to the Oasis to welcome in the Friday night guests Pinto and Conner, hit happyhour and head back to the club to catch Gonzo and few more games in addition to extracurricular activities. Saturday it looks like Vinny and Z may make the journey to the 'Dirt and I'll chill for the morning and early afternooner waiting for their arrival to again make way to the club to get the cheering squad up and running again. Post Saturdays matches I assume that the drinking boots wil have to be laced up tightly and the debauchery begins in earnest.

It's a welcome change to the never ending cycle of waking at 3pm heading to the office and then bedding down again at 7am. I'm hoping that I can rise early enough to get in a few hours of chillin before the regular day begins. I'm not too sure what should be on the menu at this weekend's edition of Bob's Cookin Show. Something tasty no doubt but I think it'll end up being more of an Iron Chef deal when I finally make it to the supermarket. Empty cart and hungry belly always inspire the best in the realm of what to cook for a bunch of famished drunken asshats. "Whatcha making Shaggybob?" "Chips and Dip, a 10lb Ham, coffee grounds, a pancake to split between ya, and an under cooked bottle of Merlot, now get off my bridge."

Just as a reminder:

PSA

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Please for the love of god, never, never ever get your stroopwafels caught in a oliebollen. The resulting emotive response is one that you'll never forget. Be warned people stroopwafel and oliebollen!

Bestest invention ever

Todays Randomness is brought to you by, Wendy's paper pepper take out mini shakers, the word umami • \oo-MAH-mee\ • noun : a taste sensation that is meaty or savory and is produced by several amino acids and nucleotides (as glutamate and aspartate), and the number Pi.

Trainwreck Bitches

Next days off

The next few days I have off are comnig in a slow and prodigious manner. Given that I know that I'll be in the office until a week from tommorrow. At that point a few mutts are going to be rolling to the 'Dirt for a Curling Tourney at the Schenectady Curling Club. I plan on opening my door to anyone who may be attending the event and or just plain old going to watch grown people slip and slide around on sheets of ice pushing 40lb perfectly shaped rocks. The bar is cheap, and I plan on hitting a few watering holes prior to attending the event proper to get my curling spirit roused. SWEeeeeeeeeeP, HHhhaaaaaarrrhd, Whoooooaa, Let'er be! Shot "%&$#@*&%" Rock.

Tonight at the old orafice I get to play two. That being Paginator/Editor/Online Outputerer and Plate Making Guru. It's usually a two person job, and sometimes during the holiday season... like, say for instance, NOW, it's a three person gig. I'm going to let out an explosive round of sarcasm here, cover your nose. "I can't wait, I'm looking forward to it, seriously."

Back to it tomorrow. bring on the 10hr days, and no weekends. WOoooooooo!

Whatcha gonna do?

SO, I was suprised to hear that my schedule was mysteriously changed once again just after Turkey day. I don't have to be at the office again until Wednesday. It basically threw me into a 6 day vacation with no plans and nothing to do. Friday evening Jen A. and Toffee stopped at my place. Saturday I slept until 7pm. Sunday I returned to the parents place and have been festering since. I'll be here until Wednesday Morning when I return to work in Schenecta-dirt. Then it's 10 days of work, 3 off and 10 days of work.

Today it's a resume day.I'm re-tooling my wears to send off to perspective venues with hopes of finding a more stable work environment. I'm safe until Jan 1st. at which point I know there are more lay offs coming and I'm the only one in my department that is available to get the axe unless a supervisor takes the hit. (I seriously doubt that will happen)

I'm still waking up at the grand old early time of 2pm most days...and it really is sucking the life out of me. It's pretty difficult to change your sleeping pattern I'm found.

Give Thanks

It's Turkey Day here in the Good Ole US of A. Give thanks and enjoy family for the holiday. Thanks to the Second Amendment, the deep dark woods, or perhaps an over stocked barn with fattened fowl that are mechanically dispatched. Enjoy the heavy dose of tryptophan.

regeneration

The restorative powers of the human body are quite amazing. Without stitches, I can sucessfully go about my business with a simple cross over tourniquet of band-aids to keep the slashed wound on my finger from opening up again. If you've never had the opportunity to use Skin Shield ( a liquid multipurpose bandaid liquid type thing) I suggest that you get some. Other than the initial stinging pain that will bring tears to your eyes it's quite the handy stuff to have. And it's water proof. It's not as effective as superglue, and it clearly states on the bottle that it shouldn't be used for gaping wounds and more for nicks scrapes and minor cuts. It'll retard the initial scarring process and won't allow air to get to the boo-boo, but it keeps you from having to soak clothing in cold water to get the blood out. A bonus for any stupid clutz to have in the medicine cabinet, road side kit, camping first aid kit, party in a vest, and anyother place that one might feel compelled to put it to good use. Like, Say a glove box in your Jeep.

Todays Randomness is brought to you by Skin Shield, the word genius • \JEEN-yus\ • noun *1 : a single strongly marked capacity or aptitude 2 : extraordinary intellectual power especially as manifested in creative activity 3 : a person endowed with transcendent mental superiority; especially : a person with a very high IQ, and the number 1.25".

Like a first kiss

Out on a date, your wedding, or what have you... the first kiss. You remember it, no matter how many first kisses you've had you can remember each and everyone. Nostalgia tends to take you back to the exact moment and you get lost in the moment again. Unless of course it was a sloppy nasty I can't believe that just happened kiss in a club with some sasquatch of a wookie. You still remember though....

I have a love hate relationship with the printing plates at work mostly hate, and every-so-often I get a little nick, scratch or a gaping wound that needs stitches. It's the latter that are like a first kiss I remember them all. I got kissed again not 15minutes ago.

This brings the 3yr battle/war/on-going struggle/game/match/contest a little closer but not to the point of the plates catching up that much:

The Score: Plates 9 ______ Shaggybob 46,822 (guesstimated, using the law of averages and stuff)

I remember the 9 distinctly, infact I've ruined clothing, bloodied the floor, cursed under my breath, swore out loud, and generally became a blastpheming mother hating F-bomb of an individual. My kiss tonight was on my right index finger, straight across perpendicularly and to the bone, between the first knuckle and back of my hand. A laceration over an inch long and only wide enough to squirt out hemo attempting to thoroughly saturate the equivalent of 17 paper towels. I won't be using my index finger for a couple of weeks. It's definitely going to leave a nice scar.

A scar which will someday lead me to converse with a little lady and get me a first kiss; If she digs scars, in which case I'll show her the others and it'll lead to something more lucrative. (wink wink nudge nudge nothing to see here).

I'm surfin my couch for the next two days, shoot me a ring if you get bored. I'll be "nursing my wound" with some Tangueray.

Shagz VonCaption Contest

I toned this photo for the paper tommorrow and thought it was missing something. "?Lil Help?"

Made the cut, so far.....

Once again, the utility player of the Gaz made the cut for the round of layoffs. I still work the night shift until something better comes along. Hopefully within the next few months.

Hhhhmmmm

Available Assistant Museum Registrar position at a local venue. Don't mind if I do........(<=throws a paper airplane resume via email).

Winter

I know when winter is here simple by the fact that I can go outside and not realize that my nose is dripping mucous down into my goatee. Only noticing that the liquid is visibly noticable when I get a sideways glance from a passing stranger. Sniffle sniffle wipe repeat. It's sore nose weather. I've seen little kids with snot bubbles, and drippy noses, when you're 33 it may be a bit socially unacceptable.(Unless of course you run onto a crazy hot little betty that has a fetish for snotty faced men who don't see the light of day, then perhaps not....er, um perhaps snot)

It looks like the holiday season is once again going to be a strain here at the Gaz. There are rumors floating around that another round of layoffs are imminent. I feel secure knowing that I'm only 1 of 3 people that do what I do on a regular basis (the other 2 are Union), but the supervisors are asking others to learn my position in a limited aspect under the guise that ""should "I" not be available, or take a sick day they can step in with minimal stress to cover"". [Could they conceivably get rid of a person that is ultimately responsible for the output and upload of the company's only product 39% of their fiscal year?] Miss Kate recently fell victim to the supervisor's hatchet (her position was inifinitely more important) and many others throughout the country are on the block. It seems strange to me that the pre-holidays would be the best time to lay people off from a company's stand-point. I guess that's just because I don't play in the corporate card game. I can say that there will be a mushroom cloud should I be the next victim. It will mean that I've wasted the last three years of my life working nights and missing out on a normal life just to pay bills foregoing a personal life to make ends meet. Nervousness at work for the 3rd time in 16months isn't a good.

Todays Randomness is brought to you by: My ass firmly planted in front of a bank of 10 computers, the word battue • \bat-TOO\ • noun : the beating of woods and bushes to flush game; also : a hunt in which this procedure is used, and the number 122508.

NYE w/ Miss Val and Vinnie

I got nuthin'

Nothing to post here move along.

Spent time with the bro, sis, and nephew on Friday...
...worked last evening. Although I thoroughly enjoy working the vampire shift, being ultimately responsible for the only product the company produces with respect to specific deadlines and uber correctness, there are a myriad of other things that I could imagine would be infinitely more pleasurable than doing just that on a non-scheduled night, more specifically a Saturday night. I guess that's the way it works though. Co-workers that have amassed 14weeks of vacation between them like to have their holiday seasons to use said vacation. I work around using the 2weeks I get pretty easily. Since the holidays are upon us, I now don't really have my regular schedule. I get shifted back and forth to cover the time that the others are away. SO, my irregular regular hours are now, whenever they need me regardless of week day or weekend, and anytime between 4pm and 5am. Most shifts are 10hrs but the eventuality of a problem arising and having to stay later than penciled in is always a looming threat. ( I can dig it, it'll allow me to take that random F-in Wednesday evening off sometime, cuz I haven't had a Wednesday evening off in 3yrs ) I always missed that random Wednesday, Wednesdays rock, not that anyone will be around, and I'll probably sit on my couch catatonically staring at the walls, but hey it's Wednesday riiiight? I'll gladly trade a Wednesday for a Saturday.... seriously LOOK AT ME, I LOVE IT!

Exuding sarcasm like a heavy stinking sweat

Naps

What it the technical definition of a nap?

I question this because today was a gloomy day, and when I awoke at nooner and laid there for 30 or so minutes contemplating the daily grind I decided that it would be a good time to take a nap and closed my eyes. 2 hrs later I started my day.

So I guess it could be called "still sleeping", but I was awake for a bit before deciding to close my eyes again.?

I'll just go with it was a nap. That way I won't feel like the worthless lump of a human being that I've lately become.

Dread

.... I don't care if you have Soy Milk, and Organic veggies, nor do I pretend to understand the vehemance with which you preach. I stand behind you and your stinky dreaded hair waiting patiently for the divider to get to the cashier so that I can pay for my food. I shop within my budget and after a thorough washing the red bell pepper I have is no different that the one you have, other than the fact that my chemically coated vetetable looks 40times healthier than your wrinkled, shrivled, haggard, looking excuse for a pepper. Asking if "I'm really gonna eat that" whilst looking at my Nature Valley Granola bars will only prompt a return inquisition about the uber processed ho-ho's you have in your selected food stuffs for the day. Not only that but you might get a snide retort such as ""No not at all, I was planning on hot gluing them to a mirror, then mounting the mirror in a frame hanging it on my wall and calling it "WTF Do You Think" It's on the friggin conveyor belt and I consciously made the decision to EAT them in the aisle back there." (?why must price checks ache so long?) Oh nevermind it was the organic single quince that dreadhead beatch purchased to suppliment her Ho-ho intake. Thanks for the chat the cashier is giggling at your preaching, then making comments behind your back as you leave the store prompting a little giggle of my own.

Why is food so important for others to comment on in passing. (It rarely will initiate a coversation if that's what you're looking for). A Guy I work with has been commenting thusly everyday since I started at the Gaz. He is even bold enough to refer to a "full on, all the trimmings, turkey dinner" as snacks. "Oooooh nice snacks you have there" [It's a turkey dinner fool] Snacks you pop in the microwave to heat from their frozen goodness to edible. A turkey "dinner" takes no less than 3hrs to prepare. Even if said turkey dinner is in tupperware for transport, there's no need to label it with an inferior title. I don't comment on this guys perpensity to dress like a reject from the preppy days of 1982 with draped pink sweater and yellow socks. Leave my turkey alone.

If you eat solely organic good, if you stuff your face with processed foods good, if you balance the two good good for you. Just don't stand on your soap box in the check out lane. I'm pretty sure someone that you're yiping at won't completely change their mind and return all the food that they were just going to purchase due to your enlightenemnt. [Although, given the situation happen to me again, I'll sequester the smart/healthy eater to accompany me around the store for a few hours telling me about all the benefits of their particular lifestyle and purchase all the food they suggest + NuttyBars and Ring-Dings and a single quince]


"Nothin' says healthy livin' like Hostess Ho-hos"

Lil Help

Dear US Gov't,

My name is ShaggyBob and due to the economic down turn forced upon me by the state of affairs on Wall Street, I respectfully request that you send/give me $3.5 Billion dollars. If you look at my past records with regard to spending you will see that I have never spent more than $300 in one place at one time without applying for credit, I squirrel away as much as I can under pillows and mattresses, in coffee cans and freezer bags. As a valuable asset to the freedom of the American people I need your support Thus my request should warrant your utmost attention. I will wait patiently by my mailbox and sign the required paperwork when the check arrives. Please send said moneys via registered mail. You know where to find me, if not just ask one of my lenders or utility companies ( they can get a bill to arrive 35seconds after it is printed, even if they are half way around the friggin world).

Thankyou for the $3.5 Billion in advanced.

Repectfully,
ShaggyBob

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time

I cook quite a bit and don't usually have much trouble cleaning up after myself. I may cook a bit too hot most of the time. (Z knows that I just like eating good food in a quicker manner than letting anything simmer) I do however have a problem with one particular food item when it comes to the mess. Peanut Butter. Whilst making a simple PB&J sandwich I some how manage...I kid you not....to get peanut butter everywhere. The balcony railing, my TV, an elbow, an eyebrow, pants, shirt, rug, toilet seat, fridge door, pillow case, jeep steering wheel, inside a shoe. No place is safe. I don't know how it happens, and I don't know why. But I do know that I hate finding said peanut butter in all the different places. I can make a conscious effort trying not to get it everywhere and I fail miserably everytime. Today was no different. I hope that the folks at National Grid enjoy the personal check for electricity consumption with the added downhome feel of a bit of peanut butter on the payment. It's peanut butter jelly time!

Halloween Costumes from the Oasis

Thankyou for the pics Elisa.

Suprisingly my chin still hurts from when I tried to KO myself doing the worm on a cement floor at Spanky's Lounge. Fractured...but only a hairline. I'm sure in 4-6weeks I'll be right as rain.

Not exactly

Not exactly how I had planned the weekend to go, but it was uber fun just the same.

Friday afternoon after spending 5hrs undecidedly in a bookstore I thought I wanted to cook. Cinnamon Apple stuffing rolled to perfection in a hammered flat pork sheet. Or I guess you could call it a stuffed pork loin. I made the food knowing that I was going to share a meal in Toga-town with DK Lil Mac & Ollie. As tempting as it was to scarf it all down I stuck to my guns and headed to the Lighthouse.

The win a free membership to the mugclub situation quickly deteriorated. 120 stainless steel intricately designed steins....2yr waiting list to join in the fun. Conner and I were a bit dumbfounded. So what's a guy to do.... "to hell with mugs of beer" I said and washed a tasty meal down with a face full of martinis. Met a little Betty, her name was Betty, a professor at Skidmore, talk about no strangers in life only friends you haven't met yet. I learned that they'll soon be posting a job that I'm completely qualified for, which may have the opportunity to teach some intro level color theory and principles of aesthetics and design. (101 for the masses with Shagz VonTeachinShite at the helm.) Betty was a bit under the influence, it happens when you weigh 85lbs and you're 70. Conner had the calamari, and a buffalo chicken salad, I chowed down the chicken quesadilla. All of it was awesome. I went for the quesadilla more due to the fact that a steak would have ran me 40bones as opposed to the culinary craving for quesadilla. After a few extra cocktails I snagged a ride home and continued the imbibing whilst watching the same old movies I find myself gravitating towards. The Holy Grail is twice as funny when you are just a bit tipsy and can advanced line the whole thing.

Saturday I shook off a hangover of the gods and rolled out of the rack at 2:30pm finished some more fixin's for dinner and carted the meal off to Toga town. It was super awesome to veg out and chill with the DK Lil Mac & Ollie. Tons more fun even than getting shit faced sitting at a bar drinking straight booze in fancy glasses and forgetting my name for a few hours. If I called you I apologize I did some serious drunken dialing. definitely have to do that more often.

I hooked up the cable in my place to get the basic channels via air wave and actually caught some Football today. The first two games of the last three years on the tube. TV is crack.

Now I'm back at the old orafice, and only have one day off in the next 13. Bully for me. I love this shit. Can't wait to get laidoff.

Mumble mumble

I'm a chronic low talker. Not a mumbler but I tend to not scream. When it hinders a conversation I ramp it up a bit. It really sucks when I don't realize this when it comes to something I need to convey in a speciafic situation and I don't get a desired response. Thanks to the raise that the Gaz decided to give me; which I've mentioned before is just enough to get a 5$ foot long at Subway, I went to Subway today. I low talked my way into an order.

ME: "Could I get 2 12in subs on Honey Oat bread"
ARTIST: "6in on ??"
ME: "Could I get 2 12in subs on Honey Oat bread, roast beef and a deli combo"
ARTIST: "oh.... 1 12in sub on Honey Oat"
ME: "Could I get 2 12in subs on Honey Oat bread"
ARTIST: "Toasted?"
(ME thinking I just ordered 24in of plain toasted Honey Oat Bread)
(ARTIST starts making two tuna fish subs on Honey Oat bread)
ME: "???"
ARTIST: "Cheese?"
(ME It's on the bread already, I guess tuna is what I ordered)
ME: "American"
ARTIST: "Toasted?"
ME: "No thankyou"
(ARTIST starts toasting one of the subs)
(ME It's in the Salamander already, I guess toasted tuna is what I ordered)
ARTIST: "Veggies?"
ME: "No thankyou"
(ARTIST loads the first sub with "the works")
(ME It's loaded up already, I guess toasted tuna with the works is what I ordered)
ARTIST: "On the second?"
ME: "Nothing thankyou"
(ARTIST loads the second sub with "the works")
ME: "Mumble, Mumble, Mumble"
ARTIST:"Will that be all?"
ME: "NOT ON YOUR LIFE, I WANT A COOKIE"

I went to Subway to Eat Fresh and all I got was a stale cookie. A Low Talking stale fuckin cookie.

Random!? you bet.

My kitchen's so small, you can't swing a dead cat in there without getting fur in your mouth.

"He has the attention span of a chicken on speed."

As busy as a one-legged man at a butt-kicking contest...

So ugly he could back a dog off a meat wagon...

As shallow as a saucer

Lower than a duck's butt

As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs

It's rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock"

Time to piss on the fire and call the dogs.

Busier than a cross-eyed cranberry picker.

He's so dumb that if he saw a sign that said 'Wet Floor' he would."

Tighter than a camel’s ass in a sandstorm’

That's slicker than snot on a doorknob!

Couple Sandwiches short of a picnic

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

Nosier than a mule in a tin shed.

Faster than a blind dog's tail in a meat market.

He couldn't find his ass with both hands and a flashlight.

Trying to nail Jell-O to the wall

Quit running around like a fart in a bottle.

His eyes bugged out like a stomped on toad frog.

It'll work... Like a windshield wiper on a goat’s ass

Couldn't find his ass with both hands in his back pockets

You're the one f**king this chicken, I'm just holding the wings...

(to have suffered diarrhea): "I've just spent tuppence in ha'pennies and farthings"

I'm hungry enough to eat the ass out a dead mule...

Slower than smoke off of a cool turd...

On Futility: It's like trying to herd cats.

Don't get your crank shaft all up in a two stroke!"

He was grinnin like a dog shittin a peach seed ".

Quit your cryin'. You're gettin' the floor wet.

Elevators in the basement and the cords have been cut.

Obviously, you weren't spanked enough as a child.

Happier than a four-peckered goat.

--Whatever blows your skirt up for ya

Cigateettes & Whiskey (<= clicky)

O!!!!!!!!!!!

OBAMA-ma-PHONE!......, OBAMA-ma-PHONE!

Send'm back to the ranch (<=singin, Cigareeettes and Whiskey and Wild Wild Women they'll Drive you crazy they'll drive you insane.) "Piss on the Fire, call in the dogs-headed'on back to Crawford".

Lets see some changin'

ShaggyBob's Manifest Boozery

This Friday The Manifest Boozery will be heading to the farflung reaches of culinary delights known as the Watersedge LightHouse Restaurant. Join me for HappyHour at 5pm and a chance to win a free membership in the MugClub. No cover, the place closes at 10pm and the Oasis is just a short chipshot away. OK, ok...maybe a couple of serious drives, a bunker, and a 3lane road, but reachable in 4: putting optional. Bring your ID's. I have to, I still have no facial hair.

A Virgin Martini just ain't the same.

Sasha is makin the drinks and he's no pushover. In former Soviet Russian he waas enforcer with K-G-B... you tip NOW.

"Eat Alone and Starve...Drink Alone and Die..."

http://www.thewatersedgelighthouse.com/

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by a long weekend, my pantry, the word gauche • \GOHSH\ • adjective*1 : lacking social experience or grace; also : not tactful : crude 2 : crudely made or done, and the number hamburger helper.

Happy Halloween indeed

I'll post better pictures of the costumes when they become available. Here's a Halloween blur for ya. Kung-Fool Drunken Master.

Z and Elisa rolled in Friday Night just about the time I was finishing off a happy hour brew with Wadlo. We rocked a cooking show and messed around with a case or two of oatsodas. Super chill night although they did end up tuning into my sleep schedule. 4am comes up pretty fast don't it? I even left a cheerleader (I can admit that, it was my cheerleader).

Saturday after a fairly lazy morning and early afternooner we headed to Toga-town to say hello to Miss Kristi, Lil Mac, and Ollie. It was good to see them, but had to be cut short unfortunately. I swear, some brilliant engineer out there is going to have to come up with a working teleporter, it would make life so much easier. After a few hours chillin in Toga we rolled back to the Oasis and I tried to get the costume together.

Spirit gum is a wonderous thing, but only if you use it in profusion. The eyebrows were firmly stuck to my melon all the way until the bartender at Spanky's tore them off. The Fool-Man-Chu mustache and goatee was a different matter. They looked alright when I applied them, and were fine in the Jeep on the way to the party, once in the open air the spirit gum started to let go. I was in costume in its entirety for just about 1 1/2hr before the left mustache fell off. I evened it out by yanking the other off. Once that was done I made it another 20minutes before a little spilled beer (Is there anything it can't do) dissolved the chin portion. I've decided to go with my own hair for any and all future make believe halloweenish dress up days, wigs....yeah....they suck!! I had issues eating until the facial hair came off, more because I don't like the stringy bland taste of acrylic hair, and I was getting more of that than the food. It was chilly in the sandals, but you gotta do what you gotta do. The jacket/shirt and pants are wicked comfortable... I see myself turning the kung-fu jacket into a chef coat, it "only" makes perfect sense to me.

The food at Spanky's was awesome this year, lots of stuff that you really couldn't tell what it is, but knew that it would be tasty. The drinks were a bit weak for me, but I made up for it with liberal consumption of coronas, Booood-light and of course the triple bakers dozen in jello shots. Slur to blur to slur and back again.

Bonfires kick ass
Haunted Houses... also kick ass. At one point a "spook" in the haunted house was supposed to throw marshmellows at the people going through, I had had just about invisibility worth in booze, yet keeping in character, when she whipped the marshmellows I caught 2 and deflected a few more Hiiii-YAh. WhaaaaAAaaaaaaH. Rob and Lisa will never be on the JV Halloween Team. They sure can throw a party.

We returned home; thankfully, with Elisa at the wheel. Z had drinkdrankdrunk enough for a small pub in Ireland, and didn't think being awake was a good idea, so he crashed. I stayed up until 4ish again, and kept chugging away. Hot Coacoa with the mixins for a white russian can never be bad in my book. Mmmmm warm booze. After yet another lazy early morning and afternoon they hit the road, I forgot to turn back my clocks, and wouldn't ya know it=> I was only 2hrs early for work.

E and Z will be sending some pics my way hopefully at which point I'll post them so you can live vicariously through the camera and imagine that the party was "an 8 out of 10, a good drunk".

Here's Elisa with the Oasis obligatory flight helmet pic.

See You Next Sunday

I'll catch you on the flip side.

Thursday

Yeah, so it looks like I'll have to be thinking twice about buying beer this weekend, or at least I'll have to pretend that the thug on my license is actually the guy who is holding the ID . 13yrs of mustache and goatee. I didn't even recognize myself after I removed the next little bit. All it took is a triple take from the people I've been working with for the last three years to understand just how different I actualy look without the the facial hair. A welcome change that will be in effect until it grows back in. Then I'll leave it until I get married. At which point I'll be chopping the mop as well.

This weekend promises to be one hell of a good time. Friday evening Bob's Cookin Show for Z, Elisa, Gonzo, Lisa and Conner. Aperitifs, Cider Braised Chicken w/a Cranberry Compote, Almond and Cranberry Stuffing, Munstu's Smashed Potatoes, fresh French Bread w/ Garlic & Rosemary. Dessert will be relegated lowballs and tasty digestifs mostly of the Lowland Scotch variety.

Saturday Spanky's 4th Annual Halloween Party ETA 7pm. Costumes required w/contest, pumpkin carving contest, haunted house, scavanger hunt, bonfire, full bar, and tons of disgustingly tasty food items. I am particulary fond of the cake that looks like a kitty litter box... no one else is because it's so life like which means more cake on my plate placed there by a litter scoop.

Wednesday

It's midweek for all you people working regular hours so in honor of it being hump-day...here's some Shaggybob Porn-stache for the ladies. I was trimming the handlebars with a rolling bass line caught in my head. Suprisingly it kinda works. I wouldn't do it for an extended period of time, but for the day it's growing on me.

Confirmation, it's on!

Looks like Timmy Z will be 5x5 in the pipe rolling into town on Friday with his lil lady. Chances are that after a quick bite to eat, a rondevous at the MillStone or the Ditch may be warranted. A couple of pints and then back to the Oasis to relax. Hold the horrification.

Tuesday

Kentucky Coal Miner Tuesday.....

Minus the banjo, and the grime.


Todays Randomness is brought to you by Ancient Chinese Secrets, the word misprision • \mis-PRIZH-un\ • noun
1 a : neglect or wrong performance of official duty b : concealment of treason or felony by one who is not a participant in the treason or felony *2 : misunderstanding, misinterpretation, and the number 4.25.

Sketchy Greasy Laundr-a-mat Guy wasn't there today as I washed my clothes to a respectable and less funky goodness. No little girls wandering aound. A sublimely peaceful undertaking.

Congrats Mary and Brian

Friendly Crossways wedding. Goodtimes. All my cam phone pics were set to blur apparently B&W Blur. looking up from the floor blur, sepia toned blur, I think it's a shot of my pocket blur, take a pic with me - arm extended blur. I dropped something blur...you get the jist.. Good food good folks and good fun. A reception that starts at 2pm and carries on through out the evening until 3am is defintely a stellar showing.

I remember the whole evening, but really can't pick any one event that would look good written out in it's entirety. So simple phrase highlights:

Gorgeous Mary
Debonair Brian
Crazy hippy dance
Great Beer Pig's Ear Brown
The Worm
Pseudoswing dancing
Shattered Pint-glasses
Baggo
JY's Crocs
Thriller Dance
Super Toasts
Bob's help with a cooking Show
Pete's Awesomeness
Colin Mc I Heart K-Y
Hazel-eyes
Muffin Lives
Franco Yarded
Conner Invisibility and Most Awesomest auto-pilot ever
Kip and G
Niner and fiance
Syver-Dirt w/lady
Pat's Stogie
Eddie's whiz?
CiderBrazed Chicken food stuffs
Wind Storm
More Beer IPA
More Beer
Dance Off
Tyo ejection
Ninja Sighting
Shower with no locking door and 3 visitors, and yet I still don't feel dirty
Late Night Nachos with a side of Three man
Dessert tray, Mmmmm dessert tray
Wolf Pac Sighting
Second Worm, busted chin
Hammer Dance
Keg Killin partners in Crime
Potts Bartending
late Night convo with Isa and Jon
Basil in a tux
DownPour Keg testing
Conner and his miraculous piloting of Kletus allowing this guy to sleep a little more in tune with my normal schedule.

As Promised Facial Hair Fun week began today.
I'll try to up load the pic when I can....
It's Motor Head Lemmy Monday


I'll be changing the facial scruff until Friday when I have a clean shaven face with which to practice the prostetic applications for The Halloween Party at Spanky's on Saturday.

HhaaaaaaaaaVaad

Todays Randomness

Todays Randomness is brought to you by Levi's Brand Straight Leg Boot Cut Stone Washed Pre-worn Blue Jeans, the word kundalini • \koon-duh-LEE-nee (the "oo" is as in "book")\ • noun, often capitalized: the yogic life force that is held to lie coiled at the base of the spine until it is aroused and sent to the head to trigger enlightenment, and the number 32 x 34.

Winter Schedule

I've fallen into my winter sleep schedule already. It doesn't bode well for my weekend productivity. Working nights, and less daylight hours basically keep me in the rack longer than usual. For the last few days on average I've been rolling out of bed around 2pm. That in an of itself means that I'll be loosing a lot of extra me time during the days that I don't work. It may seem simple to wake up to an alarm clock for most, but I'm an emphatic snooze button smasher. Just the other day I hit the snooze button and stayed in the lucid dream realm for 3hrs. Every nine minutes, waking to hit the button and fall back asleep. The sheets are warm the Oasis is chilled, and the tile floor in the bathroom is a bane. I wouldn't see this as a problem but, everyone I know (barring my coworkers) lives life as a daywalker. I may have better luck spending time with people if I just choose to not sleep the night prior to hanging out with them. Without coffee as a steady stimulant I don't see anything good coming from the situation.

My real first trial will be this weekend in Harvard MA. I'll be traveling Friday to chill with a ton of old college friends for the evening and attending a wedding Saturday. The ceremony is set for 2pm. My internal clock is going to take a huge hit I'm sure. Hopefully I can manage to be personable and rise a few hours prior to wash myself and look presentable. I plan on duct taping a travel alarm clock to my melon and setting the ringer for stun.

Only time will tell.

3yrs of working as a vampire, it's time to start looking in earnest for a day job. I won't even delve into the depths of what that really does to your social life.

I feel like a......(=> Click)

Chimp on a Segway

Skunk

Nothing even comes close to the awesomeness of stepping outside of the old office to get some fresh air and then having to stand motionless for 10 minutes while a skunk decides to investigate your surroundings. Lisa and I played a very interesting game of statue. Statues don't move, statues don't talk, statues don't giggle. 6steps from the door, 4ft from a skunk. I think it was resting quietly under a shrubery next to the double doors when we strolled out and startled it. The shrub rustled, a couple of planted flowers wiggled, and then a face popped out of the landscaping. No stench, no tail wagging, just a wandering little grub hunter circling the the entrance. We did manage to put some distance between ourselves and the critter at least 2ft more. I never realized just how fluffy a skunk looks up close. Maybe it was just this skunk, no stripes, more of a patchwork of "go ahead and shit yerself". I can only imagine how much it would suck to walk into a store to buy the home remedy skunk stink removers when you actually wreak of said aminal. No harm no foul.... it ended up wandering off. Cute little skunk ass bouncing as it went. {So I did a search for a likeness of the little rascal to post, because I was too chicken shit to bust out the phone and take a pic at the time, and what do I find...weed, nothing but pot, marijuana} google skunk or white skunk you'll get fields and fields of medicinal....er, um pics of pot plants.

O2

Whether it's the fact that I'm warm blooded, or the fact that I exude more CO2 than that of a normal human being, or my stylistic driving proweress; I'm not certain. But I do know that inherantly there is now for the rest of my life with regard to every vehicle I own going to be O2 Sensor problem/problems. I had to replace the O2 Sensor in the Frankensteiner no less that 3 times, and also adjusted the thing to make sure it was fully functional a handful of times. Kletus has now taken his first step in the O2 sensor replacement regimen. Luckily I decided on an all inclusive warranty program for a few extra thousand dollars and it was covered. It was a shitacious meeting with the sevice personel at the dealership and I really don't need/want to go back again for a long time. I assumed that something would go bad with the vehicle, I still have Frank in the back of my mind... bad things happen to vehicles, they deteriorate. Given that Kletus is a slightly used vehicle I figured that would happen and now it has. Lets cross our fingers and hope that nothing more serious happens in the next 5yrs. (<=he laughs out loud)

Not too....crazy

Laid back weekend, some more recovery I guess. Conner and JY rolled to the Oasis on Friday for a few cocktails. I rolled Saturday to Gonzo's and had a few cocktails. Ran some errands, picked up some costume stuff. Made an appointment to get the Jeep taken care of. Cleaned the place a bit in preparation for the weekend away and my visitors the following weekend.

Once again I made the trip to the supermarket and had a bit of an adventure, nothing dire by any means. In fact it made me feel good about myself. I was getting some food for the week. It happens, believe it or not, I eat... I eat quite a bit actually. My damned metabolism is the bain of my existance. I had made my circuit of the store ending as most people do in the frozen food section, just up the way from the beer coolers. Two ladies were trying to decide on a great brew when I was thumbing through the frozen pizzas. I say Ladies because that what they were, Dames is you will. My grandmother would have had to say yes ma'am to these ladies. They were cute, and chatting with a little giddiness. ( I imagined one saying to the other, hey Martha, lets get some beer... wouldn't that be grand and prohibiiton just ending so short a time ago.) But they had a dilemna, they were tiny, maybe age had a bit of an effect on them, but they were tiny. They wanted something top shelf... [Enter: the knight in Shining Armor] <=insert bonus: superhero theme music. I butted into their conversation under the guise that wanted something from the same case. It was a ploy, I grabbed the beer they were eye balling and laid it gently into their cart. "Have a great afternoon ladies." And away I went, with a simple thankyou young man. Huh, young man..... I would have been content with just the act itself, but on my way out of the parking lot I got a huge Honk and a beep & wave from the little old ladies as I drove off. Yay...chivalry even if it revolved around beer.

The costume is looking alright, I may not be able to get the wig sorted out, might just dye my hair white. Then I could walk around acting like I got struck mby lightning for a couple of weeks.

Halloween one of my Fav.

Halloween is one of my favorite Holidays. I enjoy getting costumified and heading out to a party to enjoy candy and good company, a couple of cocktails, and lots of fun. Last year was cool, but the costume didn't take any iniative... This Year, it's taken some work. I'm just about 1/2way to completion, and the best part is yet to come. There are a few things that I have been contemplating and this is as good an excuse as any to get them rolling. I'm going to lose some hair. It's needed to complete the costume, and techincally it's been about 13yrs since I did. I'm excited, and apprehensive, but the end product for the costume anyway will well be worth it. I'm thinking that I'll take progression pictures to the final product. T-minus 2weeks and counting.

He's Healthy

Yay healthy....

......and then the check engine light blinks on.

Somebody throw me a frick'in bone here!

Dirty Laundry

Laundr-o-mat drama never ceases to amaze me. A short WTF in the life of Shaggybob.

I watch the spin cycle on the dryer tumbling through for 7 minutes and add some more quarters, a mother and her 4 yr old daughter sit at a play table rolling over blocks and talk about what they want for dinner.(the little girl wants grilled cheese.)
....5minutes have past since Mother of the Year decided to leave her 4 yr old daughter ALONE in the Laundr-o-mat to run some kind of errand. 10minutes pass. The little girl is still rolling over blocks and glances up periodically with a glassy eyed look. No doubt wondering if her mommy is in the bathroom or on the other side of the huge machines playing hide-n-go-seek. Her eyes brighten, and she's immediately in game mode... she runs around the two banks of machines in vain. Peeks around the corner and runs to the other end of the row, peeks again. She charges at what I can assume to be lightning speed for a wee one around in circles chasing her mother in an endless race. Mom has left the building. Automatic doors open and close, people mill about. There's a college aged girl sitting across from me that has been watching this as well. The wee one is sniffling, she approaches the electric eye. The door opens. Only two people in the crowded laundr-o-mat seem to notice. They calmly approach the little girl and coax her back into the building. She's not weary of strangers. (The young lady escorts her new charge back to the play table, the man speaks to the attendant, then joins the block party) Her name is Heather, her new best friends on the planet are named Shama & ShaggyBob. Mother of the Year is gone for another 25minutes. When she returns she's for lack of a better term Meth'ed Up, and the Police cruiser waiting in the back lot was blocked from her view. She sees the Officer waiting inside and turns a 180 for the door, his partner is waiting there. ........She never even glanced around for Heather.

Shama and ShaggyBob each grab a cup of coffee, stare at eachother and have a complete conversation without words. Dirty Laundry, I leave the Laundr-o-mat.

WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT.

comfort food and bras

Meandering through the supermarket on Friday, slightly dazed..and super feverish I was in search of comfort food, I had already exhausted every last pantry item I could before making myself go to the store. I got the usuals (insert your usuals here, it's of no consequence). I passed a magazine aisle and a blazing red cover caught my eye. On it was a woman, torso only. dressed in a slinky black bathing suit top.... what does a sick guy do when he needs food, he thinks of boobs, I looked at the boobs and thought to myself I would like to squeeze'em. I realize it's only a magazine but I seriously thought of squeezing boobs anyway. Feverish boobie squeezin' if you will. As I kept panning to the top of the cover I realized that it was that Megan Fox chick, I have nothing against her, although her particular expression on this cover was supposed to be some what sexy I think. In actuallity she was just licking her teeth and squinting. (in my mind add a shiny red hockey helmet to that and she could have been the gold medalist for the U.S. special olympic table tennis team). It did not look sexy, I had also considered spinach...perhaps she had just eaten a nice veggie bagel that had baby spinach on it, a leaf had gotten stuck in her teeth and the photographer [also staring at boobies] decided to just have her lick her teeth instead of loosing the valuable lighting of the moment to let her pick it out.

What's with the licking of lips and puckering up like a god damned fish these days? Hot...No, borderline hilarious....Yes, boobs....yes, boobs....No?

I'm perplexed... why to birds think seeing them lick their teeth, showing off their best Gene Simmons impression, and or pouting like a grouper think they're sexy?



I guess maybe they are, and I just don't see it. To me a sly smile and the right look goes a long way. Hell I say more power to the teeth lickers, just as long as they're wearing something that reveals their boobies. I'll get myself a red shiny hockey helmet and call it even.

2days of bed rest

2 Days of bed rest and some decent sick people food, soup and whatnot. What do I get for my "be healthy and take care of yourself" efforts? Nothing but a severe case of bedhead. It's been a week and I'm still in the midst of plague. Less congestered (I just made that word up cuz that's how I sounded when I said it out loud). I'm feeling a bit better, I'm not as achey and I'm fevered down to a dull 100....so I guess the drugs are working. I expect a full recovery by Friday.

I had forgotten how much sitting in my place solo really bites. Conner rolled over to catch a wide screen version of Cloverfield. He's got a similar illness as do A.J. and a number of other people that attended the wedding. Here's my guess; which totally affirms my distaste for restaurants and the opportunity that any number of people have about expectorating purposefully or not in my food, one of the servers at the reception had something. It got transfered to the catering and viola plague for the masses.

D-rugs

Thera-flu ginger ale sudafed anti-oxident mentho-lyptus tylenol acai echinacea chicken soup with a lemon/honey slammer please!

Add a little Germ-X, surgical mask, nitrile gloves, 3 less people on the night shift due to vacation/scheduling problems and I'm still at work.

Friday and Saturday this week, Shaggy Bob's Manifest Boozery will be headed to the Oasis and it's master bedroom "where none of the magic happens."

MAN-i-fest Part 3

After the excruciatingly long trip to Potsdam and a quick trip through town to see what was new, I landed at the Fraternity house. I was starting to feel a bit under the weather, yet still made the executive decision to visit the local watering hole named McDuff's. It has been renovated, it's clean, it's well lit, it has technological wonders around every corner, clean bathrooms, and a healthy menu that includes pub food that , wait for it......wait for it....IS NOT Deep fried.



I ordered a pitcher with a few of the fraternity guys. Spoke with Hottie McHotsAlot with the great "special board penmanship" and put in an order for a dozen wings with blue cheese. When asked how hot I wanted the wings, I asked for Scortched Woman Hot. They didn't have that particular Scoville unit of tasty but did have Mild, Medium, Hot, Super hot, and Ridiculous. What? a ridiculous thought, you bet. 1 dozn ridiculous wings. It took a bit longer than expected to recieve my Ridiculous wings and they were a ridicuous let down. I've had wings made by myself, and other establishments that would have placed these particular culinary treats in the mild catagory. Oh well, the blue cheese was still the old chunky hanious sit on top goodness I'd survive. Sprague and Kahuna are still there and the drinks are priced in the same range as they were in '95. Ahhhh Mmmmm McDuff's

I played a few games of pong, wore a gladiator helmet, hung from a pair of sandals that I screwed into the basement ceiling when I graduated in '01, and ran around town visiting all the old sorority houses with some croneys. Moose and Daisy Duke the two house dogs running around and making life enjoyable. I even spotted Lawrence in a late night scamper across the kitchen floor.




I slept comfortably in a spare room on the third floor, and Monday when readying myself for the ride home, sat up, removed my ass from the TV Room Couch ( it has more specific gravity that anywhere else on the planet) and promptly got lightheaded enough to sink back into my ass print. I wasn't safe to drive and was super congested. I sat in the same spot for 24hrs and tried again Tuesday morning. Then made the trip home to work.

MAN-i-fest Part 2

Congradulations To Chris and Becky




We traveled en mass to the Wedding, it was a low key affair with a bunch of people that knew how to have a good time. Everytime I put on a tie I'm reminded of how much of a sexy bitch I really am. Cocktail Hour, Wedding over-looking the water and reception. I was seated with all the teppers in attendance and it made for one hell of a dinner. We danced a bunch, chatted with the bartenders and made nice with the people that were obviously a little horrified by our presence. We stayed at the Beach Club whooping it up for just under 8hrs. Played yard games in the parking lot, spent too much money, got liberally sauced and then jetted back to the Hotel. I guess we went out for a bit at that point but I can't be too sure.... I was invisible.

Prior to checkout we were all up and ready for the trip to P-dam on Sunday. An hour trip... that felt like 3, although I haven't out grown the "return to Potsdam jitters" once the village is in sight.

Plague

I'm having trouble focusing on the last parts of my weekend. I have the plague, sinus cold, sore throat, stuffy, achy, fever, shit...even my hair hurts at this point. I can't hear out of my right ear. I blame the slop-tart!! (you'll get the uninteresting story of that soon) I can't wait to roll home after work and sleep in my own bed. I already used a sick day this week when I couldn't get my ass of the fraternity's TV Room Couch yesturday. I rolled home from P-dam this morning, came to work to use a half day once the Super Pat arrived (Usual ETA 9'er). He works the paginator shift on Tuesdays after I roll with it for 5hrs...then I play webby and upload the stuff to Ye Olde Intarwebbs. We're short tonight, suprise, lay a shit ton of people off and what happens>>> double duty, and sick monkeys like me can't skip out.

The goods and bads of it are thus:

There is an upside, I've heard 8 people already complain about the stench wafting into the AC from the Sewage treatment plant down the hill. I'm violently ill "I can't smell It" and of course a downside as well " I can kinda taste it in the air".
60,000 people's worth of foul stench... right on my tongue. I sometimes joke that "I've threw up in my mouth...just a 'lil bit" when I see or describe something as hanious, the jokes on me, I just threw up a lil bit in my mouth.

I'll try to elaborate on the weekend tommorrow, and/or.... you can just infer that any combination of Wedding => Reception, pong game, gladiator helmet, drop kick and a bar called McDuff's; not in any particular order, is a good thing. Even when the wings have the title Ridiculous, and are a mere step above Franks Original.

A wise man put it best when he said "Sex is like pizza, even when it's, bad It's still pretty damn good."

MAN-i-fest

Another successful trip to wedding and zaniness. I haven't downloaded any pics yet so I'll leave you the list of events in hopes that I'll be able to snag pics for each entry.

PART:1

3 1/2hr drive to Alexandria Bay arriving at precicely sunset visible over Boldt Castle after dropping my bags off int he room.

I wandered past 8 bars,taverns and nightclubs. Past...I said, I wouldn't stop in them all until later in the evening.

The last place in line was Skiffs, and I was welcomed at the door by Blue (Golden Retriever) and his master,(I say that loosely Blue had command) Vick was the guy, Blue was the dog and they had both ridden to work at the tavern in Vicks Boat. I stopped for a pint and asked for the best burger in town...they didn't have it. But it was nextdoor in a separate pub type establishment. "Tell'em Vick Sent ya" Will do. "Hey, Vick sent me for a great burger"...7 minutes later I had a frisbee sized burger in front of me. I woofed that down.

Next Pub had a black lab tied up in front, a mean little bitch that reminded me in appearance alone to Marley. I had a pint and asked if most places in town were closed for the season. the Tender motioned without looking to the place just up the street with the faint sound of live music. "That place ain't closed after today" The band was comprised of 4 brothers that were partners ni teh Tavern The Dancing Dog, the bartenders were wives, and the little kids weren't random Faggen runaways. I had a few pints.

After the tunes I returned to Skiffs as Vick's shift was ending and he asked me to tag along with him. He was going out for the night. Normally he reserved his evenings for "Fishin' and Fuckin', it's an intimate thing, you know how it is" SO as I was gut laughing down the street following Blue we ended at a waterside pub that was in the middle of their end of the year closing party....free beer and chicken, (not the band..the food and drinks). I met Bob here, and he was a Vietnam Vet before moving back to open his bar, mean rowdy, a little bitter with the world, but also I could tell that this guy was awesome, and a kind person. It may have been the beer, or maybe it was his glass eye that was set way outside of the norm, HIs pupil had lodged itself in the outside corner of his eye and from where I was standing hie was looking at me out of the opposite eye, opposite corner. Imagine it...try not to whizz in your pants. We closed down the party.



Apparently the party ended before the band was done at the DAncing Dog, because my night ended on a high note doing shots with Vick and Bob listening to Grateful Dead Covers and chatting up the bands wives behind the bar.

I woke in the morning with a note on my car and a telephone call that Tandyman was in town and looking for a place to grab a bite to eat He drove the red eye and rolled into town at 6am. The best burgers in town shrink considerably when Vick doesn't send you. ALthough I was turned onto a sauce that was awesome. A honey mustard Bar-b-Que Kettemans(sp)red hot sauce thing. OH Yeah, wash that shit down with a couple of pints done and done.

Tandy and I had a beer with Vick during his day shift, prior to meeting Syverdirt, P.King, Kurt, Parry, Conner and A.J. back at my room. Blue was chillin in the doorway of SKiffs and I casually made the statement that I usually make when leaving someones presence in a pub or farternity sort of way "Be Safe, Be Good, and Don't Do Anything I wouldn't Do" Vick's retort made me pee a little in my pants, 70 yr old Vick returns with "I'll do it goddamn twice and take pictures". The wedding was promptly 45minutes after we all stormed our last road beers and headed to Swan BAy Beach Club to watch the Wiccan Wedding.

PARTS 2,3,4 to follow

VP Debate

Just caught like 5minutes of the Vice Presidential debate and I have to say:



SWEEP THE LEG!!! BIDEN

If we happen to as a nation vote in the majority for the McSame / Failin ticket, we're uber FUCKED.

Gather 'round.... Gather round

Hey boys and girls, gather, gather around and I'll tell you a story, it's alittle tale that took place in the not so distant past. It begins in the early afternoon with a lazy roll out of bed, a long hot shower to wash off the cold from the previous evening, and a small breakfast. Once all the morning rituals were taken care of I decided to get some errands done, of which, I had 2. (It was not a loaf of bread, a carton of milk and a stick of butter) I needed a card for the upcoming wedding on Saturday and I also needed to fill the tank for Cousin Kletus.

So where does one go when just in need of such things you ask? Walmart and a gas station of course. Walmart is an experience everytime I go, and it wasn't different this time. 28 aisles 4 open and I inevitably pick the slowest aisle, I second guessed my initial choice and still ended up waiting for 50minutes to buy a 3dollar wedding card. I wasn' too bitter, but I started bordering on heated by the end of the line. From there I traveled to the gas station just across the street. This particular station has 18 pumps 2 of which had cars at them. I chose pump 18, my territorial choice for this venue. Cousin Kletus has a fairly large tank, and my gas light flashed the moment I stopped (masterful timing on my part). The station has a 50dollar limit per purchase, so after the first round I had to hang the hose and restart. At this point 5 other cars were lined at various pumps doing their business. As I closed on the full tank mark a car pulled in facing my ride, he pulled up to within a few feet of the bumper. I finished my fill, and mounted my steel steed, there was a car behind me and a car boxing me in. 12 Empty pumps and this yahoo was feet away from putting me over the edge of pissed off.... but only for a split second. You see, the hood rat flashed the over the steering wheel WTF jazz hands at me. Split second, GONE.



I motioned without my orange cone aviation signal flashlights that I would need some room to get out. Ghetto monkey laid on his horn and jazz hands again. I slowly glanced to my right and still saw 12 empty pumps. He inched closer, I got maaaad. ( Apparently, I have the same look that my brother has when he gets pissed, I don't do it often but when it happens I've been told I look like a serial killer on speed). I motioned politely that I didn't have enough room again, and he immediatel started cursing me through his windshield. I was awestuck my his inability to understand the simple equation that was before him. So, I cursed my windshiled and then did something on impulse that I've never done before, I've seen it mind you(with parents and their toddlers), but never took in the practice. I raised one hand and showed him 5 fingers then slowly began counting down to one.... his eyes widened when I got to two fingers like he was going to get put in a time-out chair,.... and inched closer once again. When I got to once I kicked open my door and got out, started rounding the end of Kletus walking to his driverside window. His lady friend who witnessed the whole encounter from the passenger seat quickly broke into tears and pleaded with Monkey McJackass to back up. I politely tapped on his window which he cracked open just enough to disallow a hand to reach into his vehicle yet verbal abuse to escape. I informed him; in matter of fact way, that the bumper of my Jeep was manufactured with the express purpose of punching radiators and engine blocks into the passenger compartments of little rice burners such as he was driving. I also pointed to the bumper with it's tow hooks and let him know that A.) Trail Rated means I could end up on his hood monster truck style and the skid plates would laugh at the damage to his car B.) the foglights were cheap to replace and C.) I would probably take his hood as a souvenir. He screamed some obsinities as I returned to the driver seat. When Cousin Kletus starts there is a shimmy that rocks the vehicle 2 1/2 times on it shocks. The engine revs pretty high and is louder of course outside that inside. When the lights are turned on in their entirety they rival the sun. Again I started a five finger count down.... by three he was at Pump number 1 on the other side of the lot cursing under his breath the fact that hs lady friend was still in tears. Today Boys and Girls I stepped over the line from civil human being to monsterous creature. I'm not happy with me, myself or I. I did however get out of the gas station 20minutes shy of my stint at Wallyworld.

Punk McGhetto got a lesson in humility, and or, common sense.